Do Parents Understand?
 

I was wondering if anybody out there has had trouble getting support from their parents about going Greek. From my personal experience, my parents are glad that I am in a "club" and have a group of close friends on campus, but they make me pay my own dues. I tend to get mixed reactions from them. What about the rest of you? Do your parents support you? If so, how much?

When i told my parents I was going to rush this year, I got the same reaction I've been gettig from every non-greek I tell, "Are you going to be drunk all the time and having sex with a bunch of frat boys?" I try to explain to them that they're just thinking of a very disgusting and unfair stereotype, but I've just decided not to talk to them about it anymore, at least until I know for sure that I'm in a house, then at least I can have them see my sisters and prove them wrong.

I would respond "you raised me to not be prejudiced against other races/religions/etc...why do you think it's OK to be prejudiced against fraternity & sorority members?"

A lot of the parents now grew up in the 60's & 70's when Greeks were not cool.

My parents do NOT understand. My mom went to a junior college, and my dad didn't go. They both had children when they were college age and were single parents. My mom gives me a blank "why are you doing this now" look whenever I bring it up. As for them being glad that I am in a club, I've always been in clubs. Nothing any different has happened in college so far - I've been involved with at least 3.

AZpink
 

First of all, good luck with rushing! Secondly, it's hard to explain what you haven't experienced yourself. The bonds of sisterhood are far greater than those of any "club" members. Once again, good luck with going Greek. Those letters on your shirt will bring both smiles and criticism. I try to keep my attitude positive around my parents and show them pictures of the sisterhood or philanthropy events we partake in. That, and my paddle is a great way to show that someone cares enough about me to put that much time and effort into making me a present. :D

My parents know that I joined for the right reasons. They also know that sometimes I am frustrated with my sisters because a few of them aren't on the same maturity level. They think the big sister I have found is an amazing woman and are glad that I can turn to her if I need anything. My boyfriend is also in a fraternity and they think he is the most polite and well-mannered young man they have ever met. They know that if it wasn't for his fraternity (and maybe even the fact that I was Greek), I wouldn't have met him.

As for paying dues, they offer to pay all of my expenses as long as I study my butt off, but I pay my dues with my work study job.

My parents were very apprehensive about me going Greek, because I originally wanted to join a local sorority that enjoys hazing. They were pretty happy when they found out I rushed Gamma Phi Beta instead. :) They think sororities/fraternities can be good organizations, but would never pay my dues. I think they liked all the friendships I found within the house, and that it was somewhere for me to live other than the horrible situation I was in at the time.

My parents kind of pushed me to rush in a way. My dad wasn't in a fraternity and my mom had been a member of a local chapter. I went to school pretty far from home and didn't know a lot of people. They saw it as a way for me to meet people and find my place. My older sister had also been in a sorority when she was at school and my parents were very supportive when both her and I rushed, were members, and wanted to run for executive positions in the chapter. I was always very grateful of their support because I saw how it was for some of my friends whose parents were against it.

I like the freedom that paying my own way brings. Earlier in college when I wanted to join a sorority, my parents could not have afforded it. Especially since I went to a school where the dues were much more expensive! I can afford to do it myself now, which rocks.

My mother grew up overseas, so she doesn't quite understand the greek system. She's met a lot of my sisters and likes them... she is always keeping half an eye out for lily of the valley and giraffe stuff :) and I think she wishes she'd had the opportunity to go greek. (I'd suggest alum initiation, but I'm waiting for AEPhi to offer it ;) )

My dad is vehemently anti-greek. :( He really buys into the "drunken frat boy/slutty sorority girl" stereotype. It didn't help that when he rushed, a brother of one fraternity asked him what he'd do if he was at a party and noticed a brother being sick because he'd had too much to drink. :rolleyes:

my dad grew up overseas too and has only been in the country a little over 20 years so yeah he doesnt really understand it. my mom doesnt know too much about them i dont think because she didnt go to college. i know she wants the best for me i'll just have to convince her that what she already thinks about the partying, hazing, and other stuff just isnt true. she'll accept it once she sees the positive sides of it. she wont be able to help with dues but i'm sure that i'll be able to pay them myself. (theyre gonna be really expensive where i'm going to school)

At first my family was wary...my mom has seen too many Lifetime hazing movies and my sister thought I was joining a cult. They came around eventually.

Yeah I had trouble with my mom when it came to joining a Greek organization.... However my dad didn't care since one of his closest friends was in Iota Phi Theta.... My church is pretty much anti-greek since some of the members were hazed badly and I ended up joining Alpha Phi Omega anyway. They said stuff like "it's an occult", "you shouldn't be saying oaths", blah blah blah.

My mom was not Greek, but she was a Sigma Nu Lil Sis (or something like that). She doesn't really get the whole sorority thing, and a lot of times she playfully mocks the silly things that I have to do, like the chants or "secret stuff". But she supported me when I told her I was going to rush, she pays my dues, and she is completely thrilled at the fact that I am so happy. She sees that Phi Mu has made me so many friends and keeps me busy. She also likes that I do a lot of traditional college stuff, like going to basketball games, that I might not have done before. So while I can't say she completely understands, she is cheerfully clueless :)

My parents were both in locals, but they didn't talk about it much when I was growing up. I think they were really surprised when I rushed Kappa. They thought I was in for being majorly hazed, though-- glad I got to prove them wrong. Now I think they'll both agree that it's been an amazing experience for me. They don't pay my dues, but they did buy my plane ticket to go to Orlando for Convention last year.

I wouldn't say that my parents were exactly thrilled when they learned tat I joined, but at the same time, they have always let me explore anything that interests me. They told me that I had to make sure to keep my grades up if I wanted to stay in. I think that they've noticed that I'm a much more outgoing person since I've joined, and that I am involved in more that I would be without the sorority, and for that, they are happy.

my parents are great about me being greek. when I first decided that I was going to join, my dad (who went to a predominately male university in Mass. in the 70's) told me very sternly that I did not have to do anything that makes me feel uncomfofrtable (i.e. hazing), he was really funny about it. but now they love that I am greek and they love all of my sisters as well. We have a lot of our events at my parents house and my dad loves that 45 women and at our house. My mom, likes it too, everytime some sisters see her (my parents own a local business and pretty much ALL the greeks from our school go there, so they know a lot of them) they tell her that she should be an A.I. I think after 3 years of asking her to join, I think she wants to now.
It's great to have parents who support what you do esp. when they see you put your heart and soul into it!

My parents, right now, are kind of indifferent about it. They don't like the "[stereotypical] image" that is associated with GLOs. But like I told them, they weren't too happy when I decided to try out for colorguard the summer before my freshman year of high school, and by the time 2nd semester rolled around they loved the girls and supported me 100%. I know the same thing will happen this time too if I do decide to rush and get a bid.

My mom wasn't born in America, and neither of my parents went to college, so they really don't know what they're talking about aside from the Lifetime movies and Dateline hazing stories they've seen. At one point I said to my mother "Do you REALLY think they'd make a movie or do a news segment on a group of people that was doing something good? No, because it's not nearly as interesting. How many times have you seen "Habitat for Humanity," or "greenPeace" on the news? Not too often, but you know they're there and that they're doing good things. You're not going to hear about the thousands of college kids involved in this who DIDN'T get hazed and who AREN'T drunk party-crashers." That shut her up for the time being...!

If it works out and the time comes to pay dues, I don't think they'll be paying. I probably wouldn't ask them to anyway.

There are lots of Greeks in my family, going back at least four generations, so it wasn't a big deal at all. I think my parents just trusted me to use good sense.

My Dad was all about it and encouraged me. He also supported me and helped talk to me when I called him crying the last night during recruitment. He was President of the PIKES when he went to my school - so he knows being a member of a greek org. can be really rewarding. When I drove home from recruitment he had DG letters all over my house outside. Hahaha - it was the funniest thing. I think he knew more about my sorority than I did before I went through my new member education process. I told him I really liked Delta Gamma during recruitment - and I guess he got on the wbesite that week and started learning the colors and the facts.

My mom didn't go to a school with sororities, and so she was very happy for me. She said she always felt like she missed out by not being able to join a sorority (but I am going to help her take steps to become an Alumnae Initiate of DG!!).

So, I guess I was pretty lucky. I really had no conflict from my parents about wanting to go through recruitment - if anything I had their full support. My brother is a different story. hahaha

I was the first person in my family to go Greek, so it's not suprising that they carried a lot of stereotypes as to what Greek life is about. I actually didn't tell my parents I was rushing -- I told them after I'd accepted my bid. I thought my mom would be okay with it and my dad would freak out, but it turned out to be the other way around. My dad basically told me "different strokes for different folks" and that even though he would have never joined a Greek organization, it was okay if it was something that appealed to me. My mom was the one who was all like, "But sororities are full of sluts who drink all the time and don't care about school and blah blah blah . . ." In the end they were both impressed with the thought I had put into it and the research I'd done -- I brought up Tri Delta's no-hazing policy, the fact that sorority women at my school have a GPA that's comparable to the all-women average (in fact, this semester the sorority average was higher! :) ), the volunteer work we do, stuff like that. I pay my own dues, so it's not like they could have stopped me if they had wanted to.

I think my mom still believes the stereotypical stuff -- I'm pretty sure she thinks I got hazed, that we drink too much, etc. She caught an episode of "Sorority Life" this season which didn't help. :p

My advice for anyone whose parents are anti-Greek is just to do as much research as possible and then present it to them. Point out that all NPC organizations have anti-hazing policies, but that even if you were getting hazed, you'd be strong enough to walk away from the situation. Emphasize that while Greek organizations are primarily based on social activities, they also have a strong emphasis on academics, philanthropy, and sisterhood. Point out how they can help you in your future career, or how, if you move from one city to another, you can meet up with the alumnae chapter there and have instant social connections to make the transition easier. After you accept your bid, point your parents in the direction of your organization's national website so they can do some more reading and see what it's all about. My mom looked at the Tri Delta website after I accepted my bid, and she read about our work with St. Jude's, all the famous Tri Delta alums, the alcohol and hazing policies, and the long history of the organization. I think that helped her to understand a little bit more about how sororities are more than just the stereotypes.

When I rush the NPCs at Stony Brook, my parents weren't really supportive of my wanting to join a sorority. They were born and raised overseas, but they have lived in the country for about 40 years, so they understand what Greek Life is about. It wasn't until cofounded my wonderful sorority that they were supportive and proud of me.

http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/monalisa.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/pyth.gif http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmili.../pinkieone.gif

My parents were happy I went Greek. Of course, my stepdad was sort of miffed that I didn't join the same sorority as my sisters, but he got over that and the fact that my chapter was definitely not the coolest one around when he was in school, so he's fine with it. He was in a fraternity, too, so he understood. My mom was thrilled because she never got to go to college and she never had the chance to be in a sorority. So everything worked out. :)

My dad, on the other hand...well, that's another story.

My parents were pretty chill about the whole thing--gotta give it up to crunchy granola parenting. :) They have always trusted us to make the best decisions for us, and that included Greek Life--they were familiar with both NPC and NPHC recruitment, and let us know what was smart/stupid to do in regard to those processes. I was responsible for paying dues, which was my choice--I figured that with my parents paying tuition, room/board, books, and airfare at a very expensive school far away, I could pay my sorority dues out of my summer job. It had nothing to do with whether or not my parents supported my decision to go Greek. Last year for Christmas, my mother made my sister and I quilts in our colors, so now a red and green quilt graces my bed! :D

I agree fully. I didn't tell my parents about rushing until after I got my bid and then I was like "Listen, I'm doing this, what do you think?" I was extremely surprised to hear my dad say "Do you want us to send you a check or something?" My reaction was :eek:!

Now my parents have kind of switched roles. My mom saw pictures of me with my Big as well as the paddle she made me and she was like "She's cute and really creative!" My dad, on the other hand, is more worried about what FGP can do for me than what I can do for it. We've been going through a lot of struggles (check them out on the Local in Trouble thread) so I'm working my booty off this summer to keep us going.

My parents were fine with my joining a sorority, just as they've always been fine with anything else I've ever wanted to do. They always said they taught my sister and me to know our own minds then just sat back and hoped they'd done a good job :) I hope to use this same approach with my daughters, but somehow I think that I'm waaaaaay too "Type A" to do that!

As for initiation fees, dues, etc....it never occured to me to ask my parents to pay for those things. At that age I was very into being an Independant 80's Woman :) My sister, on the other hand, frequented the Bank of Mom and Dad for her fees, dues, formal dresses, etc. and I guess they figured since they were footing most of the bill to send her to an Ivy some sorority stuff was just a drop in the bucket. She always was so spoiled! :rolleyes:

My parents were dead set against me joining a fraternity, mostly because they had convinced themselves I would just goof off and flunk out. My dad was Navy all the way, and my mom had been in a local in the 50s when they still had 10pm curfew in the women's dorms! Their perceptions of fraternities was based mostly on "Animal House" which they both thought was hysterical. They reluctantly gave their permission for me to join Phi Sig after much persuasion (and a little begging), but that if my grades dropped one little bit I would be out of their so fast my head would spin! Gradually they got over their reluctance as they got to know my brothers and saw what confidence and leadership I gained from the chapter (and maintained an acceptable, but regretfully not stellar gpa). My mom even said to me a few years ago that joining a fraternity was the best thing for me. She was especially touched at my brothers and chapter that sent flowers to my dad's funeral and the outpouring of support from the Greeks on the campus I advise.

Coming from an Asian home, my parents still don't understand about all the fraternity/sorority stuff. Ever since I was little, they were all about school, school, school. They support all my decisions about education, since they pay for what I need when I'm in college. However, when it comes to my sorority, I basically have to work for to pay for my dues and financial obligations.

My parents have been wonderfully in support of me going Greek.

My parents both went to Nebraska, so they knew about the Greek system, and my dad was rushed really hard by PhiPsi but couldn't afford it so didn't join. My mom never considered sorority life, although my aunt (her little sister) joined AZD three years later.

I had talked about going greek a little bit during my senior year, and so I don't think it was much of a surprise when I finally decided to do it. We were actually at my freshman orientation day when my dad and I decided to tour some of the houses and that pretty much set me on the path.

I think that the biggest reason they were okay with it was because I was going out of state and they thought it would be good for me to have the support of the house.

My mom was obviously apprehensive, but after I started looking at Beta, she found out that her boss was a Beta and she really began pushing Beta despite the fact that she didn't really know anything about the house.

Still apprehensive about it though, the day we moved me in, she totally fell for the house and is a huge supporter. She now says that if my little brother wants to go to Nebraska he has to join my house, otherwise he can go to KU or pay his own way at Nebraska!!!:eek:

My parents were okay with it, although I don't think my mom really gets it. She went to Vanderbilt in the 60's and she was from New Jersey...I think the sororities were WAY too Southern for her! I think she was surprised that I said I wanted to rush, but she never discouraged me from it. Both my grandmothers, aunts, and cousins were in sororities, so it definitely is in our family. It was so cute when I went to make my paddle...my mom was helping me place the teddy bear and decide what letters were best...it was definitely a warm and fuzzy moment. :)

My dad was never in a fraternity, but since he teaches at my school, he knows (and likes) a lot of my sisters. All in all, my parents are glad I joined. They know I need to be around people! :D

My mom really had no clue about sororities and the greek system because she didn't go to college, so I basically had to edcuate her as I went along because I got the "Do you have to do anything to get into a sorority?" and "Are they going to haze you and make you do stupid stuff at initiation?" She's pretty cool about it though and hasn't really given me any flak about it, besides when it comes to dues, but I just tell her that she lucked out because ChiO is one of the lesser expensive sororities on campus...if you call $581 for 1st semester dues less expensive...well, I thought it was for sororities, but my mom doesn't understand where all that money goes :rolleyes:

My mom tired to tell me she was against it at first, but I pretty much figured out that she was jealous that she didn't rush in college. My dad was weird because he was Greek in the early 60's and he was hazed pretty bad, so he didn't want me joining because he thought I'd get hazed. Then I showed up at their house wearing letters while I was still pledging and he was upset because we got to wear letters right away and we didn't have "earn" our letters...go figure...besides, he hasn't seen our pledge book...I wouldn't say it's hazing, because a lot of the things we have to do deals with academics (seeing our counsler and the scolarship chair, but man did we "earn" our letters that way!

My parents encouraged me to be involved as I could in college, and I found that way to be through a sorority. My mom still doesn't understand why we do the things we do, and all the "lingo" that we use, but my dad was all for it; he's a member of Phi Delta Theta from U. of Rolla in Missouri. "Kelly, what's the name of your sorority? Delta Apple Pie?? " :D
They really started to appreciate the sorority after our parent's dinner this past semester. They got to meet a lot of the girls and were SO impressed with the scholastic achievement and philanthropic work that we do.

My parents were pretty indifferent and they don't really understand the whole thing. I am the First and only greek member of my whole family and my husbands family as well (that I know of).

When my husband and I were dating, his very conservative mom was "highly concerned" when I joind ADPi. She had, of course, heard horror stories (that probably weren't even remotely true anyway) about what happened in sororities. It took her a while to warm up to me after she found out that I joined. I still don't think that she approves of greek life and really its something that I know not to talk about around them. :(

My parents were fine with it - my mom was in a local sorority in college, and although my dad had his doubts, he fully supported my decision.

They told me I would have to pay dues on my own, but I paid for a lot of other stuff on my own, so it wasn't a big deal. They were about as supportive as parents could be, from the time I pledged to when I was president, right up until I graduated.

I was the very first one in my family for 5/6/7 generations to go to College!

Well, I guess they figured after I was Kicked out of one college, changed majors, kicked out of a Fraternity, started my own local that they did not really have much to say!

I also paid my own way through school!

I think they did not really know anything about Greek Orgs. so did not know what to say!

All I know, when they were invited as my guests to The Law Prof. House for cocktails and hor de vours, after Graduation they were very impressed! The guest list was small and My Father who could be ruff and gruff got along with Dr. Riely quite well!:cool:

Preface this by saying for Paper Chase fans, (He was the John Houseman of My Era!:)

Oh, they knew a lot of my Brothers as were from Lamar, Mo. and met them when they would come over for Homecoming!

Mom, rest her though were were a good bunch of boys, dad just though we were a little craqzy! He Loved being called Mr. Earp and had a beer or two with a bunch of College Boys!:D :cool:

my parents don't understand, but they've never had any actual GLO experience. when i told my mom that my boyfriend was going through rush, she said "why? he doesn't drink!" it was the FIRST thing that came to her mind, that the only reason a person could join a greek org. was if they wanted alcohol. also, she works at my university and one of her student workers is a ZTA. she used to always say that she never understood why Sara Studentworker was in a sorority, because she was so sweet and nice and shy. my mom assumes that sara's mom pushed her into rushing.

AARRRGGGHH. i hate how some people believe themselves to be SO open-minded when it comes to equality and all that jazz, but when it comes to being greek, their open-minds suddenly go into reverse.

because of the above, i haven't told my parents yet that i am planning on going through recruitment. i've registered with my school's panhellenic and paid the FIFTY dollar registration fee, contacted and met with many alumnae, and decided that this is what i want to do. hopefully i'll tell them before recruitment, but if not i'll let them know after i pledge if i end up getting/accepting a bid. i mean, i'm not stupid and not going to stay anywhere i'm not happy! i KNOW that my parents will change their minds if i'm happy and after they get to go to some functions and see the Real Deal. also, i think they should be proud that i am branching out - i spend so much time with my boyfriend, they should be glad to know that i've still got a lot of independant woman in me!

edited to add the following: i plan on paying most of my fees. i have a job and do not have any other major financial responsibilities. of course, if i really needed the money from them i know they would give it to me - i'll probably ask them to buy any formal dresses i need and to pay for a meal plan. i mean, a girl's gotta have a few extra bucks to throw around.

My parents were a bit confused about me wanting to join a sorority; my mom never went greek and my dad didn't go to college until after i was born. i am the first in my ENTIRE family to be greek. they were confused because I run track and XC intercollegically, and I was a jr when I annouced it. my frosh and soph year, i didn't like any of the sororities on campus and never gave a second thought to the greek system; i was one of those 'i don't need to buy my friends, i have enough teammates and friends' people. :rolleyes:
but then i read through the school newspaper and rumors about a local group and their struggle to be recognized, and i instantly knew that i had to be part of them

as far as dues, i had a 'loan' for this semster. let me tell you, being a founding sister is EXPENSIVE. once a letter got sent to them from EO, they called and said they would pay for the rest of the dues for the semester, but any thing else including 'paraphanelia' i was on my own for.

My parents attended a VERY conservative church-affiliated college in the late 60's. There were no social clubs of any kind allowed there. When I headed off for college they would not allow me to go through Rush. My mom said I could not join any social clubs, only academic-related ones. So I was in the band (MAJOR partying happening there), the drama club (Have you ever been to an after-show party? not tame by any means), the biology club (OK, that one was pretty vanilla), and participated in dorm intramurals. By the time I had convinced them that I could handle being in a sorority and that it was NOT all about drinking and sleeping around, I was a junior and had lost my opportunity (at my school juniors and seniors just did not get bids).

Now that I am an AI, they are all for it. I gave them the mother's and father's pins for Xmas and they asked a lot of questions and think it is just wonderful.


c y

My family defnitely did NOT respond well when I told them that I was joining a sorority. I knew that they wouldn't be too happy about it, so I waited until after I got my bid to tell them because I didn't want them to try to talk me out of it.

They grilled me constantly about it... They were absolutely 100% convinced that I was getting beaten up and forced to get drunk out of my mind and do really really stupid things. Ridiculous stereotypes... When one of the tires on my car blew one night, my dad said, "Well, you have to be more careful. I bet you ran over some beer bottles at the fraternity house." I started laughing, and he cut me off and told me that it wasn't funny -- I shouldn't be up there partying so much. You'd think they'd know me better than that... They also said that they wouldn't put a penny toward anything sorority-related.

After a few weeks, they loosened up a bit. A few days before initiation, I asked my mom's opinion on which pin I should order... I had narrowed it down to a few of the least expensive options, but had my heart set on another that I couldn't afford. My mom actually offered to pay for the one that I really wanted. I was in a total state of shock. When they came to pick me up, they met a few of my sisters and saw that they weren't horrible, evil people, but rather really nice girls. My diamond sister (big) went out to dinner with us, and I think that helped a lot.

Now my mom is really interested in ADPi. She's always asking me all sorts of questions, and I've let her read as much of my stuff as non-members are allowed. I recently got a letter sweatshirt in the mail that - surprise- she had ordered for me!
My dad has absolutely no interest in it at all... but at least he's off my case about it.
My brother, however, insists that I only joined for the free beer and is convinced that I've turned into some crazy drunken ho, no matter what I say. *sigh*