Should I tell?
 

Characters: me, Melody, Mark, and their neighbor or various guys from the club

Story: Melody and Mark have been dating 4 years, living together 1 yr. I've known Melody for 3 yrs. and Mark less than that but we converse on the phone. She complains all of the time that he doesn't show her any affection. He stays home and she goes out to the club. When we go out, Melody makes out with various guys. . .recently, their next door neighbor. This happens almost every week that we go to the club. This week, I finally told her that she needs to stop. If she's so unhappy, she should leave him but she won't because he's paying for the apartment that he lives in with her kid. Plus, she's "invested too much time" and she's "ready to settle down". If that is the case, why does she make out with random guys every time we go out?

Dilemna: I think Mark is proposing to Melody on their trip to Florida. Should I tell him? Or should I threaten to tell him about the makeout sessions?

Bad situation. I'd find a way to force her to tell him. Tell her, "its not right and if you are ready to settle, than do it. So either cut that chit out or tell him. If I see it happening again after you say youre quitting, I'll tell Mark."

Its simple pimple.

threaten. maybe then, she'll stop..

I think she should DEFINATELY talk to the guy b/c something is lacking in their relationship. Maybe she should ask something like WHY he doesn't show her affection?

It could be something as simple as he's just extremely tired after work or something like that and is just ready to go to sleep once he gets home.

If he didn't love her, would he be proposing? (Maybe that's something she should think about)

What she is doing is just wrong plain & simple.

I think he should definatley know about it, but I don't really know if it's your place to let him in on the secret.

You have to tell lol. Think what an awesome story that would be to come back and tell us!

But honestly. Thats never a safe message to bear. My question to you would be:

Why do you suddenly want to get invovled? Why do you even chat with your Girls friends live-in-lover? Isn't that a little wierd?

Inquiring minds want to know lol.

But, if the issue is that the essential unfairness really bothers you, and it has very little to do with your personal relationship with the boy, then you should follow your conscience.

You know, you might even want to take some pics of her cheating . . do you have a phone camera? Or know someone that does lol?

Also . . . and let me blunt. Maybe he he is sensing that she is sucking strange dicks on the sly?

It might affect my affection level if my GF came up with strange dick on her breath . . . ;)

In those type of situations, I always think the one in the know (you) should tell. How would you feel if you were the guy? How do you think he would feel if/when he finds out and realizes you knew the entire time? Considering that she went with you...it could backfire and make you look like the guilty party.

I don't know why I'm bothered. . .especially since I could do the same thing but I choose to be mature and break up with a guy if I know I have the tendency to still makeout with other guys.

And I only chat with Mark on the phone. . .and it's stuff like 'Did you see the Mets game?' or 'hey, my car is making a strange noise.'

I don't do anything past waiting for her to get on the phone.

I'd keep the info to myself. It'll only cause problems and ruin friendships and relationships. If you're not close to him as you are to her then your alliance should be with her...and that means if you're a friend and you don't agree with what's going on you should tell her off....NOT HIM. He's not your alliance and going to him with this is like stabbing your friend in the back.

Threaten her that you are going to tell. Maybe she'll have the sense to say "no" to him if this is what she wants to keep doing. If not, maybe the proposal will make her realize that he really does care and she can spend a little more time working on him to be affectionate.

he needs to know, but she needs to tell him, not you...But don't let her know you think that, find her achilles heel & press.

Ditto. Plus, if you aren't very close to him, he might well question your motives and your honesty. That may cause him to ignore your well intentioned warning, besides pissing her off. In my experience, even when warned by a good friend with only their best interests in mind, most people still have to see it for themselves.

I would continue to encourage her to talk to him, and do nothing beyond that. He'll discover the truth for himself eventually.You have no real pressing reason to get involved, and it could land you in a heap of trouble.

In my humble opinion and my b/f's humble opinion we think you should just tell the guy what is going on.

Re: Should I tell?
 

This post has been graped on by The Grapist! Of course you should tell the guy! It's the right thing to do, she won't ever do it. The fact that you are debating on this, is morally apprehensible! :mad:

You're The Grapist.
THAT'S morally reprehensible.

EDITED: Disappearing posts......interesting......

Re: Re: Should I tell?
 

Don't tell. You'll seem like the bad guy by both parties.

How about this? Next time that you go out, bring along a camera. Claim to only have a few snaps left and you want to get rid of them. When she gets drunk and into her makeout session, snap a few pictures of her. Drop the film to be developed and as soon as you pick it, don't even inspect the pics. That way, the seal on the pack will still be intact, which makes it easier to claim that you don't even know what the pictures are. Head over to their place for a "formal viewing." Let the guy see the evidence for himself. That way, you aren't really telling and he can see things with his own eyes. What he chooses to do after that is on him.

Dood, thats so sneaky...and shady.

I LIKE IT!

GUYS, I have pics of her on guys already
She just never takes them home
She leaves them at her mom's house and stuff

But yeah, this way does seem kind of shady
But I can always do that 'Omigod, I forgot all about these!'
And run out of the room with her while he's in there
Maybe it will arose suspicions

IMHO, Hootie gave the best advice in this matter.

Funny that you should side with Hootie. . .and have a biblical scripture in your signature.

So, I'm supposed to be morally wrong, let the guy propose to her THIS WEEKEND, and go to their wedding which I know will probably end in divorce. . .all the while knowing that she cheats on him every weekend.

This still makes no sense.



What would the good Samaritan do? Not offer to help the badly beaten stranger that he had no ties to whatsoever??

As much as you want to tell the guy don't!!!! It's the messenger that will be shot not the girl who is making out with other guys.
The guy won't believe you and she will be so mad at you for telling that you will have lost her as a friend for good (said from experience). She'll end up saying yes to the guy just to prove a point.

The only thing I suggest is that you talk to her about what she's doing and ask her is it really fair to her child - is that the type of relationship she wants as an example. Play up that her child is going to think that type of relationship is how it should be and will never learn what it is and how to be in a loving relationship.

Also, the other thing is he may already know and wants to be blind to it. If she's making out in bars then some friends of his have been around those same bars and may have told him. Whatever you do, do NOT say anything to him.

Siding with Hootie and my biblical scripture in my signature - whatever :rolleyes: You asked for opinions and advice in this matter, but it seems as if you are determined to tell this guy anyway.

The point is - YOUR ALLIANCE SHOULD BE WITH YOUR FRIEND AND NOT THIS GUY!!!!! It is not your place to tell him what his girlfriend - your friend is doing. The most you should do is continue to be her friend and to encourage her to change her behavior. If she doesn't want to change, then just let the dayum chips fall!!! If you have no vested interest in this guy, then why are you so worked up about their situation????? These are two grown adults - let them handle their affairs like adults. Stay out of it - it will only make matters worse. Are you willing to ruin your friendship with this girl? Think about what we are telling you.

so, what do i do if another one of our friends tells him and he comes to ask me?

apparently, i'm not the only friend who is fed up. it's not the fact of allying with anyone. . .it's the fact of do I want to live with a guilty conscience and let her lie. . .

like i said. . .i have the option of threatening her to come clean
she's the one who thinks she is right. . .

and it's not about alliances
i don't owe my allegience to anyone really
friends are expendable
one minute they are here, the next they are gone

really besides going out on the weekend
we don't spend much time together
but we've known each other for a while

You have obviously already made your decision.

Seems like it's out of guilt. If it was such a big issue with you why didn't you let this guy know the deal when it made a difference? Back when his feelings weren't as deep and he could have just walked away would have been nice. Telling at this point is only going to put you in the center of a bad situation.

Do what you have to, but at the end of the day this is not your business, it's your friend's. SHe's a grown woman who won't thank you for interfering.

I'm with FeeFee and Hootie. It's really none of your business. I realize that it seems like the moral, correct thing to do to tell the guy about it, but he may know about it already and just not want to think about it. Either way, I just think it would do more harm than good for you to be the messenger bearing bad news. I know it's not fair, but many times the messenger is the one who gets blamed. If you're really concerned, I think you ought to help this girl understand that her behavior needs to change if she marries this guy. I see this as more of an issue between the girl and her boyfriend than just her, because there's obviously something missing in their relationship if she needs to seek affection from other people.

I hear Mail-Order Russian brides are in season...he'll retain the same emotional attachment with greater loyalty.

You could be REALLY REALLY sneaky and hire a P.I to follow her. THen have the PI send the pictures to her man!


Oh, the snark that would entail!

Then why bother with telling anyone anything? If she chooses to marry him, and he chooses to ignore the fact that she is a multi-timing Eta Omicron(think of the letters) then that is their respective problem. The best case scenario is her telling him, NOT you. If you are not really friends with either of them, getting involved is only going to be a pain in the butt and cause unnecessary drama on your side of the yard. It's not up to you to be the morality police. If what she does really bothers you, don't hang out with her anymore, you said you're not really friends...and that friends are expendable, which is kind of sad in an of itself...why would you want to be friends with people who you view as expendable?

that's the thing
i've tried to stop hanging around her
i have changed my cell phone number 3 times
(not because of her but because of a case of the ex)
and she calls other people to get it

several times i have ditched her at the bar

and contrary to popular belief, i haven't decided what i'm doing
other people have been pressured to tell as well
i'm just wondering if everyone would be singing the same tune
if they were in mark's shoes

This is such a tough one, girl. If she were sleeping around, I'd say that you'd have to say something, for health reasons if nothing else. But since it's just making out, is it really physically endangering anyone? I guess I would talk to your friend again. Tell her that her behavior really bugs you and that you feel bad for her man. Encourage her to work through these lack-of-romance issues with her man instead of sucking face with random people.

Maybe you should break up with her. Be direct and end your friendship instead of trying to ditch her at the bar. It is hard, but sometimes it is necessary.