Reassure me...
 

It seems like everyone my age already knows who they are going to marry. Sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me because I am single, and I always feel like I am the only one. And I am only 19!! So those of you who are married, how old were you when you met your now spouse? And how many people did you date before you got married?

Aww sweetie...don't feel bad! There are lots of people who don't find "the one" until at least in their late 20s. And take comfort in the fact that you have more time to grow and mature before you bring someone else into your life. Frankly, I'd rather wait til I'm 35 and get married and *know* I'm w/ the right guy than get married fresh out of college and later on have regrets. Your 20's (which you're about to start) are definitely your "me" years and they will be awesome. Never ever feel like you have to have someone to be complete, and don't compare yourself to others. Easier said than done, but just treat yourself really well so that when Mr. Right-for-you comes along, he will be held to the same high standard.

This is the reason I had no damn kids! Kids jesause damn! I am going to resign from grrekcaht. no won is my age I am dieing talkint to the Frickin Kids on here!!!!!!!!

What is wrong with you people

:confused:


KIDS, KIDs, kids and getting smaller in lettering! cant go any lower than this!;)

I was one of those people that was sure I knew who I was going to marry... we started dating when I was 18... we planned our entire future a gazillion times... I am now 20 and we broke up... college and your twenties are definitely your me years... soak it up and enjoy it... try not to get caught up in all that cuz it can get out of hand real quick!!! nothing ever works the way you plan... so try not to worry about it and just go with the flow... :)

Damn! 19 and worried about marriage! There are much greater things to worry about at this age.

I understand though, coming from a place with similar values.. A lot of my HS friends were married pretty quick out of college. Lots of them are divorced already!

You'd be statistically more likely to succeed in your mid to late 20's or early 30's (not that statistics really apply to anyone).

I'm 23 right now and will not even consider until I'm done with school and settled into a career of some sort.

You only get married if she refuses to get an abortion is what I read somewhere.

-Rudey
--Socrates said it I think.

whoa...please don't sweat this! you are only 19....i'm 21 and single and THANKFUL! so much fun to be had, girl...probably too much (come out with me and ilovemyglo one night, you'll see). wait until you're able to go into that bar and not pay for a single drink, and then come talk to me about how you wanna get married. ;) these are such fun years.....it's sad sometimes to not be in a relationship, but you gotta go out with a bunch to find the right one. ain't nuttin wrrrroooong with kissin a few "frogs" before you find that prince, right? :p

so, be reassured...you're cool!

Don't feel bad... I'm 38 and have yet to marry for the first time or father any children. "No wife, no kids, no hurry for either" has been pretty much my watchword for many years. I haven't given up on marriage and family yet; eventually I will find the woman I'll someday marry. I've been hurt one too many times with either false or misinterpreted signals, so I tend to be overly cautious testing the waters.

My parents married young and divorced when I was only two years of age; my mother never remarried and it took my father two more tries at marriage before finally settling down some 20 years ago.

Although I know exactly how you feel, PSPgirl, I have to agree with everyone else on this subject. It seems to be the "in thing" for people that I went to high school with to get married and/or have kids within a year of graduating from high school. So far, I've been to 3 weddings in 4 years, and have sent gifts/heard about 5 more! And most of these people hardly know their fiance(e)s, so it's really sad when they get a divorce by the age of 20! I'm a rarity- NO rings on my fingers, and I'd like to keep it that way! Seriously, maybe it's just because I'm one of a few select people from my high school to actually go to a 4-year university and have a social life, but those of us who do attend 4-year schools (with the exception of one), have chosen to wait on the marriage (and kids) issue!

you never cease to make me laugh :)

No one really knows anything about what the future holds.

19 is pretty young to have your life mapped out. Some people can do it, but I was a completely different person then as opposed to who I am now, and I'm only 23!

Live life for the now and the future will take care of itself.

Here's my 2 cents....

I am 22 years old. A lot of my friends are married, and a few have children. There are several people I went to high school with that graduated and became mothers also. At first, I felt left out and like I was missing something. But now I have come to realize that I have a wonderful life with what I have! I graduated from college, I have a real career, and I have a wonderful boyfriend. Him and I have discussed the future together and we have determined that we are going to have fun now, and then start to focus on our lives together. We both want to do so much before marriage. My advice to you is to enjoy your time while in college. You never know, you might meet that special someone while you are there! That's what I did! :D It'll all fall into place, you just have to give it time!

every married person i know has come back to me and said on several occasions . . .

-i wish i were still single
-marriage is not it's all cracked up to be
-wait until you're older
-don't rush it
-please don't get married before you finish college
-if i could do it all over, i wouldn't have gotten married so soon

and the ever popular saying that i hear from my guy friends:
MARRIAGE IS HELL!

one of my friends told me. . .'marriage is like the mafia. . .you can never get away before you both end up f*ed. . .and someone gets screwed because you're in the middle of the desert with nowhere to hide the body'

or something like that. . .you get my gist though. . .

Hehe, I kinda came off sounding like someone obesssed with getting married ASAP, which I am not. I just like the comforts of being with someone.

Background info: In December, I got out of a 2yr 3 month relationship. He was my best friend ever and we were so very good together. The reason we broke up is because I had gotten mad at him because he was 21 years old and still let his mom (who hated me for no reason, but that's another story...) run his life. He got hurt that I got mad and ended it. We are still friends, and talk, but I miss the "coupleness" and most of all, my best friend.

I loved being nonsingle, so I guess I am just having a hard time getting used to being single. I was 100% positive that I was going to marry him, so it's hard for me to "start over" per se.

I guess I just wanted reassurance that I am not the only single girl out there :) And to Hootie, I may take your advice and watch some "Sex and the City"!! ;)

Re: Reassure me...
 

To be honest, I thought I knew who I was going to marry at 17. If I had, I'd probably be a backwoods wife of a semi-nice pothead with three kids and no hobbies. Instead, I'm the wife of an awesome library tech guy who's going to grad school, who is into theater and history and roleplaying and fantasy novels and science fiction, who is okay with waiting for kids until we move from townhouse to house house and until he gets his degree two years from now. I'm a geek girl. This is a much better match. :)

I'm on the slow side... I dated two guys in high school, and kind of went out with another guy my freshman year before becoming bf/gf with my husband. We met in fall of 1991 when I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. We became bf/gf in January 1992, he lavaliered me in October '92, I pinned him in Summer of '93 and he pinned me back in January '94 (I think). I kind of felt like he was the one by then. After he graduated, I went overseas in fall, but we wrote letters about every week. I graduated in Spring '95 and immediately went into grad school.

Christmas of '95 I went home and while there went to a New Year's party where a friend wanted to know why we weren't engaged yet. I said "because he hasn't asked" and she said, "You *could* ask *him*, y'know." So the next day I bought two white-gold plain bands, and I was going to wait until our anniversary, but when he picked me up on Jan 2, 1996 and took me home (where I was staying that weekend until going back to grad school), I popped the question. (He asked me right back, then when I called home took the phone and asked my dad for my hand in marriage. awwww!)

We didn't actually get *married* until July 1998-- I graduated and got an apartment in 1997, and he didn't move out of his dad's house and into my apartment until we got back from the honeymoon. We'll be celebrating 5 years in July of this year. And man, it goes fast!

What's all this have to do with you? Well, maybe a lot, and maybe nothing. I didn't feel pressured to be *single* or *dating*. I just went about my business, made friends with a pretty decent guy, got to know him, and became his girlfriend. We took it slowly, and didn't worry so much about whether to get together or get married compared to our friends. We just did things our way, on our schedule.

I think a lot of people pressure themselves (or are pressured) to get into a relationship when they aren't ready, just because they feel they need to be with someone. Don't feel like you need a man to be a woman. Don't feel like you need a man so you can have sex (not saying that you feel that way, but some people do). Don't feel like you have to rush things! Be happy for your friends, but also be happy for yourself. If you're interested in who you are and what you're doing, you should naturally make friends with a guy who shares many of those interests. And that means that you'll have more to build a relationship on.

My guy is my best friend, hands down. Sure, marriage is rough at times, but it isn't awful if you're with the right kind of person. You can look around for him, but don't feel like you *have* to find him *now!*. Life may have other plans for you... you may meet your guy at work two years after school. And that's fine. Or you could meet him at a fraternity party Friday night. That's fine too! Just be yourself, have fun with friends, hang out, be open to meeting new guys, but don't rush yourself, and your plans will happen when they're ready to.

I'm 32 and single, so I don't really have great advice to offer.

Even if you were to get married, there are no guarantees that it will last forever and ever and ever. I have 3 older sisters and Sister #2 was married at 23, has 4 kids and after 16 years of marriage, it's over....kaput.

At my 10 year high school reunion in 1998, there were about 4 people there who were divorced already, or in the process of getting divorced (One guy is on Wife #2 now)

I think the best thing is to enjoy your life as much as you can, and make it as full and wonderful as it possibly can be, without or without a partner in it.

Take up the "Sex and the City" advice, and start enjoying your newfound status as a singleton! Besides, nothing attracts men more than a confident woman! :)

*hugs* I know it sounds like crap now, but it will get easier with time, PSPgirl. Promise.

(Btw...Kateshort, all I have to say is "awwww!!!!" :D )

I feel your pain as a new single person, even though I was barely with the guy. Heck out of all the guys I've dated I could add up all the months and I still don't equal a year. SO I've never dated anyone long term and it sucks. I am going against what a lot of people have said, but that is because I feel that for those of us that really want to be with someone and want to be moms it is more painful to be single than for those that like being single and those that are focused on other things. But I think 19 is too young to get married. I'm 21 and I have changed since being 19. Plus it is more fun to be single on you 21st birthday anyway.
My brother is 19 and married and it is hard!! They barely make ends meet and my brother works 12 hour days comes home and takes his wife on errands since they only have one car. Then they spend time with their son. So they never get to just enjoy life. They are happy, but they'd probably be happier if they had waited.

From an "old" married woman
 

Dear, do not worry.

The best advice I ever got was "Don't get married until you're 30."

I am very glad that's how things happened for me. I was 32 when I married (Mr. Adrienne was 31). 2 years later we are both convinced that it was best for us this way. Since we've been around the sun more times it's easier to communicate, even when we're frustrated and the "give and take" seems to come more naturally than it would have if we had gotten married 10 years earlier.

I do understand your feelings tho--I went through the exact same thing several times--in college and after--wondering if I'd ever find a good person to marry, after breaking up w/ someone. As you put it, enjoying the "nonsingleness".

My SILs are 20 yrs my senior and they're telling me constantly that I'm "still a kid".

Well, from one "kid" to another, my advice is this: enjoy your life one day at a time. You don't know what's around the corner, bad or good.

Adrienne (PNAM-2003)

I can see how, if you just got out of a long relationship, it's going to take a while for you to enjoy being single again. But you will, I promise! The best advice I can give you is not to jump into another relationship right away . . . take time off to do the things you enjoy about NOT having a boyfriend.

I broke up with a long-term boyfriend back in March, and was single until December, and I had so much fun that I almost didn't want to start dating the boy who is now my boyfriend because I was having so much fun being without a boyfriend for once.

And as for being married at 20 -- no offense to anybody who did it -- but there are many many more things I want to do with my life before getting married. I can't see myself getting married before age 26 at the earliest!

Ditto what everyone else wrote.

You're young, have fun! :D

it is tough ending a relationship, but you will find some fun in being single. at 19, i was in a relationship with someone who wanted to marry me. it was SCARY!!!! holy canoli forever is a long time! we broke up and married the next girl he dated! i have grown so much since i was 19. the things i wanted in a person are different that what i want now. plus, i have a better handle on who i am!!

i do understand, tho, that feeling of being the only one of your friends not in a serious relationship or married. lots of my friends got married right after graduation, but not me. i moved 6 hours away, all by myself! my friends who did marry right away were very afraid to be alone. it is kind of sad. i have another friend who has said that all of the people she knew that had married right after college, were divorced by their 5 yr reunion! right now, all of my friends are married or in serious relationships. coming from a recent long term (almost married) kind of relationship, i am sad and the fact that i am single makes me feel like i stand out. my friends still love me and treat me well. i like all of their sig others, but i know that i am not ready to be married. i am still too young! there are lots of things to experience, etc. and i would really like to do as much as i can before i settle down.

on a slightly sad note: when i broke up with my bf, i was crying to my dad on the phone about how i would never get married and that i can't believe that he and i broke up, etc. my dad said, "honestly, i never thought you would be married until later in life." i know my dad ment it in the sweetest way, but it made me cry harder!!!

That was funny lol.

This gives us further reason to believe that cream=super secret silent type.....

That is all :)

Married once! Wont do it again!! Married 20/20 but have been living on my own since then, well off and on!

If you have a Puter, Big Sreen, and GC!?

What else is there in life??

I have been asked by some of the GC Lovlies about my age!

I would be more than willing to make love to all of the GC Ladies, if I could!:)

Hell, dont worry about it, it to shall come to pass! Life heals any and all wounds! It do take some time to get over it tho! Dont Ya Know!

Walk down the street, go to a bar, turn the corner, and walla, may be the new guy!

At a young life everything is a stress, wait till you get to 00 and see what it means!

What is up with you tonight?

gebus! A guy can't poke fun?!?!?!!?

:(

*back to super serious damasa*

Oh you're poking fun. OK. :D

*back to super secret silent type* ;) :p

There is a lot to be said for being single... enjoy it ;) The "right" person will come along at the "right" time, if it is meant to be.