boyfriend and greek life
 

So here is the story...I got to school in Connecticut and my boyfriend of 4 years goes to school in Colorado. I am a founding sister of a DZ chapter here and so far he has been ok with the whole thing. I have been in for a year. Now that he is coming home for the summer, all of a sudden he doesnt want me to be in a sorority, he keeps bashing them and calling me a 'sorosititute' and other awful things. This is really starting to get to me. I'm not sure how to handle it because he has not said anything in the year that I have been involved until now....does anyone else have a boy or girlfriend agaist greek life who has any advice!

Re: boyfriend and greek life
 

What are his specific objections? If he's just calling you names that seems a little immature.

kinda weird that a BF of after four years is changing just because you are in a sorority. if their are any girls from your chapter that live near you, introduce him to them. the only way to prove him wrong is to prove him how much they and your organization means to you. and if he is still being weird, then i dont know...

I had a boyfriend like that. Notice the key word is HAD...

Well, I'm kinda in the same boat. My Boyfriend of 3 1/2 years is pretty much against greek life all around (he thinks they're full of bitchy clones, and are only there to mold others into more bitchy clones :rolleyes: ) and he doesn't like the idea of me rushing. I've talked to him about it, and even though he's against it, he's said that he's not going to love me any less if I do join one. Your boyfriend sounds like maybe he feels threatened by your involvement. It was ok when he wasn't in town, but now that he's coming back, maybe he thinks you won't have any time for him so he has to bash it. I would definitely have a talk with him to let him know that just because your involved doesn't mean that he's left behind. The fact that the name calling only began recently leads me to think that he might not be as anti-greek as he wants you to think. But hey, if after you talk to him you find out he really is, maybe you should think about how much you want to be with a guy who calls you a prostitute ( if not in exactly those terms) just for being involved with a group of girls...just a thought

Ask him what his problem is, and if he can't discuss whatever concerns or fears (e.g., you're going to dump him for a fraternity guy, it takes too much time, you're going to flunk out, etc) he has in a constructive and adult manner, just inform him that he won't need to date a "sorostitute" any longer.

P.S. ....guys often like to blame things like your sorority for what they consider problems in the relationship, when it is just you growing and changing. That is, the sorority is a symptom, not the cause.

Anyone who calls you names doesn't deserve your company. Dump him.

I totally understand where you're coming from....my boyfriend's in the "paying for friends" school of anti-greek. I figured if he wanted to leave me over something like that it wasn't worth it. If the relationship isn't strong enough to stand up to something like this...it's never going to make it in the long run anyway.

My ex was so inherent on me applying to college and making something out of myself. Then, when I got in and started attending classes he changed. He wanted me around all the time (and I mean every spare minute, even if it meant skipping class) but I lived on campus, 20 minutes or more from his house. Things were okay for a while and then I pledged in the spring. The poo really hit the fan then. He said "but you promised me you wouldn't join a sorority" (which is so not true) and always gave me crap about it. Whenever I had an event, he would always talk me into not going and then make me feel guilty for not being there later on. The final straw came at formal in November when he said he didn't want to go to my formal because he hates everything Zeta. I told him fine, that I would find another date (and I did). All of a sudden he wanted everything to do with my sisters, while still claiming he'd be miserable. Anyway, I went to formal with a guy one of my sisters set me up with, left my bf, and am now a happy woman. Any guy who calls you names or makes you feel bad isn't worth it!!! It took me 3 years to realize that he was holding me back. My grades suffered and I wasn't nearly as involved with Zeta as I could have been, and I'm paying for it now. Do what makes you happy!

Someone on GC has the best tagline for that "paying for friends" crap:

If I had to pay for my friends, I didn't pay near enough!

So, this boyfriend (I'd emphasis the BOY portion based on what the originator of the thread has described it) goes to school here in Colorado...any chance it's Fort Loser (Lewis)? If so, that explains a lot of his perceptions....

If your boyfriend is calling you a sorostitute, I'm sorry, but he's a complete jerk and totally disrespecting you. I don't care what his reasons are... if you care about someone you don't call them names like a 5 year old.

Amen to that! Also, I would agree with all those who said that dating a boy who calls you names isn't too cool.

My fiance went to a college (and now works there) that doesn't have GLOs. While we were at dinner one night, he asked me why I was so gung ho about my sorority. I thought a moment or two, then told him:

1) I made a lifelong commitment. Making that commitment made me better prepared for *other* lifelong commitments.
2) I learned how to balance my time, schoolwork, and need to be involved in charity work in one fell swoop.
3) My sisters have been there for me much more so than anyone else I can name (I think I told him that best friends will be angry at someone who hurts you bad, but sorority sisters will help you hide the body!)
4) I believe in my sorority's Creed - every word of it.
5) My sorority has a lifelong foundation for the support of not just college women, but for any sister who is in need.

etc, etc.

Being able to come up with that list so quickly was good for MY soul, and helped him better understand when I need to "go play sorority girl".

Knowledge = Power. Always.

He goes to the University of Colorado at Boulder

boys are stupid
throw rocks at them:mad:

He is upset because he thinks its going to "change me" because i am kinda of a free spirit art student and hes afraid I am going to become a typical sorority girl he sees in movies. He is so threatened by the time i spend with my sisters. I just want him to understand! His other problem is that I used to be very very anti-Greek life when I got to college, and he thinks I have been brainwashed or something. Can I please throw rocks at him??? hheheheh

This statement throws up a big red flag for me. A person who truly loves you will allow you to have friends and interests outside of him, even if your interests aren't necessarily his "thing." For example, my fiance would never join a fraternity, but I've explained to him why I want to be in a sorority and he respects that.

A good boyfriend/husband/friend will understand that it's OK for the two of you to do things separately now and then.

Reassure him that you are still the same woman that he fell in love with. If he can't accept that, you might need to reconsider the relationship.

Tell your BOY friend...
 

....that being in a sorority did NOT change Georgia O'Keeffe!! I assume he has heard of that very famous artist;) She was a Kappa Delta!

Everyone's giving you excellent advice.

Like you, I'm the artsy type, with a few radical politics thrown in. I shocked the hell out of a lot of people by Rushing, to the extent that I hid it from a friend for over a semester just 'cause I didn't need her to say that I bought my friends. Whatever. If people are going to be unsupportive, you probably didn't need them in your life anyway...

But, frankly, if he can't handle it and is calling you a sorositute :eek:, it might be time to re-evaulate some things. I understand that Mr. Munchkin isn't a big fan of Greek Life (he thinks it is elitist, and that I could make just as good friends in another activity). The important thing, however, is that he supports MY decision to make it a big part of MY life; he has even befriended some of my sisters. He understands that I am a social person and that I thrive in the environment. After I realized that he understood that, our relationship continued to blossom.

Best of luck with everything!

Be realistic. It is paying for friends and experiences. Other people just want to say that ina derogatory way, I think its more neutral.

Plus, Baron's used to say that the Greek Experience was the best buy in college for several reasons.

Hate to say it, but I agree with James.
You ARE buying a social life. It is usually meant in a derogative way, though, but I don't think there's anything wrong with saying its the truth.

Are you buying access to parties, group activities, bonding activities, and a "clubhouse" if you will, to hang out at? Yes, yes you are. As far as I know most sororities and fraternities aren't free.

However, I disagree with the common statement saying that you buy friends. You can spend as much money as you want, there is no guarantee that you'll make any friendships. People deactivate because of it all the time. You can buy the ACCESS to hang out with these people, but you can't buy their friendship.

Very true AxJules.

"ACCESS" may be the key word. You buy access to people and activities you wouldn't normally have easy exposure.

And:

Opportunity to make more friends.

IF joining a fraternity or sorority is the only way you can make friends, I might be tempted to agree.

But most of us would make them whether we pledged or not -- just like everone else. So, in some ways, saying that is more of an insult to you than to the fact that you joined a sorority, or the sorority system itself -- implying that you CAN'T make friends without your GLO.

I think there are a lot more, and better, reasons to belong, so I have to disagree in this case.

But a GLO is essentially a social group than in some places has housing. I think the idea is that you are paying for more access to social events and therefore people than the average person would have without membership.

If there wasn't a "more" component, I don't think anyone would join. I just think we are sensitized to the words "buying our friends".

I suspect there are at least some of us who never intended to rush at all, but were invited by someone who was already a friend, and found we liked the rest of the people there.

At least that's the way it was in my case.

I was shocked to be invited, and even more surprized that I decided to accept a bid.

Just seemed like a good group to hang out with. I already had lots of friends in the R-TV Department.

And, they were free. Just kidding.

OH FOR PETE'S SAKE
 

...Going to college is paying for friends and access etc etc etc...
buying a house or renting an apt in a certain area of town is paying for friends and access etc etc etc...what don't you have to pay for or "buy" to get access to these days, huh? NOTHING in life is free so to say something snide and derisive like joining a sorority or fraternity is "buying" friends (or access or whatever)...well I think that is just a crock...

of course that is just my two cents;) but I won't charge you!

I'd have to disagree.
When you buy an apt. you buy a roof over your head and four walls. No social calendar or a group which you are identified (unless apt. buildings are making tshirts now, I dunno....)

You pay a certain amount of $$$ a month to your chapter so that you can participate in social activities. (Obviously you get more out of it but a big chunk of our bill comes from the money we spend on community service/parties/t shirts/housing fees.)

That can be spun negatively or positively, but its the truth. Paying for a living space is much different than paying for a social club.

I believe that GPhiBLtColonel is agreeing with you AXjules . . .

actually...
 

Quote:

When you buy an apt. you buy a roof over your head and four walls. No social calendar or a group which you are identified (unless apt. buildings are making tshirts now, I dunno....)

You choose where to rent a place or buy a house in a neighborhood based not only on where it is physically located but also on where your kids will go to school and who your neighbors will be and who your kids will play with etc etc etc...so you actually ARE buying FRIENDS, whatever you want to call them, when you buy a house or rent an apt -- my personal bottom line is that I just think its really dumb for anyone to say that joining a sorority/fraternity is buying friends -- you can say that about almost anything in life!:rolleyes:

lilkel244 -
Don't let someone else compromise you and your decisions. It is good to have someone question, prod, and even make you explain your important decisions, but when they are made in the end, the close people in your life should love and support you.
Make it clear that DZ is a part of your life and you won't tolerate him bashing you because of it. A few serious words should do the trick.
-M

Re: actually...
 

I am telling telling you (in general lol) that the roll eyes smiley is like the CAUSE of all tension on greekchat . . . IT really must go.

Re: Re: actually...
 

LOL...it's like the GC version of giving someone the finger. Some of us use it more than others; I've been really working on it.

Okay, so paying sorority dues is not the same as paying for a house. BUT IT IS very similar to being in a country club or even joining (with tithes) a church. Would your guy question membership in any of these things?

OHMIGAWD!
 

...there's tension on Greekchat? :D

Do big grins :D cause more tension that rolleyes? :rolleyes:

Serious Greekchatters want to know! :confused:


;) he he


P.S. When I use :rolleyes: it's because I am saying to myself
"Oh brother....." -- I do not use it to mean "the finger":D

Re: OHMIGAWD!
 

http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/splat.gif

You deserve that after all the smilies!

-Geekyhttp://www.handykult.de/plaudersmili...iere/pengy.gif

Edited because Cele made me take away the flipping-off smilie. :rolleyes:

lilkel244, I'm going to PM you about your boyfriend problem :)