crying on Bid Day
 

Have any of you had to deal with girls that show up to bid day crying because they didn't get their first choice, and if so how did you deal with it?

Yes. All you can do is try to make the new member feel welcome in hopes that she will come around, so to speak. The only time this happened to my chapter, the new member ended up leaving. Of course we wanted her to stay, but since she wasn't happy I think it was better that she depledged. Kind of a sticky situation.

I've never had to deal with crying exactly, but i did deal with girls who looked unhappy to be there...usually they see all of the other girls hanging out at their houses and they get sad if they wanted to be there, but like AchtungBaby80 said, all you can really do is try to make them feel comfortable...it helps if you have really involved bid day moms as well because they can engage the new members and see what they'd like to do since, after all, it is their day :)

AH - a girl in my pledge class was like that. On the way over to the house to use the pool, the girl asked her anchor sis (in DG you get an Anchor Sis on bid day who is usually the person you talked to pref): "Does anyone ever regret going DG?"

It really hurt her Anchor Sis' feelings, but this girl has changed in so many ways over the past year. Everyone didn't know about her at first, but it's fun (not in a mean way) to watch her grow as a person and a woman. Maybe that is why some higher force put her in DG. I don't know.

I think maybe if this coming bid day, my anchor sis comes in crying becuase she didn't get her first choice - I would just tell her about my rush expierence. I mean you can't really get mad at a PNM for it - because they have been through a really stressful week.

i remember my rho chi teeling my entire rush group on bid day that if we were upset about our bids to come talk to them before going to the house. they were trying to make sure we didn't cry to our new chapters. i don't know how or if that worked thouhg. i do know that two of my friends ended up in different houses (although both depledged) and cried their entire bid day because they weren't at the same house, and i don't think that their sisters were able to stop them.

This happened to a sorority at a school I advise, but the twist on this is that the girl filled out her pref card and put us second, and got her first choice. But when she went and picked up her bid card, and she realized she got her first choice, she broke down crying saying that she made a huge mistake and wanted to go DPhiE. It was ugly to say the least. The other sorority said they would not release her, and she ended up depledging and never even going greek. The whole time at bid day, she sat with us and cried and didn't even join in the bid day pictures. It wasn't a fun situation, but there isn't much you can do.

We only had one girl cry at our bid day but it was because her boyfriend :rolleyes: was mad at her for going through rush and he was forcing her :rolleyes: to depledge. She should have kicked him to the curb!

I have posted before on, I think that thread about strange rushees/PNM'S (what's the name of that thread???...) about one of the girls in my group when I was a rho chi who was a "no bid"...oh MAN! She totally freaked out on us! She showed up at bid revealing even though we called her and told her not to...it was a HUGE scene, totally embarrassing :o

Thankfully, it never happened at my chapter while I was there.
This past bid day, a girl I preffed really wanted us and put us first. She ended up with her second choice. She was crying hysterically when she got to the house. One of the girls from this sorority came over to me and asked if I could console the poor girl who was crying. I felt so bad for this chapter because the girl just kept crying and saying, "I wanted Zeta so bad!" I convinced her to stay for the rest of bid day and go out to dinner that night with the sorority. Unfortunately, she depledged the next day.

This happens alot at my school, not just my chapter but at least 3 others too. At my school the PNM's pu there top 3 choices down and are encouraged not to suicide, and many times girls get their second and third choices. I'm not really sure why this is. The year I went through recruitment everyone that went to pref got a bid.

This is so common at the school I went to. When I was a rho chi one of the new members we got called Panhel crying, so they had her call me. She was so upset about getting my sorority. I convinced her to come to the social that night, and when she got there, I immediately got her talking to another woman in the sorority that was at first unhappy with her bid. That helped her out a lot, and she became very good friends quickly with another new member in her class. In the end, she was very happy and made a great sister.

sueali
 

I would suggest looking at how your school is doing recruitment and release figures if this is common in a number of groups. How many sororities do you have total? I take it you have three party pref. - I don't know the rec. off the top of my head but maybe you are having too many pref parties and it should go down to two. Meaning a women going into pref has a better idea about her realistic choices to match (because all groups will have to release more women down)

Y'all think the Rho Chis have it bad? Try being the Panhellenic advisor! Then you get to deal with around thirty hysterical girls and their moms! And they think you know why each sorority cut them and all you can say is, "No ma'am, I don't know why your sorority cut your daughter," or "I don't know why you were cross cut, let's see if anyone is COBing," (they always turn that one down).:(

Re: sueali
 

At UNLV we have five sororities. I know that two years ago it was really bad and a lot of people didn't get their first choice. ast year, at least in ADPi, it didn't seem to be that bad. We'll have to wait and see this year.

This will be my 6th recruitment at UNLV (1pnm, 3 as a member, and 2 as an alum) and it has been like this every year, for at least one or two chapters. I'm not sure if it has to do with the 3 prefs. When I was a PNM we only had 4 sorority and 2 prefs and it happened then also, but now that I think about it wasn't as bad.

I think that three party pref is ALWAYS harder on the PNMs. Getting your second choice is one thing but getting your third choice is really a hard thing to reconcile emotionally.

Like Aphigal said, it sounds like you need to look at your release figures. Are the stronger rushing chapters carrying too many women into preference? This can often cause the scenario you've described where a lot of women are not getting their frist choice.

OMG, Carnation! Do some moms really do this????? What in the world do they expect you to tell them?

Crying on bid day doesn't happen much at my school... because most people who go through pref end up in their first choice. This is because with only 3 sororities a lot of girls instead of putting down 2 chapters for Pref parties they only put down their first choice... if they don't get invited... then you are out of rush completely. This actually kinda kills our general number of girls receiving bids as well... girls kinda take it as an all or nothing kinda deal. Last year we had about 150 girls go through open house the first night... and about 140 go through the first two party rounds(we don't do any cuts before pref every PNM attends 3 parties each night before pref)... only 32 ended up getting bids through the formal bodding process. Most of this was girls who dropped because they only put down one chapter for pref and didn't get invited back. I was in the restroom near the room that panhel was using the afternoon that pref invites were handed out and three girls came in crying and VERY disapointed... I felt so bad for them... I didnt' know what to say or if I should say anything I kinda just wanted to rush back to our room and keep decorating... it's kinda weird how something that has the potential to make you soo happy also has the potential to make you soooo upset....

One of my Key Sisters wasn't too thrilled with Kappa right off the bat. She's not a crier, but she was really, really quiet, so needless to say, Bid Night was a bit tense for me. The next night was the all-Greek party, where many of the girls in her first-choice sorority were behaving in a very un-lady-like manner. She turned to me and whispered, "You know what? Seeing this makes me glad that ___ cut me!" Now she's one of our most valuable members.

this happened 2 times while i was a collegiate. once when i was a phi and the other when i was active. when i was a phi, we just noticed that stacy was missing a lot on bid day! sisters were talking to her and trying to cheer her up, etc. one of the sisters who had also been in this position had a long chat with her and then she came back to the group. she definately didn't seem too thrilled, but by the end of the day, she was one of the gang! the following year, a legacy had put another group 1st, but was cut. she spent a part of the day crying, but both of her roommates went phi mu and she had several friends in the sorority already. she spent some time talking with 2 sisters (one of which had been crying the year before). in no time, she was the peppiest of the bunch and has been an absolutely wonderful sister. she is even a chapter advisor now!!

if a girl shows up on bid day and is crying, i think you need to give her a chance. let's face it, she really had hopes of being an xyz and was rejected. technically she was some where on the bid list, but she wasn't "high" enough to get in. the person is dealing with ending an emotionally charged week with a big "let down." it makes sense that she feels sad, but it is great that she is giving abc a chance! show her that sisterhood that you had been talking about all week. give her a big hug and welcome her to the family. this show of support may be all she needs to know that she found her home!

I don't recall anyone crying but we did have a gal to walk out of our new member/pledging ceremony once. In the middle of the ceremony! She just turned to one of my sisters (who is on my top 10 list of kindest people in the world) and said she had to go. Oh well!

Killarney, moms and even dads act this way. I can understand their disappointment and hurt that their child has been rejected but if they go after the PH advisor, they're going after an innocent party.

We had a dad come storming in wanting to know why his daughter had been cut by all 9 sororities after first parties. I certainly knew--it was because of her behavior every time she'd visited campus as a high school senior--but we referred him back to the sororities. What else can you do?:(

We have dealt with a girl being ecstatic on Bid Day....calling her gram, telling her what house she went to (Phi Mu), and her grandma started crying because she didn't go to our house. Her grandma called us in tears, asking how we could not take her granddaughter, a legacy. I was like, "Whoa...she cut us after the 2nd round!" That wasn't a good situation.

The year before I joined, there was a girl who ended up getting a bid to our house (her second choice). She cried all of bid day, and all of the sisters went out of the way to comfort her and try to make her feel at home. She ended up being a good sister, but never very active. I think that some of the older girls felt a kind of resentment toward her. :(

We had one girl that during unoffical 'bid day' for COBing who got really upset. We went to "jen's" dorm, with a bid for another girl. "Jen" came running to the door (we were delivering bids at the ungodly hour of 9am) knowing it was us and started jumping up and down...only to open the door to find out it was for another girl.
She ended up getting a bid anyway, after another girl dropped.

To me, crying on Bid Day, when you got a bid for a house that you said you would join, is like crying on Christmas.

My sentiments exactly! After all, they did put the GLO on their pref card http://www.spacespider.net/emo/contract.gif

It's not like getting coal in your stocking, is it?

Well, even though they may have listed it on their pref card, they could still be unhappy.

At my previous university, you were told NOT to suicide, but to list all 3 sororities (whether you attended their pref or not) in the order that you wanted them. I know some girls who, being very naive freshmen and thinking they wouldn't possibly get anything and would get in trouble if they didn't follow these directions, got their 3rd choice that they did not want AT ALL. I can see both sides I guess. I know I would be happy in almost any chapter (there's one I'm not sure about...) but in a situation like that one, I can understand why someone would be upset enough to cry. Personally, I see it as being quite rude to openly show this much disappointment to women who love their organization. I think we would all do well to practice composure no matter the amount of disappointment until we are in private.

Yeah you got a point!

I cried for 2 days when I did not get into my first choice university!

But gotta do a quote based on Tom Hanks in "A League of their own"

There is no crying on bid day!!!!!! :D

Not even happy crying? haha.:cool:

Now that's good! Happy crying is good! :D

Well, sometimes it is. I believe some of the computer programs automatically overlook girls who suicide, giving you no choice other than to put another group down if you want to get any sort of bid. One of the ways to outsmart that is to put down groups that you don't have a snowball's chance in hell of getting into - i.e. they cut you after first round and have 200 legacies - but the Rho Chi's won't always let you do that.

Hey, I cried too when I didn't get into my first choice for Grad School, but that's okay 'cause it's a certain university in Cambridge. :p I still can't imagine someone crying over a sorority, unless they were dropped early or were a no-bid. I'd say suicide if you really cannot stand those other two choices, and being in that house is more important than being in Greek Life in general.

we have 5 sororities at my school, and i think about 200 girls rushed with me last year. i might be totally off, but i think practically everyone (if not everyone) got their first choice at our bid day cuz for some reason i remember them making an announcenment after we received our cards that such a phenomanal thing happened... wow we must count our blessings!

Hey Munchkin :)
So, where will you be attending grad school? I figure it's either a certain university in the East Village or a certain university in Morningside Heights! PM me if you'd rather! :)

Tracy

Just want to horn in for a second....as everybody can see by my signature, I am in two fraternities that don't have a rush/selection procedure like NPC (and NPC-like) sororities. So, ever since I joined GC, I've used it to kinda learn what it's all about.

I also went to a school that didn't have the system.


I can totally understand why a woman would be very upset to not get her first choice. Totally. Go ahead, go banoodles if you want to.

But I don't know....I feel like it's in bad form to cry in front of the women who CHOSE you to join their sisterhood...the women who decided, hey you, we think you have what it takes to be one of us.

Now, disappointment I can understand....and being a bit salty on bid day, i can understand. i am the type of person who gets quiet when disappointed about something, and it makes it seem like i have an attitude...give me a few hours and i'll be fine.

BUT.....I don't know....I don't think that if the PNM has a crappy attitude that the sorority should be responsible for making them feel at home.

And maybe this is the NPHC side of me speaking, but if someone came to either of my fraternities looking unhappy to be there...THEY CAN LEAVE! And I am not going out of my way to make them feel at home.

I hope I haven't misinterpreted the whole system...thanks for letting me share.

It's stuff like this that makes me mad that so many Rho Chi's are encouraged to encourage (lol) their PNMs NOT to suicide, even if they have no intention of joining that house. (Or even worse, where those who suicide are punished in the bid-matching system by matching them last or something.) If the girl can't see herself in that house and would never join, why in the world should she list them on her pref card?

I have not seen the girls crying on bid day for not getting a house, but we have had the girls who just are real quite and dont get into it. The big thing we do there is to just try to get them involved. The bigger problem I have found at my university is girls who open their bids then just walk out, cause they didnt get their first choice. The problem is that the girls are sitting on their bids in the stadium seats of the soccer field, and the sororities are waiting down on the field and the girls come running down to their sorority after they open their bids, and girls can just slip out the back too easily if they are initially happy.

opposite happened
 

I don't know if there is a "perfect" bid extension process. At URI they slide the bids under the pnm's dorm room. Well one girl who matched Alpha Phi (it was her first choice) didn't get her bid (the rho chi's) slid it under the wrong door! So she got upset and went to find her girlfriend at XY house. XY house didn't match quota so they offered her a bid. In the meantime the CA and Dir of Rush went to the XY house to explain the situation to this poor pnm. Well XY PINNED HER knowing she was bound to Alpha Phi!!!

The greek advisor got involved, it got sort of messy but the girl was allowed to come back to Alpha Phi.

bid day dissapointment can be very overwhelming and confusing. I know a girl at one school who was rushed so hard by ABC and went all the way to pref where the girl preffing her told her: "You are going to be so happy here" the next day she opened up her envelope and saw XYZ instead. She then had all of two minutes to prepare herself on the walk to meet her sisters. The way bid day works makes it very hectic, you don't get alot of time to adjust or think about your options. That's maybe why alot of girls go to bid day and then depledge, they don't want to not show up and ruin their chances with the second choice, but at the same time they don't really have time to sort through their emotions. I understand how it could be construed as disrespectful or inappropriate, but when you've had five minutes to adjust and the girls who have made you feel like "you're not good enough" are very close by and you have been stressing over the outcome of this day for months (check out the all the pnm's questions already), and you have been up late and overstressed for five to ten days it can be hard not to cry!!!!. This is especially true if the 1st choice sorority makes you feel like the will bid you. So I don't hold tears against anyone, there are definitely cases of sisters coming out of MS in tears too because of how stressful it can be. Sometimes the "thought" of being in XYZ on paper is alot different than the reality of being cut by ABC in real life and actually joining XYZ. So i think that the second choice chapter should just do what they can for the nm and hopefully things will work out. The girl in my story never depledged, but wasn't happy, she later dropped out of her school and transfered for unrelated reasons.

thinking back on my own experience rushing as a freshman, i know that if i had not gotten into alpha chi, i wouldn't have cried on bid day - but i would have cried later for sure! since rush is so early, i really had no clue what greek life was about or what other chapters were *REALLY* like on campus (like the girl who saw how XYZ sisters were behaving in an unladylike way after bid day)...my second choice on my pref night card (you have to pick 3) would have been sooooooo wrong for me in the end...i know it probably would have helped if i had talked to some older non-Greek friends before i preffed so i could get other opinions

I was prepared to cry like a little baby if I didn't get a bid from Alpha Phi. Because of the pressure not to suicide, I didn't, even though I should have. But if I had gotten a bid from XYZ, my 2nd listing on my bid card, I probably would have sucked it up and joined. I would have gotten along well with what would have been my pledge class, but I'm not sure about the girls who would have come after me. Who knows if I would have stayed.

But sometimes life has a funny way of working out. We had a girl join a few years before I did who KNEW she wanted to be XYZ, but put Alpha Phi second on her pref card because she went to both prefs. On Bid Day she opened her card and saw Alpha Phi, not XYZ. She was heartbroken. She made her way over to her new sisters and tried not to cry as she accepted her bid. 3 years later she was Greek Woman of the Year for the entire campus and was very proud to be Alpha Phi. She realized later that Alpha Phi had been a much better match.

But on the flipside, we had a girl who thought she was getting a bid from XYZ who got a bid from us, and pinned, but depledged immediately afterward because XYZ realized they had made an oops. But she never ended up afilliating after her one-year waiting period.