Grooming your daughters for rush
 

I know this might be a Southern thing, but what exactly do mothers do to groom their daughters for going through rush. I was just curious with all of the alumni mothers on this board, they might have experienced this or will be eventually.

RedHotChiO

I'd love to hear about this, too! Offhand, I know Justamom and Carnation have dealt with this. Anyone else?

Chime In #3:
Yes, I would like to hear too. Or alternatively, I would like to hear from Southern women such as dzrose93, and hear about how their Moms groomed them for rush.

I'm curious too... as I am from the Northeast and was not "groomed" in any way, shape, or form.

I can tell you that any child I may have will be made aware of the existence of the greek system and encouraged to check it out and make up his or her own mind, but I won't be terribly hurt if they decide it's not for them.

People actually do this??????

Is this like a lifetime thing, or senior year thing, or a few weeks before college????

I know some girls are born Soroity women, but is "grooming" really a common practice???



Sorry, I have no idea....I'm from a small, uncompetative midwest school where almost everyone gets a bid.

I just helped my daughters choose clothes very carefully, taught them about each GLO, and practiced conversations with them. Many mothers do much more.

Yes, true story! Some people have even been known to hire a "Rush Consultant" (similar to a Pageant Consultant/Coach that pageant contestants would hire)....

Now what exactly are the qualifications to be a "rush consultant"???? Hehe, is there a major in it a some of the more hardcore Greek schools? :p

I think after being on GC for long enough and reading all the stories, I could be a pretty decent "Rush Consultant" for any random girl- North or South, Big Greek School or Not...... it's really not that hard.

But I guess it doesn't even matter if you like the girls in the sorority sometimes..... just b/c it's the sorority that you're "supposed to be in" or "expected" to because of family or societal pressures or whatever. At least if your momma hires you a "rush consultant" i would imagine that's what's expected of you.

Hehe, a fun class that i would LOVE to teach would be a "History fo the Greek System" class....... trace how it developed, the differences, etc. That would be a fun class!

Being Southern born and bred, I suppose I was an exception to the fact. My parents were not exactly supporters of Greek life. But they've come around. However, many of the girls I went to high school with had their mothers pick out their outfits and coach them on what was appropriate to say.

I do agree with aephi alum that any child of mine will be educated on Greek life and be encouraged to make a decsion that best suits their personality.

I am from the South! I was not taught about greek life until the summer before my freshman year. However, It was very intense. My mother found at least one person from each group at my school to tell me about the sorority. My mother was not really hip to me joining a GLO but she wanted to make sure that if i did I would know everything there was to know before I jumped right into it. "The right Research makes the right discission!" My cousin is now a senior in high school and now my aunt is putting her through the same thing that my mom put me through. Actually I don't think that it is that bad of an idea. I really felt prepared for rush unlike the other girls that went through at the same time as me.

My mom was President of her sorority, my dad was the classic fraternity boy - but both of them were very laid back about the whole deal (kind of like me). I think my mom consciously tried to keep me from forming preconceptions about the groups on campus, but it's kind of hard in my neck of the woods not to know all that stuff anyway.

The Panhellenic in my area (Houston), OTOH, was crazy-busy preparing women for rush - fashion shows to show you what to wear, booklets showing you about each round, etc.

I agree with becljohn, I think being prepared and well informed would be the best way to go into Rush.

Also, at my school during right before Rush, there is a fashion show to let girls know what outifts are appropriate for each night.

After my daughter became busy with work and travel over the summer, I picked up where she left off on GC. I copied down the "tips" that she wouldn't have thought of and printed them out with a few of my own.

No WAY did I think my daughter could get cut prior to her Senior year. It all kind of "hit" when I started talking to the other mothers with daughters ahead of mine.

Yes, some of these girls have been "bred" for a sorority and MOST were legacies to one or another GLO at LSU. The ones who were going through without ANY concept are gone-quit-resigned. Even a few who had an idea are gone as well.

This may sound crazy, but I feel like the parents play a role as well. It's a matter of networking in order to get the info and do the little things that are noticed in a quiet way. I think girls who have a mother supportng their efforts in general have an easier time all the way around-especially when cuts are made. I know mine would never let on she was disappointed, but she would tell me.

A funny thing my daughter pointed out is the importance the leaders within the GLO will put on different activties. An example-some sororities seem to go for Student Council, another for Homecoming Queens. Cheerladers and Dancers are a "dime a dozen", but there's only ONE Prom Queen. If a GLO's leaders are all ex cheerleaders, they are going to notice that on a rec. Same with STUCO and chances are they may have met some of the girls before. I think the more diverse your leaership is, the more diverse your sorority will be. Then, that really goes without saying.

edited-I remember Juniorgrrl told about a rush consultant a friend or cousin of her's met with.

I have never heard of a rush consultant, and I've grown up in the South. I'm rushing this year, and I come from a family where the highest education reached was junior college. My mother knows absolutely nothing! Without all of the absolutely wonderful alum here on GC, I'd be completely clueless as to how to prepare for rush. Ya'll are awesome! :D

Crystal

Chloe, it sounds like you have a wonderfully supportive family and I'm glad you found your dream house!

I was just curious, is ADII one of the houses you were a legacy of?

No, actually I was a double legacy to Kappa Delta and also a legacy to Delta Zeta. Sadly though, neither of these sororities had chapters at my campus. I think my mom was pretty upset that there was no KD here though! She has had a Georgia O'Keefe poster in my room since the time I was born!

Wow this is amazing that this kind of stuff goes on! I never had anything going into rush. I really didn't have any Greek-letter affiliation (actually, turns out my grandmother was a Chi-O, but I didn't know that until after formal recruitment), and my family didn't even care for my going greek. But I'm glad I did!!

My family was also clueless about greek life. I'm the first amongst my family to go to college so all my parents had to rely on was (ugh) T.V.. My mom was really supportive though, she even (unknowingly) asked if she could come and take pictures at my initiation!!!! I was like: "awww mom, that's cute, but it's not really like a ballet recital...." I compromised and had a picture taken of me and my roomate later in our whites and badges. My mom's the greatest!:)

This thread has been terribly interesting! Chloe, your description is so awesome, it could be printed out for every pnm's use! Your family must be terribly proud of you!

i've heard people say stuff like this before, but...could someone refresh my memory with the kinds of questions they will ask and what kinds of questions i should ask/things i should say to let someone know i'm interested?

thanks for the tips chloe, i'm sure your advice will help people

Well I didn't know much when I went thru and I'm glad. I also was the first in my family to be Greek (although I found out later that my older sister would have been a colony member of my chapter if her grades had been better). My family let me decide and were agreeable to whatever I wanted to do.

I was clueless! I found out afterwards that someone had written recs for me----I never asked for any. Oh, I knew that I needed to look nice and make nice with the small talk but I really didn't realise how directed the questions were and the importance of my answers. And you know what? I ended up where I wanted to be the whole time----it didn't make a difference! My roommate during that week had been "groomed" and was determined to only go one way----and she dropped out when she didn't get the invite to pref she wanted.

I can understand that you may want to be prepared, just realise that it doesn't guarantee a thing.

doubleblue&gold-I can understand that you may want to be prepared, just realise that it doesn't guarantee a thing.

Sad to say, but this is indeed true. However, one thing that
stands out when you meet a person for the first time is their degree of confidence. I believe confidence is a tie breaker in so many aspects be it seeking a job, making a conversational point
OR going through recruitment. I am NOT talking about "cocky"!
Confidence is like a smile or a laugh that comes naturally-not forced-it puts others at ease. There are self-help books and psychologists who recommend this to people who have trouble with public interaction.
If practicing conversaton helps build confidence in a stressful stuation then by all means use it! It's just another tool.

I don't have any children yet but when I was in high school there I worked in a beauty salon that also dabbled in color me beautiful, pagent training, etc. There was a girl who came in a few weeks before heading to USC or UCLA and she came in with all her dresses (this was early 1980s) and practiced walking, how to wear her hair for each dress, how to sit, stand, etc. you name it, we went over it.

However, I found what was most interesting was that she had been groomed to be in a sorority from the moment she was born. She was a legacy and it was understood I guess she would go where ever she wanted to go. She was drop dead gorgeous, etc.

She went Kappa Kappa Gamma.

That was one of my first sorority stories I think -- short of seeing them on tv when I was younger.

My mom worked on me from day one.......by the time I was graduating from high school the idea of joining a sorority was as natural as registering for classes, just a normal part of college. It never occurred to me to be apprehensive or nervous or think of not getting into a house I wanted. My aunt worked on me a lot to look at Alpha Gam because that is what she was, but we didn't have them at my school.

As an advisor I spend a lot of time at the house and naturally I have my kids up there a lot. I have to admit I am working on Paige. She has her little Chi O sweatshirt which she wears at every opportunity and she tells everyone she is going to be a Chi O. She doesn't understand why she has to wait until she is in college!!!!!!!! I truly want her to be happy and if she goes to a school where she just doesn't feel that the chapter is a good fit, I would understand. I want her to be a part of a super strong and involved chapter. Fortunately, that means in most cases she has no excuse not to love Chi O!!!!!!!! :)

i think this is so important to stress with this whole "grooming" thing........whenever i have a daughter, naturally i want her to be an alpha gam, but i want her to go where she is happy and feels comfortable. i'm a legacy to aopi b/c that's what my sister is, just at another school. but i knew alpha gam was the place for me hands down....it sucks knowing i could have this extra bond with her, but i had to go where i ultimately felt the most at home (aww). :) and more so than her bein in the "popular" sorority, i want her to have the experience of the best sisterhood. there is a sorority that i am not the biggest fan of (c'mon, we ALL have them), but even if my daughter got a bid from that group, as long as she was happy and with a group of ladies who supported her and loved her, and hell even if it was the only bid she got, i would support her decision and encourage her to be apart of the greek system.

GO GREEK :D

and what's interesting is that my alpha gam chapter and my sis's aopi chapter are extremely similar....so who knows what would be if we were at the same school.... :)

The last two posts bring up a sub topic which is becoming more and more important as each year passes.

I honestly think it's time to be very careful how we handle legacy issues. Sororities and fraternitis have been around long enough that legacies, especially on particular campuses are outnumbering the available spots. AND, let's face it, as mentioned in the previous posts, a good fit may not always be with a chapter where you are a legacy.

My son has legacy status with 3 really solid fraternities. His father's is an excellent fraternity represented on the campus he will be attending. I WILL NOT, I HAVE NOT fed him the idea that he will be a shoe in for ANY of these fraternities. What if he were to be cut? I really think we need to be careful when we discuss the topic of "legacy" with our children...but then, I really do try to head off any "avoidable" pain and sometimes I may be too cautious.

I'm still working on my sister to go Chi O. She missed the rush sign up date last year and panhel wouldn't let her register late. So this year I'm hoping she will try and give it another shot. SHe knows a few Chi O's from her dorm and likes them, so I hope it will work!
-Michelle

As always, JAM speaks the truth :) BUT...I need to point out that JAM's experiences pertain to Southern rush. Wouldn't you agree, JAM? North of the Mason-Dixon line I think a legacy would have to be a pretty obvious non-fit with the sorority or fraternity to not be offered a bid. I'm talking about being blatently rude to picking his/her nose during the parties. I think it's very unlikely a legacy would be cut due to too many legacies/not enough spots at a Northen school.

Anyone agree or disagree? I could possibly be a little off the mark.

KR, I think you're mostly right, but at some schools, especially those composed mostly of first-generation Greeks, a legacy mighty get cut out of the group's ignorance. If they've never dealt with a legacy before and he isn't "perfect" for them he may get cut because they don't realize he should get special notice.

I would have to agree about the difference between southern and northern rush. Although GMU is south of the good ol' MDL, we're classified as more of a northern school. Legacies are rare (well, few and far between from what I know) so we don't really have to deal with that. I don't think we had more than 1 or 2 ZTA legacies come through last fall (if any at all). If we did, we didn't know about it. Neither of my parents went to a 4-year school and neither did the parents of a lot of people I know. It's weird how something like legacies can vary greatly between parts of the country...oh well. I just hope that if I have a daughter she goes greek. Naturally, I would love for her to go ZTA, but she will get my 110% support wherever she finds happiness :)

This is off track, but ... up north and out west a lot of us are first generation Greeks. Yet obviously there were plenty of Greeks in those parts of the country (at least at some schools) several generations back. So where did their legacies disappear to?

KR- I agree with you. I go to school in the west and we usually get one maybe two legacies during rush. Usually we love them and want them to be sisters, so there isn't much controversy there.
I don't know where the legacies went Fuzzie... my Mom was an ASA, but they don't have them out here. My grandmothers didn't go to college.
-M

Here in the West I think this depends on the organization's legacy policy and the individual chapter. Most organizations do not require their chapters to pledge legacies and while it breaks my heart the 19 chapters I advise release legacies almost every year.

I have seen situations where forcing a chapter to pledge a legacy has worked (the women wind up accepting her, even though they really did not like her during recruitment), and situations where it has not (the women exclude her, make it "known" that she was only pledged b/c she is a legacy, and ostracize her).

Heehee, this reminds me of the son of our membership advisor. He's six and incredibly sweet, and she's brought him around since he was born. He calls us his "Kappin Girls" and I swear, his heart will be broken when he finds out that he can't be a Kappa.

My cousin's looking at Monmouth, where our Alpha chapter is. I think I've persueded her to go through Rush, even if she doesn't join. And if she's going somewhere with a Kappa chapter, you'd better believe she'll have a rec!

As for my daughter, you better believe she'll be a KIT (Kappa-In-Training). I'll expect the same thing from her that I expect from everyone: open-mindedness. I'll do my best to prepare her for Rush wherever she goes. And in the end, I'll want her to follow her heart when she makes her choice. I'd rather have a happy daughter of XYZ than a miserable daughter of KKG.

I think that chapters in the North tend to be smaller on the average. Plus the people who are sending their kids to colege now were more likely to be in college when things were anti-Greek. Once the people who went to college in the 80's when Greek life was more popular have college-age kids, the number of legacies will probably increase. Although it's never going to be like southern rush!

Michelle, just curious, what chapter of ASA was your mom from? You can PM me if you want.

my mom was an adpi and my sister a chi-o and when I went to a college that had neither.. they both started going crazy to find out stuff about the sororities here... get me recs. we went shopping put outfits together, practiced what to say.. each day I had to call them and tell them who i got invites from and who I cut! I had a great rush experiece! in a odd way I am sort of glad adpi and chi-o weren't here because it made me go thru rush a lot more open minded!

Here are a few samples of the type of stuff I went over, and the types of answers I came up with:
Questions you should be prepared to answer:
-What is your major, hometown, year in school, high school you went to, what dorm you are in (basic facts)
-Why did you choose XYZ university?
-Why did you decide to rush? (good answers: to meet people, sisterhood, if your family is greek, philanthropy. bad answers: to meet guys, to party)
-What did you do over the summer? (this may sound shallow, but for many large universities it's good to talk about a fabulous vacation you took or that you just enjoyed your family and friends and not summer job or summer school. It makes you sound more financially independent, and at some very selective schools, this will be taken into consideration)
-How is your first week of college going? (this is a good time to share a fun story about moving in or your first class. Stories move conversations along a lot easier than question and answer sessions and gerenally feel a lot more relaxed.)
-What are your interests? (have three or four things that you can talk about for a while or tell a story about. Don't just wing it, if you get nervous you will want a set answer you can fall back to.)

Questions you Should (And Shouldn't) Ask:
Good questions:
-Tell me about what your chapter does for [insert philanthropy here]. If you already know the name of the houses philanthropy and have a basic understnading of what it is, they are going to be impressed. You can find out this information on the houses national websites or through your schools panhellenic office.
-Who gets to live in the house and how is that decided? (if they have a chapter house, they need to have girls living in it, so if you are interested, this is agreat question)
-What type of leadership positions are available in the chapter?
(again, the house has offices that need to be filled, if you are interested, they would love to know)
-Are many of the sisters involved in other campus activities? (the more activites are represented in a house, the easier it will be for you to become involved int hose organizations?)
-Do you feel you have a strong sisterhood?(every house will say yes, but it's good to try and gage how real they are being when they answer)
_How involved are your alumane? (This will give you some indication of how involved you can expect to be after you graduate--sorority for life or for four years?)

Bad questions:
-So which frats do you hang with most often? (you don't want to come off as a party animal and there is probably some rule that they can't mention specific house names anyways. If you really want to know, ask about "Social opportunities"
-What are dues like/are their scholarships for dues/how much do other activities cost? (They want someone who can make dues, plain and simple. Most likely, the panhellenic office can give you the average dues for your university. It may be superficial, but at large, competitive schools, this is the way it goes.)
-Don't ask any questions about drinking, smoking, or drug use.
-Questions that lead to conversations and not more questions are best.


Whew! I think that waaaaay over-answered your question!

A minor caution....
 

...Chloe, you know I rushed at Southern Cal ages ago -- in 1974:eek: -- so this perspective could be dated, but asking

was a huge no-no -- I unfortunately learned this the hard way -- I did not know any better and I asked the very same question you suggested at a certain house at the opposite end of the row from you, but I was dropped the next day...after rush ended (and when I was where I meant to be anyways -GFB) a very dear friend in that sorority told me that my question got me dropped because a number of the gals I had met only thought I was interested in finding a place to live...not true but that is how they perceived my asking the question...

some houses go begging for girls to live in them while others have to have a method for deciding who gets to live in the house and who doesn't...maybe the campus around USC is safer these days but when I was there, apt living was not overly desirable...

my advice would be to avoid asking specific questions about living in the house -- perhaps more general questions would be best like "how big is the house" or "how many girls get to live in the house?" etc or make general praise comments like, this house is so beautiful it must be a blast to live in it!

just my two (old) cents!

I certainly haven't heard about his practice GPhiBltColonel (although I think I have a pretty good idea about which house you are referring to;) . Our rho chis reccommended asking questions about living in the house and I remember in several different houses I was asked if I had any interest in eventually living in a house. THese days, I iknow that at USC many of the largest houses, the only girls living in are sophomores and exec board. Juniors and seniors usually choose to live out so that they have more freedom.

However, if this is a concern, PNM's may want to ask their rho chi's about such a question to see how it is thought of at their school. And like GPhiBLtColonel said, there are other ways to ask this question such as "how many girls live in the house" or asking the girl you are talking to if she lives in the house and if she likes it.

:) Hey fellow USC gals--

I fall somewhere between GPhiBLtColonel's and Chloe's advice...

Based on my USC rush experience, you can ask the question, but I'd word it differently-- like GPhi said "How many live in" and "is living in a requirement" THAT was a big question in the late 80s when the houses DID require that actives live in the house for at least a year.

:)
Amy