Tips for dating a navy man?
 

KillarneyRose and I have already spoken about this, but I thought i'd start a thread.

I met an absolutely wonderful guy this weekend at a wedding (the bride's mother and his sister have been setting up a little matchmaking here for a few months)- we hung out all night of the wedding and all the next day. He's in the navy (went to the Academy) and lives in Seattle (i'm in Pittsburgh).

So I guess my questions are:

Advice for dating a guy in the military?

How do you deal when he's away? (at least he's on a sub... so when he's out, he's underwater the whole time... not docking anywhere to get in trouble with some Thai hookers :p )

Any general advice for starting a long distance relationship (i've never had one!) in this sort of context?

He's already made a great effort to get things going- has called me everyday (even this morning!) and we've been emailing frequently. I was skeptical that maybe it was just a fun little flingy-type thing, but he's really impressed me, and I definately think he's worth it.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Whatever military base you are closest to, contact the Family Affairs office...they can give you a lot of advice and support dealing with dating a man out to sea and dealing with all the issues that may come up.

He's a 'bubblehead'? :) (Navy slang for a submariner.) The submarine service is also known as the 'silent service' and for good reason: they stay down below and literally become one with the ocean. Get found, you die.

It really depends on what type of submarine he's on. If he's on an SSN (the fast attack boats) they could be gone for months at a time, on missions so highly classified that he can't (and won't) tell you anything about it.

If he's on an SSBN (the Trident ballistic missile submarines) the patrols are more regimented; they have two separate crews, called Blue and Gold; while the Blue crew is on patrol, the Gold crew is ashore training, on leave, etc. SSBN patrols ('boomers' in Navy slang) last approximately 80 days.

Become interested in the Navy. Learn to read a military person's uniform: ranks and rates, ribbons, medals and decorations, and other insignia. The military uniform, to the initiate, will tell you the rank, unit (sometimes), awards and decorations he or she earned, as well as qualifications.

Take notice of his 'dolphins' (the submarine qualified insignia); a LOT of hard work went into making him qualified to wear them; while he's learning to become qualified, he gets mercilessly razzed by the other already-qualified dolphin wearers.

Be patient; if he's on patrol, he may not be able to answer e-mails. I don't know if they still send 'familygrams', (brief messages sent to the submarine by family and friends) but subs nowadays can pick up and send e-mail when operational requirements dictate.

Hope this helps.

Pay attention to AlphaSigOU, Dani, he knows his isht!

(Although I would have probably rephrased "get found, you die" a little differently! ;) )

Yep, he's a "bubblehead"... he's also a "nuc" (slang that KillarneyRose told me)... works on a nuclear submarine, can't really tell me anything specific that they do. He went to "nuc school" after finishing at the Academy. We haven't really talked specifically about what level of communication he has when he's out on the sub.... but I don't think it's much.

Does anyone know of any good websites with basic navy info on it? Cliff notes to navy stuff :p

Thank you so much for your advice, AlphaSigOU!

but dont send really personal stuff on family grams or email, it is not private at all and he will be teased unmercifully over mushy personal stuff :)

i feel your pain my boyfriend is applying for the NUPOC program, so next summer he will be away a lot

i am excited for him, but dreading it at the same time. My biggest fear is us not staying together, and the local women. yes, the local women bother me.

Hehe... don't mind me, I was getting a little direct and to the point. :) The unofficial motto of the 'boomers' is "we hide with pride." Some wags will dub 'em "chicken of the sea" ;) (To date no Ohio-class SSBN has ever been detected underwater by anyone other than a US attack sub in training exercises.)

Much of the details on nuclear power in the Navy are highly classified and one of its most closely-guarded secrets. Most tours of submarines in port stop at the bulkhead dividing the living spaces from the engineering spaces.

Suggested sites: the Navy's official website at www.navy.mil. For detailed info (short of giving up classified) on submarines all over the world try http://www.rontini.com/ .

Also a good site and a guided tour of a submarine: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/subsecrets/spriconhi.html . This is the USS Springfield (SSN 761).

woohoo......... just found out that i'm going to Seattle two weekends from now to visit him!

Watch out, LOL -- my good friend Kellie met a Navy guy last July, and after spending a total of 12 days together over several months, they got engaged. They were just married earlier this month, and last week she moved to Hawaii where he's stationed. They seem crazy happy together!

Those Navy boys move quickly!

bumping for the daytime crew's advice :D

best of luck with your navy man!!!!


hahaha.. that's so true! One of my best guy friends in high school joined the Navy, and we still kept in touch after he moved to the east coast. One time I called his phone & some other guy answered and I asked for my friend, and he was like 'sure.. just a second" and in the background I could hear him say "oOOOoOoO!!! Tony it's your GIRLFRIEND!!!!" lol silly.. we were never more than friends, but I always thought that was funny when it happened :p

http://www.crescentmoontalent.com/corporate/village.jpg

In the Navy, yes, you can sail the seven seas.
In the Navy, yes, you can put your mind at ease.
In the Navy, come on now people, make a stand.
In the Navy, can't you see we need a hand.
In the Navy, come on, protect the motherland.
In the Navy, come on and join your fellow, man.
In the Navy, come on, people, and make a stand.
In the Navy, in the Navy.

Be prepared to be alone a lot. I come froma military family.

It depends on your temperment more than any advice we can really give you. It depends on how much you need "your man" around you, and how busy you are in your own life.

And how much physical attention you need.

If you need a lot of physical attention, or a lot of emotional support from the man in your life, you are looking at being unhappy a lot. And maybe even not knowing why.

And worse you could wake up many years from now (as many military brides do) and realize why. And feel like you wasted a lot of time.

IF you are the type of person that doesn't need a lot of the above, or have developed a lot of "surrogate" support systems then you should be fine.

but if you have developed a lot of surogate support systems either you won't need him anyway lol.

But most of this advice applies to long term committment lol. As for "dating" just have fun.

That's pretty sound advice there, James, thank you.

One good thing is that if this does work out in the long run, he only has 2 years left of his "mandatory" service (have to do 5 years at last when you graduate from the Academy), and I think he wants to stay in about 2 years after that. But it's definately NOT going to be a lifelong career for him. If it were, I don't think I could do that. Too much time apart, and with my field, I can't be moving around a lot. That's the pain about being a lawyer- if you're moving and want to get a job, you have to go through the whole process of taking the bar in that state.

But, that's getting a bit ahead of things. I guess all I can do is see what happens.... if he was just some guy that I was in it for a "fling" with, I don't think i'd be trying. There's definately serious long-term potential, so that's why I think i'm going to try to do this.

Thank god for law school and KD, I have so much to keep me busy! :) And oh yeah, GC too ;)

I was going to say that buttons are harder to operate than zippers. Take your pick.

But maybe I shouldn't.

So sorry. That was really tacky.

I dated a guy in the Navy for about a year. I knew him from back in high school. I went to college in NC, and the Navy based him in San Diego, CA. So, we had a super long distance relationship. I guess my best advice would just be to have patience. Military jobs can be very uncertain at times... they don't always know where they will be or what they will be doing. That was hard for me to deal with at first because we could never make difinite plans. As for when they when they go on deployment, you have to have a lot of trust for one another and be commited to making it work. My ex was on a carrier, so he was still able to e-mail and call when he was out to sea. We also wrote lots and lots of letters. I also got to know a lot of his Navy friends and their girlfriends & wives. We all kept in constant contact when the boys where gone, it was nice to have that support network.

Well I think the majority knows how I feel about Navy boys.

That's what I get for going after a youngster.....shoulda waited till he was a more mature firstie.

Nah, firsties are too full of themselves. Best to wait 'til they are commissioned Ensigns and their egos are bumped down a notch.

I had no idea we had Navy boys in common, DGqueen! I KNEW I liked you! :) I don't know your Navy boy story, though. Do you have a link if you posted it here?

Yea you are probably right about the firsties....hmmm I do believe his brother just got commissioned perhaps I chose the wrong one. Haha. ;)

Anyway the saga unfolds here

Fuck all this Navy shit, if I was going to be in the military I'd join the Marine Core.

If he didn't get you a plush Bill to snuggle with, he needs a swift kick in the shins with pointy shoes.

KR knows all about Bill!

She is so right, wait until after graduation, I think there is something in the water in Bancroft Hall.

ETA: cashmoney it is Marine CORPS

Oh I def got a Bill;) Of course I don't really want it anymore.

Bancroft Hall is pretty....

Bill is a wonderful friend, he doesn't hog the bed, he is travel sized for your convenience, always stylish in gold and blue, he listens to what you have to say, and doesn't leave dirty clothes around the house (because you know those mids get their laundry done for them, and have no concept of a hamper), lastly he doesn't hog the remote control.

He was quite the comfort when I had multiple surgery as well, and even got bandaged up similarly so I wouldn't feel so self conscious.

Forget your youngster, just stick with Bill until graduation!!!

Heh good deal. Although the Navy image fits well the whole Delta Gamma anchor.

Well once your hormones kick in you arer kind of stuck, but I would say if you have a choice, don't fall in love with someone in the military unless he is about to get out.

It can be a lot of seperation and uncertainty otherwise.

Nothing goes down quicker. :D

Who the hell is Bill? :confused: I know chicks who know Bob, but no Bill. :rolleyes:

Bill the Goat is the Naval Academy's mascot...

http://www.usna.edu/Admissions/images/faq/bill.jpg



Just some random eye candy I thought I'd throw in :)

http://www.navysportsphotos.com/imag...chOn11902J.jpg

i'll take him!

Watch out for those mids...they sure look nice but they can bite!

Only if you ask nicely ;)

Haha!

Hey kddani and AuroraBorealis, how are things going with your Navy boys these days?

I'll send you a PM about it (I keep meaning to).

Bill is still my main man!

My last serious relationship was with a guy that was initially in the Navy. While it was just my experience, and relationships are obviously different for everyone and you need to make your own choices, I feel that the main reason our relationship didn't work out was because of his being away a lot so much in the beginning cuz of the military that we didn't get to know each other and we got caught up in the whole romanticness of it all. When things ended I honestly took this the hardest of any break up I have ever encountered. I feel that the reason I felt this way was because I put so much into the relationship while he was away and felt that if we were able to get through the seperation, we could get through anything. That was not the case though. I also know a lot of military people and they are all divorced. They all got married young and now are divorced and even some of them have kids. It is a lot to take on but if you are ready to deal with that I say go for it.

I met my ex-husband while he was at the Naval Academy. I was going to Washington College nearby. I'm from Annapolis and swore I would never date a mid. They are the biggest group of either huge dorks or cocky asses. My parents have always sponsored a mid for as long as I can remember. (side sad note.... one of our mids died a few years ago when he fell out his dorm window at the Academy. It was very sad and we miss John Paul very much.) Anyways.... I met and fell for my mid just in time for the Ring Dance. :) Dating a mid sucks butt big time. I couldn't ever call him, had to wait for him to call me. I'd drive the 2 hours from school for a date with him (it was easy being from Annapolis I could just stay the night at my parents house) only to find out that someone in his company got in trouble and he couldn't go out because they were all being forced to stay in. And curfews?! Don't even get me started on curfews for adults. That sucked especially since I was in college and could come and go as I pleased. And the fact they are allotted only a certain number of weekends sucked butt as well. The funniest part though is I know the guys down in the office of the dorm knew me by name because we'd break up at least once a month and I'd haul all of his shit to the office in a box and they'd have to call him down to get it. Then he'd call me and tell me the guys in the office would just smile and be like, "that time of the month again, huh?" LOL I hated all the stupid dances especially after finding out that they gave each other stupid awards for who had the hottest and ugliest dates.

Anyways.... we ended up getting married after he graduated because he was moving to Quantico for Basic School (he went Marine) and I refused to move as a girlfriend. BIG MISTAKE. We married too young and before I could really understand what the military is actually like. I am definitely not cut out for being alone. I need constant attention. :)

So don't ask now that I'm divorced from a Marine, why on earth am I dating an Air Force guy?!

Whew, some of these stories helps me to appreciate that my current SO is no longer in the military (Spec Ops/Navy Seal).

Good luck and if its meant to be, both of you will find a way to make it happen. :)

Since the breakup of the former Mr. Bunny and myself a while back, I have started to s-l-o-w-l-y get back out there and see what I was missing. I grew up in a Marine Corps family, in a Navy town... all I've ever known is military men. Well, I've met a Navy guy who's stationed on the USS Iwo Jima [LHD 7]. They're heading out to sea for 2 1/2 weeks starting Monday. We've hung out and watched movies, gotten dinner together, stuff like that. It's nice to be able to talk to someone and not feel the pressure of a serious relationship. We plan to email back and forth while he's gone, and we've already made dinner plans for when he gets back.

I'm kind of excited about this, cuz I'm finally seeing what you guys had said when I was having my problems with the former Mr. Bunny- when you find someone who really cares about who you are as a person, you kinda go "so THIS is what it's supposed to feel like!" I'm happy now :)

I thought you're a lesbian? :confused:

Conveniently forgetting the fact the Marine Corps is part of the Navy I see....of course, I always like this march cadence we had:

I don't know but it's been said
Air Force wings are made of lead

I don't know but I've been told
Navy wings are made of Gold

As far as dating a Naval Officer Nuc, coming from my experience as an enlisted puke snipe.....

If nothing else, keep communicating with him, just to ensure he gets messages. Mail was a lifeline while at sea. Though on subs I think it is more difficult and you are limited in message length, send something every opportunity you can. It's a morale booster that can't be calculated!

Even if you don't think it'll go anywhere, just send friendly hello messages - care packages always great (but I don't think subs take 'em, since they get underway and stay hidden for so long).

And yes, Boomers were "Chicken of the Sea" to us, but then, they always said "there are two types of ships in the Navy: subs, and TARGETS"