You know you are a ghetto Christian if...
 

You know you are a Ghetto Christian if....

1) You lie on an application to get a job and then get up and testify that God made a way out of no way!"

2) You get mad at a visitor and call them out for sitting in YOUR seat.

3) You tell the preacher to baptize you from the neck down because you just got your hair did!

4) You take 2 hours to get ready for church, get there late, and leave early!

5) You open your Bible and you cough from the dust that flies out.

6) Your wedding song is `Secret Lovers`.

7) You do not lift your hand during worship because your acrylic nail is broken.

8) The only time you like to sing in the choir is when they let you sing "your" song.

9) You do not tithe because you say, "the preacher might be crooked and stealing the Lord`s money, so I don`t want to give it to him."

10) After you`ve done wrong and someone has rebuked you, you don`t repent but say, "Well the Lord knows my heart."

11) If you have ever said, "show me in the Bible where it says, thou shall not smoke."

12) Your favorite part of the service is the benediction.

13) You buy "hot" merchandise and testify the Lord blessed me with a TV, jewlery, clothes etc.

14) You overheard someone say, "We got fed today at service" and you asked if they served chicken.

15) You just got finished smoking on the outside of the church and then try to lead a song, get choked up, holding your throat and say to the congregation, "The devil don`t want me to sing this song."

Yes Indeed
 

Now that was funny, especially the first one.

Why come I know folx like this??????

How about this one?

You are a ghetto Christian if you....

Put your finger up to excuse yourself (as if no one sees you)...

I hate seeing that....:mad:

You know you're a ghetto christian if....

Your church takes a collection to get your pastor's teeth fixed. (true story :eek: )

My preacher calls it, "that old baptist finger"

what about when soemone KNOWS they are supposed to lead asong on that sunday, but when the music starts playing during the service for their song, they put their hand on their chest in shock, look so surprised in their facial expression, and say, "WHO ME?" they know they can't WAIT to get on that microphone!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

16. If you can smell and hear chicken frying while you trying to enjoy the service.

i'm embarrassed cause that was my church this past sunday. they sold fish and chicken dinners after church!

LMAO

You know if you're a Ghetto Christian if.......


17. The same person shouts every Sunday for 2 seconds and then sits back down.

18. Your Pastor proclaims that he/she has 5 more minutes to preach and proceeds to preach for 30 more.

19. When that same person always getting in the prayer line every Sunday asking the Lord for healing( didn't he heal you last Sunday?)

20. When the choir sings the same old tired songs every Sunday

21. The person who wants to sing all the time can't sing to save their soul.

22. You wear For Men: a white suit w/ black shoes and Women a white dress black stockings and white shoes or vice versa.


23. When you wear house shoes to Church.

24. If your Momma backsmack you in the mouth for laughing.

25. You don't see the whole family until Easter Sunday.

26. Somebody join the Church one Sunday and don't start attending til 6 months later.

27. The Deacon's always collecting money for the building fund and you haven't seen a building yet.

28. When the morning prayer lasts about 30 minutes.

Bwahahaha! LOL.
:D

LOL...This is so funny because my Pastor does this EVERY Sunday.
12:15--"I'm getting ready to close"

You can hear people closing their Bibles and gathering their things because they know that service will be over in about 10 mins...

This happened Sunday...
 

Two.... Yes 2 people leading a song and a third person grabs a mic to help ad lib. All you hear is
1st person:Ew Yeah 2nd person:OOOOOOOOO 3rd person:WhoaooooWhoaoooooIIIIIIIIIIIJJJJJesusJesusJ esus
:rolleyes:

2. If you have the church homosexual in the choir.
**He could be directing or singing and yes he IS flammin' with his long nail and hair weave****

3.The choir director (of the senior choir) looks like he is turning pages in a book. **directing and singing** turn-a-page turn-a-page:rolleyes:

4. The preacher wipes his head and mouth about fifty times.

5. The assistant pastor is wearing this metallic-like creme suit that they told him he looked sugar-sharp in---so he wore it again.

6. Speaking of suits, how about the man that has a suit in EVERY color of the rainbow---I hate seeing black men do this; stick to black,blue, grey, brown, and dark shades of green.

7. Some sista walking down the main aisle of the church 15 minutes late to show off her new hat, dress, shoes, etc.

8. If somebody gets up to do a testimony and you whisper now you know he/she needs to sit her/his azz down.

9. The church announcer (mind you she has on this big phat azz hat) is trying to speak "proper" , as they say down South, by introducing the guest like this..."We have Mr. and Mrs. Johnny Smith from Chicago, IllANOAZZ or she'll roll her R's like this...RRRRev. RRRRooseevelt RRRRRobinson of New Mt. Veron Missionaray Baptist Church.
Dayum, I got more ***panting*** off this one Sunday, but this post is getting long so bye for now.:D


***I am just now reading this thread and am too through at your choice of words.** ~CT4

I'm guilty...I was raised Baptist and I still catch myself raising my finger to walk out of service...:D

However, we knew it as the COGIC finger....lol

Re: This happened Sunday...
 

Chile, our church organist have suits in just about every color imaginable, limegreen, peach, purple, sky blue, . :eek: Everything is color-coordinated, even the shoes are the same color as the suits. :eek: :eek:

BTW - We do lift our finger to excuse ourselves from the sanctuary. We call it the Pentacostal finger. :p

Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

one of our deacons has a fusha suit with matching fusha gators!!!

and dont' trip...church wouldn't be church without that finger!!


LMAO

Re: Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

Shhhh!!! Don't tell my organist - he might wanna know where your deacon bought the suit from so he can get one for himself. LOOOOLLLLL!!! :p

Mine too, they had friends and family day at the church they decided to feed the guests after the service. Lawd that chicken was smelling good. I was really hoping they didn't break out the collard greens. I usually don't eat breakfast on Sundays but that food was making my stomach growl
:D :cool: :) ;)

Or better yet, "yawl pray for me, it's been a long time since I sung this song and I may not get the words quite right. Ahem, Ahhhheeeeeeeemmmmmm, preeeeeeeecccccccciiiiiiioooouuusssss meeeemooorrrriiiiiieeeeessssssssss."

yes.....
then they pass out or catch the Holy Ghost after singing that first line of the song!


this lady at my church does this all the time!

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!

Hallllllllleeeeeeeeellllllllllllllluuuuuuuuuujjjjj jjaaaaahhhh, Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy GLO-ray...................Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm Yay Lode, Yay Lode....................Ohhhhhhhhhhhh Gll...........BOOM(she falls on the floor slain in the spirit)

Someone's fanning her or twisting her wig on straight!

Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

OK. Are your church organists menzes?

:eek: :confused:

:D

Too funny!

Re: Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

You will find all that rainbow mens church apparel some parts of NYC........i.e. lower Bronx, Brooklyn, Queens;) , etc..........And lawd lets not talk about Easter Sunday:rolleyes:

Re: Re: Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

CTHU. I think I'm going to have to come to NYC and see this for myself.
:eek:

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

Ok only if you promise not to beat of some of the menses for sporting your sorority colors, cuz I have seen plenty of men in pink or green suits...........baby blue, royal blue, dixie peach, lilac........lawd the rainbow goes on and on till the break of dawn.:rolleyes:

Oh some men have perms and or fanga waves too........;)

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

I promise not to beat the menzes down. I'll prolly be too busy LMAO at them.
:p
:D

Fellas, masculine elegance is synonymous with sartorial conservatism. A well-dressed man should never sport a dixie peach or lilac suit, not to mention pink or bright green.

you forgot to mention that the ushers throw the white or blue cloth/sheet over her legs after she passes out from the spirit so the deacons can't see straight up her dress AND she is also speaking in tongues and it sounds like, "oooooh....
i-shoulda-bought-a-honda"!!!!!!

HHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

You know your Ghetto Christrian if you go to church to party. At my church, every body has a good time. A REALLY good time. Look's like they be doing the running man and any other cool fly-girl dance that's out talking 'bout they have fun when they praise the lord.

I'm sorry but those ol ladies be lookin a little too hip doin' the whop (sp?) to Amazing Graze.

Sunday continued....
 

How about the fact that you KNOW you are ghetto if at your church...

1. The choir does that rock down the aisle. step and stay--step and stay....it never fails somebody is ALways off beat! Don't Black folx supposed to have rhythm?:)

2. If you are given the scripture and that's the time you decide to read the whole book of Job(like you really listening to the preacher... :rolleyes: )

3. Somebody in the choir forgot the words or didn't come to choir rehearsal so they TRY to mouth the whole song.BWahahaha

Oh and the all time favorite....

You get up to speak and the first thing you say is...

" I'd like to thank God who is the head of my life...";)

Re: Sunday continued....
 

Now see....at my church, we do that in the youth choir. When I was in the youth choir, that was the "special march". We only did that on annual youth day and other special sundays. We would march down all the aisles. LOL!

Here is one for ya:
You know you a ghetto christian if you have an associate minister that prays and says the same thing at the beginning of the prayer. "Father, whom some call Yaweh, Jehovah Jarah (sp?), Jehovah Neciey (sp?, but this is what it sounds like)....

Or

If you have another associate minister that prays so long your brother writes a song about his Guiness World Book Record prayers. Aptly named: "The World's Longest Prayer", And the associate minister is real old already!

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

Girl, it's a sight to behold!!! :eek: :eek:

Girl, you got me at work CTHU, ya heard me???

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: This happened Sunday...
 

Isn't it though, but if she wants a good laugh she HAS to go Easter Sunday, I say Easter instead of Resurrection because most of the fools aint been to church in so long, they don't know the church lingo.

Anyways, yes you have to come Easter Sunday, because these people just look like they are Circus Bound, bringing the whole fam'lay and their badazz kids. Popping the po kids in the mouth expecting them to behave when the last time some of them saw the inside of a church was NEVVA:D

Gibben honuss and pwaises to the Lode mos high, Passa Dueright, Firss Lady Spicey, Revrun Phillups, Deacon Schula, Deaconess Bwown, Cuddin Floyd(doin weal good on the Piana), Bobby Bwown, Whitney's Cwack House, Saints and Fwiends.

I gibben gawd all the pwaises this monin, cuz he woke me up, my testimony is short(until someone interrupts her), Last week Champipple got caught again sellin her food stamps, so the welfare was gone cut her off. I mean she wuddin even gone get a medical codd......NUFFIN..........BUT GAAAAAAAAAAAWWWDDDD, made a way outta no way. He went on down to the welfare office.......Ayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
GLO-ray.....yessuuhhh...........and changeded them peopuss hearts......the LODE SAY PEOPUUSSSS gi'that woman huh food stamps! HE SAY PEEEEOOOPPUUSSS(organ starts up), GI'THAT WOMAN HER FOOD STTTAAAMMPPPSSSS(the official shouting music comes on).....and by 11 O'clock Champipple was on line waitin fo huh food stamps................ya know gawd can..........(Pator Interrupts) WELL THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOLKS TUNE IN NEXT SUNDAY WHEN SISTER CHAMOMILE TESTIFIES HOW HER SON YUSEF DONE GOT CAUGHT WITH A STRING OF PROSTITUTES. CAN I GET A YAY-MEN!!!

Gyrl7, You are OFFICIALLY off the chain with that prayer!:D

I just busted out laughing at my desk...lol

My girlfriend and I was just speaking on a similar subject.

While visiting her boyfriend's church, she said it was so hot in the sanctuary that the ushers passed out ice water in plastic cups during service.

O.K. here's another...

1. Why does the choir have to sing a song for ummm 10 minutes?:rolleyes:

2. Speaking of Easter, why on Easter morning that little snotty nose kid who forgot their speech says( say it with me) "Habby Easta e'erbody"?

3. If the preacher does that heaving noise ya know..

HUUUUUUUUUUUUmg and the Bible saayz HHUUUUUUUUUUMG in John huh 3 huh and 16 huhhhhhuuuuuuuumg **takes a drink of water****huh the devil tryin to get me cause somebody needs to hear it huh youyoooooou yes you huh and you huh somebody don't hear me tonite huh huuuuuuuumg I-I-I-I love the Lord huh and he heard my cri-i-i hhhhhuuuuuuumg yes! yes! yay LLLord.
***don't forget to put the organ in between the huh and hhhhhuummmg****
:rolleyes: Oh boy, what is we gon' do?:D

Today at church
 

I saw something at church today and before I knew it, I had burst out laughing and immediately thought of you, my GC fam...

At my church, the atmosphere is Come as You Are. While the older members of the church dress-up for the service, some of the younger members tend to dress more casual.

There was this chick there today...:D ya'll, I tell you, she had on the tightest pants I have ever seen in my life. I'm talking I'm-going-to-the-club type pants :eek:. I saw not only her pantyline, I saw the entire shape of her panties...:mad: :eek:. I saw all her celluite and those dimples...:( :eek: . I don't know where she thought she was, but, I guess she forgot that she was coming to the house of the Lord...:(

Oh yeah, by the way, miss priss...Pastor did the heaving noise all throughout his sermon today. My fiance' thought that I was crazy the way I was giggling thinking about your post...:)