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6/23/03 Dear Abby
I just ordered the invitations for my November wedding, so I am always looking for some solid advice or a funny story about weddings. I am reading my local paper today and came across the following letter in the Dear Abby column. I pasted this from the Dear Abby website, as my paper had edited out some of the letter. I literally sat here speechless. I would never do this to my family (or any other guest)!
DEAR ABBY: I'm enclosing a wedding announcement my family and I received yesterday. My family and I are shocked and appalled. It reads: "Dear Family: I am asking for your cooperation and understanding. My wedding will be very costly, and this has caused me to make some unpleasant decisions. "I hope you will see this as a request for a donation and not a charge for you to attend my wedding. I cannot figure out any way other than to ask each guest to contribute to the cost. If anyone is insulted by my request, I am sincerely sorry. "Your $330 contribution must be received on or before June 30. Only postal money orders will be accepted. Please purchase it only from a U.S. post office. Thank you for your contribution." My question is, how should this "invitation" be handled? We don't have this kind of money. Should we tell the bride-to-be what bad manners this is? -- APPALLED IN OHIO DEAR APPALLED: No. Please allow me to do it for you. What you received is not an invitation. It is a solicitation. Not only is it tacky; it is unbelievably insulting. When a couple marries, all monetary contributions should be voluntary. To specify that the "gift" be paid via money order implies that there might be insufficient funds to cash the check. If I received such an "invitation," I would not send a money order. I would send my regrets. I recommend that you do the same. Readers, I challenge you to top this! |
Oh my god! That has to take a lot of balls to send that! What the hell were they thinking!
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Tacky, tacky, tacky!
The thought of that bride and groom reproducing is truly terrifying. |
:eek:
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If you ever get an invite to a "greenback" wedding, that's essentially the same thing: a couple asking for money.
If you cannot afford it, don't get married until you can. Simple as that. You'll take my fruit bowl and like it! Or auction it off on Ebay. People give gifts because they want to, NOT because they have to. People in this world sure are getting greedier day by day, man... |
tacky as hell. it looks like they need to go straight down to justice of peace.
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Wow... If you can't afford a fancy wedding (and $330 a head has got to be fancy) then don't have a fancy wedding! I can't even believe someone would have the nerve to do that. If I recieved an "invitation" like that, I would simply throw it away.
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Super tacky.:rolleyes:
Congratulations on your Engagement!!:) |
Oh dear!!! :eek: These people need to get their heads examined!
And why in the world would you have a wedding that big & expensive if you couldn't pay for it? I mean, you are obviously trying to look "rich" by throwing a fancy event. However, the facade is ruined when you ask for $$$ from your guests!!!!! P.S. All of you can come to my wedding for the low, low price of three easy installments of $49.95 :p |
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I've seen many weddings that were very nice and tasteful and were also very gorgeous without having to be that expensive per person! (and without having to ask the guests for 3 easy payments of $49.95 :p) |
Agreed! That is just completely inappropriate.
If I had received an invitation like that I would call up the bride and groom, and tell them I would not be attending and it was because of the rude invitation I was sent. I would tell them it wasn't my job to pay for the wedding and if they couldn't afford the wedding they wanted, they should wait until they could, or cut back on some of the frills. Then I would wish the couple all the happiness in the world and hang up.:D That's just not cool. I hope this person does not attend this wedding. |
Oh my dayum!!!!!:eek: :eek:
They need to see Dr. Phil. He'll straighten them out. :p :p |
HOLY CRAP! HOW RUDE!
If they're so poor that they cannot afford the wedding why did they waist their money on invitations and postage only to insult the guests and family!?:confused: I'd tell the bride (cuz most likely it was her doing) to get a grip and mail her a penny! |
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tacky, tacky, tacky |
Of course I would send her something:
A note saying "How tacky! You can kiss my azz!" |
:rolleyes:
I'm casting another vote for "I wouldn't go to that wedding, even if it was my sister's." I can't believe how tacky some people are. I hope nobody goes to the wedding and the couple has to cover all expenses out of their own pocket even though there's nobody there to eat their wedding cake. |
What is really tripped out is that in cases such as this, the wedding usually lasts LONGER than the marriage. :eek: :o
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How f*cking tacky!!!!
I can't believe that the family received what they thought was a wedding invitation, but a SOLICITATION FOR MONEY! I agree that a contribution to pay for a wedding should be voluntary, but not with a money order from the post office. This is tacky, offensive and downright uncouth. I think the family should not only send their regrets of not attending, but also refuse to pay the couple. I wouldn't do this to my least favorite cousin and that is the statement of the moment.
http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/angryfire.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/screams.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/eek4.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/nut.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/eek7.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/confangry.gif |
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Winner of the "Tacky As Hell Award."
:eek: is right! |
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What's more important...your education or your sister getting an expensive wedding day? |
Sisters, if you think THAT is bad, then I have a site you MUST visit!
www.etiquettehell.com There are some folx that make this bride look like a sweetie |
In my wedding fantasy, I get married at St. Patrick's Cathedral with a reception at the Plaza, Waldorf, or Tavern on the Green. If I couldn't afford that, I would plan a more financially reasonable wedding. The couple could have a nice wedding for a fraction of the price. It won't be a spectacular event, but it can be a lovely wedding.
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That is f*cked up! Ya know that weddings, funerals and family reunions bring out the FOOL in folks!
We paid for our own wedding. We had a nice elegant wedding...in Las Vegas Quote:
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This is one of the reasons why there is so much resentment among family members. I feel bad for you right now. I suggest looking for other ways to pay for your tuition and let them be on their merry way!!! If you want, we'll sign a petition letter and send it to your mom. :) |
This makes me CRINGE!! As a wedding coordinator, I have to put up with a LOT of isht from people (mostly bride's mothers!!) about what they do and do not do. I never try to "run" the wedding plans, but I do offer advice and input where needed (and obviously in this case there is no wedding coord. because I can't think of anyone in their right mind who would stand by and let that happen!)
And I am sure that I will get some flames from this, but I will go ahead and say for all you brides-to-be, DO NOT have a cash bar at your wedding (especially if you are in the South - I don't care if you are a Yankee-transplant, your location does matter ;) )! Tacky doesn't begin to describe it! Have beer and wine, and if you can't afford that then WOW don't have alcohol -- anyone who shows up and is disappointed that he/she can't drink/get drunk isn't there for the right reason. Cash bars are just a total nightmare!! And one last thing -- IF YOU WANT TO SAY YOU ARE REGISTERED, ASK THE PERSON(S) HOSTING YOUR SHOWER TO PUT IT IN THOSE INVITES -- THEY DO NOT BELONG IN YOUR WEDDING INVITATION!!! And for the love of Pete -- DO NOT put the cards in there for all the places you are registered at....so tacky that AXO Alum is having to catch her breath for a minute!! I actually received an invite once with 5 cards - 3 were for stores, one was for their TRAVEL AGENT, and one was for their MORTGAGE BROKER!!! AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH! Weddings can be simple, elegant, fancy, stylish, etc. and still be on a budget and carried off perfectly. You are inviting these people to be there with you because they are special to you and/or your family -- not because you want them to bring you a gift. A gift is THEIR choice, and while it is traditional, it is not acceptable to solicit gifts!! |
Thank you! I hate that! When I see a "we are registered here" in the invites, I would be tempted to buy something NOT on the registry out of spite. (yes I have done that before...I usually get a nice pic frame...ya can never go wrong with those)
Tacky! I mean hell all you gotta do is tell the most busy body member of your family where you are registered....I guarantee that the word will be out in less than 24 hours has anyone checked out www.etiquettehell.com ? http://superbabies.homestead.com/files/claps.gif Quote:
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My mom xeroxed the registry lists and mailed them to some family members. I thought that was pretty tacky, but that's just me. No one in my family can afford a $300 sautee pan or that stupid 'smart vacuum' anyway.... sheesh.
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About alcohol at the reception...
WARNING: Hi-jack coming....
I agree that having a cash bar only is kinda tacky (and every wedding I've been to so far has been cash bar only), so I don't want to do it this way for mine. BUT I don't like the idea of people getting plastered at my reception and possibly ruining my day just because it's free for them. So my mom and I came up with a compromise (after all, she and my dad are insisting on paying for a lot of the wedding as I'm their only daughter). We're thinking of having a 2-drink limit (and yes liquor is included) for each guest, after which they pay for their own if they want more. We'd have to use tickets to do it this way though. I figure most people will wind up with more than 2 tickets anyway, since our estimate is based on EVERY guest drinking, and not all will (especially those under-age ;)). I hope that doesn't sound too tacky, but like I said... it's not about affording it, it's about keeping things relatively calm. :) END Hi-jack |
Re: About alcohol at the reception...
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I got drunk at my cousins' wedding five or six years ago. :o I hadn't had a drink in years so it hit me hard. You two limit rule might have helped. :)
ETA: I didn't do anything terrible. I was just embarassed. |
I’ve been to a lot of traditional Italian weddings where money is given but it isn’t to pay for the wedding; it’s to help the new couple start their life. It’s a tradition, not everyone does it but a lot of my family still does; my mother gives a gift but my dad gives money so it’s sort of a double whammy. However if we received an invite like this demanding a certain increment I know we wouldn’t be attending.
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Good grief!
This has to be the most ridiculous thing that I have ever seen!$330 is absolutely outrageous. :rolleyes:
Silver |
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http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/eek2.gif
That is just WRONG. Can't afford a $330/pp wedding? Scale back your expectations, or wait to get married. My wedding didn't cost nearly that much, and was still beautiful. You don't need to spend a fortune on your wedding - at the end of the day, whether you have a huge gala event or a small family-only event (or elope!) you're still just as married. As for the cash bar, very tacky. I've been at weddings where the cocktail hour is hosted and it's a cash bar for the rest of the reception. GRRR. At my own wedding, a full bar for the cocktail hour was part of the package... after that, we served wine only. Nobody complained, and nobody went home drunk. :) |
Re: About alcohol at the reception...
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What I usually tell my brides is this - If you are truly concerned that things will get out of control, then you either limit the bar as to what is available (no shots for example) or simply limit the alcohol to a champagne pass and toast. And yes, there will be some under-agers that will be drinking, believe me! It is common for many bartendars to not ID at weddings because so many people (especially women) do not carry those things with them. Plus, there is always that "favorite" cousin who is of legal age that thinks its hilarious to load the 15 year old up! (Think the beginning of the Wedding Singer!) -- actually, if you are concientious with your guest list, then you should know if people are prone to be over-indulgers. Then your wedding coordinator/director or even the head-caterer can be "informed" prior to about the person/people that could potentially cause trouble. Unfortunately, however, receptions are fast-paced and busy - even non-drinkers go to the bar for water or soft drinks -- how are a couple of bartenders supposed to know who is who? Don't forget also that YOU are liable should someone over-indulge and have an accident (whether on premise, on the way home, or even AT home - check the statutes in your state) -- a bartendar may not know who Uncle George is, but he/she should know when someone has had enough. Make sure that the bartendar is in contact with your wedding coordinator to make sure that anyone who displays drunken behavior is offered a ride home, or a cab ride. My 2 year old cousin was killed (decapitated in fact) by a car full of young women returning home from a wedding reception - all drunk! I am a HUGE advocate of DD's, especially at weddings. Good luck to you! |
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Just a question
I have a question for our resident wedding coordinator.
We've already established that having a cash bar is tacky (which I agree with), but what if cost is an issue? If the couple would like to serve alcohol at there wedding but are afraid it might end up costing them an arm and a leg (of which they have none to spare), how is the cost of an open bar figured? Does the bartender tabulate all beverages ordered during the course of the recption and bill the couple after, or does the bartender/caterer/reception hall, etc determine a set fee prior to the engagment? I'm not planning a wedding here...not even close :), it's just a random questions of which I am very curious as to what the answer would be. |
I suspect that only their immediate family will actually attend their wedding.
Regarding open bar I haven't planned a wedding, but when we planned my mother's birthday party, the open bar added $10 per person to the price of the party. |
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