Does Number of Sexual Partners Matter?
 

Ok, you really like someone, and three weeks into the relationship the dreaded "Sexual Past" questions come up.

How many partners would your SO have to admit to having been with (intercourse my dear young virgins) for it to matter to you?

Or would it matter at all?

1, 5, 10, 20, 50, 100, over a hundred, lost count over a hundred . . .

And why would or wouldn't it bother you?

:o

I know guys that think that any girl that has had more than three partners is basically a slut . . .

It's a double standard. If a girl sleeps with 10 guys she's a slut, if a guy sleeps with 10 girls, he's the man.

For me if a guy sleeps with 10 or more girls, he's a male slut, and I wouldn't sleep with him. 5 or less is ideal.

Personally, if both partners are honest, and don't have a problem with the number, then go for it.

It depends how old you are.
-M

I agree that it definetly depends on age...

taking it from a college stand point, I would say that anything over 15 I am starting to get iffy on the guy... over 20, its' a concern, 25 and up- he's just a player.

well, one of my many ex's number was 63. . .
that didn't bother me. . .
i know tons of girls whose number is over 25. . .
numbers is something from the early 90s. . .

some people lose their viriginity early. . .like 13 or 14 which is ridiculously slutty to me. . .
not me. . .i waited until i was 19. . .kind of mature but not immature

My recommendation: DON'T GO THERE! One person will always have more experience than the other and the dreaded and inevitable comparison situation will occur. LEAVE IT ALONE!

37. :p

Seriously - depends on age - though I'd be concerned if a guy of any age had had more than a few partners. You have to worry about STD's, and you have to worry about whether sex actually means anything to him.

And I totally hear you on the double standard for guys vs. girls. :rolleyes:

Yeah, I definately agree about the double standard! I've been with 8 and I think thats too many. But I'm almost 21 and lost my virginity at 16, so really, its 2 guys a year, which I don't think is that slutty. My problem is I tend to date typical nice guys.. Like, I took 3 of the 8's virginities and have been more experienced then all but 2 of the others.... Its kinda uncomfortable so I avoid the sex conversation as much as possible!

Rule for # of sexual partners
 

Here's the rule:

You're okay as long as your number of sexual partners does not exceed your age. For example, I'm 23 and it would be okay for me to have as many as 23 past sexual partners.

Re: Rule for # of sexual partners
 

So if you're 12...

;)

In this day and age, I would be very very concerned about anyone around my age who had over 3. AIDS and HPV scare me more than anything, and frankly, condoms aren't 100% effective--especially with HPV, which has been linked to certain reproductive cancers. Like aephi alum said, you have to wonder if sex means anything to them--or if it's just a number. It's been part of my pre-hook up talk for time eternal--I'm not risking anything for the sake of comfort.

But, keep it safe, whether it's 1 or 1,000.

I have met guys whose numbers range from 1 to 400. It depends on how old they are or rather when they were born. People who became sexually active before the mid 1980's have more partners than people who became sexually active after that date. I think that AIDS and herpes made people stop having random sex for about ten years. At least they became less randomly promiscuous and more into relationships.

If you are sexually active, get yourself tested for HIV, HPV, hepatitis, and all STDs regularly just be safe.

Re: Re: Rule for # of sexual partners
 

Well obviously during those formative years you're just building up points for college;)

Re: Re: Re: Rule for # of sexual partners
 

"building up points for college" ?!?!?!?!:eek:


:rolleyes:

ktsnake--you'd really be comfortable sleeping with someone who'd had 23 previous partners? To me it just screams poor judgement :rolleyes:

It's a double standard that won't change.

-Rudey
--Guys don't want a girl that can spread her legs and let a steam ship go through without even feeling it.

Sorry, but every time I see your user name I think Jenny from the Bloch. I dunno, I need a nap. :(

I don't discuss my number. I've pretty much always been with guys who have smaller #s than I do (they usually tell me), but I don't care either way. The past is the past, and as long as you're healthy and safe, I really don't give a rat's ass.

Amen valkyrie

I agree completely. If its B.A. (Before Amy) it doesn't matter. Just as mine should not matter to them. I'm in my 30's, I've dated a lot of people, no good can possibly come of discussing this with an S.O.

valkyrie, you own.

I've dated a lot of men too, but mostly just kissed them or did PG-13 rated stuff. ;) I was saving myself for a long time so my number is low. I'm old fashioned. There are teenagers who have had more action than I've had. :o

A lady never tells. ;)

But as for HIS number, I don't expect him to tell, but if I'm hearing through the grapevine that he's slept with dozens of women, I'm gonna start to worry a bit.

I think you should also be asking the question, "How many partners would your SO have to admit to having unprotected sex with?" :eek:

If that's the case, you're not only in bed with them, you're in bed with everyone else from their past too.

They don't make beds big enough for that. :p

Sorry libra, I'm not here to entertain anyone with a "cool" screen name. The song was just stuck in my head that day.

wow.
I only know three people (2 guys, 1 girl) who have slept with more than 10 people, and everyone else I know thinks they're very dirty. I don't mean that to say I think they, or any of you are dirty, it just comes as a huge shock to me to hear the majority of everyone is 10+.

As a side note, I'm nowhere near that.

Cory

I don't think that the majority of people have 10 or more partners. I am nowhere near that number like you. :)

i think it is important to talk about your sexual past. you sleep with whomever they slept with, so you should at least have some idea (and it doesn't matter if it were protected or unprotected sex)! i think that in order to have a sexual relationship with someone, it is important to be able to DISCUSS things like, how many people they slept with, if they have been tested, etc. plus, if you can't go into a store and buy condoms, i think you aren't ready to have sex!

i don't want to know the details....one time, at band camp...but i feel like there needs to be an open conversation. personally, i don't have sex with random people, so i have never found it to be odd to have the conversation. i think if i met some guy at a bar and went home with him, i would be less comfortable talking to him about it......although, i guess that is when i would need to talk about it more. anyway, i feel like i should only have sex with someone if i really care about/ love them, so if some guy told me that he "loved" 23 other women....i would probably run screaming in the other direction. lol.

I am sure that many people wont agree with me, but here goes.....

I think that the number of the people does matter. My beliefs and the way I was brought up was that sex is something that is shared with someone that you love and care for. So, when people have slept with even 8 people, I find that outrageous because I cant believe that that person has been in love 8 times. Surely, they slept with 8 different people without love, and it makes me think of what kind of person they are.

I am not judging any of you based on numbers or anything like that, but I would think twice about someone I was considering sleeping with if I knew their numbers- not to mention any sexually transmitted diseases!:eek:

I dated a guy who said he would marry the 10th person he slept with. He lost his virginity when he was like 15 and now he has a girlfriend who coincidentally is #10. Wonder if he'l hold to his promise. lol

If someone lost their virginity at a young age they aren't going to be very wise-- so at the time they may have thought they were in love, but when they get older they realize how stupid they were. So if they have a lot of sex partners find out what age they lost their virginity it may have made a big difference. But If it is a problem then don't date the person bc it will always bug you. I never want to date a virgin bc I feel guilty that I'm not and when I went to Christian school I knew so many girls that were waiting until they were married, so I would hate to 'take' a virgin when there is someone that has been waiting for one if that makes any sense.

Male or female, I don't think that the number shouldn't exceed single digits before your late twenties/early thirties. To me, that would be too many.

I agree that if someone lost their virginity at a young age, they aren't going to be wise about sex, at least for a long time. I myself am very careful, and won't get into the numbers situation because I think it's hard to determine how many is "too many" in general, but I know a lot of people who are extremely stupid in their sexual lives and it makes it hard to respect them when they don't care about themselves.

I want to address the "waiting until marriage" discussion: I personally believe it would be very difficult to marry a man without having had sex with him before the wedding night. Sex has become such an important part of many marriages, and when you don't get a chance to "test the waters," so to speak, you may be selling the marriage short. I have a great deal of respect for ANYONE who can wait until marriage or engagement to have sex because the pressure is so great in society to have sex. But I myself cannot picture marrying a man who I do not have sexual chemistry with. I know people can change, but I think sex should be something that is always enjoyed and doesn't have to be worked through during the first week/month/year of a marriage.

Just my opinion, but for all of you who want to wait, I do have a TREMENDOUS amount of respect for you; you have amazing willpower!

IMO, and I think valkyrie will agree-- # does not matter. Whether or not they've been tested and are clean matters--and that's the same whether they've slept with 1 person or 35.

What's in the past is in the past. I would not want to be persecuted by someone in the present for something I did long before I met them--since peoplegrow and change and mature and we were not there and cannnot know the circumstances in their lives at a time when they may have been more promiscuous.

What matters to me is that the present relationship is 100% monogomaus.

Amy is right. The total number doesn't matter.

Although . . . the total number of friends of mine she may have been with might be a factor lol. It would kind of suck if all your friends knew all her kinky habits and were like:

Well did she do "this" yet? lol.

Ha, I think that is a good rule of thumb. You also have to remember that people grow and change. Just because someone (male or female) was a slut/player at one point, doesn't mean that they still are. Lots of college kids get stuck in a vicious cycle of doing it for all the wrong reasons, and if they racked up some number, it shouldn't matter, as long as they have put that phase of their life behind them.

I absolutely agree!

I also agree with gphiangel624 on the waiting until marriage topic. It would be impossible for me to get very far into a relationship without, uhm, "testing the waters" because sexual chemistry is a HUGE, IMPORTANT part of a relationship. Not to be crass, but I wouldn't buy a car without test driving it, you know?