Wedding Dress Question
 

Ok, here's the deal. My younger sister is getting married in May, and the other day, she and my mom and her maid of honor went dress shopping. Well, they wouldn't let me go along and I was super hurt and upset (and make it very clear,haha). Anyway, my question is: how would you feel in this situation? I always thought this was something sisters did together. Am I wrong?

Why wouldn't they let you come?? What the hell is that? :mad: That makes me mad-when I tried my dress on, I invited my mom, my grandmother, my maids of honor, my fiance's mother-the whole world! I wanted everyone to share in my happiness and excitement!

I would be very hurt and would definately say something!!

Yeah that's wrong! It should be about family first and then the bridesmaids/maid of honors.
I would question why you weren't allowed to go...I mean, this is afterall your SISTER'S WEDDING, and you should be included in the plans.

I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you! I would confront who ever said you couldn't go though :(

That's so mean of your sister! Why aren't you the maid of honor if you are her sister? Or is that an entire different battle? I'd be upset...it's definately a family (well, atleast the girls) thing to pick out the dress. Did you try to sit down with your sister to find out why they didn't want you to go? I'm sure she'll have some explanation, but that was still rude of her!

I'll go agaist the grain here and say that I don't think there's anything wrong with what she did. I think it sucks that you're feeling left out, but it's really your sister's decision. Do you know why she didn't want you there -- if she "didn't let you" go with, I'd guess that there is a reason behind it. Also, some women don't want to make a big production out of picking a wedding dress.

It might be a good idea to try to have a constructive conversation with her about how you two get along and what role, if any, you'll have in her wedding.

Ok, I feel like James here, but we don't know the full story.

I DO NOT KNOW JESS-POM SO I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS THE CASE *BUT* could it possibly be that the bride had a perfectly valid reason for not wanting her along? Not everyone gets along with their sister you know. For example, what *if* jess-pom likes to say rude things or doesn't like the groom and "makes it very clear ha ha." We just don't know.

That said, if everything is hunky dory and there's no reason why jess-pom going along should be objectionable, then I don't see why her sister wouldn't let her go. Then again, some bridal shops are weird and they only allow so many people in at one time (to prevent the bride, her mother, mother-in-law, 5 sisters and 6 bridesmaids from clogging up the shop floor). Who knows?

It's only my opinion of course, but perhaps jess-pom, you might like to sit down with your sister and politely tell her how you feel. Tell her how much you are looking forward to being a part of this special time for her. Tell her you were very hurt when you were told you couldn't go along dress shopping. Ask her to explain why you "weren't allowed" to go too. Ask if there's is perhaps another way you can help out.

Good luck; I hope it works out for you!


.....Kelly :)

It was wrong. It was rude. It was.... What type of relationship have you had up to this point with your sister? Was this out of character for her? Let her know how you feel, then forgive her and get on with life.

Ah! You and I posted at the same time with the same kind of response! :cool:

.....Kelly :)

Woah! I have to stop right on that one. I have to respectfully disagree with you on this. I have a sister that I love dearly and get along with exceptionally well. Guess what? She won't be my Maid of Honor - that special role will go to my best friend.

Of course I will invite my sister to play a big role in my wedding; I'm going to have her as one of my bridesmaids (and yes, I'd be happy to have her come along dress shopping if she wants). However, I don't think that being my sister automatically qualifies her for being my Maid of Honor. Honestly, I don't think she'll pick me to be her Maid of Honor either! I'm 99% certain she'll choose her best friend for that role and have me as one of the other bridesmaids.

I guess it's just a difference of opinion. :)

.....Kelly :)

Great minds think alike, lol!

It would depend on how close you and your sister are. I mean my sister was NOT my maid of honor...hell she was not even in my wedding.

She was not able to go because of work...even if she was able to go she would NOT have been in the wedding party

I'd feel hurt if it was me and my sister, but we're not talking about me. It all depends on the type of relationship you have with your sister. Maybe she's the type of person who doesn't want everyone to fuss over her, and the more people there, the more fussing. However, I could totally be off base on that because I don't know the type of person she is. You definitely should talk to her about it since it obviously bothers you. And did she give any sort of reason why she wouldn't let you come, or did she just say no, and that was that?

Okay, I guess I understand what you're saying. Every wedding I've been to the sister (if there is one) has been the Maid of Honor. I don't have a blood sister, and I always wished I did for that special reason. But I fully understand what you mean by saying you'll pick your best friend over your sister for the MOH. I wasn't trying to piss anyone off. Sorry if I did.

Jadey

I am leaning towards navane and valkyrie on this subject.

All I know is wear something you can get out of easily. Because when you're drunk and one of the groom's buddies wants a little boom-boom, you'll be ready in no time for a little fun under the table.

-Rudey

I asked her last night why I couldn't go along, and she didn't really give me an answer.

We are pretty close, and I was not upset she didn't ask me to be her moh. But we've gone dress shopping before, and I was really hurt that the day she went to finalize her choice, I wasn't allowed to go. I think it had more to do with my mother not wanting me to go, she feels the need to be in ultimate control and doesn't like opinions that differ from hers.

As for comments I would make, lets just say that I would rather have me there than my mother. She would (loudly) point out any physical flaws without thinking of the effects, you know?

Oh well, it's over and done with. But I'm still really hurt.

If there's one thing I'm learning in planning my wedding right now, it's this:

In every single step of wedding planning, you're going to hurt someone's feelings.

Pick a date? It doesn't work for Future MIL's sister.
Choose a hall? It's too far away for Dad's cousin.
Picking food? Someone's allergic
Going dress shopping? Someone's hurt they didn't get invited.

The moral of my story here is, I understand that you're hurt. I don't have any sisters, but if I didn't get invited to go with them, I probably would be hurt too. But please try to understand that your sister is in an impossible place. She's trying to please everyone and she simply can't. I'm very, very, very sure that she didn't mean to hurt your feelings or make you feel excluded. She's probably just so overwhelmed that she doesn't know what to do next.

Tell her that you're sad you didn't get invited, but that you hope that she'll let you help her do xyz (address invitations, drive her to a fitting, whatever). She'll probably appreciate the offer and be glad to know that you're there for her.

*hugs*

Re: Wedding Dress Question
 

I understand how hurt you must feel. There are possible reasons why your mom and moh were the only ones allowed to go dress shopping with her. Your mom was there b/c hey, she's Mom and she probably dreamt of this from the time your sister was born. :D A good possible reason for the MOH being there is b/c one of her duties will entail helping your sister get dressed and helping her keep her look together throughout the whole wedding and reception. Maybe your sister is a nervous wreck and doesn't want a whole fuss. I like Ginger's advice - maybe you can ask your sister if you can help her with her plans. If she's going to be the typical ready-to-pull-her-hair-out-by-the-wedding-day bride-to-be, she'll be more than willing to draft you. :)

I don't have any blood sisters but my step-sister who got married 4 years ago chose her sister-in-law to be her matron of honor over her own blood sister and myself. Do I care? Not really. She didn't invite me to go dress shopping. Do I care? Not really? When I got married she was in my wedding but I didn't ask my other step-sister to be in the wedding party. When I picked out my wedding dress I took my mom...that's it. I didn't want anyone else there. Picking out a wedding dress was not fun for me at all and I hated pretty much every moment of it. I'm glad that no one else went with us because it would have made the trip to the bridal shop much longer...

...shoulda just went to Vegas like we wanted to!!

Hey Jess,

It might have been your mother that really didn't want you along. Don't take that the wrong way but you pointed out she wants to be in ultimate control. Way too many mothers seem to forget this is the daughters wedding and not hers and will make try to make the choices and decisions for her. Your sister may not have wanted to deal with your mom or you getting in to arguments and decided to pick your mom to go with you rather then you because you would understand why she had to do it.

I'm not married yet but I've been in enough weddings. Ladies let me warn you, the quickest way to run a friendship is to agree to be in a wedding. Everyone seems to forget this is the brides wedding and it is all about her. I have seen maids of honor and bridesmaids pitch hissy fits because they didn't like something. Guess what, live with it, if it's going to make the bride happy what concern of it is yours. You can do what you want when you plan your wedding.

Jess, just be there for your sister, especially as it gets closer to the big day. She's probably going to have your mom, her future mother in law, the maid of honor, close friends, etc trying to push her into doing things that she may not have wanted. Just remind everyone that is your sisters day and she can do what she wants. Your sister will be forever thankful to you for it.

LITP,
Carolyn