Vent Session, Sorry I have to!!!
 

OKAY!!! THIS IS LUDICROUS! MY chapter had to get rid of Big sisters and little sisters, we are now only allowed to have a sis mom and sis dot!!! AND- We can't even have shirts that say "Kate's Big" or "Janet's lil" they have to say mom and dot!!! HOW FREAKING RIDICULOuS!!
My chapter had it where you got a sis mom the day you pledged and they kept you, but the week after you were initiated you got a big sis. This was someone you felt close to in the chapter and looked up to, and sometimes it was your sis mom, but sometimes it wasn't. The new girls listed 4 people they wanted as bigs and then they were matched up.... OKAY why is this so wrong? You don't pick your sis mom...
So they were told that when a girl pledges she writes down 3 names of girls she wants as a sis mom and that is it... and no adopting- period...
The new girls hardly know names, much less the person!

THIS IS NOT FAIR!
I am an alumna and I think it is ridiculous!

its always been Sis Mom, Sis Dot at my chapter.....I didn't even know other chapters weren't that way :confused:

I also thought that chapter council had to vote on any chapter changes like that, then bring it to chapter to have a group vote

?

okay i'll prolly get flamed for this but sue me later. the same thing happened at my chapter a couple of semesters/years ago.

i know this is something to do with hazing - but gimme a freaking break.

IT'S A FREAKING SORORITY - SOME MEMBERS ARE ALWAYS GOING TO BE OLDER AND THERE LONGER - THERE'S GONNA BE A LITTLE BIT OF SENIORITY - HOW DO BIGS AND LITTLES VIOLATE SO MUCH?????? WAAAA - DON'T JOIN A FREAKING SORORITY IF YOU DON'T WANT A BIG!!!!!!!!!!

marissa

I'm not sure the concern with bigs and littles has to do with hazing.

My chapter also did sister-mother/sister-daughter during the new member ceremony. Sometimes you got wonderful mom/daughter match-ups, and sometimes you didn't. I never knew any other way. I was taught that a sister-mother was AGD's formal terminology for a big sister.

I was astounded when I met Junior Circle members from other chapters who were doing rose sisters, big sisters, and what-have-you. I think the reason there is a push for sister-mothers/sister-daughters is because there should be uniformity among all the chapters. Sister-mothers are what the Ritual calls for, so that is what IHQ expects us to follow.

I'm not really sure what else to say. :confused:

Sis moms are for initiation I know, but what about someone you really look up to and want to have as a part of your family...
I would hate to have a sismom or big sis or whatever you call it that I did not get along with or mesh well with. My big was perfect for me, she is loud, obnoxious, says what is on her mind at all times and likes having fun.... she was the perfect big, my little and I are so much alike it is scary, except she can be a bigger B!^@* than even me and my big! Seriously!

We had been told before that we are one of like maybe two chapters that had both sis moms/sis dots and bigs and lils... but seriously that is our chapter tradition, don't take that away from us.

By the way this was an a directive from a higher authority if you catch my drift?!?

yeah we had a big problem with my new member class when I was coordinator - the sis mom was very homophopic, and the sis dot had openly gay friends. Sis mom said some very derrogatory (sp?) comments and the dot blew up at her....yeah that wasn't fun.....

My sis mom is my best friend now, she was my maid of honor at my wedding and my little one's godmother. Not to mention we work at the same place and live at the same apartment complex - yeah its sad ;) It truly is terrible when the mom dot thing doesn't work out, but its awesome when it does!! other sororities big sis little sis system probably has the same problem that the mom dot system has. I agree there needs to be unity though

Yes, I certainly catch your drift. The only thing that I can really tell you is that your sister-mother is your family. Your sister-daughter is your family. According to Ritual and tradition (at least how *I* was taught it), that is how your family is composed. Your sister-mother is the person you look up to.

I agree that matching women up right at the beginning of the new member period isn't the most ideal way to ensure great sis-mom/sis-dot relationships. Like I said before, in our chapter we sometimes got great match-ups, and sometimes not.

I myself was the product of a not-so-great match-up. Sometimes it was very lonely, but you compensate in other ways. For instance, the opportunity to take two Chapman Pearls under my wing has been an amazing experience for me. They are my family now. Albeit, it is an unusual way to create a family...but they are my family nevertheless. ;) While I wish things were different with my sister-mother, the lack of a super-close relationship with her hasn't scarred me for life.

Again, I'm not really sure what to tell you that will make you feel better. I wish I could make it better for you, but the Ritual is what it is. Short of having IHQ change it, I'm not sure what the other options are here.

This is how Alpha Gam has always had it and the fact that *your chapter* decided to make their own tradition does not mean that is right either. I am sorry to by harsh about it but the chapters should be following Alpha Gam's guidelines. Outside of that there are always close friends, etc. I do not think your chapter is going to fail due to the change to the "policy" of Alpha Gam. As an alum you can help your chapter find a way to make this work within your chapter. It may work for them...:)

My chapter used to assign "Bid Day Buddies" on bid day, and they would serve as sister-mother in the initial new member ceremony until the new members got their "real" sister-mothers a few weeks later. I always thought it worked out fine, because not everyone knows who they're going to get along with right off the bat, and it was nice for everyone to have some time to get to know each other before committing to their sis-mom/sis-dot. We also received the directive to change this practice this semester, which we did, so right now we're pretty much just waiting to see how the relationships pan out.


BTW, my chapter always called them big sis/little sis, but they meant the same thing as sis-mom/sis-dot. For the past few years, we've been trying to break everyone of this terminology, but not very successfully. (The same goes for pledge/new member, rush/recruitment, etc.)

We have both sis-moms and bigs, it makes us unique on our campus because we have two people looking out for our freshman. We like that system. Plus, sisdots are chosen without the NM consent, it is a match up of most common interests assigned by the NM coordinator. Big/little is a mutual preffing system, and usually ends up with more pleasant results. I HATED my sismom, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my big. I think that the older chapters that have been doing big little forever should be allowed to keep it, and lately when we have LCs visiting they thought it was cool that we had both.

~K~

If the SM/SD match isn't working then talk to the New Member Coordinator and ask to get a SM that does have similarities to the New Member. It's not right for the NM to be stuck w/ a SM that she doesn't get along with and vice versa.

Also, if the chapter has continual problems with mismatches I'd suggest looking at how the SM and SD are matched during the SM/SD selection process.

ok, this is about the 10TH time i have tried to post on this thread, so maybe if i keep it short and sweet, it'll let me post. -sigh-:rolleyes:

ok...chapter sister here with my beloved ilovemyglo, and all i want to say is that i understand that internationals is simply trying to look out for our new members in that no hazing occurs with the big/lil process...but that is something that has never ever ever ever happened at our chapter, and never will. we always make sure that our girls are taken care of in every situation.......the problem is not that we can't match up sis-moms to sis-dots.....i love my sister mother and she is one of the main reasons i chose to become an alpha gam. but an additional perk to becoming an initiated member is getting your big sis after your pledge period. your sister mother picks you, and then you pick your big sister. purpose of sis-mom: to bring you into the chapter and introduce you to your new sisters. big sis: someone you grew close with during your pledge period and a way to extend sisterhood as well as your alpha gam family. this is a system that has been more than beneficial to our chapter, and it just kinda stings that we were told it's not working, when it so obviously does. ya know?
not trying to sound :mad: or bitter, just venting along with sarah about the level of frustration it brings. i was a former NM coordinator, so i know first hand seeing the excitement about big sister gettin time! i'm sure we'll work something out, though, that makes us just as unique and special in the land o' squirrels and plenty. :D

liep,
monica

I would be furious too. I remember when i got my sis mom on bid day but we totally didn't have anything in common. Then I got a big and we picked each other because we had a lot in common.
I think some times they take the hazing thing to an extreme. Last year we couldn't even sing dirty alpha gam songs during big/ lil. Sometimes risk management can get in the way of a chapter having fun. This year the Kappa Sigs asked us to go paintballing but we had to decline because it would be a risk management issue.
On my Campus if we didn't have big little we would look very unattractive during rush. Which would be a big issue

hey h15brando do you know Adrienne Nobles? I believe she is an advisor for you all now!

No Janie Davis is our advisor

Good gracious.

My sister-mother (we called them pledge moms, informally) dropped out of college after her sophomore/my freshman year in 1971. I haven't seen or heard from her since I went to her wedding in 1973. Nor have I seen or heard from my sis-grandmom since I went to her wedding in 1971.

OTOH I have three pledge daughters (or sister-daughters). I have kept in touch with the biological mother of the first, and thus tangentially in touch with her. [They lived in town, so I got to know the whole family. Ironically their third daughter--an ADPi-- lives five miles from where I now live, though we haven't ever gotten together.] I've resumed an e-relationship with the second; she is the webmistress for the St. Louis alumnae club. I hear from the third at Christmas time.

My pledge buddy (pledged same night, initiated same day, sat next to each other in Chapter all those years) came from a great family and I am in contact with the sis-mom and sis-grandma, as well as my buddy, still.

Nann
pledged 11/5/70; initiated 3/13/71

I'm going to try to revive this thread.

Tau does the mom-dot thing traditionally, I guess. You get your mom when you go throught the pledging ceremony. I suppose I kind of wish it were done a little differently. See, the girl who became my sis-mom was on the Panhellenic side of rush, so I never met her when I came to any of the parties. I don't remember her being there on bid day (she has a band and is always in & out of chapter activities). I think the first time I met her was when I was actually pledged. I never spent any time with her, really, before I was initiated, for the same reasons. She didn't come to my NM weekend because her brother's bar mitzvah was that night.... I mean I know there are some things you can't change but it was sad when everyone else had their families and I didn't :( We got to Initiation and Feast and she only learned that I wasn't from CANADA at all while we were sitting at the table during Feast!

Now that I'm initiated and living in the chapter house, we know each other better, but I guess my point is that I wish I could have had a big, or even a sis-mom, that I knew a little better, one that knew me at all! I mean, everyone else in the chapter knew that I was from the US, but not my sis-mom. Felt kinda sad.... it would definitely have helped my transition into AGD if I had had a more "guiding" sister-mother there with me.

I like have a big and a sis mom, I am really close to both, but more so my big. I think that it is a good idea to have both. Your sis mom helps you through your new member period. Who knows you could end up having your sis mom as your big. I know several people like that. The great thing about a big is that you get to chose each other, b/c what if you and your sis mom don't get along. It's not fair to either one of you to feel as though you are "stuck" together and the nm misses out on being part of a great family.

Brittany

Again, I completely understand that sometimes sister-mother/sister-daughter match-ups don't turn out as wonderfully as we all would like. It happened to me! But even when they don't turn out well, there *are* other options, as Susan pointed out:

Maybe chapters aren't aware that this solution exists. I know I wasn't.

As some of our other sisters have mentioned, Alpha Gam's policy is to give new members a sister-mother during the Pledging Ritual. It doesn't allow for additions later on. BUT (and this is a big but) there *are* ways to solve problem match-ups when those problems arise.

I know that sisters might not agree with Alpha Gam's policy on this, but unless its changed, we have an obligation to operate within the guidelines that IC and Ritual sets out for us.

I would say that the combination of assigned and mutually chosen families would be a greater benefit to the fraternity. The NM is looking to be a part of the organization and having a fail safe like a Big Sis would ensure that. I knew some girls who were bitter about not having a close SM, and even though they ended up being "adopted" by other sisters, there was still the explanation of what happened with your first sister-mom. With the combo plan, there's no embarassment and you have the potential of having two close relationships with your "mom" and big sis.

I don't believe the way our chapter had it set up went against ritual in ANY WAY!
We had sister mothers at the pledge ceremony, and the continued all they way through your time- my sister mother is about to get married, and she is ALWAYS my sis mom- they are there at initiation and everything. We had it set up that AFTER initiation the newly initiated girls could mutally select a BIG sister with the older girls. It worked out wonderfully, because if your sister mother was the absolute best and you wanted her as your big, you could ask her. And some girls did, some girls felt closer to other women in the chapter and asked them. My big sister is now the chapter advisor.
There are some chapters that I know for a fact have Pearl Pals and stuff or Squirrel Pals and they stay with them until later.

What about this- have a Pearl Pal or Squirrel or whatever through pledgeship and mutually select a sistermother, and find out who it is at initiation?
that would be even better than a candlelighting!

And how do we go about getting this changed? Personally, I don't see why there is a policy on this at all, or why it doesn't allow for a Pearl Pal/Squirrel Sister/Bid-Day Buddy (that's what ours was) or whatever you want to call it. We really only had our bid-day buddies for a week or so, pretty much just for the first pledge ceremony, and then we were assigned a sister-mother that we felt closer to. (Sometimes it was your bid-day buddy, and sometimes it wasn't. In fact, we usually tried not to match someone with a bid-day buddy that would become her sis-mom because we wanted to encourage closer relationships with other sisters. A lot of the time, we would have the bid-day buddies be seniors, and sis-moms were usually juniors, so that the new members got to know more people in the senior class.) I think it's a good idea to allow the new members to get acclimated to the chapter and get to know the sisters better before lumping them with a sis-mom and making them feel like they were just stuck in a family that they may not necessarily want to be in.

I like this. It sounds like they are sticking to the program set for all the chapters regarding sis-mom/dots. And they have just added a nice perk. I don't think it can hurt to encourage more new member relationships within the house. I like the sis-mom/dot program, you don't get to chose her, just like we don't get to choose our birth mothers. And I like the big sis/lil sis because you can mutually select our big/lil, just like we selected our sisters during recruitment. Best of both worlds.

I was hoping a member of the VST could comment.

VST do read all of our sisters' comments here and I'm sure it's been noted and will be considered. Perhaps in the future you'll see some changes in the SM/SD program. International Council needs to do what is best for all of our chapters and when they do make decisions for change they do it very carefully after much study, input from our members of all ages, and thought!

Thank you AGDZO Susan,
As a VST member I have read this post as well as taken notes. It is important to remember that it is not just Alpha Gams who read these posts. First, I am sad that some are sharing some the special things we do that may be a fun surprise for our new members, especially those who are going through recruitment. Not that it is a secret by any means but it is a fun surprise. Second, the issues you are having with the Fraternity are best handled by reaching out to your Advisors and/or VST/IC. Lastly, please remember that you are representing all of us on these boards. All Alpha Gams!
Thank you.