Question for the girls about dating
 

I'm kind of old fashioned when it comes to dating, meaning that if I ask a girl out that I should pay for her. But I get a lot of girls that want to pay for themselves when we go out. I usually insist to pay and do unless they cause a stink about it, then we just split the bill. I figure a lot of girls want to pay for themselves because they might be worried that a guy might be "expecting" something in return that night for the money they spent on them. Or are girls just trying to be polite, but they really want you to pay? Also, I hate insisting on paying when a girl wants to split on first-dates for fear of sounding like a controlling asshole, yet i'm not gonna say "sure! you pay too!" and look cheap . Anybody have some insight on this?

I always offer to pay for my share or the whole check, but if he insists, I'll let him pay. Of course, around here most guys don't offer to cover so I end up paying more often. It is the proper thing to do to offer to pay for her meal. If she absolutely refuses to budge, just let her pay, but make it known that you still insist. I've never thought anything else was expected of me after my date covered the check, but then again I was raised to always let me date pay.

I don't know you, but your caring about this tells me your probably a nice guy. Some girls want to pay because they think it's the right thing to do, while others may be feeling exactly what you said about not wanting the guy to "expect" anything. Either way, let us pay. Once a relationship starts, this type of thing will work itself out. With a caring attitude like yours, you’re a rare find.

Honestly, I really like the guy to pay....maybe I'm super old-fashioned, but unless you guys are in a relationship, I think that the guy should pay. I always feel like it's polite to offer to pay (on my part), but I don't really want him to say yes to that. It's just like holding open the door for a girl, opening the car door, etc. And just because a guy does those things does in no way mean that I think he "expects" something in return. I've only known two girls who don't like the guy to pay, and they say it makes them feel like they are on an uneven footing with the guy, but all the other girls I've talked to just think it's sweet! So pay (or let her pay if she's really adamant about it--sidenote: I SOOOO do not get girls like that)! And have an awesome time on your date tonight! :)

edited cuz I forgot to address the whole question :) :)

I'm of the opinion that whoever asked for the date should pay, but even if he asked me out I'll still offer to pay half . . . but like GMUBunny said, if he insists on paying, I'll let him pay.

If you're out with a girl and she won't accept your insistence to pay, you could offer to let her pay for the tip, or for dessert. That way you're still being generous but she still feels like she made a contribution.

If she REALLY keeps insisting, let her pay. Why pay more than you have to? ;)

Hmm...

First month (or so) of dating: Guy pays :)

After that: Split the bill if you -really- want to...


TKE209 and I have a nice system...now since we've dated for awhile, he pays for gas/movies/extras and I pay for food, it's a nice lil plan :)


But PiKA2001, you sound like a really sweet guy to want to pay!:) Not many guys could do that nowadays!:mad: If the girl insists on paying, well, go ahead and let her, you can always say you tried before on being a gentleman w/her!

I agree. I always offered to pay my half, but it was one of those empty offers. If he accepted, I always had money on hand to be ready (it doesn't mean much to offer if you don't have the $$$) but I too was raised to expect the guy to pay, at least the first few dates.

It's so nice of you to be thinking about this in advance! This is going to be a lucky girl... I hope she realizes it on your date tonight! Then again, I do have a soft spot for Pikes ;)

Edited to add... the system my fiance and I have is pretty much the same as TKE209's. He usually pays when we go out, but sometimes I'll offer, and he really appreciates it. He makes a lot more than I do, and feels that our income disparity plus my general housekeeping more than makes up for him footing the movies and pizzas :)

For me personally it is more of what you said about guys expecting something in return. I don't want a guy to get any sort of false impression about getting a return for his money, lol. Also I tend to pay my own way to show guys that I am able to. Weird pride issues, lol.

As far as agreeing to do dutch, I wouldn't worry about looking cheap. If the girl offers to pay her way and then acts funky if you accept you probably wouldnt wanna be with her anyway.

Take the bill when it comes and don't talk about it. If she says something, then say "you can buy dessert" or something retarded like that. Usually if she gets really adamant about the bill and makes it that much of an issue, then I'd think there were other problems.

-Rudey
--And she damn well better give you something at the end of the night. If she doesn't, it's impolite.

I think its nice when the guy offers to pay (even my male FRIENDS always insist on paying which is really chilvrastic of them) but I always throw in the option of me pitching, it's not fair to expect the guy to pay all the time. My ex and I worked it out really well, we were long distance for 2 months and I'd pay the gas to get up there and see him and he'd pay for my food (it evened out) or if the guy pays for dinner the girl can offer to pay for the movie, it's less awkward than cutting it down to who owes what on a bill. Enjoy your date! Its nice to see that there are still generous/chivalrous guys out there! ;)

mini-thread-hijjack (how do you spell that word??)
Ok, that really always weirds me out...I have to say that I have a guy friend like that and I'm always like wait...is he just being nice or does he think that we're on a date or something? Maybe I'm the only one who thinks that's weird though...any opinions?

My guys friends are the same way. Maybe I'm spoiled but whenever I go out with a guy they always pay, even though I offer to chip in. They don't let me and I'm fine with that. Free dinner, movies, etc. are always good in my book. ;)

I also think that on a date the guy should pay. I guess I was just raised to think that was the polite thing to do. I'll always have some money on hand with me, but I've noticed on all the dates I've ever been on the guy just quietly grabs the bill and puts down his credit card before it can even be addressed, so I just don't say anything. That would make it weird.

Gooid luck with your date!!!! :D

I wish MY guy friends would offer to pay for my food! I usually offer because i don't want a guy to think i expect him to pay. I don't want to come off looking like a princess, but when a guy insists it always makes me feel special. it's the gentleman's thing to do, and i haven't seen many of those around my area lately.

i think it's really sweet of you to even think about it, I always wonder what kind of things guys think about when it comes to dating.

Definately agree!

I'm the same way!

Ditto to s&s's idea: If she won't accept your insitence to pay, you could offer to let her pay for the tip or the dessert, so she still feels like she made a contribution. :)

Thanks for the insight! I guess it all depends on the girl and her attitude on dating. But I still believe that if you ask a girl out you should pay. Now if she asked me out, I would be more inclined to let her pay if she pressed the issue.

I agree with most everybody. I think that in the begining it is polite for the guy to pay but after a while the girl needs to pitch in as well. My bf and I have a mini-system where he still pays a lot but, whenever I can, I pay for big things (baseball games) or we even split it, like if we are going to dinner and a movie I'll pay for dinner and he'll pay for the miovie.
If the girl insists on paying you could either pull the line, "Next time you could pay" or you could just let her pay. Sometimes the girl likes it when the guy makes a genuine offer to pay for the date. PiKA2001, you seem like a great guy :)
P.S. about the whole guy friend paying thing, I have lots of guy friends and they pay for dinner or lunch when we go out, but we alternate now, because I feel bad for them paying whenever we go out.

I always offer to go Dutch, but I have yet to see a guy take me up on the offer. Actually, I would be offended if he did.

But if it's not a date--if I'm just with a friend who happens to be a guy--then I would feel kinda bad if he paid the whole thing.

Me too!!! I soooo have a GC crush on PiKA2001 because he's just so thoughtful and considerate. I wish guys out in az were that sweet....it seems I only run into the assholes!

I pay. That pretty much ends it.

In fact, even in longer term relationships I paid almost all the time regardless of what it was.

So even if occassionally she paid for something it was like a proverbial drop in the bucket.

It never really bothered me until the end of the relationship when I was going to leave anyway.

Question: This is one thing that bothered me.

We were on our way to a fast food restaurant like TGIF and she suggested we go to a different place . . .

Now I always paid for everything and the difference in bills was going to be like 80 dollars for the two of us sans drinks . . . the other restaraunt was much more expensive.

For some reason that struck me as inconsiderate. Would anyone else agree?

I do think its very important for the guy to pay for the first date. Otherwise the guys isn't sure what is going on.

Is it a date or does she just want to be friends? Did she have a bad time? Are we giving off a strange funk? Inquiring minds would want to know lol . ..

It can be a good way to qualify if it is a date also.

One time I was out with a lady and she was pretty form about wanting to contribute and I responded:

"Well, since this our first date gorgeous why don't you let me cover it? This is a date isn't it? (when she blushed and said yes) I said if you really feel like covering the next one its up to you."

Went over rather well. . . I am trying to remember if I ever called her again though alas ;) lol.

I would definitely agree...I'm always keeping in mind that he has a certain budget set aside for the date, I mean while I would think it was really awesome if he spent $80 on a meal sans drinks, I just wouldn't suggest it.

The man pays the check. The man pays for the movie tickets, and the woman pays for the snacks and drinks. The snacks are as much as the tickets.

Only James would post three long winded replies in a row, lol.

I've always held to the policy of "You invite, you pay. I invite, I pay." Of course, there are those times when you go dutch, but you should always have that arrangement settled before the date, not at the restaurant. :D

It's worked great. All of the guys I've dated liked being treated, and it's just always worked well.

I agree with you and James. You need to be considerate of your date's financial situation. Or if you really want to go to a place that your date can't afford, offer to pay.

Perhaps I'm a bit old school, but I would never argue with a man about the bill when on a first date. On every date I've been on, the man didn't offer pay, he just paid. My response was to thank him for the lovely dinner.

Now, if we went for a coffee or something later in the evening, I'd offer to pay saying "Well, you paid for the meal earlier. Please allow me to treat you to the coffee." If he still insists that he'd like to take care of everything, then I just smile and thank him for being a gentleman. The last thing I want is for a man to not ask me out again because he didn't think I was gracious.

Further on in the dating process I would definitely offer to pay. Generally we seemed to take turns because the guy understood that I wanted to contribute too.
Most guys I know are ok with that.

Just a few more points. On first dates I always assume that the man wishes to pay. If he doesn't appear to be making any movement to get his wallet after a few moments, I might offer to pay "just in case".

If I ask him out, I expect to pay. If he insists that he'd like to, I'll argue that I'm the one that invited him therefore I should pay. If he still insists, then I will let him, but make him promise that he'll let me pay the next time.

I've never split a bill on a date. With my guy friends yes, but on a date, no.

Neil and I have been together forever and a day. He's still a bit of the mindset that he wants to pay for me most of the time. I think I pay for dinner like once out of every eight times! When we go to the movies, he'll get the tickets and I'll get the snacks. When we go on trips, I often pay for our admission tickets to museums or what have you.

I guess it's just a matter of what suits you and the other person.


.....Kelly :)

I'm inclined to say let the person who asked for the date pay, unless the other person insists on splitting or paying. I've followed this advice in the past and it usually works out. (I went to an all girl's high school, so, it came up frequently for dances. If I asked, I paid) I always offer to split the bill though no matter what and have money on hand just in case. However, I'm old fashioned and I think it's nice if the guy pays if he did the asking.
But anyways, why can't guys like you be on my campus???

Courtney

I think the guy should pay on the first date... I usually offer to pay, but as someone said, it's just a polite gesture. I personally have never thought that a guy would expect something from me later just because he paid.

I always offer to go Dutch and insist on tipping if the guy pays, but on the first date, I usually don't protest if he won't let me. If things progress, we usually work something out.

I had a boyfriend who used to pay for everything, and that made me slightly uncomfortable, as we both had full-time jobs and were saving for college. He wouldn't even let me tip. I'd usually try to surprise him with bigger evenings (i.e. nice dinner and a play), for which I'd pay, or slip a $20 into his pocket for gas when he'd drive up to visit me.

The other night I was out for dinner with a male friend and spit the check. Later we went for coffee and he said, "I'll just get this." It wasn't a big deal, as I was having a $1.25 cup of tea, but it was the gesture that I thought was sweet. Then we went to a movie and each paid for our own tickets. But we've been friends for years, and we've always had a loose attitude about money.

On any date regardless of who asked, I would insist on paying half. I am not old fashioned and I quite frankly would be offended if a guy put up a big stink about me paying my share. What's the point of that?!

I only pay when I want to make it very clear that we're not going on a date. If I end up paying for myself, I'm just assuming that we're just hanging out as friends. Maybe I'm just old fashioned.

Edited to add: I would be happy to pay for dessert afterwards.

My friend who is very conservative, always says "When a guy takes you out, he buys you dinner simply for the pleasure of your company." I would imagine that it works both ways. If I ever bothered to ask a guy out for the pleasure of his company, I might be inclined to pay as well.

This causes so much drama among my friends, it's ridiculous. I think that the guy should pay on the first few dates, unless the girl asked him. Once you've gotten more settled into a relationship, figure something out based on finances - for example, last semester my boyfriend paid for almost everything because even though his on campus job paid way less than mine, he was getting a great job at graduation, and I had 7 years of school left.

James, I agree that girl was rude to suggest a restaurant with that much of a price difference - if I don't feel like going to TGIs, I'd suggest Applebee's or Chili's, not something in a totally different style and price range.

and PiKA, you can take me on dates whenever you want. :D

As for the friends paying for things, it's iffy. I've noticed my friends who graduated from the all-boys school will always want to pick up the tab for friends, whereas my friends from my public school usually don't. I haven't figured out if it is having more money, a "better" upbringing, or both. I think it's the upbringing - these guys also will open car doors for all girls, always hold doors open, etc. I love them. :D

My high school boyfriend and I argued about this all the time - I made at least twice as much he did (he was a lifeguard, I sold shoes) and he always insisted on paying. I felt horrible about it until I learned that his parents helped him out. :p

I'm just curious and have a question for everyone who is saying that the guy should pay. Why is it that just because someone was born with a penis, he should pay? Bonus points will be awarded if someone can give me a good reason that is not based on traditional male/female stereotypes.

If he asks me out, I have to take time out of my life when there are a million other things I could be doing to see him, so he should do the paying!

If I ask him, well, I should pay...the road goes both ways, you know. :p

I'm kidding...I really don't know why. That's just "the way it is."

I just started dating this guy and he pays for everything, AND he opens doors, pulls out chairs, etc....And I'm not going to lie - - I do love it - - but it does make me nervous. In a time where that's not the majority, it does make you wonder if he's expecting something in return....

I would say that even in this day and age men typically make more money than women ( not always the case!) and there are a lot of old-fashioned women who want to find a man who makes money so they can stay at home and take care of the kids.

I do that too....it's called being a gentleman.