Parents always right?
 

I know everybody can think of times when they should have listened to their parents' advice and didn't, but do you all think parents (or older brothers or sisters or aunts or uncles or whoever) are usually right? I'm debating about whether or not I should listen to mine. :p

Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it!), they are usually right.

I'm kinda backwards...they're usually wrong.
(they just don't know what's best for me!)

General Rule:

They usually will give "A Right Answer" among the many right answers available. Generally the anwer will be a little more conservative or protective.

Often times there is not a clear cut "wrong answer" among lifes decisions.

I think it depends on the parent. Some parents are probably not as qualified to give advice as they may think. My parents usually try to help me see angles which I may otherwise overlook. They often play the devils advocate. I know people who have parents that try to manipulate and control, and their advice usually is way off base. I'm lucky I guess.

I think that for my sisters, my parents were right. The two oldest girls both had quickie weddings to guys our parents couldn't stand. My step sister ran off to Reno and married her guy because *her* mother did not want him at Thanksgiving. Kind of an over reaction...it turned out he was a total skank and on drugs and they divorced. However she did get my adorable and amazing nephew from all that turmoil so it wasn't all bad. My biological sister was seeing a guy fifteen years older, with an ex wife and a daughter. They called our parents from City Hall and said "be here at 1 we're getting married". He also was a skank, my sister was putting him through seminary and put off going to college for him, and when they separated he stopped going to school. Eight years down the drain. They are both remarried now.

My parents are pretty liberal and are of the school of thought "let them make their own choices and mistakes and support them" which has made me a pretty conservative person. I think it really varies as to what they think they are right about. And most of the time it isn't an issue of right/wrong, but that they have our best interests in mind.

I guess I should have narrowed the question down a little...do you all think that parents know best when it comes to judging character of, say, the people their children date as aurora_borealis was talking about?

In my own experience, I would definately say parents are *usually* right.

Of course I didn't think the same way... (especially back then), but in retrospect, I definately feel they always had my best interests at heart and glad I listened to them.:)

Not really, unless its brutally obvious and all your friends are telling you the same thing lol.

However, assuming that you don't marry one of the first boys you date, and stay blissfully married to him forvever, your parents have really good odds of being proven right.

Its their premise that is questionable.

If I tell you that your relationship is not going to work out. Or that you will end up unhappy with the man you are about to marry I have a majority chance of being right without even knowing you or them lol.

Just try and keep that in mind when listening to people tell you that THEIR parents were always right.

For the rest of it, Bethany1982 has the right of it I think, it will depend on the parents as individuals and how perceptive they are both of your SO and your needs.

Well, I was always right.

Usually.

Sometimes.

Actually, our middle daughter, our "Challange Child" who is now 23 says everything I told her that she violently disagreed with -- I was right.

That prove it.

Right?

With significant others, it really depends. There's a difference between a mother who is concerned because she sees a potential for an abusive relationship in the guy you haven't dated for a while, but who treats you like a queen than the mother who doesn't like your significant other because he's of a different race/religion/social class/not the right career.

I could not have answered that question in my twenties....I had to be a parent to answer this. The reason that parents are often well qualified to give advice is that we've "been there, done that". We've seen our friends and relatives insist on staying in relationships that they denied were abusive...but were. We've seen women on campuses with few guys date and marry awful men just to have someone. And we've watched friends absolutely ignore huge red flags in relationships--they would get involved with people who wouldn't introduce them to their friends and families--or who insisted in controlling all aspects of their lives.

It's horrible to see someone you love walking into a bad situation that they refuse to acknowledge.:(

Carnation,

A very good answer. In many things and many ways I realize that I'm probably not as natively intelligent as my kids. What I do have, though, is 20/20 hindsight -- roughly translated to a lot of life experience.

Another way of saying that is that our children don't often realize that we already made those mistakes and would rather that they not go through that heartache and/or brain damage.

The older I got, the smarter my parents seemed. If nothing else, most parents have their children's best interest at heart.

what sucks is when parents think that they have the only answer and that you dont know any better.

I think this is very true, which may cause them to error on the side of conservatism. Which isn't wrong.

The problem is that the children either want definitive answers or to hear what they want to hear.

They don't realize that what their parents can provide them is with perspective something that as Carnation and DEltaAlum have said is extremely valuable.

Personally I have generic advice fo everyone.

Don't get married, Don't get pregnant, Don't catch a disease, Don't become a felon.

You can pretty much do or try anything else without messing up your life lol. But those things can make it a lot harder to start over.

no kids want to learn things for themselves. they dont necessarily think that their parents are dumb or whatever, kids just want to learn from the own mistakes. kids should be able to make their own decisions at around 18, or when the show a great level of maturity. parents need to learn to back off and realize that they dont always know what is best. i am not jumping on all of the parents, i know that they love their children. it just seems like because they constantly tell them what to do (when they kids are adults) the parents think that the kids cant think for themselves.
yes i am letting my personal life influence this statement.

Honest, I'm not trying to be smug, overbearing, all knowing, a smartass or anything else.

But, let's visit this topic again in fifteen or twenty years and see what perspectives have changed.

When I was your age....
 

I usually ran things by my parents, especially big things. I also have the blessing/curse of THREE older sisters and an older brother. When I finally became a teenager there was nothing left to do to rebel and torment my parents with. I couldn't do anything original like get a tattoo, stay out all night, sneak off to Mexico, shack up and live with someone, or elope. My brother is rather well behaved as well. I could have gotten pregnant but I wasn't dating seriously since boys my age were dumb. I think if I truly wanted to rebel I would have to become a Republican and joined the Marines. My parents being liberal and living in San Francisco made me quite conservative. I still haven't smoked a cigarette or tried recreational drugs, but I drink

Here is an example...I met a youngish man in his late twenties. He is a former Navy SEAL rides has a Harley, has tattoos and thinks he is rather bad ass. He says "oh I bet your parents will freak when you bring me home for Sunday dinner, your mom will be shocked and your step father will want to kill me!" little did he know my mother is married to an ex-SEAL who was also a biker. Nice try. Like I said, if he was a Republican and a Marine, it would have been quite different.

What scares me is when I start to sound or act like my mother...especially in reference to obnoxious teenagers...ugh.

The older I get, it seems that my world differs more and more from what my parents did at my age, so it's hard for them to give me advice about what to do as far as my life as it stands today is. A large amount of mutual trust and respect exists between me and Mommy and Daddy Munchkin, so I can usually tell the difference between "we're doing this for your own good," and attempts to control what they cannot. Besides, by the time I came around, they were pretty laid-back! :D

As the all-knowing Arya would (probably) say:

"The more things change, the more they stay the same."

ITs funny that you mention 15-20 years here DeltaAlum. In free response surveys given to people at the end of their life spans the most common response about things they wished they did was take more risks and chances.

But they are not being asked as parents, they are being asked as individuals with a great deal of experience.

The problem with dealing with "parents" and I haven't had any in a long time, is they distill their experience and present it to you through the ROLE of being a parent.

Always keep that role in mind when talking to them, because it will color any advice they give you. A good question for a parent to ask himself/herself is would he/she give the same exact advice to someone they had no emotional investment.

Kind of those Rose Colored Glasses Kant mentions.