To name or not to name that is the question!
 

We need to come to some consensus about the "to tell or not to tell" the names of PNMs sororities saga! We have too many postings going both ways on this issue and it is getting confusing... So please vote YAH or NAY by Thursday night at 11 pm EST (7/24/03). I will total and this will hopefully resolve this issue OR we could just let the PNMs make a decision for themselves and state how they are going to report at the beginning of their thread. Let me know one way of another, until then please post your thoughts on this issue.

The Pro's for listing the names of the groups are....
1. We can follow the RUSH stories and not get lost in all the ABC's and XYZ's.
2.

The Con's for listing the names of the groups are....
1. Sororities might figure out who's who and cut the PNM
2.

Please cut and post your reasons but I am pro names...
A. I don't think I ever had the want or the drive to check my email during rush week let alone check GC (and I love GC).

B. If you are a PNM and you post negitives about one GLO then do you really want to be in that GLO. Anyway what I have mostly seen Rush Postings is about the PNMs feelings about how they did and what their feelings were about one groups rush skit. I don't think any PNM needs to post the negitives about a group that they want to join because that could really hurt a future sister if that negitive item was her idea or even herself.

We just need to reach agreement upon this issue....

I vote "YAY" for naming names...

I don't read rush threads that often but if I do, I want to get excited for a chapter and a rushee, not have to wait until the end.


I think that GC members with PNM's at their school should be able to avoid that particular member's rush thread without a problem...if you can't then just bar yourself from GC completely while rush is taking place.

I really think it should be up to the PNM...I have a feeling that there is some "dirty rushing" that has gone on because of GC and I don't want to have any of that happening this year.

One thing I think would be neat is for the girls who choose to do House 1, 2, ABC, XY, etc, is if they would tell us who is who after Bid Day, or tell us where they are going back to.

I am in complete agreement. My preference is that the pnm uses House 1,2,3,4, etc, and then tells us after rush which house is which. We all know that there are times when someone may not originally like House 1, but on the second or third round, fall in love with them. They should be allowed the flexibility.

As for telling us after rush, this could be a wonderful chance to see what a chapter is doing right or wrong!

I have a friend going through rush this year, and I've already told her that, as much as I'd like her to be my sister, I have no intention of talking to or emailing her during Rush Week. I would hope that everyone else would think Panhellenic and do the same!

Let the pnm's decide what they are comfortable with. The abc/xyz thing can get confusing. My only request is that we are updated on which groups pnm's are returning to with each round. I don't need to know which groups they are dropped by or who they choose to cut and why, I just want to know which chapters they are returning to for each round to see who is still in the running! Each group can still be anonymous in the story.
One other thing - I think a pnm should feel comfortable posting some negatives. Name of groups and people that they did not like specifically should not be said, "I absolutely hated ABC tonight - they were all skanky! or I detest Sister Mary at ABC because she slept with my boyfriend" but should instead say, "I did not feel as comfortable at Group 3 tonight. I just do not see myself fitting in with these girls".They are telling us what they liked/did not like, and should be honest about it. Sometimes putting things on paper helps to bring it into perspective.

I'm anti-names, simply because I think that some of us at GC forget that these rush stories are really for the PNM, not for us. I don't want to have it on my conscious that I begged some girl to use names just so it would be clearer for me, and then she gets cut because of it.

I think some people don't realize that what a PNM says in a rush thread doesn't have to be outright negative to get her cut. Let's say she's preffing ABC and XYZ and says in her rush thread the afternoon before pref, "ABC is my favorite." She might like XYZ fine and be perfectly willing to accept a bid from them, but if an XYZ reads that, she might think, "Oh, well, she wants ABC, why should we bother giving her a bid?" Then XYZ will put her low on the second bid list, and if ABC does the same thing the PNM could be cross-cut.

Other situations might include:

- a PNM changing her mind from the early rounds to the late rounds about a group she likes or dislikes -- but if she said something like "I just wasn't feeling it at ABC" after Round One, she might get cut after Round Two when ABC has to make more cuts, even if she had a fabulous time at ABC during Round Two

- a PNM saying, "Oh, I LOVE XYZ SO MUCH and I'd only take a bid from them." If an XYZ reads that, and XYZ has lots of great prospects this year, she might think, "Oh, well, we liked her but since we know she's suiciding us, we'll put her lower on the bid list since we know we'll get her no matter what." If they put her too low on the bid list, she might not get a bid

There are certain situations where it's safe to use names. If you've never:
-posted your full name (or just your first name if it's an out-of-the-ordinary one)
- posted what you're going to wear to rush
- posted your picture

and your rush is fairly large (at least 200 rushees) and you don't describe your rush conversations in detail ("We talked about our mutual love for Cabbage Patch Dolls," "We talked about our mutual love for Coach handbags"), you're probably safe, because they won't figure out who you are.

I think the best system is to use numbers during rush week, but to go back after rush week and tell which number was which sorority. It'll clear everything up for those of us who are reading the threads and want to know, but it'll keep the rushees safe until they get their bids.

As a PNM I was very leery to post names last year and this year as well. You never know who from your school is actually lurking on the boards.

Something I've noticed is that I had great impressions of a group on campus by seeing them all year, but while at the parties I felt like they disliked me or something, like they didn't seem so great or something. I'm not sure how to explain that but if I listed their GLO I'd feel bad for saying I didn't feel like I belonged even though what I saw all year told me that I could very well fit in with those girls.

I think PNMs should not post names, I know I'd feel bad if I saw someone say they didn't like my chapter.

i think this is definately up to the pnm. i would hate for someone to not post their story bc *we* decided that they had to post names.

personally, i like to know what group is what and i don't get offended if someone said they went to a phi mu party and didn't have a good time. BUT i am NOT a collegiate! if someone was going thru a competitive rush where friends of a friend of your long lost cousin twice removed get a phone calls to give you a recs, then pnms should DEFINATELY NOT post the glos names!!!

it is great if pnms say, for round 3 i am going back to...and use the real names, but again...it is up to the person.

the one thing i really do request of all the pnms is to please keep the groups the same throught the story. (i will use the groups on my campus as an example)
phi mu- abc
alpha chi- xyz
dz- def
pss- lmn

keep the letters the same throughout the week...even if you go to the groups in a different order each day.

one last rant from me....there was a story last year where the pnm really wanted one group and was definately not going to the other. in the end, she went to the second group and has been happy as a clam, but she deleted her thread bc she didn't want her sisters to feel like she wasn't going to put her all into the group. so even tho *we* like all of the dirt, i don't think pnms should post it.

the end.

I would say that its up to the PNM and if they DO name names... I'd say we should keep it as positive as possible. You never know who could be reading the thread and if you say something like "All the XYZ's were so snobby and boring and I didn't like them at all!" and an XYZ happens to be reading... it could be hurtful and insulting.

If you ARE gonna use real names... I'll agree with the poster that suggested the PNM just include the houses they're going back to, not the ones they're cutting or the ones they didn't get asked back to. Does that make sense? Just try to put a positive spin on it.

I say nay, I don't even think anyone from my school is on this forum (besides on Pi Phi alumna), and I wouldn't even feel comfortable about posting names.

I think after bid day, they can go back and replace the numbers with bolded letters.

(Just a question though - is this going to be set in stone? I mean if the majority say no but a PNM wants to post the names anyways, are you going to ban her? I really think it should be up to the individual person. Setting a rule/standard because we are a curious bunch isn't a good thing to do. Let the PNM set her own standard of talking about recruitment however she likes.)

No, it's not going to be a rule -- each PNM can do as she wants, although she might not make any friends if she's super-negative and decides to use names. ("OH, I HATED those Tri Delts! They were so b*tchy and boring . . ." ;) )

I think the point of this thread is to help the PNMs make their decisions. Rush is such a stressful time and we don't want them stressing out about things like this any more than they have to.

Well, if that is the case, maybe there should just be a pros/cons thread about posting names before bid day - and just let them decide for themselves.

I don't understand why this is an issue anyways? I thought the person who created this thread was a mod for some reason, which is why I asked about the ban thing. hahaha

My advice: after bid day, fill in the blanks with the sororities you only spoke of in a good light, and leave the others blank still. If someone is that curious to know who you didn't like, they can look it up. But seriously, recruitment is all about your experience. You can be as open or as personal as you want it to be. You shouldn't feel obligated to either side - but you MUST tell us what sorority you end up going :) hahaa - that's a given!

Basically what it comes down to is this:

- rush stories with names are more fun for the readers
- rush stories with numbers are safer for the PNMs (less chance of them getting cut for something they say on GC) and don't hurt anybody's feelings

Every rushee can pick which one is more important to her . . . chances are she may not even care!

There's not a whole lot more to it than that. :)

I vote
 

... for posting rysh stories with numbers instead of names. However I would like it when the PNM's use the same number for the same house all through rush (so 1st round numbers 1 - 12, returned to 2, 5, 7, 12). This way we (as readers) can get an impression of the houses through different rounds and the PNM's can feel secure about posting. After rush they can tell us which number was which house.
how does that sound?

love
dutchgirl

I think it should be up to the PNM as to whether or not he or she wants to reveal the name of the groups.

My only request is that PNMs try to be a little more creative and do what aurora_borealis is suggesting if they do want to keep the names a secret. They could use names of cookies, cartoons, sports teams...whatever. It does get confusing to try and keep track of all of the ABC, XYZ, DEF, GHI, JKLs ** especially ** when the campus has 10+ sororities!!

Using numbers ("Group 1, Group 2....") is okay, but some PNMs forget and it gets messed up. For example, on a campus where there are 9 sororities, they'll say "I cut groups #1, #3 and #7". Then, the next day they'll say "Today I went to the party at group 1 and they were great." It's like, did you make a mistake when you posted who you cut or are you talking about the first group you visited today (which should be number 2, 4, 5, 6, 8, or 9)? As long as they keep in mind what dutchgirl suggested, it would be ok.

Oh well...whatever. As long as at the end of it all they say "I am a new member of __________ sorority/fraternity!" I'm happy.


.....Kelly :)

Re: To name or not to name that is the question!
 

Yes, please let the PNMs make their own decisions regarding "To name or not to name." I would hope that you would have enough courtesy to not try and pry out information they are not willing to share.

yay for naming names

...i liked the rush thread last year where pnms would list who the were going back to and then go #1 (as in the first house she went to) was like this....that way we know where they are going to each round but we don't know which is which

It should be up to each PNM what she decides to do.

I would like to know, as the PNM goes into rush, what sororities are represented at her school - but if she's not comfortable sharing that info, that's fine.

I do like the idea of assigning names to the sororities - it's less confusing than numbers. I would only suggest that (1) the names be consistent, and (2) they have nothing to do with the sororities themselves (using colors and calling AEPhi "green", Alpha Phi "bordeaux", etc. would probably be a dead giveaway ;) ). After rush, the PNM can come back (if she wants) and tell us who's who, so we sorority members can learn from our mistakes.

I think this decision should be the PNMs.

Of course when it comes to #s/XYZs, I have always thought the only people on GC that follow, are those who know the campus well. Which, truly does not prevent problems from arising.

I gave names in my cousin's rush thread, but said nothing negative. *I was not very detailed, until JAM asked for "meat," and then I was still respectful!*

I think it should be up the PNMs also, but since they are all reading this anyhow...It is easier to keep track w/either numbers or names (the tree, flower, idea) xyz, def, abc, get too confusing.

just my 2c

Yes, we like hearing about our chapters. Even if it's not positive, I like hearing what rushees thought of ASA because maybe we can take something from it. But then again, there haven't been a lot of stories with my group in them so I'm probably not the best person to ask.

These stories are for the rushees, to get their feelings out, to vent, to make sense of what is happening. I think we should respect their privacy.

That being said, bag the numbers and use things like names of candy, stores at the mall, music groups etc. Although make sure they don't correlate in any way - i.e. don't use peppermint sticks to refer to the red & white ASA's or XO's.

I'll chime in and agree that it's up the PNM.

I personally have no problem if a PNM would say mean, negative things about my group. Yes, sometimes it hurts my feelings, but the only person it's *really* going to hurt in the end is the PNM.

If we play nice, names should be ok.

As a PNM who does have an active sister at her university on GC, I am very torn about posting names or not. I'm not one to go bashing something to shreds just cause I didn't like their party, but I don't want to be responsible for any hurt feelings, or being cut for something I posted. I was going to do the numbers/code name thing, but in another thread, the sister I'm reffering to requested that I use names. I have not met her, have not posted my pic, and don't have an unusual name, so it might be fairly safe. I will probably post names when describing the party, but will be non-specific when reffering to reasons I will cut a house or other situations I need help with. For example:

Pi Phi: Their house was great and the girls were really friendly. The had a cool theme, disco, and the girl who rushed me made me feel very comfortable. Blah blah blah...

Alpha Phi: This house is HUGE and very pretty. All the sisters were really excited and friendly. I liked their theme and they had all these great pics out of their events and activities. They answered all my questions and seemed very involved in their sister hood. Blah blah blah...

Some of the girls at a house seemed a little stand-offish. They asked some weird questions, and I don't think they liked my answers. At another house, all the girls looked exactly the same, and I'm not talking about their outfits. I don't think I will be dyeing my hair blonde, so that house is probably out. Blah blah blah...

Next round I am keeping AXO, Alpha Phi, GPhiB, & KKG

Again, this is only an example.
There are 12 houses participating in formal rush at my school. It would be less confusing for the reader AND me if I use their actual names. You can keep things fairly general and still descriptive and not hurt anyone (especially yourself) if you use names in some parts and save anonymity for specific complaints.

Just my $0.02

Regardless of what we all "vote" for, the ladies who are on GC that are going through recruitment this year have minds of their own and are going to do what feels right for them. I am giving these women the benefit of the doubt on what is appropriate and inappropriate to post about their experience.

I understand that this post was supposed to let them know that we are either ok or not ok with them naming names, but we are all adults here(hopefully) and as such adults can make their own decisions. :)

PNMs, please do what is most comfortable for you! Remember, we'll be reading your stories whether you use numbers, candies, trees, cookies, mathematical formulas or psychological theories to name the groups! We just want you to have the time of your lives, make some new friends and find a home of your own during your recruitment.

i am not naming names for my rush thread. for one, there is more excitment in reading it. also, there are only three sororities on my campus so there will be no confusion. besides, i think it is more respectful and you can be a little more open with your feelings.

I can see it now: "I had the best convos at the Euler's Formula house, but the Maxwell's Equations skit sucked..."

:D

LoL aephi alum!

Umm.. please don't use mathematical formulas.. then I will *really* be lost :confused: :p

Oh, I hope the pnms list the houses at their school! In alphabetical order, of course, but still, I like to see which sororities are involved.

I really don't see why this is our decision. Of course, like on anything else the PNMs may appreciate our input, since we've been there before, but we're resources, not dictators.

Unless, of course, you're rushing somewhere with four chapters, in which case I insist you use the Hogswarts' houses!

Who gets to be Slytherin? ;)

I just hope all the PNMs stay with us!!! I HATE it when one disappears and never visits again. The thing that solves all the problems is when the familiar threads pop up-
WHAT DID YOU LIKE ABOUT RUSH or WHAT DIDN'T YOU LIKE...
We get the funny stories after it's all over...when it's safe to be more honest and open.

I honestly think this world is too small and with friends and cousins spread out at different universities, it's not hard to realize NO college rush is really "safe" as far as "inquiring minds"
wanting to know. I really don't see anything wrong with posting the story AFTER it's over. If someone has a question, they can always ask without tipping their hand.
It IS their decision, but I like the use of ANYthing other than numbers because it's easier to follow.

I could seriously go either way, because I see the fun and harm in both. While it is more mysterious to say ABC, the cookies etc, to a point someone may be able to figure out what house that is after the first day too. Especially if you know what school that person is going through recruitment at. For example, if a PNM said, "The Oreos did a really cute skit. The girls wore these black dress and the theme was something like this..." (We know this happens in rush threads), plus the PNM listed where they went to school at in the beginning of the thread or in other post. It's not to hard to guess the house, if you go to that school or know someone at it.
I guess the main thing is this....

PMN can decide whether they want to use actual names or not. So whether an actual name is used or not...
PMN's.... Take caution with what you are writing
Actives/Alums.... Take caution in what you are reading


PMN's you never know who is reading what you wrote, and then may act childishly, immature, obsessively about it. Actives/Alums shouldn't throw a hissy if a PNM may say something about a chapter that may not be nice. It;s their opinion, just as it was your's when you went through. Furthermore, if its your org and they like it at start, dont get too happy because opinions can sway quickly :)

Nay
 

Of course the PNMs can and should do what they want, but that's always my preference. Sugar and Spice, I actually think that threads with numbers are more exciting-- I love the suspense that comes towards the end and the final revealing.

But these are for the PNMs, and they should do what makes them comfortable.

I plan on posting my reactions as I go through rush, and I will be definitely not be naming names. I may for Philanthropy night, so I can actually let you wonderful people know what each chapter did, but I probably won't post my reactions for that round. I know there are women from my campus on GC, and the last thing I want to do is cause hurt feelings, cause myself to get cut, etc.

I thought I would pipe in my $.02 since I'm a PNM who plans on religiously posting during my rush. I'm planning on using group 1, 2, etc when I'm talking about the different parties (thought the Hogwarts houses aren't a bad idea). However, when I say who I'm going back to, I will put real names. I think that way it creates some sort of anonymity, but still gives enough info so you guys are all clued in. I really am thinking abouth the hogwarts houses, though I'd be afraid to name someone Slytherin :-p There's four chapters here, so I may go with that!

Things would be much easier if we could just get hold of a Sorting Hat...

I love knowing names! Even if its not till after then that would be great too! Good or bad I am never unahppy to read what someone honestly thought of Alpha Phi! Not every chapter of Alpha Phi will fit every pnm's style and vice versa. I can respect that and hope pnm's can too!

I think it is better for the sorority names to be anonymous. The PNM feels less pressure and no one feels offended that you didn't like their house. I love ADPi, and I know I would feel sad if someone outright hated the chapter at their school when they were going through. I might even feel a little awkward about posting to that person after they became a sorority sister, just b/c of what they said about my sorority. Make sense?

To make it fun, I would like to propose this to our Rush Moderator:
Let's have a role call of all PNM's. They can all pick a theme for themselves (candy, colors, flowers, etc.) And then, they can personally assign each house something to do with their theme-- ie: if they are Candy, there is the Mallomar House, Hershey House, Sweettarts House, etc....

:)

I think Slytherin may be appropriate for Sigma Kappa since the snake unofficially is one of our symbols.