How To Be A Gentleman
 

So I was at borders the ther day and I picke up this book titled "How To BE A Gentleman" for 2 bucks. A lot fo the stuff in the book is common knowledge but there are some funny tips like:

How To Respond To An Insult

When a gentleman has been subjected to a consious insult, either in public or in private, his response is simple: Because he is a gentleman, he says nothing at all.

A gentleman does not put his groceries on the conveyor belt with another shopper's purchases.

Has anyone read this book or wants to add to this list of "How To Be a Gentleman"?

No, but I once heard that the true mark of a gentleman was one who could zip up his pants in public (if he forgot earlier) without being embarassed.

Moving on, I think it's unfortunate that a lot of the gentlemanly things that were expected of us (us meaning guys my age), aren't done anymore.

In fact, some of the things would be considered offensive by some women. Things like opening a car door (or any door) for her, walking on the street side of the sidewalk, entering a dark room first or holding a seat for your girlfriend to be seated and/or standing when a woman joins your party or conversation. Some seem silly, but they were nice touches I thought -- and certainly not meant to be demeaning in any way.

Oh well, call me old fashioned.

Too bad.

Heres another one I find funny:

"A gentleman asks for seconds when they are offered. If he has any good sense, however, he will never choose to be seen eating, or drinking a lone."

Fellas, I gues if there is no one around to eat with, DONT. Just go hungry.

How old is the book?

1998

No kidding. That's interesting. I think it sounds a lot older than that.

Maybe I'll have to check it out.

DeltAlum, keep being the gentleman that you are! I see nothing wrong, with opening the doors for women or standing up when they enter a conversation. I find that very endearing and over all just common courtesy! I personally don't find being a gentleman offensive at all! If any girls get offended by courteous mannerisms then that's their problem! I think more men should try to be gentlemen. It would make a lot of women a LOT happier! ;)

I think i need this book because i obviously am an offensive oaf.

Bold the word "SOME". THIS woman appreciates all the above. There are indeed still some of us who can appreciate gentlemanly courtesy for what is while still not sacrificing our personal and career goals!

so far its a good book. I learned how to order wine, and when to give a gift, and how to tie a bow tie. Im almost done. I recommend it all the guys out there even if they are already a "gentleman".

i love all that stuff! for some reason i love the whole street thing..super sweet.

guys should always hold doors open for girls!! i love that and hate then they dont....grrr

keep it up!!

Some things I like, like the "street side of the sidewalk" thing, but I'm just skittish about busy streets in general, having been hit by a car.

I think there's a difference between a guy who opens doors for women on dates and a guy who opens doors ALL THE TIME. I enjoy the former and am not so keen on the latter.

*bites tongue to hold in benevolant sexism rhetoric*

i consider myself a "modern woman" and yet on the same token there is nothing better then a man who practices chivalry. opening doors, walking on the street side, saving chairs... yep i will be one very happy and very lucky woman to find a guy like that (-: . cant ask for anything better!

A lady always appreciates a gentleman and good manners. :)

Don't fart under the covers and hold my head underneath!!


WTF?!??!

Sorry, but I had to mention that!!

My husband has that book and uses it with the chapter he advises - a tip each week. He also holds an etiquette night each year just before formal. He even takes a place setting of china, crystal and silver to the meeting so they learn how to use it properly. He missed one year and the brothers got all over him - said the newest members didn't know how to act. After one session that lasted a couple of hours because of all the questions, one brother commented "Nobody better ever say I didn't learn anything from being in a fraternity - I learned how to act like a gentleman!" - and he was serious.

I taught my sons to be gentlemen and, as adults, it is second nature to them to hold doors, pull out chairs, help with coats and generally treat ALL females like ladies. As my older son once told a girl who resented having a door held for her "Chivalry isn't dead - it may have taken a long nap, but it isn't dead!!" The term "Southern gentleman" comes to mind but there should be gentlemen all over the country.

Hear, hear!

At least the Fraternity taught me which fork to use. (Thank God for housemothers!) I was at a formal dinner last week and it was kind of fun to watch people fumble with the silverware.

As for other gentlemanly behavior, it becomes very natural when you practice it when you're young. (Thank God for the Fraternity)

And, I'm from the North.

Now, if I could only spell, I could stop editing.

You're not old fashioned, just a well-mannered person, and we like you for that. :D

My fiance does all of the above - he is a stickler when it comes to walking on the street side of the sidewalk ("You're not for sale" is what he would always say).

Perhaps I'm dense, but I fail to see where good manners and common courtesy equate to even a hint of sexism. I'd much rather date/marry a gentleman than a thug.:cool:

If you're dense, then so am I! :)

ugh i'm so clueless, i never even heard about walking on the street-side...maybe i'll pick that book up.

I hate when I am walking with a guy and he doesnt open the door or at least hold it when he goes in first. I also love when the guy opens the car door. Maybe not when we are getting out of teh car, but when we are getting in I like when he comes around and opens and shuts it. I am not talking like every time I in the car with a guy, but I mean on dates and nice occasions, etc.

AMEN to that. Especially when we're dressed up.
If i'm wearing a short skirt and heels, or a long skirt, i'm gonna need help climbing into a monster SUV. When we're dressed up, we're usually not dresesd for practicality and function, but for style and to look good for you. So give us a hand ;)

A man will always open the car door for a woman when they are getting into the car.

Also, a good girl will reach across the seat and unlock your door after you let her in . . . I dated a sorority girl who never did that. I decided we weren't going to last. It was a deal breaker.

I've heard SO many guys say that. They get all happy when it's the first time we're going somewhere and i'll lean over and unlock it for them or if it's power lock, etc. It's just a natural reaction for me..... always did it in my family.

guys are always amazed that i know to do that....it's so natural for me to do that because i had to get rides from people for so long.

i'm with the whole common courtesy does not equal sexism thing. i love being treated with respect...to me courtesy=respect. Gentlemen everywhere thank you for being so polite.

I LOVE THIS BOOK! Excellent, easy read. I got this book for a Midshipman at the Naval Academy and he said he found it much more helpful than some of the other books he had been issued about ettiquette. We had a great time discussing it. Truly a great tool to use with fraternity men also.

And guess what ladies-- there is a companion book called "How To Be a Lady" and it too is excellent. Modern, common sense rules for how to conduct yourself in just about every situation. I highly recommend both books as good tools for advisors or members!

Re: How To Be A Gentleman
 

Thats odd aboutt he whole insult thing. I had read, in renditions of the time of courtly romance, when courtesy was at a premium, that a man should never let an insult go and that if a sincere apology was not immediately forthcoming, he should challenge the other man to a violent confrontation . . .

I kind of like that. Keeps men on their toes.

I am delighted to see a concensus among the ladies that good manners and gentlemanly conduct are appreciated. I believe that these should be expected. In my undergrad years when we were considering bidding someone it was expected that he was not only a good guy who fit well but that he was a gentleman who knew how to handle a very broad range of situations. We expected that he was "an athlete, a scholar, and a jolly good fellow" which had been the benchmark since our founding. It never occured to us that he would act like a gentleman as we expected that he WAS a gentleman.
Now, a couple of side thoughts:
I remember reading about a conversation between Cardinal Newman and Oscar Wilde. The good Cardinal opined that "A gentleman never knowingly gives offense. Wilde replied, "Actually Your Emminence, I rather think that a gentleman never UNknowingly gives offense".
Also, as to insults, my grandfather told me that depending upon the nature of the insult a gentleman may simply not take notice of it, thereby consigning the offensive party to irrelevent insignificance, unless the insult is directed to or has given offence to a lady. In such case one arranges to meet the offender tomorrow morning, pistols for two, coffee for one.
dekeguy
Captain, USAR
Forward Deployed

The street side thing is a very old custom from the days before streets were paved. Men walked on the street side so ladies did not get splashed with mud or dust as the horses went by!

My hubby does all of the things that you guys mentioned on a regular basis, but we have 2 bones on contention on gentlemenly behavior:

he likes for me to wait to get out of the car so he can come around and unlock the door; I find it unnecessary to wait. He also typically rushes ahead of me when we are leaving places like resturants, etc. He says he is leading the way and making sure he can open the door for me, I say he should let me go first, then I should let him come around me to open the door! Ahh....the things we discuss!

DITTO!!! :D

I DO THAT!!!!! ;) does that make me a "good girl"???

I ALWAYS unlock the door for guys. I do that for anyone. I think after seeing that scene in the move A Bronx Tale when I was younger made me think to do it. I've been doing it ever since! ;)

At Convention, this Chi O alum and her husband (A Phi Delt) did a seminar on ettiquitte during a luncheon. It was funny watching the bros trying to remember which way to pass the bread and spool pasta, especially when they were cut into 2 inch long strips.

Apparently this Chi O alum has been the house mother at 3 different universities, is a big supporter of Delta Sig, but also gives ettiquite seminars at Conventions like this, and she also writes books.

Oh thats right! Her nam is Mom Nonnie I think.

I remember one particular date I went on a few years ago. He came to the door to pick me up and, when we got to the car, he opened the door for me. I thanked him and got in. As he walked around, I leaned over and unlocked his car door. After he got in, he turned to me and told me that he was really impressed that I had done that! He added something to the effect of, "You've just scored some major bonus points".

Though, nowadays, the remote control power locks sorta ruin that whole concept. :(


Also, I have a funny story about "Southern Gentlemen". Before I was born, my grandparents retired from the family headquarters in Chicago to the Arkansas countryside. In the lovely city of Searcy, Arkansas is Harding University. A couple years ago, my sister and I went out to see our grandfather. He had this idea to go to the university just to walk around and have a coffee. Now, this building we were in had a very long hallway separated by a couple sets double doors and a few steps down.

My grandpa, being 90 years old, needed a little extra hand whenever we got to the doors and steps. On one occassion, I held the door for him as my sister helped him down the stairs. Just then, the bell rang (yes, they have a bell system there!!) and all of the students started pouring into the hallway to switch classes. It got a bit chaotic and I just stood there holding the door because so many people were rushing through. I figured it would take a while for my sister and grandad to get to the next set of doors anyway so I just held the door open for the students.

As I stood there briefly, I noticed a lot of female students going past. I recall thinking to myself, "Wow, there sure are an awful lot of girls going to this university!" Just then, I happened to turn and look back towards where we had just come from. There was a whole line of guys standing along the wall behind me! I looked at them funny and sorta waved my hand as if to signal them to come along through the doorway. They just gave me an amused look and one guy sort of nodded his head as if to say "No, YOU go through."

Then the lightbulb went on in my head and I realized that they were waiting for me, the lady, to go through first! We all had a bit of a laugh about it. I exclaimed, "Ah yes, well, I'm from Southern California - I'm not used to gentlemanlike behavior. I sometimes think the men expect the women to hold the door open for *them*!"

Then, the guy nearest to me took the door from me and I went through. By then the hall was clearing up and I saw my sister and grandpa slightly ahead. I continued on towards the next door. As I did, that same guy looked at the door, then back at me and then *ran* ahead to the next door so that I couldn't get to it first! hehehe :o

I don't think they necessarily meant it in a chauvnist way as if they would be disgraced to walk through a door when a woman was holding it. I think it had more to do with the fact that I had been standing there for a while already. I guess they didn't think it was right for a lady to stand there holding the door open for a few hundred people.

I did think that was sweet of them. Though, I think that's they only time I've ever stopped men in their tracks. ;)

.....Kelly :)

Hey Hootie,

It occurs to me that I would hope that my daily actions would make it unnecessary to "prove" I'm a gentleman.

First off, if your the age of some of us, Your Mother Taught you how to be a gentleman!:)

Wear clean underware, maybe in a wreck!

Open the door for your date, pick up at the door not honk horn, pull out the ladys chair, dont be crude ) Talk Dirty, if smokes light her Cigarette, get her drinks, know basic dancing steps, or dont look like a geek, comb hair, wear clean cloths, don look like a rapper! Could go on and on! Live and learn! If you screw up, you will know damn quick! :D

My grandmother used to say the thing about being in a wreck all the time. Strange.

Absolutely agree on honking the horn, and, even more important, walk your date (or friend) to the door at the end of the evening -- don't drop her off at the curb. That's a matter of manners and safety.

Yes it is. But like most things about how to be a gentleman, it only works in theory. Girls on GC will all say things like "AWWWW i would love if a guy did that" but then when a guy does it they'll be like "um.....i don't need to be walked to the door there buddy." Girls only like gentlemanly behavior from the gentleman they're interested in.

Also, about the insult thing. I would ignore an insult directed towards me, but if they lady i was escorting was insulted, i would challenge the other party to duel. Sword fighting should be institionalized. And if some one dies from a duel, then oh well. No reprucrisions, criminal or civil, should be taken from some one who willingly engages in swordfights.