August Book Club: What Becomes of the Brokenhearted by E. Lynn Harris
 

First, let me say how excited I am to be the discussion leader for the first "meeting" of the GC Book Club. I really read the book critically to try to find some interesting topics of discussion for us. If anyone has their own questions or points to present to the group, please feel free. Without any further ado, let's get started.

Throughout this memoir, Harris writes of his recurrent bouts of depression. Harris writes "I began to wonder if depression ran in my family. Did my mother and grandmother do what many other blacks with depression do - simply ignore it?" (Page 5, Hardback version). Why has depression, and mental health as a whole, been so overwhelmingly ignored by our community? Could the high incidences of alcoholism and substance abuse within our community be a result of ignored depression? Why are non-spiritual forms of therapy so taboo?

Re: August Book Club: What Becomes of the Brokenhearted by E. Lynn Harris
 

OUTSTANDING way to kick off the discussion. :D


**still tired, give me a day or two to be resume my Chatty Cathy status**;)

I started reading this last night. I retired after reading chapter 2. I was so :( . I thought I would not be able to continue. I did cheat and read the last chapter. I guess because I know he "comes out" :p and all seems to be well, that I am able to continue to read. :o

Re: August Book Club: What Becomes of the Brokenhearted by E. Lynn Harris
 

To answer the first part of the question I think that in the black community we ignore mental health and depression issues because we don't think these are "black" issues. In our communites there seems to be a stigma attached like depression is a white person's disease, like we're invincible and it shouldn't happen to us. Maybe it's because it indicates that we're weak and no one wants to be viewed as weak minded or weak--period. So we just tend to ignore it. I hope to come back with more but I'm at work right now and can't type everything that I want to say.

I just picked up a copy of the book, so I will be able to join in the discussions. :D

I meant to post this earlier but my internet access has been down for the past few days.

The discussion in here has been a little lagging. So let me find out first, how many of us actually read the book and what were your initial impressions? How many are still reading or have not yet begun but would like to join the discussion?

Can't afford the book until September, but I am right there with you when I get it! :D

Gotta support Frat!

CLassy, let me say that the first question you posted was great! However, I can never find time to compose my answer. Yes, I read the book and I liked it. I always wanted to know more about his life. Questions that he answered for me included:

1. What does the 'E.' stand for?
2. Was he EVER attracted to women?
3. When did he realize that he was gay?

Overall, I was very pleased with the memoir.

I'm already up to Chapter 9. As Gina stated, some of my questions have been answered (first initial, attraction to women).

Ben was an evil, evil man. :mad: :mad: :mad:

I finished the book today while at work.

I must say it explains alot. Also, when I first started reading I wanted to know who was the inspiration for the character Basil...I thought I discovered that early on but after reading of his encounters and relationships, it seems that Basil is a compiliation of all the men he encountered.

Overall, great book.

I am only on chapter 4. So far this has been a very interesting read.
________
ELITE E

Re: August Book Club: What Becomes of the Brokenhearted by E. Lynn Harris
 

I think it has been ignored because some folks just accept it as a way of life. I mean as a Black community, we have been oppressed for so long and in such a widespread way that it has been the norm for us to have sorrows or the blues. I also think it has been ignored because depression and related forms of mental illness have so many differing symptoms. Plus we have been conditioned to shake it off.

Our incidences of alcoholism and substance abuse are definitely linked to ignored depression for SOME.

The non spiritual forms of therapy are still very taboo in our community because we have been conditioned to pray, talk to our ministers or spiritual leaders. Plus for some, it is considered taboo because telling folks outside of our family our business was a big no no. Also, for a long time most therapists were white and for a Black person to tell a white person their business was also :eek: :eek:

I was proud to see E. Lynn seek out therapy at the various points in his life.

I too see Basil as a composite of his past lovers, especially ol boy that took him through so much stuff and ended up staying with his abusive lover(name escapes me, book is @ home).

Poor thing....
 

I finished the book. It was hard to get through it. ONLY because it was E. Lynn's life. I know if he would have put EVERYTHING in the book, we'd continue to read that book for a longgggg time. I still feel there was 'stuff' we missed.

I tell you. After reading this book, I can appreciate him even MORE.

I luv Everette Lynn Harris. :D

Um, why didn't he mention his fraternities name? :confused: I wonder if the names he used were the correct names. I know one of the names (Deborah Crable) is legit... :confused:

Re: Poor thing....
 

A whole slew of stuff was missing from that book. I was like come on, come on, don't be shy.

I felt sooooo sad when his real daddy died. I wish he could/would reunite with his siblings. :(

I was curious about why he did not say that he pledged Alpha as well. So many people still think that he is a Kappa.

Very good book, I devoured it in like 2 days, but I wanted to know more about the man he is with now.

I was really saddened by all of his friends that died of AIDS.

I was sad as well. I was especially :( with the dude that had the "gold" benz. Was that Butch? I think his cancer was probably AIDS related. :confused:

I'm thinking he could be with ole dude he mentions in the end of the book that "helped" him get everything going with Just as I Am. :confused: Wasn't he living with the guy, too? Or helped him to get the office space? :confused:

I can't believe he is almost 50. :eek:

His dayum stepdaddy was a FOOL! :mad:

I read the book, and all I can say is DAYUM!!!!! :eek: :eek:

Dude had mad problems going on in his life.

I was really sad as well that his real father died, and he hasn't had contact with his siblings since that time.

The dude with the "gold benz" was Richie. I was wondering if his cancer was AIDS related myself. It was sad that Richie died a day after his 40th B-day. It's also sad how Lynn's buddies all died from AIDS, except for Randy, and it's sad that his cause of death is unknown. :frown: Come to think of it, I wonder how his ex-lover Mario died. That man was a trip though.

I wanna know why he didn't mention the name of the fraternity he pledged?

Did he change any names to protect the innocent or not-so-innocent?

I hope he gets to reconnect with his other siblings.

I know, huh?

Quote:

Come to think of it, I wonder how his ex-lover Mario died. That man was a trip though.

THAT SAPMF! :mad:

He kept writing about the fraternity but never mentioned the name and I was thinking maybe as I got further into the book he'd mention the name, never did, well at least I know now.

Also, didn't he see someone on television that had the same last name as one of his siblings? I can't remember now, but I was thinking if he did why didn't he ever try to contact that person.

Just like everyone else, I hope he reunites with his other siblings too.

Hello Book Clubers! I just got the book, and I'm on page 90somethin'. I will posts the answers to your questions when I'm done reading the book. So far, so good, and I am so blessed because I didn't have to think about half of the things that he went through in my lifetime.

I read the whole book yesterday.

The person he saw on TV was a white man, who won an award, with the last name of Jeter. It wasn't that he thought they were related, but he had asked God for a sign and he felt that was one to get him on track again.

I, too hated that his bio father died so soon. Maybe this book will cause his Jeter brothers and sisters to get in touch with him.

I wanted to scream SO NAME THE D**N FRATERNITY. - LOL

I don't think the names were disguised because I think he would have said so in the intro.

I agree that Basil is a composite starting with the DL football player in high school. But I don't think Mario is part of that composite. I think other characters in his books are Mario. But a distraction for me was I kept trying to see if I could match the characters in his other books with the real people.

I don't think Richie's cancer was AIDS related, but maybe so and he didn't want to expose that to protect the family.

As for Randy, I though it was interesting that there was no mention of evidence of a beating, stab wound, or gun shot (unless I missed it,) so it seems like suicide to me. Especially with that "AIDS will be no part of my reality" comment. His lover died of AIDS so it seems logical that Randy had AIDS, too.

What I realized is that his issues were really no different than a straight person's with self-esteem and looking for love in all the wrong places issues. But he had to deal with the extra burden of being homosexual in a homophobic society. Even being Black seemed to be more of a asset than an hinderance because he was in the hey-day of affirmative action.

Last though for now: as a former IBM Systems Engineer and Marketing Rep., I remember that 18 month training period when if you failed the class, you were unemployed. Luckily for him he was hired during the height of IBMs affirmative action hiring or else he would not have gotten those multiple chances.

Now the depression question:
I think that we as a people have not acknowledged depression because we did not know what it was nor did we have the resources to find out. For the longest, even the medical profession looked at it as a character weakeness instead of a medical condition. Add that to the fact that with our slave ancestry essentially being a survival of the fittest, showing any sign of weakness was not to be tolerated. We could all probably look back on the behaviors of certain relatives and realized that they probably suffered from depression.

New Question
 

When Harris' relationship with Mario was relatively new, he wrote that his friends in The Group and Mario did not like each other. His friends thought Mario was using him and Mario thought the same of The Group. Harris kept his relationships with both separate as a result. When Harris learned the truth about Mario, it seemd as if his friends were right all along about Mario being
wrong for him.

Should he have considered his friends' views on Mario a little more seriously? Do you consult your friends when choosing a mate? When it comes to relationships, can your friends see the things that you don't? Can you be truly happy with a person whom your closest friends cannot stand? Is dislike between a mate and friends a sign that one has to go?

Classy, you are good at this!
 

Been there, done that. Even stayed with a man my own daughter didn't like--and yes, I should have listened to her young, but wise mind.

I imagine there was quite a bit of strain on both sets of relationships. But then Richie and Randy didn't get along either and Harris managed to maintain them both as friends. I think that Lynn's need to be loved was so great that all he wanted, and thought he needed, was people to like him even if they didn't like each other. So he had these multiple sets of relationships.

Lynn was an Alpha Phi Alpha at Arkansas and yes, he dated all the time. None of us on the cheer squad knew he was gay.

Re: New Question
 

I think that he should have considered what his friends were saying, it would have saved him a lot of headache and heartache. I do consult my friends, with my mom being the ultimate friend. Every boyfrfiend that I have had, until this one, she did not like. It might have taken me a while, but I saw the truth behind what she was saying. I think that people outside of the relationship are able to see things at face value since they are not "blinded" by like, love or lust. However, make sure these are TRUE friends, not ones who are looking out for THEIR best interests. Trust me, I know. ;) But that's another thread for another time.

I don't know if you can be truly happy when your closest friends cannot stand your mate. While compromising is key in any relationship, I think you would have to look at what your mate is giving up also. Dislike is not necessarily a sign that someone has to go.

I'll be back later to discuss this further. I really like this question Classy!! :D

Now that I think about it
 

I remember reading on a message board (may have been on here) that Lynn's fraternity has prohibited him from using the frats name. If that is true then that would be why he avoided saying it.

Re: Now that I think about it
 

I heard the same thing as well on a Greek listserve. That saddens me that his brotherhood prohibits him from mentioning what org he belongs to. If Lynn is still a financial member of the brotherhood, I would think Alpha would allow him to say that he is a member. This is why so many of our members keep quiet about their sexuality because they are shunned by others even those who pledged the same org. Keeping quiet is killing a lot of folks; leads to depression, feelings of no self-worth, etc. as E. Lynn mentioned in his memoirs.


Classy, ANOTHER excellent question. . . I have had some friends who dated men who were UGH!! My mother dated, and later married a man, who I wish she hadn't. He did a lot of damage to her, her relationships with my brother and me, etc.

Yeah, I figured Randy committed suicide as well because it seemed very improbable that he would not have contracted the AIDS virus.

I was also curious about Richard's cancer. Maybe at the time it was diagnosed as a cancer, but was probably AIDS related since Richard also messed around with men as well.

His issues were very parallel what heterosexuals go through but his chronicling of his love woes was so deep and intimate that it made him more endearing to me as I read. I wanted him to get out of the cycle of relationships where he allowed himself to be used just to have a man in his life.

Re: Re: Now that I think about it
 

Is it even POSSIBLE? I guess only an Alpha would know. ;) Seriously, there are many "out" Alphas as well as other fraternity members of XYZ organization. I'm not feeling this AT ALL. It could be a rumor. E. Lynn may choose not to name the org on his own. :confused: I hope it's his decision. :D

I meant to post this the day I bought the book. Is it just me or is this the first memoir, autobiography, etc. that had NO pictures in it?!?!?!!?!?!? I look forward to the pictures to help me put faces with names. I would have liked to have known if some of these folks were ALLA DAT like Lynn described them to be.

Excellent point--that is what was missing-pictures! Especially since he described so many of this friends as good looking, extremely good looking, handsome, extremely handsome, fine, cute, sexy, etc. I want to know if his taste is similar to mine - LOL.

But on the other hand this is the first memoir/autobiography that kept me glued to the pages--hence reading it in one night.

And yes, I am endeared even more to him now, too. :)

I wanted a pic with him and that dag blasted jheri curl!! LMAO
I read it at work in like 2 days in between calls and would get mad when someone would call.

Me too!!!! I kept looking at the picture on the inside of the cover and squinting my eyes trying to imagine him with a curl. That had to be some comedy. And he had the nerve to catch a halfway attitude when his boss told him to cut it. Lynn, he did you a favor!

He just knew he was the isht with that drippy jheri curl. LMBO!!! I wanna see those pics too. :D

You know how BLACK folks are sensitive about their CURLS!! LMAO!! I bet you Lynn thought he was the drip drip shizzle fo rizzle.

CTFU. CTFU. CTFU @ drip drip shizzle fo rizzle. :p

I'm late, sorry! The book was AWESOME! The best autobiography that I've ever read! I feel so blessed that I haven't had to go through all of that. He was depressed for most of his life. I'm glad he's found peace within self.

I just read JUST AS I AM for the first time ever and I see a lot of his autobiography in this book:

* dealing with Kyle's death that appears to have been a suicide reminds me of Randy's own death

* his depression and finally going to see a therapist, coming to grips with sexuality


* reading this now I was like YEAH TRENT IS THE MAN but I remembered how in LOVE OF MY OWN he did get with a woman :mad:

* that dang on BASIL

* his mentioning of the fraternity and their homophobic attitudes


Overall I guess reading this book now helped me to see a lot of autobiographical parallels between Raymond and E. Lynn. . . he might try to say Raymond is fiction, but there is TRUTH in every fiction.

yep, yep
 

I agree. I think there were already some of E. Lynn's memoirs in each of his books.

Final Thoughts
 

As August is quickly coming to a close, and my classes are starting :rolleyes: , I think that it's about time to discuss our final thoughts on the book. Favorite parts, things that you still want to know, Least favorite parts, overall reactions, and any other tidbits that you want to throw out there.

I haven't really given any of my own opinions on the book, but I will now. I really enjoyed the book and I tore right through it. The beginning of the book was really sad to me. I just hate how men used to marry women who already have children and then treat the kids that are not theirs like dirt. What's more, I hate how the women stand by and let it happen. This is a recurring theme in many books that I've read.

Additionally, I want to know what happened to Mario. Lynn (I'm calling him Lynn like we go back :D ) mentioned that he died but never said how. I want to know what happened to Randy too. He didn't strike me as a person who would commit suicide. And, it just warmed my heart how Richard hung in there as long as he wanted to. I'm sure that he went home to Glory a happy man.

Finally, I'd just like to say that I really enjoyed being the leader of the inaugural meeting of the GC Book Club. I had two tons of fun. School is starting and I am going to have one tough semester so I won't be on GC as much. I'll probably miss the September discussion. I definitely enojoyed running thangs ;)