so now I'm being stalked on GreekChat?
 

Two months ago my boyfriend of 11 months absolutely snapped on me -- went nuts, crazy, screaming about how I was cheating on him with a guy at my work, a girl at my work, another guy at my work... none of which, of course, was true.

I broke up with him -- it'd been coming for awhile anyway -- and figured that was that.

Only it wasn't! Now he's calling me 7 and 8 times a night, e-mailing me dirty messages, and trolling GreekChat for my messages (and sending them to me as "proof" of my cheating. In the highs & lows forum I mention seeing a guy I'd had a crush on -- CLEAR proof that I cheated on the boyfriend months and months ago, right?)

So now I don't know what to do. I (think) he's done stalking me via GC -- I told him I was blocking his e-mail address, his IM name, and if he called my cell again I'd have my dad pick up. (The only benefit of moving back home at 22!) But this kid is obviously psycho and I don't know how else to deal with it -- we broke up months ago and the last couple days he's been back at it full force!

Any advice?

Um...restraining order?? :eek: Seriously though, this guy seems to be on the path of taking this to the extreme, if you are starting to feel unsafe, you need to start a paper trail. How is a piece of paper going to protect you? It's not, but a paper trail can ultimately make him accountable for his actions in the long run.

Do you have any mutual friends, could one of them try to calm him down? He seems to be on an emotional high, and may need someone to talk him down from it, otherwise he may not think clearly and take things to the next level.

Restraining order. Go by the nearest branch of the police department and let them know what is going on. Even without a restraining order, if they are aware of the situation, they can keep an eye/ear out for trouble concerning you.

Once again, restraining order. Then if he tries to contact you, you can have him picked up. That sometimes works to scare the bejesus out of an emotionally charged stalker, and he calms down.

I have been there. It's not fun dealing with a an ex-turned-stalker, or lawyers, or policemen in order to get your privacy and peace of mind back. But neither is having someone trying to make you miserable or break your arm in a parking lot. Get him to stop NOW, before it goes any further. Keep the paper trail as evidence of what if happening. Show a pattern. If it is escalating, be able to show and convince someone that it is.

Re: Re: so now I'm being stalked on GreekChat?
 

uuuuuh.....

Having a mental imbalance in your brain qualifies as a mental illness--a genetic/psychological/physical condition that no one else can cause. A woman dumping a man (or vice-versa) does not cause mental illness.

Just clearing that one up.:rolleyes:

Stalker
 

1) As other posters suggested, you should contact your local law enforcement agency. ASAP. Re restraining order/similar.

2) Keep a log of all attempts to contact/harass you in case it needs to be later shown to police/courts/attorney.

3) If he contacts you online again: tell him in straight forward terms, "Leave me alone, stop harassing me. Do not contact me again." Then block the email/IM address if possible. Do NOT reply or respond to comments to or about you online - it will only encourage it. Use something like the above phrase & block.

4) Don't put up with it for 2-3 months. Puhleese! Likewise, do not get into dialogue with him, the whole power play aspect of harassment means it's a good thing for him if he sees he's having an effect on you.

5) As other posters suggested, you should contact your local law enforcement agency. ASAP. Re restraining order/similar.

Just for the record, I didn't do anything to this guy except break up with him.

I certainly didn't cheat on him. Not sure if he actually thinks I cheated on him, because it occured to me that if a guy cheated on *me*, the last thing I'd do is try to keep in contact with him.

His e-mails and phone messages are really.... inflammatory. Do I continue to allow him to leave messages? I'd started picking up & hanging up when he called -- just so I woudln't have to hear the awful messages. Is that egging him on?

I did, though, block his e-mail and his IM. I'm kind of at a loss... he's in another city about 90 mi from me, so I don't think I'm actually at risk, it's more of just a harassment issue. I'm pretty good at keeping personal stuff personal, but people at my work are starting to ask me what's wrong, and it's affecting my new relationship because I'm so anxious all the time.

breathesgelatin -- thank you.

Whether you're at risk physically or "just" emotionally
"... people at my work are starting to ask me what's wrong...
affecting my new relationship ... I'm so anxious all the time." doesn't mean you have to put up with his crap. Still, your choice.

I feel like a Hallmark After School Special.

Thanks, y'all, I appreciate you guys caring enough to throw in your $0.02.

::steps on to her mental health soapbox::
No one, and I mean NO ONE, can cause someone to have a "chemical imbalance". No one can make another person go 'mental' unless the predisposition is already "in place". The belief that people "dish out isht" and that makes someone go crazy to the point of being a danger to others is complete bullisht and has no place in intelligent society. Wait, then, nevermind :rolleyes:

::steps off::

Now, HotDamn, back to you. :) You seriously need to get a restraining order. I have been stalked before, and in most cases that's what it takes. Also, check with your phone service provider. It's usually quite easy to have numbers blocked. If this still doesn't work (and I hate to say this!) but you might consider changing your number. And regardless of what some might say or what you even may be feeling you did not bring this on. This person is unstable and you need to get help from people who are trained to deal with this. I hope everything works out for you!

Ummmm.... no matter what someone does (this is in reference to UFPike, I mean Svierge, saying that we've only heard one side of the story) there is no justifiable reason for STALKING them and harassing like this.

I'd like to see that argument hold up in the court of law- Your Honor, I can't help it that i'm stalking and harassing her, she did something to me mentally that makes me lose all self control and reason."

While breakups are emotional experiences, there is no justification for stalking, etc.

I agree with swissmiss...this guy's behavior is not your fault. I don't care if he has some sort of chemical imbalance that's making him act like this, you, HotDamnImAPhiMu, are not responsible for it. I've only had one ex turn "stalker" on me, but I know exactly how you feel and it isn't a lot of fun. This guy was not "normal," per se; he had emotional problems, which I had nothing to do with but I guess I made them sort of snap when I broke up with him. Luckily I did not have to end up getting a restraining order, but if this has been going on a while and shows no signs of stopping, please consider it. Just for your peace of mind, if nothing else.

sweetie, definitely look into a restraining order. His behavior is inappropriate and totally uncalled for, an is putting you under unnessecary (yes I cant spell) distress. I hope everything works out!

ot
 

To respond to a couple of people in this thread... despite what you think you know, based on hearsay this or v. scant evidence that, it isn't really appropriate to go throwing allegations about in such a situation.

jax,

i don't know if you will be able to get a restraining order. you can check with your local police station about what has to happen. it is not like stopping by the grocery store and picking one up. definately keep track of his calls. do not delete the numbers from your caller id. on your cell phone, you may not be able to do that. definately contact your cell phone and telephone service provider. they can put a block on the number or they can track the calls for you so that you will be able to press charges for harrassment. you might consider turning off your voice mail for a while. this way you don't have to deal with all of the messages.

this happened to me once too. luckily, it didn't last for too long. the guy ran into my younger brother one day and was asking what i was doing, where i was, etc. my brother was aware of what he was doing and told him that if he ever contacted me again, that he would beat the shit out of him! he never called again! lol.

good luck!

Once again svergie you come out of the closet as the Truasst that you seem to be! Dah FM!:mad:

Get a restraining Order, even though it is as good as the paper it is written on, it leaves a trail and is a legal Document.

Document: When you get an email, call, or sighting, Keep a log! Keep email, and phone messages!

This person Has to served before all of this kicks in! Then then can Nail his ASS! Stalking has become a very big thing and The Courts come down hard on it!:) Just not only the Local Police get into this , so do the Feds! Of course they are::rolleyes:

Can you say F OFF and say it with a smile, I have Freinds and will have you OFFED! Lime pits are great so I hear?:)

I don't know anything about your financial situation, but it might be worth talking to an attorney. In Illinois, there is an organization called Prairie State Legal Services, and they help people who don't have a lot of money in situations like yours. You may be able to get an Order of Protection (or whatever it's called in your state) so it's probably worth checking into. Maybe there is some type of legal organization near you that can help you. You also might want to call a domestic violence hotline -- I know that isn't what you're experiencing, but they might be able to point you in the right direction.

Be careful, and I wish you the best.

Well, BUBBA Boy, Take your best shot! If you promote yourself as an ASS then consider your self one!

You are an immature little snipit that in a Jewish point of life is thrown in the trash!

You are an obnoxish weed that should be exterminated. You have already been found out, but we are waiting to get you in a position to sue your Socks Off!

You are the Crud of print Media that is abhorant to the sane world instead of the Blue Hairs who beleive this Tripe!

Jeeze, just who in your pea brain do you think you can out smart!

You are Pathetic!:(

You are a Sorry Individual!

Go Ahead Maked My Day! Cop talk Scuz Ball, scrodum Guts, Sleeze Bag!

You are Rude Crude and Totally socially unexceptibal!:o

Okay, does a DICK make it plain!:confused:

He's left off a little bit... I haven't had any voicemails today, which means he's not leaving messages (not that he's not calling. My phone doesn't keep track of who called.) And no e-mails, although I blocked his address. I'm not sure if he knows they're not getting through to me or not... does anyone know what happens to e-mails sent to an address that blocked you? Do they bounce back, or does he just think I'm getting them and don't mind what he's saying?

Unfortunately I got kicked off today from my AIM screenname... it said I'd signed on at another location. Then I remembered I had my password saved on his computer -- mine had been down for a couple months in the spring, and he was nice enough to let me use his for awhile. I'm going to save it, but will it save it to his computer, too?

What does everyone think of having my dad answer the phone, if he does call again? I realize it might be childish, to involve my parents -- but I'm really starting to get nervous, and I thought it might send the message home that I'm tired of dealing with him. I haven't actually asked my dad yet. If y'all don't think it's a good idea, I don't want to worry him unncessarily.

by the way, it means more to me than I can say to see you all back me up like this. I know it's just the internet and all, but I really do feel like there's a bond there. Probably pretty ridiculous, but it doesn't hurt anyone, so why not?

Sweetie usually if you block an address (or do anything to keep an email from getting to you ) it is returned and the sender gets a message saying it's undeliverable.

It sounds like he's signing onto your AIM screenname. Get a new name, and I'd message your friends and let them know that the old name isn't you anymore. You may think he wouldn't pretend to be you, but it sounds like this guy is getting kinda looney.

If he does call again, there's nothing wrong with having your dad answer the phone. You don't have to tell him the situation if you don't want to- just say its a friend who always wants to hang out and he's annoying you.

If you change your password on your PC then it will not be saved at any other locations at which you might have used it. I know this from personal experience. :) And it's not at all childish to involve your parents if safety is involved. I'm sure your parents know of the situation. You wouldn't even have to lie about who it is you're trying to avoid. Parents, no matter what your age, are always there for you and can be surprisingly understanding. After my accident a few months ago they took me home for a week to care for me. You just do what you gotta do. It's better to have fears of looking like a dork (which you don't) than to fear for your life. I so feel for you and I hope that you take some of the advice (mine and others') that you get. We are all here for you.

Hey sweetie, big sisterly hug to you. Change the password on IM/Email and anything else he can access and it won't work on his computer. I know that from experience.

*hugs*
LIOB :)

WOW!!!!!!! Can you believe some people???? I haven't talked to him since he is not working with me now. I feel sorry for you. Let us know how it all goes.

MH

Let me tell you, I worked in the legal field for years and I know that you need that paper trail. If things get worse you are going to need some proof. I know that in the county that I worked in Temperary Restraining Orders were free and there were people at the courts to help you. PLEASE look into that. You need protection... one of my sisters has a restraining order on some guy and it has helped. Also, if at anytime he violates the restraining order you need to call the police no matter what. You never know how one judge or another will look at your case. So if you have all avenues covered then you have nothing to worry about.

Good luck!!!!

It appears as though this ass-bag is overdue for a severe beating. $50.00 and I am in. Really though, call the cops. He is obviously not responding to your hints, get the police involved and if he has any common sense at all, he will let it die.