This is not meant in a perverted way...
 

but what immeditaly comes to mind when someone tells you they are a virgin? Do you think oh no, or oh yay! Or do you think maybe the person isn't very desirable?

And if you are a virgin (and don't mind sharing), do you feel uncomfortable to tell people (as in someone you are beginning to date) about your sexual expierence?

I ask this because last night I had a first date type of deal, and it came up that he was a virgin. He had been trying to lie about it all night because he was scared of what I would think. He said he usually doesn't lie, but he didn't want me to think bad of him, because usually whenever he tells a girl about it, she gets turned off.

For reasons, I was mad that he didn't tell me (no, we didn't have sex) about his virginity and all. We were having a heated conversation about sex, and I asked him how many people he slept with. He didn't want to tell me which led to me thinking okay this guy is a total ho, and then the lies went on from there so he wouldn't give away that he was a virgin.

I mean, do girls really get freaked out when a guy tells them he is a virgin? Is that the normal thing to do - because it really doesn't bother me at all, I just hated he had to feel like he needed to lie to me about it.

i'm embarrassed when i tell people (esp guys) that i'm a virgin. i will only mention it under extreme circumstances/pressure

I would find it very unappealing if a guy told me he was a virgin. I would think that it was either because he was undesirable or very religious, neither of which appeal to me at all. Plus I wouldn't want to have to teach someone what to do.

I really have no experience with this, but I think that it just comes from not wanting to be someone's first.

Let me preface this by saying that I'm sure its a big deal to a lot of guys, and i don't want to portray guys as like, lusting after virgins, but just based on the way things are physically, guys get more of a thrill out of taking a girl's virginity than the other way around.
-Think about it, a guy is kind of in control of what goes on, but if you're a girl and you're his first you can't really, like, tell him how to do it...i dunno its hard to explain, this probably makes no sense, lol...basically if a guy is with a girl and its her first time all she really has to do is lie there, but in the reverse situation its probably more awkward. Then for the girl, there's the responsibility of teaching him what to do.

I really have no opinion on the subject, it wouldn't really change my mind either way about him, although I'd definitely be pissed if he lied- I think if I was in your shoes I would have called him on that for sure.

it doesn't bother me, you don't rush into sex as quickly (which can sometimes cloud the beginning of a relationship) and if you do sleep together you don't have any bad habits to break. You get to train the guy to do things the way you like them. I think guys might worry about it though because it might hurt their egos a little. you know, the want to be able to "perform" as well as other guys. Virginity for religious reasons is different, if I ever dated a guy that was that way then I would feel guilty for NOT being a virgin!!!

I can say that I was always embarrassed to tell people b/c I felt undesirable...

I joke that guys who prefer virgins do so because virgins can't tell the difference between a good lay and a bad one.

I'm with Valkyrie when she says, "I would think that it was either because he was undesirable or very religious, neither of which appeal to me at all."

However, if a guy were decent and sweet and just waiting for the right time/person, then I'd be thrilled if he wanted me to be his first. But really, how many of those exist?

You know I really do think he is one of those guys who wants to be with a person he really truely cares about first.

I know he can get girls, he plays acoustic guitar and sings in a band and it just makes girls melt. They try to get all over him, but he knows it is purely superficial. They just want a John Mayer fantasy. Believe me, I melt whenever he plays guitar and sings - but I didn't know that was something he did when I first met him.

I don't know - I kind of thought about maybe girls didn't want him like that, but I asked him why exactly. And he said he's had opportunities, but it just wasn't the right time or place. I don't know.

I called him out for lying to me, but I don't know how I am any better for doing that because it did kind of put a negative thing in my head. I don't understand why a lot of girls (myself included) think that because a guy isn't expierenced that must mean that no girls want him. I guess we are just so used to guys talking about how many girls they have done, and that whole "cool" perception might have rubbed off on us.

But I agree KappaKittyKat, if I was with a guy who was waiting for the right person to come along, and he decided he wanted to share his first time with me, it would make me feel kind of special. (Now every guy on this forum will tell all their buddies about this, and we will have a new wave of "Baby this is my first time, but you are the person I want to share it with!" hahah)

It depends...if it's a potential partner, I'd be concerned for the reasons behind it. If it was because he was undesirable or religious, I'd be much more wary than if he was really waiting for the right person to come around.

I feel like some of the people who like to announce that they are V-card holders are doing so out of a sense of self-righteousness or overly religious fanaticism. If a potential partner was like that, he wouldn't have a chance for me to swipe that card.

Personally speaking I wouldn't mind dating a virgin, but I would have to consider them something special...because it can honestly be a pain to date someone who is sexually inept. All the things that you take for granted (ie. kissing) can be awkward with a person that doesn't really know how. Although I would be flattered by anyone who though I was special enough to share something like that with me I would have to work toward the actual moment.

I agree 100%!!

Okay, well, my ex-boyfriend despied the fact I was a virgin, hell, we dated for 2 years and he wouldn't "take" it. Dumbass. :rolleyes: So by the time I got to college I wasn't feeling umm..very sexually attrative. When I first met Dusty I tried to keep it on the down low as soon as possible because he was not -at all- a virgin, heh. I finally broke down and told him and he was so estatic he about fell off the bed! (he had the top bunk in the dorm, lol) So, I was much more apt and ready to romp w/him, LOL!!

So, in my experience guys I much more happier about it :) (Except when they're a$$holes)

The guy I'm with now has only been with me, and I like that. I didn't have any bad habits to undo. However, with previous guys, who were not virgins, it was a pain in the ass, some because they thought since they'd slept with "X" number of girls, that they were the $h1t.

Ooh, those are the best/worst! I had a horrible crush on one this fall. Danger, Will Robinson! I always go for the guitar player.

I do believe that some guys exist who are honestly waiting for "that someone special." I know that both my XBF and I were-- we were each other's first-- and I can understand that. I guess I've become cynical in my old age. I think it has something to do with my standards lowering after the first (see the "After Virginity" thread).

Re: This is not meant in a perverted way...
 

My very first thoughts would be, "WOW!!!! Not even a chance of disease!!!"

The second would be, "This guy must really have his head together." But then again, I don't date outside my religious beliefs.

Re: Re: This is not meant in a perverted way...
 

I agree 100%!

Guys' Perspective
 

It's not surprising he lied to you or was reluctant/hesitant to say.

Guys are essentially taught and conditioned that virgin in a GUY does not equal good thing. An exception maybe is where the guy has strong religious convictions and then it might be understandable - read "acceptable". No-one wants to be the butt of jokes, singled out. Otherwise it's not socially acceptable & we're actually taught it's a bad thing to admit to/say you hold a v-card. Magazines like FHM/Maxim etc have oft said in articles stuff along lines of "let's get this clear, despite your desires to go where no man has gone before, girls are not turned on by virgins. A lack of experience means it is more likely that you will not know how/what to do which means she won't get much satisfaction out of it. Realising she will be having to forget about her own sexual enjoyment to correct your inept amateur ill-informed fumblings will *not* make her want to sleep with you or make her attracted to you and you'll be going home alone - for a long time." Okay well the articles say something along those lines anyway.

There's probably an element of it not being deemed a good thing to admit to since stereotypically guys are 'supposed' to sow oats :rolleyes: , and to be someone who has had other successful relationships (and if they didn't include sex that might suggest to girl in question something's wrong). Plus some guys have shitty conversations where they ask what each others magic number is (number of people you've slept with). You do _not_ wanna be coming out with "zero" unless you're v. religious, and having it all around the university and everybody & their dog laughing. Because... it is not the expected thang. Plus people talk, girls talk, their bf's hear it, yadda yadda... soon everyone'd know. And I can't see someone pondering mentioning such a thing without thinking the girl in question is gonna be thinking: (unless the guy has gaping facial sores and they both know no lady was gonna have jumped him before :p ) what's wrong with him, 18,20,22,24,26 years whatever and nobody?? is the boy small?, couldn't ensure a girl would hang around long enough to be intimate - does he have social skills problems?, why did nobody want to sleep with him when it came down to it? let alone thinking she'll be assuming he'll be crap in the sack unless she decides he's been blessed with an instinctive flair and'll take to it like a duck to water, etc etc etc. Anxieties like that.

That's why he wouldn't say. Or a guy in a situation like that wouldn't say. He wouldn't want it all to end if he liked ya. And yeah sure, you might wanna think "what sort of a person does he think I am, it wouldn't matter!" but... that's the way society is. Men are taught to act.

All very sad but true.

Re: Re: This is not meant in a perverted way...
 

You forgot that a guy can still be a virgin and have STDs... i.e. oral sex.

Um, personally, three of the guys I have dated (although it was in high school) were virgins, and they still were when we broke up (because I am, at 20).

I feel uncomfortable bringing up my own virginity with guys I'm dating because I'm afraid they'll think I'm a complete prude. When I've talked to friends about it, they always say "wow, you're strong-willed". LOL. I am trying to wait for the "right person" to have sex with, and I suppose that's when I'm in love.

Wow - these are some great replies.


To decadence: That is such crap what male magazines write. They might as well stamp "we can publish a magazine, yet we still are clueless about women!" I might be wrong, but I think generally the way sex works for women is the emotion. I mean, I guess some women want someone with expierence - but when it all comes down to it (for me at least), he can know every trick in the book but if I have no emotion for him the sex will not be good for me. That is one reason why I can't see how a woman could have a one night stand. I am not saying that is wrong of them to do that, but if there is no emotion there, I just don't see how a female could get off (blunt, sorry).

But you are right about the whole thing about him being nervous to tell me, which is why I said it was okay after I got over about some of the things he lied about.

Anyways, this is my first ever thread on chit chat! I'm glad no one called me a freak for posting this. hahaha

Re: Re: This is not meant in a perverted way...
 

lol. that would have been my first thought. i hate to sound ridiculous, but when i was younger, i thought it would be awesome to be a virgin married to another virgin. now that i am not, i wouldnt be that comfortable being with someone who was. on the other hand, i wouldnt want to be with a guy who slept around with a lot of women. the guy would have to be really honest with me. ( i know that last sentence is asking a bit much)
:p

I dunno- the older people (guys and girls) get, the more questionable the "waiting for that special someone" line gets. I guess if someone makes it to a statistically unusual age- 24, 26, etc.- and still hasn't met a single person that made the cut, I would wonder if there weren't other factors at play.... for instance, they're afraid to get that close to someone, or they're holding out as a power play (I've seen more than a few college-aged girls- usually ones with some control issues- pull this move).

As a 22-year old female non-virgin, I wouldn't immediately reject a guy who was still a virgin if everything else about him was in order and he was really great to me. If he were serious about waiting until marriage, I don't know if it would work out- I don't know if I'd marry someone whose values are that different from my own. If he were still a virgin at age 22-ish due to circumstance, not for moral/religious reasons, then it would be ok.

Male virginity at this age (early to mid-20's) doesn't hold any appeal for me. It is not something I seek out. I don't feel that experienced myself, and I'd rather be the student than the teacher at this point. I don't know enough to teach yet.

My first thought when someone tells me that is "Woohoo!!! Me too!! We're the coolest!!" LOL But honestly, I have a lot of thoughts on the matter (that I won't get into because this would be a helluva long message...)...As a secondary thought, however, I've been seeing this guy for a few weeks now and he does have an ex wife, I'm not sure how many ex sexual partners, and two children (by his wife) so I know he's (at least somewhat) experienced...He'll joke around and say stuff about sleeping together but we haven't yet discussed it seriously, been in a position to actually do it, or even really thought about it...I'm kinda like eh about telling him because I don't know what he'll think, but I do know if he presses his luck (I don't think he will), he will find out my thoughts in a not-so-very-nice way. :D

I never think admitting the "magic number" is a good idea. If you are personally proud of your number, great.....but keep it to yourself! If you admit it and your SO thinks there's something wrong with it, how uncomfortable for the two of you! I just personally wouldn't want to deal with that conversation....

I agree- I don't know if I ever want to talk about that with a guy. My number isn't high by almost anyone's standards, but they haven't all been boyfriends. I don't want to know my guy's number. I want to know generally- there's a difference between 2 or 5 and 40, in my opinion, but beyond those distinctions the actual number doesn't make a difference really. More important things to worry about: does he have a history of cheating? does he have any std's?

I've learned the hard way about that whole "complete honesty" bullisht. I learned about my ex's exes....NEVER AGAIN! Lord, what a mistake...JUST FOCUS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH EACH OTHER!! S/he is with you now, not the other person, let it go...ACK! Oh, and if they offer, JUST SAY NO! It really is like a drug, hearing about their exes....It's nice at first, but then it takes you down a road you don't want to go...Then you find yourself trying to get dirt about their former flame from friends of theirs, then asking relatives, then....sneaking peeks at old yearbooks....DON'T DO IT!


OK, where the hell did that all come from??? LOL

The last guy I dated was a virgin. He told me that he was waiting for the right person but he did everything else besides doing the 'deed'. I guess I wasn't the right person b/c we're no long dating but I still think he thinks I'm the right person b/c he says that if he were to do 'it' it would be with me. Who knows, but it is extremly hard to date someone who is a virgin when you're not b/c you have needs that they cannont or will not fulfill and it can be frustrating. If you really like the guy I suggest dating him anyway. It might work out. My roommate's boyfriend was a virgin when they starting dating and she was his first so it depends on how the guy is and if he wants to continue staying that way. Good luck!

I agree with twinstars that it varies depending on the guy's age.

If a guy is still in college, even if he's an upperclassman, virginity is fine and even charming. Both of the serious boyfriends I've had were virgins, and in college, at the time we started dating.

Now that I'm 28 and dating guys in that neighborhood or older, I would definitely get the heebie-jeebies if a guy told me he was a virgin. If he were waiting for religious reasons, he wouldn't be dating a sacrilegious agnostic like me. So is he avoiding sex because of some kind of anxiety or insecurity? Because of a lack of offers? Because he has doubts about his sexuality? I would be pretty suspicious about all three.

Ivy

Can't be said any more better! I totally agree. Not to knock the virgins out there but in my opinion, boys who are older who havnt had sex, the more likely it is a turn off.

so, I don't reply alot but im a faithful greekchat reader! I felt I need to repsond to this thread.

I turned 20 on tuesday and im STILL a virgin. I am very upfront about it and honest with the guys I feel I could develop a relationship with. ALOT of guys don't belive me, but all the girl I talk to have always been very supportative and proud of my decision. The decision that ive made to be a virgin hasn't been a mental decision. Its just that I haven't found anyone yet that I would think about giving it to. My parents taught me that my virginity is special and should be given to someone who loves me and repects me. And its not that Im waiting to get married either. Im just a verry emotional person and I know I would be exteremly attached to him. Im not saying that im not a SEXUAL person, but if youve never had sex, you don't know what your missing. Another thing is alot of women don't orgasim from sex, so if im having oral sex and I CAN orgasim from it, then why would I want to change anything? If im getting mine and his is getting his, then why had sex until out relationship goes to the nexy level? Yes, there has been plently of opprotunities and such, but would I want to put my personal goals and dream to take the responsibility of rasing a child, or taking care of a STD?


I think it would be alot easier to tell someone that im a virgin than I have a STD.

About the whole guy virgin thing. . . :confused: I really don't have alot to say on that topic.....

(off my soap box!)

Very good point made! I totally agree with you on that. Kudos on being a proud virgin!! :D

When I hear someone is a virgin it doesn't bother me just as long as they aren't trying to lose it just to lose it. My friend was dating this horrible guy (kept my mouth quiet about him) and she was about to lose her viriginity to him and I was so worried about it because he was a slime ball and she didn't and that made me feel better. When my girl friends and I go out, and she's with us and we are all talking about sex you can see some dissapointment in her face because she can't contribute. But, at least she doesn't have any regrets now

Lol. So basically according to the (most of the) females who replied if you're a male inexperienced (at kissing or sex) or dunno what to do and you're what they termed older; then you're totally screwed and the last thing they'd want is you.

Honestly, although I no longer am a virgin, I would prefer that future boyfriends are...I lost my virginity to the man I planned on marrying - so if they aren't a virgin, they better have a low number! :p