Interracial dating question
 

Why are there so many black male/white female and White male/Asian female couples?......opposed to the other way around.

http://www.census.gov/population/soc...terractab1.txt

I think I know the answer, but I want to hear it from the horses mouths.

*something telling me that I won't get a serious anwser*


Disclaimer: I am NOT saying that I agree nor disagree with the following (except for the second)...this is what I HEARD. I'm speaking in general also.

*Asian females like white guys because they do not demand submissiveness as much as Asian guys. They believe white males also more stereotypically masculine.

*White guys like Asian girls because they are more submissive than white girls (I STRONGLY disagree with this).

*Black guys like white girls for the same reason, they believe white girls are more submissive than black girls.

i'm not sure where you're going with this,but i'll bite..

my friend is a white male and he is dating an asian female.

Not touching this one...

I'm not condemning at all, just curious why I see those two combinations the most, especially the white/male asian female combo. There's a lot of theory about the black male/white female combo, but I'm not too familiar with the other combo that much, I haven't even noticed it until recently.

Where I live..
 

Interracial couples are part of the norm here, no one even refers to them as interracial couples. I've seen all kinds of mixes here, and I think it just boils down to that you found someone who "gets you" and you decide to spend some time with them.

A couple of the more interesting mixes I've seen: A black female/asian male couple who live in my neighbourhood, and a Filipina female/Sikh (Indian) male couple who were featured in a newspaper feature about the "New Canada".

I will add this: interracial children are some of the most beautiful children I have EVER seen...I love their features, creamy complexions...Stunning..

See that's a dangerous statement- you get into all those good skin/bad skin good hair/bad hair debates.

On topic: I date interacially, not on a regular or exclusive basis. I just date who I like, and often that is not black men, simply because at school and on the job I meet less of them than hispanic and white men. Also I am waaaaay different from a lot of the black men with whom I come in contact (fraternity men excluded- they often have similar experiences). I am from the BX but my mentality, language and style is if not preppy, then strongly leaning in that direction. My comfort level is higher around someone who talks like me and is familiar with my interests. Unfortunately, that is often not the case with brothas.

But to be realllllly honest, on some level I think there is an appeal to the "other". For me growing up around black men (sorta), white men ARE the other and that gets my attention sometimes. Ultimately it comes down to the personality and how we interact.

Re: Interracial dating question
 

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *thunk*

Okay, that was me falling out of my chair from laughing so hard.

That aside, I think it's probably true. There are some white women out there who are rather lacking in the self esteem department and they probably *are* more submissive than many black women.

Of course that doesn't apply to all of us.

My best friend dates interacially, but I do not. Her reasoning in dating black men (besides being attracted to them, obviously!) is that black men are more stylish and know the right things to say. Although she's dating a white man now, it was funny when she was describing him to me. She said she really liked him, but she was surprised because he wasn't her type - he was ex-military and he was white. :)

The statement wasn't meant as an attack, just an observation. It is easy to go from the attitude of liking certain skin tones/hair textures to thinking they're better. Especially considering the history of privileges those colors and textures signify. Not in YOUR case, just in GENERAL.

Edited for spelling

Your statement kind of implies that biracial babies are more attractive than those that are only one race . . . thus, half-white/half-black babies are more attractive than those with darker skin tones, kinkier hair and broader features. Ditto for half-Asian/half-white babies that may have lighter hair, less slanted eyes . . . I have a friend who says that most of her Asian-American friends consider those with one Asian parent and one white parent more attractive than those of full Asian blood because their features are somewhat "softened" and "Americanized." I know it can go the other way (biracial children are prettier than white children) but it's rarely taken to mean that.

I know that's probably not what you meant, but it gets into dangerous territory.

Plus the generalities ("all biracial babies . . . ") can lead into the whole ethnic fetishization thing.

I'll bite. . .

I had a friend, who I dated for a while, in high school. He has a very dark complexion. It seemed like after a while he started dating exclusively white women. So I, being nosey, asked him why. Sidenote: We went to a predominately white private school. He stated that he would probably end up marrying a white woman also. His reasoning was that he did not want his children to go through what he went through while he was younger, i.e. being teased about being darker. He knows that, more likely than not, if he has children with a non-AA woman that his children will be lighter in complexion. That's his reasoning ONLY not ALL AA men.

My black male friends date who they like. More often than not that is white women. I can't criticize really because my black female friends didn't like them and as they are like brothers to me, I am CERTAINLY not getting involved with them.

They have yet to approve of any of the black men I've dated though (granted they have been right about them 99.9% of the time). Hmm.

Re: Interracial dating question
 

HOLY CRAPEMS!!!!

NO you didn't!

I am an "asian" female and I can tell you right now I am not freaking "submissive". I don't take isht from ANYONE.

i think this thread was a sign...............

to be continued......

Re: Re: Interracial dating question
 

my sister in law will agree with you
she's japanese and laos and she married a black guy
she's far from submissive and speaks her mind about everything
in fact, some of her coworkers asked her about some asian cuisine and she was like, 'i don't eat that mess'
they were stunned and stuck to dairy queen
(her fave restaurant)

however, i will agree that you need to steer clear of the biracial babies are cuter
because i have seen some ugly biracial kids

its tight

Re: Where I live..
 

What she said! Ya go with mutual attraction. I have dated interracially too (hell my husband is White). It wasn't about finding a good black, white or asian man...it was about finding a GOOD MAN. One who is good to me and treats me well.

As far as White women and Asian women being subservient. I gotta say Bull isht.

Y'all ain't met:
my husband's ex wife (Filipina)
My aunts (some are white and some are Filipina)

No one is trying to criticize you. Relax, relate, release.

:)

Re: Interracial dating question
 

I don't pretend to know any answers. This is just random speculation.

-Black women are still generally less comfortable dating outside of their ethnicity. Most black women feel they want a mate who can "understand" what they go through at work, etc., and since a lot of their problems may revolve around white guys and white women, they may have a difficult time seeking support and comfort from a guy of the same ethnicity that makes their work life stressful.

-Many black women are very attracted to black men, yet are not very attracted (or have been conditioned to be not very attracted) to white men. Therefore, it's a real stretch to want to date someone to whom you are not attracted.

-Some black women do not socialize in environments where they interact with many eligible white guys.

-Some black women remember that their great-grandmothers were sometimes raped by white men, bore children by a white man only to have those children treated like trash by their own fathers. Looking past the historic slave/slavemaster relationship between black women and white men is difficult for some black women.

-Other black women may be interested in dating white men/outside their ethnicity but are hindered by the traditional rules of dating. Men are still the pursuers, generally. You might be feeling a guy, but if he's not interested... Some black women might be receptive, but not quite receptive enough to actively pursue a white guy: if he's not actively making a power move to get your attention, that's that. These same women might be more comfortable doing a bit more pursuing with a black man, however.

I’m not a white guy, so I can just guess why there aren't so many pairings from their perspective.

Standard of beauty, at least currently in this country, is still pretty much blond hair, long hair and blue eyed, slender framed, (I think more because it’s the rarest combination than anything insidious, but I digress) etc. Many black women don't fit that mold. Therefore, maybe black women are not considered as physically attractive to some white men.

-White guys are not often in an environment (even less so than a black woman) where they are going to meet a lot of eligible black women.

-Maybe some white guys are a bit uncomfortable or intimated to date a black woman. Guys don't like rejection anymore than women do, so why would you approach what appears to be a disinterested black woman when there are easier "conquests" all around you?

-What is there to be gained from a white guy dating a black woman from a white guy's perspective? I don't mean to be controversial here, but really? I have dated four white guys in my life (two of them seriously) but all four had a serious preference for black women or women of color. *I* have run into far fewer white guys who happen to see a group of attractive women, both black and white, and think "gosh, something about Aisha really appeals to me more than anyone else there." Does this happen? Of course, but I'm just thinking that that it happens less often than the reverse. One of my best friends (black) is an attorney, married to another attorney (who happens to be white). This guy's goal is to be partner at his firm. We joke around that one of his only strikes against him is that he has a black wife, but the fact that she worked at a better known firm than his negates the strike. While we are being facetious, there is a hint of truth to it: I still think that when a successful white guy dates a black woman, some folks are wondering "why is he dating/married to her?" in the corner of their mind, while the question is less thought about when a successful black guy walks in with a white woman.

These are just some of my thoughts to your question.

What she said. :p

If you re-read our posts, you'll see that neither of us were trying to put words in your mouth. But the thing is that there are plenty of people out there who would read what you said and think that you WERE saying that biracial children are more attractive than other children because of their "whiter" features -- because there are plenty of people who said what you said and actually mean that biracial children's features are "whiter" and thus more appealing. That's why it's a dangerous statement to make.

We were just trying to make sure you knew that before you run into some people who DON'T understand what you're trying to say. :)

Re: Re: Interracial dating question
 

:confused:

I said I strongly disagreed w/ that stereotype, I repeated what I heard. Most of the Asian women I know are quite feisty...in the good way. :)

i find this topic interesting. i wonder if there is even a reason, or if it's just one of those things.

i have often thought that biracial children are just beautiful. they have beautiful features from both races. i really don't understand why people think that's controversial. there is just something very striking about many biracial children. not all, but many in my opinion. i also find many white/black/asian/etc babies beautiful, but not all! i have seen some ugly babies in my life!:p

Re: Interracial dating question
 

I suspect that this is an American-specific phenomenon. When I lived in and traveled around Europe, the white male/black female combination was the one I saw the most--I rarely, if ever, saw any black males with anyone other than black females. I've heard it's the same in Canada.

I don't believe that about Asian females being subservient, either. Filipina women (especially mothers) DON'T PLAY. I do know, however, that the stereotype of Asian women as being docile is what inspired many American (black and white) servicemen to take Japanese (after WWII), Korean, and Vietnamese wives. There was a series of interviews of American servicemen, and they basically admitted to this--keep in mind, this was a different time, so puh-lease don't shoot the messenger.

I do believe that there is more pressure on young black women to date and marry black men than there may be in other racial groups; there may be a sense of "letting the family down" if she decides to date or marry outside of her race. I know I felt this pressure, not from my parents but peripheral relatives and family friends. In talking to black male friends, that same pressure wasn't there for them, but was for their sisters.

Also--the issue of having to deal with tensions in the workplace could be a HUGE factor. In a conversation I had with my (bio) sister, she said that she was actually surprised that I was dating Mr Munch, since I've had to deal with so many negative situations in academia and the workplace with white men.

So, I don't know what to say. All I know is that I found MY Lloyd Dobler. :D Papa Munchkin treats me like a Princess, and Mr Munch treats me like a Queen. If you've got it like that, does color really matter? ;)

It's "controversial" when talking about black/white mixes particularly because throughout American history (South African history too), a dividing line was created between full Africans and Africans mixed with white. There has long been this subversive notion in America, and within the black American community as a result, that the more "white" or mixed race you have in you, the more attractive you are (especially for black women). It's called the color complex, and I would assume that all "minority" ethnicities have some version of it.

This is totally the subject of a different post, and is a HUGE subject and discussion, but just understand that it's controversial because from house slave/field slave times (the bi-racial Africans got to work in the "big house" doing domestic chores, "being able to imitate white folks' ways" while the dark Africans worked in the fields) to only light-skinned blacks (again, particularly women) getting roles as in early films or as dancers at Harlem's Cotton Club (Josephine Baker was considered too dark originally) to conducting the "paper bag test" on a person to see if they were light enough to be accepted into a particular club or society...skin color and racial features have played a big part in the relative level of privilege afford some groups. It is still a sensitive issue for many people, especially those who have felt the sting of people criticizing you because your hair is too nappy, your skin too dark, your features too African. Yes, sadly it still goes on to this day, particularly if you are a black woman. :(

Re: Re: Interracial dating question
 

wait, I thought you were hapa ?

I just thought about it after reading through the posts, but I really don't see much white male/black female relationships. I see a lot of black male/white female.

my woman is fine as hell...but i guess that makes sense, since she is a "pretty girl" and was probably the baddest one on campus. i've dated around the spectrum....the only physical attraction i have is to black women and asian women. don't know why, it's just one of them things.

i see your point and appreciate the history lesson. while i don't think they're beautiful because they look more 'white', i just think they're beautiful for who they are. but i can see the historical side, although that is not what i personally was referring to.

First thing of I thought was my neice and nephew :)

The cutest damn half-Filopino babies around :D

But anyway, I know around here if you're white and you're seen (let alone dating) with anyone a different shade of you, it's frowned upon. Sucks doesn't it?

Re: Re: Re: Interracial dating question
 

So, I still consider myself Korean or Asian....

If you look at my pics, that's what I mostly look like...it's the Hawaiian in me as well.

If you check out my post again you'll see that it begins "Your statement kind of implies . . . " Not "Oh my god, I can't believe you said that . . ." Plus I concluded with "I know that's probably not what you meant." I fail to see where I put words in your mouth.

I think that lovelyivy and I were just trying to educate because there WILL be people out there who would take your statement the wrong way. I'm sorry if that was misunderstood.

39 posts and I haven't heard any from the "horses' mouths". :(

I guess it's too sensitive of a subject, oh well.

what horses you looking for?

I did post a direct post
http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...029#post507029

In my area (Pacific NW) stares are rare.

My husband and I have not had any problems out here

Smiley21, when you say "but i just mentioned birracial people cause they COULD have skin color that we are not normally used to seeing" , what unusual color is it that does not already exist within the our ethinicity? (I say our because I am Af. Am too).

As you know, skin color wise we run the gamut of skin tones from extremely light, to tan, to deep brown. (I read somewhere that we have over 48 documented skin-tones, while other ethinicities only have about 7-10). So what does make the skin tone of a biracial child so "special and different" when its same exact shade already exist in many african americans? (Honestly, who knew Halle Berry was biracial until you saw her Lifetime Intimate Portrait?) :D


The only difference is the fact that the child is BIRACIAL - which some folks would interpret as reinforcing the twisted notion that "being mixed" is somehow better or more beautiful that those who are not "mixed". (Shelacious's post gave us the historical reasoning).

This post is not to criticize your intent, but I did want to shed some light on it for other people who may be looking at this discussion like " WTF are they talking about?" :confused:

Seriously, there is no need to get upset. The reason that nobody is "jumping on" sigmagrrl for her post is that nobody is jumping on you. All that those of us who posted were trying to do was let you know that there are people out there who wouldn't understand what you were trying to say and would be very upset. Your post was quoted because it was the first one, but that doesn't mean that sigmagrrl's would be any less offensive to them.

I posted. :confused:

I don't get many stares. My father was concerned that Mr Munch and I would get static the first time I visited his family, as opposed to my smaller, more bigoted, and much less cosmopolitan home. Ha ha ha.