Pursuing PNMs in rush
 

Okay y'all...some people are taking the pursuit of PNMs' stories a little too far. When BlazerCheer rushed, I was flooded by pms from people I didn't even know asking for details of her recruitment story. Sometimes PNMs don't want to post details--for instance BC was afraid that her opinions would get read by someone at her school and used against her...she was probably the only Asian rushee and it would've been obvious who she was. Others have had awful rushes and don't care for the world to know about it.

Now a few other PNMs have been pursued when they only wanted to drop off the face of the earth. Please don't do "research" into a PNM's rush if she doesn't post and then publish what you learned! If a woman suddenly doesn't post on her recruitment, there's a reason--be it a screwed-up computer or embarrassment. let it die. Please!

AMEN...
 

and Hear Hear

Thanks for the wise words.

Thank you, Carnation. I know that we do get excited and interested in a rushee's story, but sometimes people tend to get overzealous. I think posting lists, or links to lists, of new members is taking things too far. Remember, some of these girls are only 18 years old. :(

AGREED...........

(I was only 17 when I rushed..........)

All I want to add is an "Amen"!

(and I was almost 17 when I rushed!)

Can we say .... stalking?

Completely agree!

I totally, 100% agree! Thanks Carnation!

I agreee...I think that sometimes we forget about the girls' best interests and focus on our own curiousity.

Exactly! There is one rush thread in particular that's verging on scary.

I too agree with everything everyone has said...i seriously got freaked out by one thread. It kind of makes ME not even want to post things at the risk of being "sought out."

I don't really know what threads everyone is talking about, but I definately agree with what everyone has already posted. That is definatley scary to have people "researching" what happened. If they [pnms] didn't want to post, they didn't want to post about their rush experience, so that doesn't give anyone the right to try to be Nancy Drew and figure out why they didn't post...

I agree whole heartedly with this. I have actually thought that we've all been taking these recruitment threads a little too far. There is no need for us to be pressuring these ladies to post or to spazz out if they don't post right away. They have lives too, and we have to remember that recruitment is a tiring and emotionally draining time. We don't need to add to that.

From a PNM's point of view..

I don't have a problem with people looking into what Greek Life is like here or checking on our PHC, and its not likw they couldn't find out from the other GC'ers that I know go to my school. But it would be a bit odd to ask them about me, you know?

I'm cool with answering questions and I've never felt harrassed, but I know if I don't get a bid next week (knock on wood!) that I wouldn't want people asking me for the news. It feels a little like I let the board down if I don't get a happy ending, which is just weird :p .

But rest assured, I will post either way, in my own time.

Thank you!!!!!


Seriously y'all, it's not your right to publish what happened to a PNM during rush. If they want it publicly known, they'll do it themselves. And, if they don't come back for a long period of time, don't post things like, "Any updates?" or "Come back! We wanna know what happened!" Some of you guys are on the verge of stalkerish. These PNM's have lives. I hope you do too.

big huge giant gargantuan BUMP.

I think some people are getting way way way too personally invested in this...please go out and buy some new makeup or see a movie or something. I love rush stories too, but not so much that my day will be ruined if people drop off the board.

And not only that, these threads are supposed to be for the PNMs to help them sort out their thoughts and feelings. Not for us to get a voyeuristic thrill.

Right on!

I agree... to a point.

It's perfectly all right, IMO, to get anxious when a PNM's bid day arrives and we don't hear from her. Is she off partying with her new sisters, or crying in her room? Or is she just unable to post because her computer is hosed with the virus of the week?

But when we don't hear from a PNM for a few days after bid day, it's usually safe to assume things didn't work out for whatever reason, and she doesn't want to talk about it. At that point, it's best to just let things go - rather than scouring the lists of new members and the no-bid list looking for someone who might be the PNM.

We have to keep in mind that - although we get vicarious thrills from reading other PNMs' rush stories - the rush threads are really for the PNMs. It's up to them whether they want to name names, share how they ranked the sororities, or even post at all. I thank each and every PNM who has chosen to share her story, and I respect those PNMs who have chosen not to.

Outside observer
 

As someone who has been keeping up with the NPC rush results here on GC, out of total curiosity about the whole process, I would agree that one should not post unconfirmed information. It makes the poster look bad because he/she posted the information and the pnm feel bad because he/she did not live up to the expectation of getting a bid.

I think what happens is that the pnm comes on and describes his/her situation (pre-recruitment) and we (the GC thread reader) get caught up in the excitement and the thought of a new member in an org. I've read a few of the individual rush threads and there have been 5-7 pages of well wishes and good luck (as it should be) BEFORE the recruitment process has started. I think that is a set up for high expectations.

Personally, my advice to any pnm of any org (NPHC/MCGLO/NPC/IFC/Local) is to go through the recruitment process and when it is over then describe what happened and all. That way if the pnm going through does not get a bid then we will never know and there will not be any expectation by the thread reader or embarrassment by the pnm.

Perhaps we should remove/lock the "Who's rushing in the fall?" thread -- no offense to breathesgelatin cuz I find her thread quite interesting -- as well as any other threads that cause some GCer's to live vicariously thru PNMs. I personally agree with Carnation that her BlazerCheer thread was an example of a thread that some carried too far...you could just tell by some of the posts that some GCer's were WAY too caught up with BlazerCheer's rush...

There are many GC'ers that get WAY too caught up with A LOT of PNM threads!

I personally see nothing wrong with the breathesgelatin thread - its a quick re-cap of what we know to be true. I can log-on, look for an update, and get it in a matter of seconds, rather than having to wade through pages and pages of "Good Luck" along with various chapter letters blazened against a signature. breathesgelatin isn't doing anything wrong with her post. She simply updates the info as it becomes available. She isn't using that thread to solicit personal details from PNM's - she simply made a quick reference guide that I think most of us truly appreciate!

As I said, I like the breathesgelatin thread too and use it as referred to above...so maybe the solution is for no PNM recruitment threads to be posted at all on GC -- just post who's rushing and who pledged where?

i don't think the "who's rushing in the fall thread?" is bad. like said, it's just a quick reference list of what the girls have already posted themselves. if they would rather not be included, they can PM breathesgelatin and politely ask to be removed from the list - i know she would gladly oblige.

Yes the who's rushing in the fall thread is a good tool. Many of us do not have the time to wade thru all the Rah Rah you go girl posts in the individual threads to find out what happened.

I totally agree with this issue. When a PNM does not come back, its for her own reasons and seeking out the no bid list from her school and posting what happened to her is, IMO, an invasion of the PNMs privacy. If it was me, and that was done to me, I'd never come back to GC, I'd be so creeped out.

If a PNM wants to post her story, that's fine.

If the GCers could learn how to handle themselves in a more "controlled" manner, for lack of better word, then we wouldn't have this kind of problem.

Why punish the masses for the overbearingness of a few?

You know, I just thought of something else: there is another thread that should probably be checked out to see if the intentions of the posters are above-board vis-a-vis PNMs -- what about that wacky Rush Addicts thread, hmmmm?:p ;) :)

Amen to all of it.

Thank you for this post, it was needed and I think everyone that posts in this forum should read it.

I'm fed up with the whole "you'll find somewhere you love" or "you''ll end up where you belong" statements. How do any of us really know? Most, if not all of us have no idea who these people going through rush are. Who are we to say they deserve so and so or that they should be a XYZ? It's almost as if some gcers are pumping these girls up to think they are all kinds of great and when they end up not getting the house they want, or not a single bid at all, not only do they feel crappy about not getting a certain bid, but now they might feel even worse because maybe they don't deserve the things that people on GC told them they did.

As for the "any updates" posts, that just needs to end. If there isn't an update just wait a little bit longer. If you don't get one after a few weeks, well it might be safe to assume the worst :(

As for someone actually going to research a bid list and posting it? I don't know who did this or what thread it was posted in but I'll ask you this. How would you feel if you didn't receive a bid and someone from an internet chat board decided to research it? How would you feel if they posted about you not getting a bid when all you wanted to do was let it die? Somethings are just better left unknown and that should be out of respect. I can't believe anyone would do that....it's almost sick.

I think we could all benefit from a little "moderation"
 

I think we're all pretty much in agreement -- there are some threads that have gone too far.

But I really hope that this doesn't swing 180 degrees the other way. Locking objective threads, telling people what they can and can not post about their experiences, and dictating what GCers can say in posts really isn't the solution. It's a harsh reaction to a problem that can probably be solved with a little community coercion.

It's all about common sense. There's a huge difference between bumping a buried thread once just to see what's up and stalking a PNM's school to determine what happened. There's a huge difference between hoping that somone gets their top choices of "Strawberry", "Cowboys" and "Bubbles" and saying that you (as an XYZ) really hopes she gets XYZ.

I'm really glad carnation pointed this out, I think everyone has probably contributed to the rush overkill a little bit -- but I think we also need to recognize that GC really is a good place for the PNMs to get a little support from people who *don't* know what's going on; sometimes it's exactly whatcha need.

Definately. That's why I have been very careful to use colors to indicate that someone has left GC rather than be at all local about. I also tried to not distinguish between those who did not receive any invitations and those who withdrew or just decided not to rush.

If anyone thinks anything in my thread is rude, let me know and I'll fix it ASAP! I just meant it to be useful to PNMs, GCers, and to promote Panhellenic feeling. I hope it's not stalker-ish!!

Agreed! I don't think we should do away with rush threads or with lists (like breathesgelatin's) that just recap things the PNMs have already shared. But I feel that we GC'ers cheering from the sidelines need to exercise some discretion. Let each PNM tell her story, or not, in as much or as little detail as she chooses. As I said before, the rush threads are really for them.

GPhiBLtColonel - what rush addicts' thread would that be??? http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/AZZANGEL.gif

AEPhi alum -- you know I am just pokin' fun at that wacky rush addicts thread -- y'all know which one I am talking about!;)

Now here is something this big old cranky broad wants to get
off her chest: we are all concerned about some GCer's being overbearing, overzealous, overboard, overanything, on PNM rush threads, etc -- but am I the only one who feels bummed about the Who's Rushing This Fall thread short list of the GLO's that have NOT yet gotten a PNM this fall? As the list dwindles down, I feel like everyone who reads it is thinking -- HEY LOOK AT WHO STILL DOESN'T HAVE A NEW MEMBER ON GC YET THIS FALL!!! MAN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM???? It's almost (ALMOST!) enough to make me jump right smack dab in the middle of some poor PNMs thread and post: "Puhleez oh Puhleez little PNM - you simply MUST go Gamma Phi Beta!!!!!! Don't do anything to the thread though Breathesgelatin: I am just being overzealous in my feeble attempt at humor.....although I really do feel bad that no pnm has pledged Gamma Phi Beta yet... :( snif snif

I think, though, that every single NPC organization has been represented in a rush thread. Not quite as cool as getting one new member for each org, but it's a pretty good start!

Yes.

I don't care if every single PNM on GC pledges the same sorority as long as it is the right group for them.

Very well said and I agree completely.

Who cares if not every GLO is represented...........

I know that our chapters have done very well in recruitment. It just means that they don't know a thing about Greek Chat.;)

I think most of us know better. or at least should. It's not a contest

Quote:

It's almost (ALMOST!) enough to make me jump right smack dab in the middle of some poor PNMs thread and post: "Puhleez oh Puhleez little PNM - you simply MUST go Gamma Phi Beta!!!!!!

Stuff like that is sorta part of the problem. That just ain't right

True, but it sure is funny :D . I understand wishing a PNM would go XYZ (I am right there with ya ;) ) . But I think we all know the chapters are cutting the PNMs just as often as the PNMs are dropping chapters.

Would love to have a new AGD GC'er. But I am even happier that so many girls are finding groups they want to call home!!:)

Did I miss something? :confused:

I, too, am a little bummed that there are no new AEPhis... but the important thing is that each PNM either finds the sorority that's right for her, or if she drops out / is dropped from recruitment, that she plows forward and considers her other options (COB, colonization, forming a local, AI, joining other orgs, etc).

WOW. I loved GC's support during rush, and still love the support I've gotten since going Phi Chi. I loved getting pm's or posts saying "I'd love to see you join XYZ" "I'd love for you to be my sister" etc because it made me feel good. Yes, I knew that this didn't guarantee me a bid and I NEVER felt stalked when I got pms, emails, even a phone call from a Gcer wanting to know how things went. I didn't have friends here that wanted to hear about it (my friends and family are antiGreek) so I was THRILLED to have people to talk to about it. I know you gals have lives and aren't sitting in front of a computer ready to end your life if I don't get a bid, and I know you aren't going to jump off a cliff if I never came back to post whether I got a bid or not, even if you post "any updates?" "where are you?" etc. If any PNM's feel like they're being stalked by GCers, I'm genuinely sorry. I won't ask for updates anymore, but I will wish you luck, enjoy your thread, and pray you end up happy! :)

To echo what kddani said, it's not a freaking contest. Sure, I woulda loved for a GC PNM to go AGD, but I read about the great numbers our AGD chapters are posting everywhere else. And though I get just a teensy bit disappointed when read about a GC PNM getting dropped by/cutting AGD, I know that the new sisters I'm getting at other chapters are worth more to me than one GC PNM. Sorry, but that's just how I feel.

Finally, I think it's awesome how most of our GC PNMs have found their home. Still, DZ, DG, ADPi, KD, Sig Kaps (and the other NPCs represented by a GC PNM) are no better than AGD just because they extended a bid to one of our PNMs.

I really don't see how one could be really bothered by it.