Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

I've been talking to this guy for awhile now...he's so sweet, knows exactly what girls want, isn't in things for sex...but I just get this vibe from him that he's gay.

And I know these probably aren't the best ways to tell...but he dresses nice, he says "super" sometimes, he went in his hottub naked before with some of his close guy friends (although I know that they are definitely straight) but he just said it's more comfy that way and it's not like they look...


Anyways, I'm just not sure. Sometimes he seems too good to be true. How do you tell if someone is gay?

Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

Ask him.

However, he might not be sure of it himself. Or he might be "in denial" or not ready to embrace his sexual identity. As for the hot-tub thing, he could be a bit of an exhibitionist??

I must say though, from my experience, I have never gotten gay vibes from a guy and then he turned out to be straight.

"If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck"
(Told to me by one of my gay male friends.

has he had girls while you've known him? confusing situation.. maybe you should ask if you are close enough..

Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

In a roundabout way, you could ask him what kind of girls he dates.

Do you have any gay male friends? If so I would introduce them and after the meeting see what your friend thinks. My best friend from vet school married a guy that you would swear was gay but he's not-he is just effeminate. She even said herself he is like a gay man (I think he even joked about it).

I agree with getting one of your gay friends to meet him.

Why not just ask the guy? If he's not you'll both get a good laugh out of it. If you go around trying to manipulate situations to try to find the truth... well that's just kind of underhanded and manipulative.

Wouldn't some straight guys be extremely offended if a girl just asked them if they were gay? I wouldn't come right out and ask, just for fear of pissing him off if he ISN'T gay. Like, if someone asked me if I was a lesbian, I'd be really upset because I'm not! I'd feel really insecure about myself from then on because I'd start wondering what it was about me that made people think that. I mean, I don't know... that's just my assumption. Personally I would take the approach of asking him what kind of girls he dates. That way he won't be offended, and you can probably figure out from his answer whether he's gay or not.

Re: Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

That doesn't mean anything. Lots of gay men have girlfriends (yes, who they even sleep with) before they embrace their true sexual identity. My orthodontist was married with children, and then finally came "out" at age 50.

Re: Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

Re: Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

For real. No need to be coy. If you're interested in him, you need to know whether you're barking up the wrong tree.

Hopefully he won't take offense, but if he does, then maybe that'll give you something else to think about.

Only if they're convinced that there's something inherently wrong with being gay. I always felt that a guy who was secure in his masculinity would be able to say "no" to the question maturely, and without macho posturing and then move on.

I don't know, I think it's just plain rude to flat-out ask someone. That's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it! :p

I don't think that you should ask. His sexuality is private and not really your business unless he chooses to share that information. Also if he is gay, he might not be ready to deal with that himself, let alone discuss it with someone else.

He is definitely gay.

So you know this from personal experience? LOL ;)

Easy there "Anne Heche".

ROFLMAO!!! :)

Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

You don't. You remain their friend and don't worry about who they're in bed with.

Re: Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

True, but that only works if she wants to be friends and nothing more. If she's looking at the situation as a potential hook-up well then she kind of needs to know.

I wish I had a gay guy friend that would be able to tell whether or not the guy I'm talking to is gay. I really like him...I just don't want to fall in love with a gay guy if that's the case.

I know he's had girlfriends in the past...there was one that he was truly heartbroken over...he told me about it.

But I still think it's possible for guys to have dated girls in the past before they "realized" that they were gay.

But honestly...what straight guy says "super"?!?!?!

i've read this thread for awhile....your situation sucks.
if i was the guy, i would not want you to ask me---at all. it would most likely make me question your feelings and thoughts about me if we did start a relationship, and i would honestly feel like crap. if you notice things, then most likely other people have too, and most likely those people have asked him. that in its self can hurt to have people repeadly asking you about something that is very personal. you can never really know if he is gay...only he knows, and honestly it is up to him to decide how he will live his life. anyway, i think you should put yourself out there. tell him how you feel about him, regardless of the gay thing, and see what happens. if he feels the same about you then you have the possibility of a new relationship. if he dosent, and isn't gay, big deal! i'm sure he isn't going to stop talking to you. if he is gay he will either come out to you, or he will just tell you he does not share your feelings, but i'm sure he will still be your friend. hope some of tis helped.

I have this friend that I met here at college four years ago. I swore up and down (to myself) that he was gay when I first met him. Then I asked a friend that knew him, and she said he wasn't.

If you don't have that opprotunity you may want to see how he reacts in situations. Maybe go to a gay bar/club together to dance and see how he feels prior to going and while there. Note: don't go there alone. That's too weird.

Um, you could try bringing up sexuality in conversation. Act like you were discussing the issue in a class or with your friends or something and see what he has to say. Although he may not come out and say it, it may give you better clues.

Whatever you do, just be careful the way you phrase things if you ask. Certainly, as people above mentioned, you don't want to offend him or piss him off. That'd be the worst thing you could do.

I wish it was cut and dry. Good Luck!

Re: Re: Re: Gay...Not Gay...That's The Question
 

you mean his wife drove him to being gay? Wow talk about being unhappy!

This is corect actually. His sexuality really is his business. Why not stick to the point?

You like him and want to go out with him. Why not just tell him you are interested? That way you are making yourself vulnerable rather than trying to prey on his vulnerabilities.

I agree w/ Josh and James. If your interested in him, make your move.

'Course I also have yet to get the vibe and not be right. Although there have been some that I never had a clue. Then there's my one Humanities teacher that was, I'm sorry, but a middle aged balding fat slob. I never would have guessed. He wore dirty clothes and had long gross hair. The anti-stereotype of a gay man. He was open about his sexuality though and managed to tie everything in history back to homosexuality.

Doesn't it seem lately that there's way more homosexuals? Just an observation. Maybe my "gaydar" is on overload because my office has many many many gays and lesbians. I can't figure out if it's the "cool thing to do" or if society has become more accepting so people feel more comfortable being open. Somehow though I just don't think society is all that accepting and still massively homophobic. So I think it's more the former than the latter. :shrug: Thoughts?

yeah...try to go down on him. If he stops you, he's gay.

This Might Be Too Much Info...
 

Optimist Prime...are you serious about the giving head thing? Because if you are, then he must be gay!

I tried doing that about a month ago, and he said no to it. But he claims it was because we were cuddling and just kind of talkign and he wasn't "excited enough."

And here's some additional info...we were talkign about sex one day and he told me he likes butt sex the best, then head, and then normal sex. Maybe that says it all????

Although I do know that he has had sex with 2 girls in the past.

I just don't know what to think about him.

Talk about confusing!!!!

Re: This Might Be Too Much Info...
 

Try it again!!

Keep tryin' until you do it! lol

No. I know you're trying to be cheeky, but it's not really funny.

Since I said he was age 50, he would have gotten married in an era that would not have been tolerant of his homosexuality. So, he chose the path of denial, got married, had children, etc. Finally he could not keep up the charade any longer, and was divorced (amicably, I might add) from his wife. This happens more often than you think....you can read about it in magazines, etc.

gay, gayer, gayest
 

No head b/c he's not excited enough? GAY . lol actually I have known a couple guys who love head, but it makes them uncomfortable b/c they're used to sex so it takes them too long to, um, finish. Or maybe he really wasn't turned on at the time and was embarassed b/c it was all tiny and shriveled. :rolleyes: The point is, there's still hope for him to be straight.
UNTIL you tell us that his favorite is butt sex, followed by head, followed by regular sex......that wouldn't be that questionable coming from a straight guy, but paired w/the no head thing, saying super, and being feminine, I"d say you've got yourself someone who likes guys as much as you do.
I've noticed that when guys rank what they like, butt sex (if applicable) and regular sex come right after each other, and head is either 1st or 3rd. Maybe he's placing regular sex last b/c it's not something he does? And that would make him gay.
i don't know, like I said any of these things taken individually aren't that big of a deal, but all together , from an outsiders point of view, comprise a guy that is probably a homosexual.

Re: gay, gayer, gayest
 

i have to agree...
its cool to brag to your friends that you put it in a girls ass, but if that is your first priority...then it is a little strange. i know i am not a big fan of giving it in the ass--something about the possibility of my johnson smelling like shit scares me.

If only all guys used that logic.....

Re: Re: gay, gayer, gayest
 

This made me laugh really hard.

Sorry.....lol

I have a lot of friends who are gay and they are very hot. A lot of girls always try to throw themselves at my gay friends because they don't know they are gay. This makes my friends very uncomfortable because they have to admit their sexuality and hurt someone (which they don't like doing). So my advice is...if you really like this dude, wait for him to tell you. If they respect you, they will eventually. And while you wait for them to tell you.....another guy might come into the picture. (for you, not him I mean)

OK, SERIOUSLY...

its cool to brag to your friends that you put it in a girls ass
posted by josh80

and was embarassed b/c it was all tiny and shriveled
posted by AXJules

and he told me he likes butt sex the best
posted by bgsugirlie

OK, I know ya'lls is trying to be hlppful, but seriously, this thread is off the hook. This is some funny ass shit. Seriously. I never thought I'd EVER go on GC and read posts about butt sex. This thread HAS to be up there with the "does our junk stank" thread.

I am seriously ROTFLMMFAO. hahahhahahah.

BTW, where is this infamous thread? Did the GC gods delete it?

I think it was under "god this is off color", if I recall correctly.

Lifesaver- glad you're enjoying the thread. Anytime you need to hear my detailed descriptions of sexual parts and behavior, just let me know.

True, true. I just remember a long post about fruit, punch, smegma, hygene, "aquired tastes" ana beads and such. lol.


Anyway, thanks for the hillarity. I'll be suure to let you knwo next tiem I need a pick me up, lol.