Second Choice?
 

Hi Sorors,
I was approached today by another soror who told me of a young lady who is now interested in joining our organization. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having interest in the organization, but this young lady was just rejected by another sorority this semester. I know this personally because my bestfriend is a member of that other sorority. Anyway, she made the comment that she should have made the right choice in the beginning. Apparently the majority of her family are AKA's and she just wanted to be different. She said that she really like our sorority and wants to become a memeber. I don't know if the "change of heart" came from her being rejected or if she is feeling the strength and the unity that we possess on our campus. I'm proud to say that we came out very strong this year and the unity we have with one another is strong and it does show. Anyway, I was wondering what you all thought about this situation. Is it fair to frown on young ladies who are interested in AKA after being rejected by another sorority? I'm really having mixed emotions about this one since the young lady just happens to be an acquaintance of mine and I know that she is a good person. Confused, but good. What's you're opinion?

Well, I'll be glad to share with you a sticky situation I'm involved in like that as we speak. I had a friend whom I thought was very close to me. We both talked about AKA for months and months (make that years), we dreamed of the day we could step over that line. We went to every function, tried to get to know as many people as we could, and everything else you do when you pursue a sorority. However, question marks began flying when I discovered that she had done some things in undergraduate school regarding both Delta and AKA. Needless to say, she never made it into either one of them. I guess she felt those things were behind her because at this point, our eyes were on AKA grad chapters only. We made a pact that if one of us crossed AKA before the other one, we would let the other ride in on our coattail the next time. Well, during 1998, we had it "in the pocket." We both had sponsors for AKA, we knew everybody we could meet, so I relaxed in that realization. But during Christmas of '98, someone approached her about in-take for a specific sorority. Now look. If you KNOW you want to be one thing, why would you even stutter if another organization came your way? This girl believed the women and actually tried to pursue them, just because someone said, "We're having rush. Are you interested?" Well, to make a long story short, she got rejected, and I crossed for AKA 17 days ago. Now, I get calls galore from her begging me to help her get into AKA. I have not forgotten about the things we talked about, and the dreams we shared. I also have not forgotten the pact we made, which is what makes all this so difficult for me. There are more things involved as well that weigh on making a decision about this. I am still upset with her for trying to pursue another route just because someone offered. It doesn't mean you're a shoe-in for that organization just because you're approached. For one to act on a mere offer only says that individual is undecided, and I don't think that's something my sorors have time for.

LikeASista this seems tragic to say the least. On the one hand you ladies made a promise to eachother but on the other this girl has straight out played AKA, and I would even go so far as to say she put your friendship on the line! Not only do we (Sorors) NOT have time for this but do 'YOU' have time for a person like this? Is she all about Alpha Kappa Alpha or is she just about being in a Greek Organization? I know it is gonna be tough for you but you need to think real long and hard about what you need to do. Remember Alpha Kappa Alpha is a serious matter. And stuff like this should not go on! I am sorry if I came off in the wrong way but I am real passionate about this! Oh and you must remember as I am sure you are aware of, it is the majority vote that counts in Grad chapter you may be a Soror, but she is not a shoe in yet, especially if another Soror in your chapter gets wind of this information.

P.S. SkeeWee14 The situation you encountered is also a tough one. I am not sure what I would say or do if I was thrown in the position. I always knew AKA was in my heart, I admit I went to other informationals when they had those (now-a-days it is all about rush); anyway, I had to make sure I was making the right choice, but I never flip-flopped back and forth and that type of thing can ruin your sorority life! I guess you have to try and see if she is genuine or if she again just wants to be down!

Maybe these ladies need 'tuff luv' make them understand they can't everything they want if they don't come correct the first time....... sorry

LadyAKA
Just giving my '08 cents of sisterly advice

[This message has been edited by LadyAKA (edited April 26, 2000).]

LadyAKA, I feel you, Soror. No offense taken. This girl not only tried to play AKA, but she is presently trying to play ME. That's why the beginning of my post stated "I had a friend whom I THOUGHT was very close to me." It turns out, she's got this OTHER friend who is in the OTHER sorority that she hangs with. This was news to me, because whenever she's with me, she speaks against the girl as if she dislikes her. One of my sorors told me that those girls were very close, which was why she tried to go the other route in the first place. She obviously wanted to be where ever this friend of hers was. It seems to be no more than a case of "When I'm with you, I wanna be AKA. When I'm with her, I wanna be [insert sorority here]," basically. When I confronted her about it, she claimed she is not close to her at all and that she doesn't even like her and all this childish goofey kid stuff. I explained to her that I did not like the feeling of being used, and that I would NOT be used under any circumstances. Now, she calls me often just to tell me that she met so and so from my chapter and she promised to help her get in. Typical.

LadyAKA, I feel you, Soror. No offense taken. This girl not only tried to play AKA, but she is presently trying to play ME. That's why the beginning of my post stated "I had a friend whom I THOUGHT was very close to me." It turns out, she's got this OTHER friend who is in the OTHER sorority that she hangs with. This was news to me, because whenever she's with me, she speaks against the girl as if she dislikes her. One of my sorors told me that those girls were very close, which was why she tried to go the other route in the first place. She obviously wanted to be where ever this friend of hers was. It seems to be no more than a case of "When I'm with you, I wanna be AKA. When I'm with her, I wanna be [insert sorority here]," basically. When I confronted her about it, she claimed she is not close to her at all and that she doesn't even like her and all this childish goofey kid stuff. I explained to her that I did not like the feeling of being used, and that I would NOT be used under any circumstances. Now, she calls me often just to tell me that she met so and so from my chapter and she promised to help her get in. Typical.

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No weapon formed against me shall prosper, for I am a child of the Most High God, Who sits upon the Throne of Grace, and rules all Heaven and Earth.

Sorry about the double post. I was trying to change the icon and add my signature.

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No weapon formed against me shall prosper, for I am a child of the Most High God, Who sits upon the Throne of Grace, and rules all Heaven and Earth.

LikeaSista and SkeeWee14 Oh No, i hope you two realize that your so called friends just want to be GREEK. I can understand a freshman or 2nd year who is just learning about the sororities to have two possible interests, but it should not take long to make a decision about which one is the right one for you. And especially if you already attended a rush or got rejected by a Sorority, OH NO DON'T COME UP TALKING ABOUT HOW NOW YOU WANT TO JOIN MY SORORITY, PA LEASE. SEND THOSE GIRLS TO STEPPING (and i don't mean at a greek show). If they are really your friends they will understand and if they really want AKA so bad (it don't look like it) then let someone else help them out, because friends don't always make the best sorors.

I feel that if someone is interested in a particular organization, then they should be loyal to that group until DEATH! When I was in school, there were girls that made it known they were into other organizations, but when their "friend" became a soror, they wanted to wear the Pink and Green. Girl, just be cautious of the T-shirt wearers. My thing is, if it takes someone 5 times to become accepted into an organization, that shows loyalty and dedication on her part. Many people just want to be say they are in this group or that group. It has to come from the heart and soul. You have to feel something! I don't know about any other organization, but for me, being a part of Alpha Kappa Alpha has to MEAN something!

From as far back as I can remember, I ALWAYS knew I wanted to be an AKA. It was something I carried around with me through school, through college and into the grad chapter where I was made. In my chapter, I have had involvement with high school students who are on their way to college and I have been asked, "How do you know what to pledge?" I always tell these young ladies the same thing, "You have to pledge your heart." If you dont' know what's in your heart, then you are better off not pledging and the organization that might have taken you is better off as well. You must know without a doubt that AKA is what you want and that you will be good for her. IF YOU HAVE ANY DOUBT, PLEASE STAY OUT!!

Interested Young Woman:

I would like to respond to your post, but you have not left contact information. What is your email address?

I'm glad you made a contribution to this message board and expressed your viewpoint. However, there are a couple of things you may want to keep in mind: please don't refer to yourself as "future soror" or "I want to be a soror." Generally only women who are already members of a sorority use the term soror. When talking about members of AKA, it is fine to say "the ladies of AKA," or "member of AKA," "your sorority sister," etc. The same goes for the term "Skee Wee." That is a call that only my sorors and I use, and even though I know you weren't using it as if you were an AKA, it may give off the wrong impression.

I hope this feedback was helpful to you.

DG

Hello ladies,
Unfortunately, I am very familiar with this topic.When I first entered college many females knew they wanted to become a member of a sorority: I knew I wanted to be an AKA, and many of my classmates wanted to be Deltas. Neither had a line until spring of 1998 when the AKAs came out.When the same classmates who wanted to be Deltas saw the probate show of the AKAs, all of the sudden that is what they wanted to be.(Keep in mind that the Deltas were suspended until this past spring.)I am not a member of a sorority, but I have personally felt that what a sorority stands for is what should attract you to it. Like pinkbunny said, these girls just wanted to be "greek".

As for IWANNABEASOROR's remark, ask yourself why a woman who wanted to be in a particular sorority for a long time would change her mind all of the sudden?If you already belong to a sorority shouldn't you be faithful?People should do their research BEFORE they decide they want to join.And I cannot comprehend how you can compare someone being turned away from a sorority to God turning His back on someone.You yourself said it troubles you how people talk about sororities as if they were a religion.

Please excuse me if I am out of line, or offend anyone.And sorry the post is so long.

Skeee-Weeee to all my Sorors. I agree whole heartedly with the opinions on whishy washy people. I had a similiar thing happen to me in college when I was in a auxiliary.A couple of us knew where r hearts were but a few were dead set against anything pink&green until a bad situation came about involving another sorority. When the few realized they would never be accepted they quickly changed their tune. A few of them actually made line with me and after. Needless to say the one's after caught it. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif Just a word of advice to any young ladies; be careful who you share your thoughts with .
P.S. Any Houston area Sorors please contact me will be visiting soon.

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Sorors, I'm in agreement with you on this one. I knew I wanted to be an AKA. There are people out there who just want to be Greek and will flip-flop from one day to the next.

There was a young lady I knew during my freshman year that wanted to be an AKA. She confided in me and another friend of mine who was also one of my line sisters. This young lady came in with college credits and attended the AKA rush during the fall of '92. She filled out her application and was notified that because she was a first semester freshman, could not pledge.

Guess what? The next semester is crossed as a Delta! I did not attend the probate show, but when my friend told me I was so shocked! This was a young woman who went on and on about AKA as much as I did! When I asked her about it, she just said she had a change of heart.

Anyway, this was kept a secret somehow and she even became the DST chapter president on campus. Eventually, the cat was let out of the bag. And according to my friend who pledged DST the same semester I pledged AKA, they were NOT happy with her when they found out.

So, I say people need to do their research, research, research. And, yes, like Soror Donna said, keep your thoughts to yourself!

I apologize if I unknowingly disrespected any member of AKA.I am sorry, and I have taken what you said Dsicogoddess to heart.Please know that my interest in your fine organization is sincere and I have the utmost respect for the ladies of AKA.

And I will be changing my chat name.

Thanks.

Ms. Iwannabe....

I'm glad you have taken my soror's advice. I think it is for the best. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

I decided to do a search on this topic instead of making a new one, so I hope no one minds if I share my situation and that this does not fall into the realm of inappropriate content according to the POW.

An associate of mine came to college knowing she wanted to be a member of ABC Sorority, but when a couple of people joked that she should join XYZ she started to seriously consider it. She attended the Rush for XYZ and was subsequently rejected.

She then went off to graduate school, and still held interest in XYZ, but due to her childish behavior, several members of XYZ did not find her desirable enough to join their ranks.

This young lady met several members of ABC sorority, whom she began bonding with. Eventually, she decided that she wanted to join ABC because that is what she wanted in the first place and she felt she would fit in with those ladies much better than she would with the members of XYZ. She even began living with members of ABC, whom she has expressed her interest to.

But then she found out that a woman at her church in a nearby city is a member of XYZ, and all of a sudden she wants to do both. She contacted me to tell me all of this, and I asked her if she was just trying to go for the organization that was going to be easier to join, and she basically said she was.

I don't know if I have a bias because I KNOW that there is no doubt in my mind as to what organization I'd like to have the privilege of joining, but I don't believe there should be a FIRST and SECOND choice. I probably have no business being mad at her because I am not a member of a sorority, but I had to let her know that what she'd told me upset me. I think it would be disrespectful of her to join an organization that she chose because it was the easiest to get into, not because it was in her heart. I know I am not a member of any Greek organization, but my interest is passionate and sincere, and it breaks my heart to know that she would join any sorority out of convenience and just to have letters, ANY letters. I wouldn't dare do that and disrespect the founders and members of ANY organization.

I'm just wondering if this 'first choice, second choice' thing is common and maybe I was wrong for expressing my displeasure with my associate's situation. Perhaps I was being too hard on her, and I should let her go ahead and figure out what the 'easier' choice is.

*Sorry for the long post, just venting!

Just food for thought
 

It's possible that a person will be rejected into org XYZ because the sorors want to see what she will do next. If she stays strong and continues her interest, then she may be accepted the next time around. If the XYZ sorors she that she is the type to do whatever is available, then the time they let her "marinate" will reveal that.

Membership is a lifelong committment. You can't allow people to join because you feel a PERSONAL obligation. If they don't get accepted this year, they may get accepted another year. Some people just need time to mature.

I was speaking with some sorors over the weekend and one of them said something to me that I thought was very salient. She said "I belong to Alpha Kappa Alpha. Alpha Kappa Alpha does NOT belong to me."

I agree with everything that has been said here. But here in the South there is no next time if you talk about AKA and DST. If one doesn't make it on their first attempt then they can hang it up. Now I always tell Kappa interest if it didn't work out for you in undergrad, don't stop pursuing Kappa. But that applies to everyone. Nowadays however, people don't want to wait. They get discouraged and if another organization comes along they jump at it. We had that happen at FSU this year where a young lady submitted for AKA and didn't make it. The following year she's coming out on the line of another organiztion. Everyone knows this and it's not a secret.Which had me stumped. Clearly the new organization would have heard about this. I guess we can add this post with other posts on GC recently about the state of the NPHC. There is no tradition or history anymore. People view us as mere clubs or as agencies to help them get a job or into grad school. :mad: :rolleyes: :confused: :( :eek: .

That's what I'm talking about.

I can't imagine just going for another organization because my opportunity to join the one I really wanted passed me by. I've always said that if it never happens then God is telling me I'm not meant to be apart of it and He has other things in store for me. I can't sit there and profess my love for Choice B because obviously I don't love it enough for it to have been the one and ONLY choice.

But my associate just came to me not even two weeks ago talking all excitedly about how ABC sorority members had been so nice to her and telling her she'd make a good member, and this week because she met a member of XYZ sorority at church she doesn't know which she should choose. But since she heard ABC is harder to get into, she's thinking about XYZ.

Personally, I don't think she should do either right now. Not until she figures out what she really wants...but it's obvious she just wants to be Greek.

To me, as an interest, there isn't a second choice. If you are truly interested as you say you are, then you wouldn't be distracted or swayed by what another person does or how they try to influence you. You have to be settled in your heart that you will not give up until either 1. you make it or 2. you die.

Life-long journey for me...
 

Fourth time (various reasons beyond my control {except 1st time}) was the charm for me. AKA truly was and *IS* the only way for me. I had the opportunity to join another organization that was "easier" to get into (as others have mentioned), but I didn't want to go out like that. I would have considered it a great disappointment and failure on my part if I never made it, but I don't have to worry about that now. :)

I guess that depends on the person. Judging from all of the "testimonials" in this forum, it *must* be more common than it *should* be. I don't know any "flip-floppers" personally, but some of my line sisters do. Let's just say it's a "recent" occurrence in our "neck-of-the-woods"; as Forrest Gump would say, "That's all I have to say about that." :rolleyes:

True dat...profound statement, indeed.

1) That's true...to an extent. It may depend on the chapter and the members & prospectives involved. With that said, we *do* pay close attention and investigate! "Big Sister" (as opposed to "Big Brother") is *ALWAYS* watching!!! :o

2) No isht! And, that saddens me (even as a neophyte!). As our Soror Moderator mentioned before, you have to watch out for the "T-shirt wearers". :mad:

Thanks for the responses, everyone!!!

I see that, unfortunately, this is a common occurance among many aspirants.

I'd think after being in school for 6 years (undergrad and grad) you'd have a pretty good idea of what organization you'd like to try to become a member of, but I guess for some it still comes down to what's the easiest or which organization offers the first opportunity to join, not what's truly in your heart. But that's only because there is no one organization in your heart, just a desire to be a part of something, anything.

I know that it doesn't bode too well with the members of BGLO's that the futures of your respective organizations will be in the hands of some folks who chose to join because it was convenient.

:(

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To those who do have first and second choices: Are you really going to put in 100% into that organization and upholding the values set forth by their respective founders, or are your contributions going to be like your attitude about chosing which org you want to be a member of? Will you only give 50% because you were only 50% sure you wanted to be a member? Will your love for that organization wane after the novelty of being a ABC wears off in the eyes of others, or will your organization still be near and dear to your heart if people stop treating you differently because of your affiliation? How will you handle being associated with an organization in which many of its members have dreamt of the day they would be called upon to join its ranks, while you just hopped on the first thing that came across your lap? If you choose your second choice because it was easier, can you honestly say that you won't regret your decision?

I have to add my .08 cents....

The second time was the charm for me. Of course rejection of any kind hurts. So I can understand how people get upset and may turn their attention to other forms of volunteer service (not other NPHC sororities or frats). I always knew that AKA was the only way for me. And now, being over in AKAland, working my tail off feels so good!

Sounds like PerfectVerse06's friend is looking to belong somewhere, anywhere. That need to feel wanted may speak to a greater problem for your friend. Sororities or fraternities don't fix your personal problems. :( I certainly think your friend shouldn't join any sorority until she becomes mature enough to choose one and be comfortable with her choice.

But for me, a second choice did not and does not exist.

...not really becuase the choice of who is made, remains with us.

Absolutely.

But the fact remains that there are people out there who believe in this 'first choice, second choice' nonsense, and some of those people do end up in BGLO's, just based on the stories shared on this one messageboard that is evident. I mean, for example, how did the term 'T-Shirt Wearer' originate in the first place? There had to have been some folks emulating the characteristics of someone who'd joined a BGLO for extrinsic reasons in order to coin that phrase.

I don't want to be accused of suffering from 'Rain Man' syndrome and get in trouble for discussing NPHC matters when I'm not a part of it ;) so I'll worry about me, myself, and I and exit, stage left.

Thanks for the input, everyone!

/\ Rain Man Syndrome. Is that listed in the DSM IV-TR? If so under which of the 5 fields can I find it? Can anyone get it? Is it contagious? Is it due to a chemical imbalance? Should I be concerned with a pandemic of Rain Man Syndrome hitting the U.S. I'm just saying I want to be prepared.

Yeah, that is true however it is faulty judgment to say that "the future of our respective organizations will be in the hands of those" few folks. The majority of members of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority Incorporated are active and financial. The future of AKA does not lie in the hands of inactive, flip floppers...how could it? they are inactive. The future of AKA lies in the hands of those who put in WORK, TIME, ENERGY, MONEY, etc.

You're right, absolutely right!!!

In my moment of anger I made an inaccurate statement.

For every one T-Shirt Wearer there is probably 100 who are dedicated to their respective organizations, so the future of BGLO is not in peril.

Thank you for reminding me of that without being harsh.

This girl has just really irked me, and I'm blowing off steam on here. She has me ready to yank the hair out of my head and have me looking bald like this: :(

This made me chuckle. Carry on.

CTHU

Be afraid.....be VERY afraid.

This is WORSE than the bird flu.

More terrible than SARS.

Scarier than COOTIES.

And like many other ailments, a song has been produced to raise awareness and funds to rid the human race of this awful disease. The song is entitled, "Blame it on the Rain Man" and it's only $9.99 at Best Buy!

I'm heading to the doctor right now to get some antibiotics to try and get rid of it. Until then I'll have to be placed under quarantine. I'll have a place at the bottom of my door so that folks can slide in food, beverages, and reading literature for me to consume while I wait for the coast to be clear. (Sammiches, red Kool-Aid, Cake and African-American literature would be greatly appreciated)

Re: Just food for thought
 

Soror Sahara, I love that quote. It's something to think about.
And as someone who received the opportunity to belong to Alpha Kappa Alpha 14 years after graduation, it is well worth the wait.
:)

I am reading the previous posters to say that they believe in trying more than once with the same organization not that they are standing up for applying to a second choice. Or may I am confused :confused:

The responses have touched on both.

A few other posters and I have talked about people who have joined their second choice organization when it wasn't possible for them to join their first choice organization for whatever reason.

Other posters have shared their stories and stated that even though circumstances prevented them from joining their first choice organization, their love and desire to be apart of that one organization remained steadfast. They didn't decide to just try and join something else or choose a second orgaization just in case.

So it's a lil bit of both ideas.