Southern Belle Lessons
 

Hey! :)

I was talking with one of my A Phi sisters last night, and I jokingly said that she could use some southern belle lessons. Basically, I believe that southern belles are born with an innate sense of "how to be" -for example, the proper outfit to wear to each occasion, decorum, and etiquette for social occasions.

Not to say that women from other parts of the US or Canada don't know these things, but it just seems to this ex-patriate southern belle that the home training my mother gave me is taught differently in different parts of North America.

So for the southern belles out there - do you think it's possible to teach someone how to be a southern belle? If you could teach someone how to be a Belle, what would you teach them?

(I didn't think this was a repeat of the Southern Belle Primer thread, but if it is, feel free to delete/lock this thread)

There's no way to teach a girl not born and raised in the South how to be a Southern Belle... Either you are one or you're not. ;)

However, if I could teach someone how to be a Southern Belle, my first lesson would be titled, "How To Tell A Person To Go To Hell In Such A Way That They Actually Look Forward To Making The Trip." That's an old saying referring to Irish diplomacy, but it certainly applies to Southern Belles, too. You will NEVER know how a Southern Belle truly feels about you... unless she wants you to. We are very good at hiding displeasure. It's one of the first things our mamas teach us, and is a large part of that social etiquette you mentioned, Sistermadly. :D :D :D

You might be able to pick up some habits of a Southern Belle, but you will never truly *be* a Southern Belle ;) I think we just learn as we grow up in the South and once we reach adulthood, such habits are ingrained in us! Like Carrie said, we can smile so sweetly and be very kind but in our minds, we're secretly cursing someone to hell. lol

Carrie, sweetie, if ever I have read a quote that describes you to a "T", this would have to be it!! :D

I'm just a canuck girl, But I'm really amused by this thread. I really agree that growing up in a certain area of the world will effect how you see the world, and while this attitude can be learned, perhaps it can't always be completely understood.

On a side note, Don't you have ettiquette schools/classes that you attend as children/ young ladies? I remember hearing that once and being so entertained. Nothing like that exists around here, but it sure would be an improvement!

pi phi love,
C.

My first lesson:

HOW TO MATCH SHOES WITH OUTFITS


Some girls wear those d- black platform sandals with EVERYTHING they own. Or they wear early 1990s shoes with a prom dress. That drives me INSANE.
If there's one thing that people admire about me, it is my wardrobe. Everything is catergorized according to season, color, etc. I have tons of shoes(discarding any shoes that I have had for 2 years).

:D

Another thing one must learn,
When in a business situation you use your southern charm becaues then a man simply Can't refuse to help you (it is great in sales!). Dresses and skirts are preferred to pants, to show you are a lady, not a man. One must also remember not to use vulgar language, it is not lady like. Also, one must learn to cook using the following ingredients on a regular basis:
Lard, butter, bacon grease, crisco. Also cayenne pepper, tabasco, garlic and salt.

And southern women learn how to use grace to explain that no, they weren't wrong, they just made a teeny mistake.

Never give a southern woman a credit card around the changing of the seasons... especially when the word SALE comes out.

And if you compliment a southern woman on an article of clothing or accessory, be prepared to learn where it was purchased, what percentage it was off, and how it was happened upon. Unless there are men around in which case we will say "thank you, precious"

How nice this thread is!

HAHAHA!!!! So true!

LOL! I just realized that I give people the story of my clothes/jewelry!

You can never learn to be a Southern Belle. You are one or you aren't one.

It's like Julia Sugarbaker (a consumate Southern Belle) said "class is something where either you have it or you don't." Being a southern belle is just the same.

My issue isn't as much with the platform sandals as it is the white shoes and linen before labor day. Please people, obey the seasons and the laws of the fashion police.

"Only rabbits, babies and brides should have white feet" - My mom commenting on rampant misuse of white shoes.

Oh, and don't ever ever EVER wear pantyhose and open toed shoes. Ever.

ahhhh!! don't say that!! give me some hope!! it's not my fault i was born in the north. i want to learn! give me a chance:D

Being a Southern Belle is such an innate thing that no matter how long you stay down here, how much you want it, or other such factors, you won't be. And just because you are southern does NOT make you a Belle-by-default. A lot of girls think that by drawling, saying "honey" a lot, and gushing over everything that they can pass. Unfortunately, that can't cover their "sins" so to speak (such as white shoes between Labor day and Easter, smoking in public, chewing gum, and being generally indiscreet). It's something you have to be born into, and it's far more ironclad than any sorority legacy!

Hmm, I didn't. I didn't grow up in the *deep* south, though.

I grew up in the 'burbs of New Orleans, which is pretty deep south. And I never went to any ettiquitte classes. And I don't call anyone "honey."

But, it was a big deal to get my first set of pearls, my first monogrammed stationary, etc. And I don't chew gum EVER. Its just all those little things that are Southern Belle-y

I grew up near New Orleans too. My school offered charm lessons as part of our curriculum and it was a lot of fun. Where I live now, cotillion is a BIG deal for girls and boys. Starting in the 4th grade, sometimes younger, they begin with the table graces and then they get into ballroom dancing.

Edited to add - My biggest Belle-ism is that I NEVER drink from a can if I can help it. I always ask for a glass if one is not offered at first. I also agree about the white shoes and linen. Red shoes get me too. Every time I see a pair, I remember my great-grandmother saying that red shoes are for children and whores. Although, I do have some red sandals. ;)

A Belle is born. It is something that you ARE whether you are from Charleston or Saskatoon. It is about true style, class, and grace. Your outward appearance can change but it truly is a state of mind.

I don't think ettiquett schools are catered only in the south. I definetly took quite a few lessons at an etiquette school, and I'm from up north.

I will never be a "Belle", too much Kansan in me. Yet, after 20+ years of living here, it can "rub" off. The thing that my old friends in Kansas notice is "flair". How one dresses, turns a phrase or as DZRose mentioned-the ability to tell someone off (velvet glove).

My daughter is NOT a Belle, but anyone north of Texas thinks she is! That girl has such a lilt in her voice and she flirts with her eyes to the point that those northern boys just melt. :D

once i was chewing gum, my mom made me take it out. she said, 'gum is not ladylike. you look like a cow. always get certs or tic tacs.'

to this day, when someone is chewing gum, i stare at people with this annoyed look when they are talking and chewing gum. or just chewing gum period.

Hey, Sistermadly, here's a question for ya!

Some of us Damn Yankees (no use avoiding it) are in the South to stay, and like some of these ladies said, you can't "make" someone a Belle.

So how does a Yankee best adapt to their new life?

Anyone? Bueller?

Adrienne (PNAM-2003)

PS--Sis--get a shine on that badge! Tomorrow's the big day and I'm with you in spirit!!! {{{}}}

Along with all of this...what are the Southern Belle "rules" for handling your man?

AND....sorority women;)

I was born/raised in upstate New York...But but but!!!! My middle name is LaBelle -- Does that count?? :D :p

There is a perfect book on this subject: What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should) by Ronda Rich. It is an adorable book and it really details the strategies that DZRose was talking about. It's subtitled, "Timeless Secrets to Get Everything You Want in Love, Life, and Work". The only thing is, I can't imagine a non-Southern woman ever doing ANY of that. It would just be too bizarre.

~I too was raised not to drink from a can (at least in public, I still do at home) and not to chew gum (but it's REALLY hard for me, I like gum very much).
~Juniorgrrl, it is ALL about the monogram... I have my monogram on my tote bag, my sheets, my stationary, my scarf... anything you can put a big ol' L on.
~As far as ettiquette schools, does cotillion count? Everyone goes to cotillion in the fifth grade. Oh, I HATED dancing with strange boys I didn't know!
~Y'all, I don't know about the "no pantyhose with open-toed shoes" thing... I was always raised that if you had on a suit (or wearing a dressy outfit to an occasion where someone ELSE might wear a suit) you had better not have bare legs, no matter WHAT shoes you were wearing. Obviously it would be tacky to wear summery, casual sandals with hose... but a nice pair of open-toed shoes? It's a judgement call.
~Speaking of which, another Belle-ism... Southern Belles know the appropriate uses of "tacky" and "precious".

I just went to Amazon.com and ordered this book! I have the Southern Belle Primer and think it is just precious! I hope I enjoy this book just as much!!

With grace, charm, humor, wit, and a steel backbone. :D

I do believe that you can adapt traits of a certain area if you live there long enough. I'm becoming more Canadian by the day, it seems!

http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/jump.gif

What a precious thread!

Somewhat on the same lines as y'all, I feel that a Belle is born & bred, not created. I was raised both north & south of the Mason-Dixon Line, but with a mama named Dixie Lee, well, guess which way I lean? I've known other women in the same situation, and they too were raised by the gospel according to Mama!

Y'all have already mentioned so many of the social don'ts, so let me leave y'all with a positive note: Always be sure to say thank you - and it sounds so much more sincere with a Southern accent!


honeychile

I am from the north, and all I have to say is thank god I'm not a Southern Belle!! I love to chew gum, drink a cold can of soda from the can, use bad language, and I happily have no table manners. And furthermore, I recently vacationed in the South, and several southern women made it clear that they did not like me because I was from the North. So what happened to that thing about smiling sweetly while telling a person in your head to go to hell...:rolleyes:

Well, it's good to be proud of something. :rolleyes:

Absolutely precious! ROTFL!!

honeychile

Well honeychile aren't you just darlin'!!!! :p (Another favorite belle-ism of mine)

OK, the previous two posts actually helped me understand the "precious" thing.

You learn something new every day....... ;)

Adrienne (PNAM-2003)

I know I posted this when it first happened but I couldn't resist posting it again...

Over a year ago hubby and I were at St. Augustine (FLA) beach..actually in the water, when we struck up a conversation with a lady from somewhere up north. They had been down to Tampa and were making their way back home.

We got to talking about Southern cities and of course Atlanta! She asked if Atlanta had recovered from "the War" and was there a lot of building damage etc still around!! I was soo stunned, my Southern Belle politeness made me bite my lip and say "Atlanta has lots of wonderful things to see"!!! And proceed to tell her about the Jimmy Carter Center, Atlanta Botanical Gardens, Woodruff Arts Center, World of Coke....

geez, what cave is she from? :p

Cincy, Ohio!;) :D

hahahah.

I like the humorous side of this thread but I fear this North/South mentality in general spills off into Greek Life and leads to the kinds of problems discussed over in the ZTA fourm on this It's sad that we just can't all get along...

It's all love. I need southern belle lessons even though I was born and raised in ATL. :)

That wasn't my intent when I originally posted the question. I didn't mean to infer that southerners were better about things, just that things are different.

I know it wasn't your intent and I think the topic is cute...I was just mentioning the other thread bc it seemed ironic to be have both discussions going on at the same time...

Southern Belles
 

Born and Raised in Georgia, so I think I am a Belle! haha! Anyways, this thread reminded me of a really cute email I got. I'll just post the Southern Belle part:

Southern girls know bad manners when they see them:
Drinking straight out of a can.
Not sending thank you notes.
Velvet after February.
White shoes before Easter or after Labor Day.

Southern girls appreciate their natural assets:
Dewy skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable, Southern drawl.

Southern girls know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am." "Yes, sir."

Southern girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back! now ya heaah,"
"Well, bless your heart."
"Drop by when you can."
"How's your mother?"
"Love your hair."
"Well, shut my mouth."

Southern girls don't sweat.... they glisten.

Southern girls know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern girls know their three R's!:
Rich
Richer
Richest

Southern girls know their vacation spots:
The Beach
The Beach
The Beach

Southern girls know the joys of June, July, and August:
Swimmin
Summer tans
Wide brimmed hats
Mint juleps
Just Lollygaggin around

Southern girls know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Sugah

Southern girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
"Gone With the Wind"
"Fried Green Tomatoes"
"Driving Miss Daisy"
"Steel Magnolias"

Southern girls know their country breakfasts:
Red-eye gravy, thicknin white gravy, or (wiennie gravy for the
die-hards. )
GRITS-GRITS-GRITS,
Mouth-watering homemade buttered biscuits with Cantaloupe, Honey
Dew
Melons, and streak 'o' lean.

Southern girls know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Hotlanta or Adlanna =(Atlanta as outsiders say)
Richmon
Charleston
S'vannah
Birminham
Nawlins'
OH! That city in Alabama? It's pronounced MUNTGUMRY!

Southern girls know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.-(just have to add, I had a blind date for my formal this weekend and it was an Air Force boy and he wore his uniform!*swoon*)
Men in tuxedos.
Rhett Butler, of course.


Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Beauty Salon
The Ranch with the longest stretch of river bottom

Southern girls know the three deadly sins:
Bad hair
Bad manners
Bad blind dates
Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fo'evah!
G.R.I.T.S. = Girls Raised in The South!


I thought that was cute.

Word on the monogram thing. Practically every graduation gift i got was monogramed: towels, robes, bags.

It seems like Cotillion was voluntary where ya'll are from. Where I'm from, girls are hand selected the fall after there high school graduation. My mom was so upset I wasn't selected, even though I wouldn't do it because I can think of better things to do with $1500 than buy a white dress and spend an evening with the girls from high school that I hated.

Re: Southern Belles
 

Here, there are several types of cotillion. Some you are invited to join and others you just sign up. The starting ages vary as well as your length of membership.

For high school and younger…
The Baton Rouge Cotillion, for example, is an “association” of the area’s high school students. Only X-number from each school is invited and it is for boys and girls. The only way that you can join, if not selected as a freshman, is if someone (girl for girl, boy for boy) from your school drops out. There are lessons on Sunday afternoons throughout the school year, two formal dances and two informal dances. Members stay in until they graduate. One of the reasons that there is a cap on the membership is because of space limitations. In addition, legacies do receive special consideration.

Other cotillions don’t have the school quota issue like BRC but function similarly - Sunday lessons, formals and informals. One here starts in the 4th grade and they have the same sort of activities as the BRC. This one is also affiliated with a national organization. The kids participate in ballroom dance competitions against associated cotillions on regional and national levels. They also take field trips to the opera, symphony, ballet and theatre.

For college age…
Usually, girls only and membership is by invitation only and limited. There aren’t any lessons per se because 9x out of 10 they participated in a younger cotillion. They do have parties and these are geared to the debutante season. (Although, some girls make their debuts while still in HS. It just depends on the club and where you live.)

For after college…
Membership is either single sex or couples. Membership is by invitation only and limited. They have regular parties and once a year, they have debuts for their children/grandchildren. A friend’s parents belong to the Shreveport Cotillion and he became a junior member when he graduated HS. When he turns ~30, he is expected to become a full member.