Disheartening Situation
 

Recently I received a phone call from one of my friends. He's been working at a store this summer and had previously told me that one of his coworkers was a member of my soroity at another school. In addition to him being a friend he lives with my little. He had already had a discussion with her and they determined calling me would be the next course of action.

Apparently, the member of my sorority who attends another university had been bad mouthing my chapter. She was saying things along the lines of:

"XYZ Chapter is an embarsement to our entire sorority."
"XYZ Chapter is the worst chapter and nationals made a mistake in opening it."

Needless to say I was very upset when they called me. My first reaction was to give this girl a piece of my mind, thankfully I decided against that and checked out the facts instead.

The facts confirm that she is a member in good standing with her chapter and I've also talked with several other of her coworkers who are greek at my school. We have a close greek system in which everyone is friends are close with on another. The other greeks from my school confirmed the story.

My delima is what to do with all of this information now. I would like the girl to stop running her mouth, especially since she's doning it in the city where my schoools located.

Basically I just don't know what to do and at the same time I am so floored that she would have the audacity to say these things in the first place.

~Shady

:eek: :eek:

I personally would contact the Pres. of her chapter or HQ and let them know whats going on... obviously if she is making these remarks just talking to her isn't going to help - and if you blow up at her then that is only gonna "prover her point" that your chapter isnt "great." Because she will be able to say "See did you see that one of their members screamed at me" or whatever... ya know?

-L.

I would contact the chapter advisor rather than that chapter's president, mostly because you don't know what kind of relationship the president and this girl have. If contacting the advisor doesn't help, then contact your HQ.

I like her idea better! Go to the advisor first... for some reason I didn't even think of that *slaps my forhead*

Editted to Add: But don't forget that the advisor may be close to the girl too. Often times recent alum become advisors and know girls in the chapter still... just make sure you keep your head when talking to the advisor

I think you should go to whoever is above the chapter advisor. Since your chapters are near to each other, she is probably "in charge" of both chapters and would want to quash any "infighting" immediately.

Plus, it's highly unlikely she'd be close to the bigmouthed girl.

If it were me, I'd listen to Leslie on this one.

I hate to be a cynic, but the advisors/province directors may not be able to do anything either unless they've actually witnessed the behavior. Not only that, any reprimand from them will make this girl feel MORE negative towards your chapter.

I look at this as a "kill 'em with kindness" situation. Get your friends who know this girl to introduce the two of you. Don't let her know you've heard about her talking behind your back - just be as nice, sweet and enthusiastic about your sorority as humanly possible. Hopefully, you will change her attitude of your chapter. At worst, you'll make her feel like a butt for being such a jerk.

I agree with 33girl, but if she keeps it up then you need to take the situation to higher-ups, like KillarneyRose suggested. She may be trying to make your chapter look bad, but instead she's making the group as a whole look bad.

Show up at the store and kick her ass.

Just kidding, lol! :p ;)

Actually, I agree with 33girl that you should kill her with kindness. Go to your friend's store, meet her, start to talk to her. Be really sweet. "I hear from my friend that you're an AXiD. I'm an AXiD, too from Blank College. It's always great to meet sisters from different chapters." Tell her what great things you have heard about her chapter. Invite her to lunch or some other get together. If she is receptive, that's great. If not, you made an effort. Don't be confrontational.

BTW we had a great AXiD chapter at my college. :)

Ditto what others said.

Also, in a round about way, find out WHY she's doing it. I would be very curious to find out why. Could be something like jealously or spite, but she could see something that you all don't see in yourselves. If it is the last, that needs to be taken care of by your chapter too. The fact that she's in good standing with her chapter and say things like "XYZ Chapter is an embarsement to our entire sorority." "XYZ Chapter is the worst chapter and nationals made a mistake in opening it." it sounds like there's a possibility that she may have had an bad experience with your chapter or someone in it.

PS-nice name or nickname. (and no kids, i am not this person, lol)

Q1
 

But remember, please have a nice smile on your face!It is a shame what a fellow Sister would say about her fellow Soroity Sisters and Chapter!:(

I am sorry for saying this:

Go See Her in a calm and cordiall Manner,

Then Rip The Bitches Lips Off of Her Face:D ;)

Glad I was not the only one who was thinking that! :D
I gotta say one thing...that girl should be ashamed of herself! SHE is the one who is dissing the sisterhood!

Re: Q1
 

:eek: :p

Wednesday, I was at a luncheon. We started talking about recs and things when a similar situation came up. At least I see some parallels.

Some girls from HS were late in registering with the PanHell Alum Assoc. and I was trying to find them recs. One lady said, "Yeah, ABC-her own sorority mind you-isn't too good..." I found myself defending her own GLO telling her that they have had two strong rushes in a row and the membership was well liked on campus.

Another lady said, "My chapter of XYZ was really strong when I was active, but they have lost some of their standing on campus." Again, I wanted to set it straight so I told her,"Did you know your chapter's assessment was Gold while QRS is silver and you guys have made quota plus for the past 3 or 4 years?" (I couldn't remember it exactly) In each incident, these ladies were apologizing for some PERCEIVED weakness-like it made THEM look bad-when they didn't even know what the situation was.

This type of attitude especially from an ALUM does so much harm.
What if they said that to me when my daughter was rushing...I might have been influenced and tell her..."Blow off XYZ and QRS because their own alum say they are crummy." You would NEVER hear some of the other GLO's alum say ANYTHING less than, "Oh, MY chapter is very exclusive." Or "My chapter has been prominant on campus since it's founding." If I were to make a guess pertaining to your situation, in HER mind, her chapter may be on a higher social strata than your chapter and she wants to make sure everyone knows how "special" she is.

When anyone, alum or active, associated with a particular GLO bashes another chapter in their org, the ripple effect can be more far reaching than they realize. What would you think if it was ABC saying these things about XYZ? How much worse is it when it's a SISTER!!! I honestly think this should be addressed and Leslie is right, IMO, go to the advisor.

I don't know if I'd talk about how great her chapter is. That's just going to make the girl's head bigger and make her think, "See, XYZ chapter is so bad that they think mine is better!"

Otherwise I completely agree.

I won't be popular for saying this, but I probably wouldn't do anything. I don't condone what she (allegedly) did, but you are going on 2nd hand information that this guy told you and you weren't there in person to hear what she said nor the context in which it lay.

You might wish to meet her and do the nice approach of "I'm so and so, and it's always so nice to meet a sister from another chapter", but that's about all.

I guess when you get to be in your 30s, you don't let stuff like this wind you up as much anymore...."water off a duck's back", as it were.....

To echo CutiePie, you didn't hear this first hand. Speaking as a former regional officer, if I'd gotten this kind of report, my response would be that it is hearsay. I might, in my next general correspondance to chapters emphasize the need to be supportive of other chapters in the province using the issue of recruitment as the basis for my comments. That is, if I heard a member of XYZ bashing another chapter of XYZ, I'd question their sincerity. You never know who will overhear you!

Bottom line, you need to meet the girl in person, proudly wearing your badge, saying that you would love to share ideas, see her house, have her visit yours. It is likely that she really doesn't know anything about you or your chapter first hand and is simply repeating something someone else said. Before you bring in advisors, you need to make sure that is really what she thinks and why.

I can totally relate to being thought of as the "embarrasment chapter". As an alum, I now know that they did not think of us negatively, but I still remember going to State Day and feeling like the country cousins being the only chapter who did not know how to sing the Pi Phi Grace (we were not housed, if we ate together, it was in public). We were trying to compare ourselves to Ohio State with their gorgeous house, or Miami with their 180 members.... that's comparing apples to oranges. While being part of the same GLO, it's a different campus with different needs. Every chapter has their strengths and challenges. If your international really thought that you were struggling, trust me, you would know and it would be no one's business but yours!

I agree with what 33 girl said. You should see her out and be nice to her and then once that's established find out what her deal is. As a fellow Alpha Xi, that's messed up of her to bad mouth your chapter but there could be underlying issues that you don't know about. Each chapter is Different so if she doesn't realize that then she needs to seek some help. If all fails, remind her about TFJ and see if she is willing to live up to Alpha Xi Delta standards in applying our creed. If she's really a nut job I suggest going to her President or the advisor. There is no need for her to be bad mouthing your chapter.

Xi love,
Rukiya

Thought about this and decided to revisit. Good point about it being "hearsay" and not actually witnessed!!! That slipped my mind-probably because nowadays, it's easy to believe people do that kind of thing. Yet, unless you see it first hand...

There is a similar situation around here. The LSU chapter of ABC is strong, but the local chapter is pretty questionable in areas most people feel are important. (morals, GPA, activities, personality...) Crazy, but some girls, NOT TOO MANY, said they wouldn't join ABC at LSU because they wouldn't want to call THOSE girls sisters. It happens in a certain fraternity that exists on both campuses as well. At Homecoming it was soooooo obvious. You would see these LSUers sporting their respective letters turn their noses at the members of their own GLO from the smaller campus. Could it be that the girl you refer to has a more competitive rush (in HER opinion) and feels that makes her chapter more selective?

The way I look at it is-unless there is something DRAMATICALLY wrong, ALL chapters are recruitment tools for the organization as a WHOLE. If you have one person going around saying things like you have HEARD, she is doing harm to her GLO, not just your chapter.

I had a friend send me an email where an ECU Alpha Phi totally bashed my chapter to my friend after he mentioned he knew an A Phi at NCSU, even though she admitted she had never met anyone in our chapter. I just think people sound like such "elitest wanna be's" when they do that.

I had her AIM name for a while and was intending to im her and mention I had been forwarded the email and that I was sorry she felt that way and kill her with kindness.

I feel the same way, and I'm just in my early 20s. :) It hurts, to be sure, to hear someone speaking poorly of your chapter, but it's been my experience that it's best to stay out of the drama. My alma mater was pretty cool towards Greek life--not anti-Greek, but not exactly the most welcoming campus. Fairly often, the online forums and newspaper opinion columns were terribly biting towards Greek groups, especially NPC sororities. I chalked it up to their ignorance and let it roll off my back.

We can't let others' negativity influence what we do or tell other people. What if I had listened to all those women who told me not to go to the college I did ('cause they were all liberal and I'd join a cult) or not to join the chapter I did because they were "all whores"? We have to keep open minds and make the best decisions for ourselves. This wasn't intended as a personal jab, simply an illustration of the depths that subscribing to others' negative energy can sink us into. :)

spoken like a true New Yorker! LOL