Dang Original....I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif If it were me and I saw my best friend's man out with another woman I would definitely have to call my girl up ASAP and be like "Hey girl! You didn't tell me ______(man's name) was going to _____(whatever town) for the weekend. Imagine my surprise when I saw THEM at Le Cordon Amor Restaurant! Girl, you tell that man of yours the next time he sees me (and I KNOW both he and the young lady saw me)and RUNS out without as much as saying hello...it's gonna be on!

If we are talking BESTFRIEND I owe it to my girl to mention something to her. Now if I wasn't for sure it was her man...I would probably ask my friend did she go out with her man last night and if she mentions her man was with her the whole night...I will tell her what I saw and assume her man has a "twin" (don't we all). If she said no...he was working late etc etc I would then relate to her what I saw and let her know that I was not positive it was him. She can take it from there. I would expect the same of her. There are too many good men & women out there to be trippin' off a liar or cheater.

I must say, I have to agree with Mocha! I definitely would, want to know if my significant other is/were cheating on me! Why on GODS green earth would I (or anyone)want to be with a man that doesn't care for my feelings or value the relationship.
PinkCashmere... I would ask my friend how's her relationship with her boyfriend and see what she says, then go from there.

[This message has been edited by Cream Puff (edited August 10, 2000).]

Catwoman... That is sooo TRUE!!

I agree with Catwoman. That is what I would do as well.

Hmmm. This is a really good question. This was not one of the options you listed, but I would probably approach the guy before he left the restaraunt. I would walk over to his table, speak to him, and INTRODUCE MYSELF to his date. Now as far as your options go. I would tell my friend also. I would do as others have stated and ask leading questions. But, I would definitely tell her. I would not want him flaunting some hoochie around town while my girl is at home thinking she is the only woman in his life. I can't have that. (Of course I would tell my friend how incredibly ugly this other girl was....even if she was a supermodel http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif )

This may sound stupid, but I would confront him first. Whether it be then and there, I don't know. But, I would tell him that if he didn't tell her, I would.

I only say this because most often, if he is your bestfriend's man he may also be your friend as well. I know this is true for myself. I'm also secure that when I told her, she would know that I wouldn't make up such a lie. Then again, a lot of great friendships end over this type of BS.

Thank God for variety! I respect your decision. I even like it; but I would mind my on business because you may not know the current(up-to-the_hour) situation with your girlfriend; which may make what you see quite legit. Secondly, suppose YOU are wrong in it all. The damage done by you could end up being irreparable.

FLIP THAT COIN!!!!!!!

And let's see what the brothas would do! Why is that everytime a relationship goes bad, it's always got to be the brothas fault?

i had this convo with my best friend and i asked her would she want to know and she said NO........

Ok, but if this is my close friend I should think that I would have SOME inkling as to if they're going through something really bad or if they're on the verge of breaking up...of which neither case is grounds for her man to be in a romantic setting with another woman unbeknownst to her. Also, I would not tell my friend unless I knew, without a shadow of doubt, that it was infact her man. If the situation between my friend's man and the other woman is purely platonic, then there should be no problem with my friend knowing they went out together. There should be no reason for it to be a secret. If there is something going on, well then I suppose it is her man, and not I, who has caused irreparable damage. You know what they say...don't shoot the messenger!

Hey bruhs: can I win this one???????

Okay Sexy; you covered yo tracks! Still; you should leave it alone. You're interfering with her learning process, babie!

Scruples Question #1
 

Greetings Sorors, Sisterfriends, & Fellas:

I want to pose a question to you all to see where our integrity and ethics lie.

Situation: You are out of town having dinner in a romantic restaurant and saw someone who looked exactly like your best friend's significant other with someone else in what appeared to be a very romantic dinner. When you tried to get a better look to actually see if it indeed was your best friend's significant other, he/she saw you and along with their "date" left without saying anything to you or getting close enough to you to get a good look at them.

Question: Do you tell your best friend or do you stay out of the situation? Or do you confront your best friend's significant other yourself?

Easy! You just bring it up. You say "Hey, I saw a guy that looked just like (whoever) last night at the (wherever)." That gives your friend the option to say either "Couldn't have been. He was with me." or "Who was he with? What was he wearing?" That should do it.

Alright, I don't know if you all are really paying attention to the situation posed. The question involved whether or not we saw someone who LOOKED like our best friend's significant other. If I thought he LOOKED like him, I'd try to go over and speak to him while he's with her (to be certain, of course). But her question involved whether we were UNABLE to get a closer look at him. If I was not sure, then I would have nothing to say. It has been my experience that women cause more problems when they are supposedly TRYING to help. I would rather take the gentleman's approach to "stay out of it" but ONLY if I'm not sure. If I AM sure, I will approach him and then tell her about CALMLY and GENTLY (but only when the timing is right). I don't like being a party to chaos or foolishness, and that's exactly what it becomes when the best friend ignores your desire to help and almost always takes HIS side over of YOURS, thus RUINING the friendship as opposed to strengthening it. Sometimes, as much as we want to help, we HAVE to use wisdom with everything we do.

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No weapon formed against me shall prosper, for I am a child of the Most High God, Who sits upon the Throne of Grace, and rules all Heaven and Earth.

Any Counselors in the House? I would not advise another to become involved in a friend's relationship for several reasons. In particular, I find that partners of individuals that cheat are more often aware that this behavior is occurring. In instances where one is aware of cheating, he or she may choose to ignore the situation, or accept what is happening. My point being that as an outsider one never knows what a friend is willing to "put up with."

Professor, that is a good point. However, you will not know what your friend is willing to "put up with" unless you provide her with the information. Then, if she/he wants to look the other way, just be there for them when they need you.

Hey I see all yall's points. Have we all overlooked the fact that there are "right" ways for men to handle it, and "right" ways for women to handle it?

Actually, my actions in this situation would be based on which friend it is. Some women would rather not know her man was out with another woman, some would turn the tables and take her man's side over her friend's, and some would definitely want to know. If her man had a history with this kind of thing, and she has done nothing to correct matters...then I probably would leave well enough alone. There are those women out there who choose not to see what's going on . The ones that are more than aware that their man is just a squirrel out there trying to get as many nuts as he can, and still, they make the conscious decision to keep this fool around. In a case as such, telling what you saw would be completely in vain.

I feel you Sister! However, I believe in minding my business. People know if someone is cheating or at least they have a gut feeling. Hell, if I'm insecure about me relationship, which I am, then I ask a lot of questions for clarification and understanding.

Professor, I can see where you are coming from.

Original Ape, you have made a good point as well.

[This message has been edited by AKAtude (edited August 11, 2000).]

A-ight yall, this actually happened to me...about 2 years ago, when I graduated all of my cousins and friends went out for a late night dinner at Denny's (when I say late-night, I mean like 3 a.m.) So My best friend, who I call my sister....she saw her cousin's fiance' with her ex-boyfriend. (we didn't know that it was her ex-man at the time.) We weren't sure if it was her or not, b/c she used to have long, long flowing hair, and she had just cut it all off, and we didn't know that she was sporting a new "toni braxton" cut. But she basically confirmed our suspicions when she gaspsed when she saw us, and ran into the ladies room. Now me and my sister started to follow her in there, but we didn't want to cause a scene.

When she came out of the bathroom, (I guess her date didn't know that he was the other man, so she was playing it off both ways...) she sat there with her menu on her face the whole time we were there(we were finishing our meal) and acted like she couldn't decide what she wanted to order.

Now we felt like we had an obligation to tell, since the wedding was in a few months, so we ran it by our brother first, as we described the guy she was with, he informed us that that was her ex-man and that we should tell him right away.

To make a long story less long, we told, he believed but didn't care('cause he's a pushover), and she never spoke to me or my sister again. And they married anyway, but she's made it seem like we were the liars, and she's denied it to this day. B---h!!!

oh, yeah, the moral of the story....
If the person is very close to you, and they are in a serious relationship, by all means TELL IT!!

Sometimes people shoot the bearer of bad news, but it's only because they are hurting, and if that person is truly your friend, they will see that you are telling the truth, even if they choose to ignore the information.

And then the spouse/cheating partner, may not like you, may even hate you for telling, but at least they know that they can't get away with stuff like that if you have anything to do with it...

now...I am gone!