-sigh-
 

so my mom came into work this morning and let me wait on her and big party there. i really haven't talked too much about the boyfriend to my parents....but i have mentioned him here and there, just not wanting to make a big deal out of it. told them we've been talking and hanging out and that he went to that wedding with me last saturday. and they haven't really asked a lot about him.....then my mom today at work was like, "so is this guy you're talking to nice?" and i was like, "yeah, he's super nice"....and then she was like, "and he's white, right?"......i just looked at her stunned, briefly forgetting how she always seems to ask me that question when i start talking to a guy she's never met before.....and all i could answer with was, "mom, he's really great".

yes, the boy is a black man. a tall, beautiful, foine, strong, smart, and funny black man. my mom was like, "he's not white?!" and immediately my eyes start to fill up b/c i knew this was going to be an issue with my family. we've had numerous talks on the subject even though i have never dated anyone other than white guys, so just as i know how they feel, they know how i feel. i've talked to a few black guys here and there, but nothing serious. done the face thing, all that, whatever....but never any attachment or anything. so. anyway, i tell my mom i don't want to get into it right now and we both just kinda blow it off a lil bit. but she asks what is going on, i tell her it's nothing serious.......and it's not, really. he's my b/f, i totally dig, we spend every minute not at work together, he's already busted out some "if we get married" phrases....but ya know. :eek: we just really get along really well and every day that goes by, i like him more and more. i'm not really seeing anything slow down, either.....but still.....nothing too serious........ :confused:

so my question is: what the hell do i do? me and derrick have already talked about all of this. i've met his whole family and they have been NOTHING but sweet to me. he knows that there will be problems with this, and all he's told me is to take my time about letting them know, and also that he's afraid it'll make us not be able to see each other. i told him before that i would let them know when i am ready to defend our relationship and am ready to have that fight, and to not worry about my family causing our demise. i think that after all the shitty guys i have dealt with, my parents and grandparents should be happy for me for finding such a great guy, no matter what color he is. but they are still in a different era, so ya know. :(

i don't know what to do. the cat is somewhat out of the bag.....i don't want to hurt my family in any way, but i also think it's horrible for them to be so ignorant as to try and tell me i can't be with him. b/c today, all my mom said after she found out he was black was, "no"....excuse me? i am 22 years old and you are gonna tell me "no" like that about this????

advice to handle this situation PLEEEEASE!

:(

Hey girl- why can you not call someone back? :) Love you!
Anyway, Derrick seemed really sweet and was a super cutie, but I would be in the same position if Mike were black. My parents are totally against interracial dating and all I can think is- HELLO! It is 2003 and you have no control cause I am a grown ass woman!
So, here is my $19.04 worth!
You parents were raised in a different time and place, and they don't know the background of your dating- totally. So perhaps you may want to clue them in a little more and show them why all those "white" guys you dated that they could be okay with, were not so good, and show them why Derrick, regardless of color is a great guy.
It isn't going to change their minds. It is not going to make it okay, and unfortunatly nothing will. I doubt your parents will accept it, and if they do it will not be anytime soon. Perhaps having your sister talk to them some may help since I am sure she knows him.
When you have parents that cannot see eye to eye on something like race and dating, it is hard. It is tough because our generation was not raised that way, even by our own parents. They told us not to differentiate people by color, but then when we get older, they expect us to be able to say, okay I can date you because you are white, but not you because you aren't.
Ask them point blank, would you rather me date some trashy, good for nothing, guy, because he is WHITE- even if he totally emotionally abuses me and treats me like dirt?

I love you honey, if you need to talk or want to come here and hang out, call me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't mean this to sound bitchy, but it probably will...

I don't think that your mom is going to change her mind. I don't think that anything you can say or do is going to change her mind. IMHO, she was completely out of line for even asking you if he was white and for saying "No" -- what are you, a five year old in the grocery store picking up a box of cookies that she doesn't want to you to have? I don't think it's an issue of you hurting your family -- it's an issue of your family being unreasonable, and if you living your life the way you want to live it is going to hurt them, then I'm sorry to say, but so be it. I am constantly amazed when parents (mine included, believe me) try to tell their ADULT children what to do. They need to realize that you are an adult and you make your own decisions. It is their job to support you and be there for you. I'm assuming that they think that they raised you to be a smart, thoughtful woman, and now it's time for them to sit back and let you BE that smart, thoughtful woman.

Maybe it's because I'm quite a bit older than you are, but I find myself completely unwilling to put up with shit from anyone, family included. If I were in your place, I would say something like this:

Mom, I am dating a wonderful man who treats me kindly and with respect. If you have a problem with that, call me when you get over it.

I have never met your family so I cannot speak with certainty. However I think maybe if your parents could meet him, and see that he is a wonderful person, a person that treats you good and that you care about; they may come around. They may not but as long as the person you're with treats you as you deserve to be treated who cares about anything else?

P.S. I've missed you!!!

P.P.S. Please call off the squirrel mafia

P.P.P.S. You're too sexy!!!

P.P.P.P.S. Can't wait to torment you and Fahey with my mentalness when I come to God's Country!!! Next stop GRACELAND!!!

heehee! :) We are fun! :) heehee!

Ilovemyglo and my fellow sister valkyrie http://superbabies.homestead.com/files/bow.gif

I have dealt with this before...except I am black and the guy I was dating was white. (my first love and college sweetheart, we were together for 3 years)

It did not go over well with her and my sister. :rolleyes: And to be honest, my sister and mother are NOT the best judges when it comes to men. (My sister had men who treated her like crap and after my parents divorced my mom hooked up with an abusive jerk)

They called me out and I had to get STRAIGHT UP MEDIEVAL on their butts!

They asked, "So what will happen if he calls you a "N" word?"
Note: The only man who has EVER called me that was black--my EX-Father (that is a WHOLE nother talk show).
:rolleyes:
I said, "Hmmm what did you do when a man called you a Biatch, C-word, cheats on ya or worse, hit you?" NOTHING! You stood there and took the crap! At least I won't be stupid enough to do that!"

No man was evah stupid enough to call me a name like that or hit me :D

Shut them right on up!

So the moral is, honey go with your heart. If he is good to ya, treats ya well, then hang on to them and tell your mom to back the heck off and get over it!

BTW: My mom and sister like my husband (who is white)

PM me if you want to chat!

*applause* This would be my response too.

BUT, I think that your viewpoint is a byproduct of where you are in life. When you're twenty-two and just getting out into the world, often still being at least partially supported by parents, it can be rougher. People who pay some of your bills do expect to have a certain amount of say-so unfortunately.

Alphagamdiva, if you love him (and I'm not saying you do- that is your call to make) you are going to have to tough it out. Your family is wrong on this, but they ARE your family. I don't know if I could or would put myself in a position that would injure or break my ties with them unless I was ABSOLUTELY damn sure this was love.

I say go with your gut. If you think this is the one then you have to make it an issue now- the sooner they have their hissy fit the sooner they can get over it.

Good luck!

Weigh the consequences and follow your heart. It does not sound like your family will change. If you are ok with strained family relationships, go for it. If you allow your family to dictate who you date or fall in love with now, what else will they attempt to control in the future?

I agree that your mom was out of line, but not surprised. There are certain people in my family who would have done this. I was talking to my grandma about my good friends who are gettting married. And talking about their scottish heritage. The guy is also half japanese. When I mentioned my sister used to date this guy, I thought she almost was going to have a heart attack.
Since grandma is scottish I thought she would enjoy hearing about what traditions were being incorporated, but she couldn't get past that he was half japanese.
She had the nerve to tell me that the girl could do better. And I told her actually no. This guy has been more of a brother to me than my actual brother. And is one of the best guys on this planet. One of the few truly good guys.

I know that my grandma would never accept an inter-racial marriage the same way I know she would never dis-own me. She loves me. She would talk about me to others and to me about it.

For the most part you can't change the views that most people have held onto for years. Your relationship might change, but hopefully you would still have a relationship. I might never hear the end of it. But in the end she would still be my grandma.
I hope that it would work similiarly with your family. :)

listen to your familiy. guys come and go, but the fam is always there.

She lived with me for a year and pledged with me, I am sure she already knows what a hoe I am :D

Jealousy- it gets you no where...
ladadadlaladeedee

Re: -sigh-
 

Just do what's right for AlphaGamDiva, nobody else. If you enjoy being happy and hanging out with your Boyfriend, go for it. Life is too short to put with that type of B.S.

It's good to respect and love your parents, but your parents should be able to love and respect you in the same manner without questioning your decision about who you should date.

I think she will change her mind. :) It will be very diffiuclut, but you can count on unlimited support from those who are sympathectic. Rent "Guess Who's comeing to dinner" for Ideas.

Hey Diva,

You've gotten some good advice, and some bad advice above. You know which is which.

I think you need to figure out (you probably actually already know) why your mom asked the question -- overlooking the terrible timing and place she asked.

Is it because she (or both parents) are opposed to inter-racial dating, or because they're concerned that if this becomes serious, you and your boyfriend might be facing difficulties in the future? In other words, is this her (thier) problem or are they worried about your future? Remember, that while it isn't excusable, their experience with this situation isn't nearly as clean cut as yours is. That's a PC way of saying that it wasn't as easily accepted by their generation as it is by yours.

Perhaps the most important question I saw in the earlier posts is whether this young man is worth alienating your parents -- and whether they will change their attitudes.

It sounds like you don't really know how the answer(s) yourself at this point.

I'm not sure there's any clear cut answer to this right now, but you might try just telling them that you are mentally feeling your way through this relationship at this point -- trying hard to understand it yourself. That it may or may not get serious in the future.

Jumping up and down screaming "I'm 22 and ready to make my own decisions" (even if it's true) is not a good way to encourage dialogue and understanding, though.

Now, before anyone jumps on my case, I will say that we already went through this in our family several years ago, and the kid that daughter number two was going out with turned out to be a delightful young man. The relationship was short-lived because they were both dating others as well. We invited her friend to join us at an athletic event we had tickets to, like him, and we never had an issue with the situation.

Additionally, we had college friends (black man/white woman) who were married back in about 1967 -- when it wasn't nearly as acceptable as now -- who are still together. I say "had" because we live 1200 miles from each other now. I still get together for beers with him when I'm back in Ohio, though -- and talk to him on the internet fairly often. I doubt that it was easy for them, but it worked! That means it can probably work for you, too.

(While I wouldn't call it dating, I used to go out drinking a lot with a black woman who is now a very successful big market TV anchor. No, I won't name names. Maybe I should have....no, probably not. Mrs. DeltAlum wouldn't have liked it much.)

I would simply advise, not to do anything that will have long lasting consequences unless you're absolutely sure that the relationship is worth it.

Which, in the end, is your decision to make, not your parents.

Good luck...

Mon,

Would your parents disown you eventually marry him? If thats the case you will have to decide between parents or your man. All I can say is follow what your heart tells you and pray for the best. I agree with what most have said,I doubt your parents will change their views. The older you get the least likely they will change their views. Miracles do happne though. I wish you the best.

Your bud,
tke

All I can say is....is your mom my mom too?

I just say, follow your heart, and people change throughout time. It took my mother forever to relax about me even having a friend who was black. But eventually she realized that, "Hey, just because you're a different shade than me, you're a person too...". So, just let her see how good he treats you and how much he means to you, it should eventually wear her down.

My brother is married to a caucasian woman. But that is a whole 'nother topic...

Here is want you can do:

I find that being blunt with folks works wonders...

Such as, things your family does all the time--invite your boyfriend's family over and let the chips fall where they land...

I find that it works on the most "Klanniest" of klansfolks when they are confronted with this reality...

My suggestion: Hey, not all, but many a African Americans will go to church--most especially your boyfriend's family. Invite him and his family to YOUR church!!! :eek:

Why, 'cuz you are putting folks hatred before God... And if God don't like it, then hey, you will get your answer...

But most likely, God is not going to have a problem with it, if your love is true... Why do you think that God would want you to fall in love with an African American man knowing all the issues you both will face??? And knowing current trends, it ain't too much to bear...

Moreover, if you put your FAITH in God into your relationship, how is your family really going to call themselves Christians if they hate their fellow man??? I am making that assumption about your family and you, but even if your Buddhist, it would still apply.

I have more, but you can PM me if you'd like...

Monet,

I don't know Diva or her parents, so what I say is pure speculation.

I doubt if her family "hates" this young man -- or even African Americans.

In fact, in many cases, I would guess just the opposite. They might be scared to death. Scared of what their friends will think. Scared of having to move outside their comfort zone. Scared of the difficulties (real and imagined) that their daughter might be getting herself into. Scared to face the reality that things are changing.

Most of all, scared of something the don't understand.

Or, I could be wrong. Maybe they do hate -- but that's a pretty strong word, and a stronger emotion.

Asking God's help can never hurt, though, and I think your advice is sound.

Re: -sigh-
 

Your mom probably dated tons of black guys back in the day and she knows that there is a social stigma attached to interracial dating. She doesn't want you to have to deal with the same issues that she dealt with.

okay...
 

D-alum--

I know that for my folks it was tough when my brother made his decision--however, he was much older than Diva.




AlphaGamDiva--

What I might say may hurt you. But this is not my intention. You must look at the reality of your situation.

Based on what I read on your profile and going to your website and seeing how you live, you are basically a spoiled little girl... (Remember, it takes one to know one...;))

Your parents love the world of you. They hurt an utter pain when they see you hurt. They have given you all that you have desired and they will give you more if you wanted it...

Your parents did not raise you to be somebody's wife before the age of 25 years old... Maybe that was okay for your folks to do, but apparently, it is not for you... They have much higher expectations for you. They want you to achieve as much as you possibly can before you go off into the "world" and find someone to love you, marry you and have babies with...

It was not that long ago, that most of what women wanted was nullified and they were routed into a life that they did not choose. However, times have changed to the point that you can do whatever your "mindstrength" allows you to do... If you want to be an astronaut--you go girl!!! I wish the best of luck to you!!!

But at 22ish-23ish, sweetheart, have you begun to think about how you are going to live? Do you own a house? Do you have mutual funds? Do you have a steady paycheck? Do you have some kind of retirement? What do you have? And will this man you supposedly love be the provider for what you desire for yourself, him and your family?

Basically, why is he talking about marriage--so soon, nonetheless? What is his concept of marriage? What is his motivation to put that concept inside your head?

So, think about it... Your mother sees you latching yourself onto another guy, the relationship is rapid-fire, then to top it off, he is not of your culture and so, your mother freaks... Here is your mom, about 40ish-50ish--about to go thru menopause, if not already, her job is probably driving her psycho anyways, then her daughter, who she probably sees a lot of herself into, decides to hop right into the passions of fire with a "statistic" in her mind... She absolutely has no clue what you are getting yourself into and all she can do is be a mother and say what ever she has to say, do whatever she has to do to stop you... If you were younger, she would probably admonish you if she could... (Back in my day, I'd a gotten whipped--but nowadays, parents admonish...)

Just like many of us older GCers have stated, popping up and down to "prove" to your mom that this boy is "good enough for you to date" is not the issue for your mom. It is more about the longterm goals the she sees. I don't think your mother gives a dayum about what the "community" would say. I just think your mother is being a mother and well, honestly, doesn't know what to say and so she blurts it out... It might come out as bigoted, but how would you stop your child from your perceived danger if you did not blurt it out... Like "STOP" works...

So if you are going to be obstinent to the people who have loved you your entire life, that is your choice. But beware of the consequences of your actions. Why don't you just take your mother out to lunch one weekend and hash things out with her??? Form an agenda with what is going on in your mind and ask her the poignant questions... Say to her, "when you say ___, it makes me feel like ___" and why you feel that way. Maybe she'll listen, maybe she won't, but you tried. And you ought to pay for lunch too!!! ;)

And make sure that you tell her you love her with all your heart... That way she will know you are on a decent "track" in your life...

thanks, you guys, for all the advice. it's all been very insightful.....more so than the ppl who know me and this situation personally have been. :eek: ;)

the story with my mom is a combination of what you all have said: she's always worried about what others will think, she's concerned about the difficulties this could cause if we were to get married, and she doesn't like the idea of inter-racial relationships. so yeah, it's all of the above. which makes it harder.

after i posted this thread the other day, i was sitting here, and out of nowhere she said, "you need to get back into church....you can meet ppl that way." SO random. i was like, "what?" and she told me that the only way i have to meet guys is through work and stuff, and it would be better to meet them through church. -SIGH- news flash: i met derrick through my sister's man, NOT through anything associated to work, and they met working at a church camp :o amazing, isn't it? up until that point, i had just let it go from lunch, and she hadn't said anything......but then that remark just kinda got everyone riled up. i stayed as calm as possible for as long as possible, but then she started to accuse me of wanting this "romeo and juliet" forbidden thing, trying to say the only reason i was with him was to piss them off. NEVER have i EVER done something just to piss them off......so she just started saying whatever to hurt my feelings (or it really seemed that way), and i was crying, not getting mad or yelling back, just hurt...........and then i got mad, started calling her a racist (yeah, probably not the best of ideas....but if you had heard some of the absolute ISHT she was banshee screaming about......... :mad: ), then i busted out some Bible knowledge on her which got her more mad b/c she couldn't come back with anything b/c she knew i was right, i walked out the door b/c i was late to work, and she told me to not ever come back.

she also told me that a million times when i lived here when my room was messy, so no worries, kids....i am back today and again everything appears fine. :rolleyes:

i didn't think she had told my dad b/c i called that night and talked to him.....all he talked about was my finances. but my sister told me later that he did indeed know about derrick, but that my mom told him we weren't dating. i guess she's in denial.

the thing about this coming out now is that i wasn't ready for this argument. i didn't want them to know at all until i KNEW that this was something to fight over. right now, he's great. but he could turn out to be nothing more than any of my other b/fs. i didn't want them to know b/c i didn't want to have this big ol' argument for nothing other than hurting my family...which is the last thing i wanted to do. and when i told derrick that they knew, he was "waiting" for me to break up with him. and now that i haven't.......seems we've only gotten closer and more attached. i told him that i could deal with this as long as i knew i had some backing, and that he wasn't going to hold it against me that my family was being like this.....and he told me, "you're the only white girl i've dated who's stood up for this.....we are doing nothing wrong......i'm relieved you still want to be with me and i'm not gonna do anything to mess that up." -SIGH- he completely understands how things are, and is nothing but cool and calm about it.

as far as us getting married....y'all, i dig....but i am only 22, and we've only been seeing each other for, like, not even 2 months. it never would have been this deep of a thing if my mom hadn't treated the idea as horribly as she did.....we'd still just be in happy chill mode....but now it seems as if everything is heightened. so, no thoughts on my end about marriage yet....still have things i need to do b/4 that ever happens. and me "loving" him.....we'll just go for "strong like" right now. :)

again, THANK YOU all so much for your thoughs and advice. i appreciate the pms and replies on here.....good to know i am not alone in this one. :D

ETA: this picture :)

http://www.geocities.com/bigbootysquirrel/D.jpg

i'd post the full pic with me in it, but i am void of make-up, so sorry, GCers. ;)

btw, if you can't see his pic, go to my crush of the week link in my sig.

My lovely Diva,
You're living on your own, supporting yourself, working full time, preparing to go in the military, and an alumni. Even though you're 22, you're on your own to the point where your choices are YOUR choices. Not that they will not effect other people, but they are yours to make and live with. As scary and liberating as this is...welcome to adulthood. I know you love your family, and this whole situation is very hard for you; but if you are going into this situation with reasons that are honest and true to yourself, and not because you are antagonizing your parents, rebelling etc; then you know what is best for you. I am going to assume your sister supports you, and that is wonderful. Perhaps she will be your best ally in this. Remember you're always welcome at my house for the holidays, we have quite the rainbow of family members and you'd both fit right in.

AB

P.S. I walked out of my building and this squirrel ran over to the sidewalk. It stalked me a couple of blocks. Please, call the squirrels off. I will deliver a pound of mixed salted nuts at the required location.

hahahahahhahahahaha8ha8hah8ayhhah8ahdkjshaahahahha ha you made a webpage for him....lolololol

how long have you been seeing this guy....don't you think you should let things settle a bit with your parents if it's only been a few week?

This isn't relevant to anything, but he's a hottie!! :D

i can't believe i am quoting this guy, but ok...... :p

this i know, i am a dork......i do what i can. ;) however, this post gave me a lil insight on "imthachamp"....... :o

thanks, valkyrie, i think he's pretty darn cute myself. :cool:

and yeah, it hasn't been that long, but it honestly seems longer than it's been. we've moved super fast, but as much as i would normally be a lil nervous, i'm not. we're both still taking it all day by day. and watch out......he dropped the "L" bomb on me 2 nights ago........ :eek: :D

-sigh-

thanks, annie.....you're the best! :)

Okay here's my take....

Gary Sinise scares me....;)

2 months and in love..or lust...scares me...

Be careful with your heart and ALL of your relationships.

STAND BACK.

DEEP BREATH IN AND OUT!

Repeat as often as necessary and don't rush things.

I'm here for you, sister!

LiEP!!
Me

The brotha is FINE! :D

OK I may be married but I am NOT dead!

Yeah you ought to see him dance too!

thanks, lynn.....i know it seems really fast, and believe me we have talked about how quickly attachment and emotions have formed. but it's like, the night we became all "official" and whatever......we knew we loved each other, but were afraid to say it. i was super nervous about the whole thing b/c a) i was still a lil upset over a former crush, b) the whole inter-racial thing, and c) i had just been weary and confused about how i really felt about him. it all just hit me really fast and all at once, which i know sounds funny. but i know he loves me....i see it and feel it more than i have with anyone who's ever said it to me before. and i know, i know, i love him. i look at him, and all i can think is, "ok....he's it".....this morning we were just layin around and he's all like, "does it scare you to think that we could get married?" and i was like, "no....you?" and he said, "not at all"......i think it's all just a matter of time.

now watch this all come back and bite me in the a$$ ;), but we're happy. and i can see it all working out. oreo babies and all. :D

no one get mad about the oreo baby comment.....it's a big joke between us b/c of a nasty comment my mother made.

and yeah, ilovemyglo is right.....this man busts a move and it's O-VAH! :)

1) I hope you're upset about George W. or Gary Sinise, and not some inferior crush!!!!

2) You don't know what to do 'til you bust a move!!!!

3) I saw a dead squirrel up the street from AGD, it made me want to cry :(

4) I'll meet you at GRACELAND!!!!

quick vent/update:
 

parent's took my house-key so i can't just come over anymore....

dad gave me a semi-ultimatum....meaning if this continues, blah blah.....

mom hasn't talked to me in days.....

fun times....

BUT....we just keep going on, he's been great with this whole thing, being more understanding and forgiving than i think i would be, honestly........going to bama this weekend for a wedding that i am in.

discussed our wedding and kids already........slow me down..... ;)

i am SO happy, and so sad all at the same time. i don't wanna hurt anyone, but.....why live my life by their prejudice???

:confused:

I gave your parents the benefit of the doubt because I know how difficult it can be when a parent is concerned for his/her child. Age and experience dictate that.

I think the jury is in, though.

Assuming you haven't done something really crass to deserve their treatment of you and this situation...

Shame on them. This is their problem, and they're forcing it on you.

Hey girl! I am so sorry, if you need to talk call me...
Shit has hit the fan around these parts to... my exboyfriend, TIM, the bartendar you met at Wicks'- he died in a car accident Friday... I had to go say goodbye to him yesterday- It still hasn't sunk in....
I don't get it!!
I love you Monica.
Alecia is getting initiated.

oh my goodness how i have missed venting on here about this situation! over at the parent's house right now....simply b/c i locked my keys in my car this morning and my dad has the spare. so i figured while i was here............

maybe said 3-4 sentences back and forth with my mom in the past month and 1/2. dad isn't being quite as bad as all that, but everytime he sees me he pleads with me to break it off with him b/c it's "easier" for me to break up with him than to convince the fam it's a good thing. which very well may be true, but seriously. look at the fair factor, ok?

things are difficult and obviously strained.....he still has yet to meet anyone other than my sister, but we're shooting for around new year's. he's still patient and understanding and GREAT......:eek: talking about proposing this summer......so we'll see. again, it's all real fast and in a hurry, but it feels FANTASTIC. i'm really happy.....just wish my family would be supportive b/c i don't wanna do anything without at least their blessing.

he's met all my friends.....they love him. he's just great. and everyday i appreciate him more and more. the fact that he adores me and puts up with my family drama doesn't hurt, either. ;)

but that's that. not too much venting......trying not to bore you all. just keep me in your thoughts and any words of wisdom would be appreciated b/c it is very hard. i'm sitting 5 ft from my mother and she has yet to look at me other than to see me walk in the door with my dad.

you're dumb. picking a boy over your own mother sickens me. i hope he drops you.

If they have a problem, then that is THEIR problem not yours. Sorry you are grown and they should not be able to run your life! Glad you untied the apron strings and realized that! If the man is good to you and respects you, then that is what matters!

I can kinda relate. I haven't spoken to my father in over 2 years and he did not attend my wedding.

Ya know what? That is HIS loss NOT MINE!

Tell the naysayers to go to hell!

It's amazing to me that certain...preconceptions... still exist today.

AGD,

The most important part of this equation is how you and your b/f feel about each other and how he treats you. You're a grown woman and not subject to the control of your parents or anyone else. Your mom (I'm sure she means well) has absolutely no business whatsoever putting her nose in your relationship with your b/f. For that matter, neither does anyone else.

You need to consider your feelings for this man. The question you need to ask yourself is not, "is he worth disappointing my family over," rather, "is your relationship with him worth standing up for?" From the way you describe him, he sounds like a real gentleman who treats you with respect (something many men in our age group need to work on). Even if your family can't see past the pigmentation in his skin, they will certainly notice the manner in which he treats you. They'll get over it.

If you and your b/f are willing to stick this out, then nothing else matters.

There is a huge difference between being concerned about a child's well-being and future, and just being bigoted or close-minded (sorry for the harsh words). This is the first time I read this, and from Post One I could tell that the latter was fueling the sentiment, and not the former.

Why do I know this? My experience in an interracial relationship (that started out very similarly to AGDs, to the point where I didn't tell my family for almost a year) has given me a little bearing as to why people react the way they do. For my family, they seemed to be more concerned with class issues :rolleyes: than race issues--but those were still there. After a few years, you can really tell what's fueling someone's reaction to your relationship. The only "experience" that can teach you that is having been those shoes for quite some time.

I still don't know what being spoiled has to do with this. :confused: