Interracial Relationships
 

I was raised in an ostensibly very liberal family of East-coast, Irish/Italian Catholic Democrats. I was raised to have a strong indentification with my own ethnic and religious heritage, but to turn a blind eye to ethnic and religious differences - to have Irish pride, but not to discriminate against anyone whose heritage differed from mine.

That said, I suddenly find myself in a strange situation. Two weeks ago I met this really sweet guy - he is an African-American member of a GLO. I ran into him on Thursday and he invited me to his fraternity's formal, which was last night. I accepted and had a wonderful time, but I am getting the impression that this guy wants something more with me than just a formal date - he invited me out to lunch with him this week and seems to really like me. I keep hearing about how he's an amazing guy and an incredibly nice person.

Clearly, it's a little early to start telling my parents anything, but they are going to be curious as to how I spent my Valentine's Day - and when I thought today about having this conversation with them (they are on vacation and returning tomorrow), I realized something. My gut instinct tells me that my father - who has always preached tolerance and overlooking differences - may have a different reaction in a situation involving his daughter in an interracial relationship.

Personally, I have no problem with interracial or interreligious dating - but I am feeling really weird at my own perception of how I am expecting my father to react.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation before? How do you guys feel about interracial relationships?

(BTW, I did run a search first... there was nothing dealing explicitly with this in the archives)

I guess the whole "interracial" thing never really mattered to me because a) I live in Hawaii where interracial relationships are the norm and b) I'm the product of an interracial marriage.

The past three serious relationships I've been in have been with Caucasian men who weren't from Hawaii. My mom didn't really like the idea because she wanted me to marry a Filipino guy [even though I've never dated a Filipino or Asian for that matter]. But then again my mom's not originally from the US, so she's still tied to some of her beliefs.

As parents of 9 daughters, Mr. Carnation and I feel that the quality of the guy is foremost. It's everything! We don't want our girls dating white guys who are trailer trash, black guys with the bad kind of ghetto values, or Hispanics who are vatos. We want them to date--and marry--kind and caring men with strong values.

But the color doesn't matter at all. I hope your parents will see the incredibleness of this guy!:)

nucutie-

I think I know where you're coming from. I was raised to be very accepting of other religions, ethnicities, etc. However, if I were to date a black guy (i'm white), I think my parents would have some uneasiness. My dad wouldn't say anything. My mom has told me before that she doesn't have a problem with interracial relationships, but that she thinks the kids suffer because of society's pressures on biracial individuals. I've told her that I think that is just an excuse. (Plus I don't ever plan on kids).

That being said, they would still support me if they knew I was happy. Interestingly enough, my boyfriend of 5+ years is latino, and they never as much as blinked an eye.

So when they ask, tell them that you spent your time with this amazing guy. And when they ask what he's like, tell them about all of the things you'd tell them- he's funny, smart, whatever. And then tell them something like "just so there's no surprises, he's black", and continue raving about his good qualities.

Congrats on finding someone worth spending your time with! :D

Its a little premature to have this conversation with your parents lol.

You have been dating (and it hasn't even been dating in your mind) less than a week and it sounds like you may not even have had sex with him yet.

If you are feeling uneasy then you do have a problem with it. Even if you believe the problem is stemming from your parents.

Consider the fact that you "think" your father is going to have a problem with an interacial relationship even though he has never given you a direct reason to believe that.

I would say that even if your family is a bit taken aback because the situation is unfamiliar to them, I doubt they will let their actions reflect that.

People have aberrant thoughts, its their actions that are more important. So don't be self-conscious or defensive before you have a legitimate reason. Its irrational, self-destructive, and can kill a good buzz.

OH, and when asked what my views on dating interacially are, my normal reponse is to say it depends on how good looking the girl is lol :p .

Go rent "guess who's coming to dinner"

i do understand where you are coming from. i've been in relationships with a couple of african american guys in the past and i still occasstionally date interracially.
the difference is i come from a not so tolerant family. my father still uses the N word to refer to african americans when he's angry. completely outrageous behavior to me. my mother basically told me it's only a "phase" and it will pass. i'll realize that it's "not worth it" to be in such a "difficult" relationship.
whatever! i absolutely love one of the guys i used to date and still keep in touch with him. we've already decided that if he doesn't marry his current girlfriend, that we will most likely get married. so basically my rents will just have to deal.
but if it's this early on, i wouldn't worry about it. i liked silverturtle's suggestion. hope it helps.

shelley j
sigma k

interracial dating is cool, you can't really limit yourself to just one. my past few girlfriends have been filipino like me. but lately, the women i've come into contact with have been black and hispanic. (i think i've only dated one caucasian girl in my life). my mom would like me to go filipina, but she also realizes that i'm a grown ass man, and i'm 6 years removed from being legal. plus the women i've dealt with have been of high quality. i'm on a chicken fast diet. while i haven't given up on asian women, the women i'm meeting now are making me happy.

i know i'm probably going to sound stupid asking this, but what is a chicken fast diet?

shelley j
sigma k

i try my hardest to not deal with women detrimental to my mental/physical/emotional health. a chicken is slang for a woman who's a mess like that.

that's sort of what i thought you meant, but i was just making sure. i think the fast and diet in the same term screwed me up.

shelley j
sigma k

White chicks will never go back once they have a piece of this CHOCOLATE THUNDER!

right alphaiota?

I personally have never had a non-interracial relationship.

I'm Asian and I've had serious relationships with one Persian guy and two Caucaisan guys.

I'm from a fairly conservative area and I've never encountered any problems at all. To be honest, however, my Caucaisan girlfriend who dated an African American man got some flack about that from her family and friends, which really sucks... interesting how the accpetance of interracial relationships sometimes depend on the races involved.

Date whomever makes you happy, no matter their race!

XOXO,
Annie.

My dad does not accept interracial dating.

I, however, do not share his viewpoints at all. I'm attracted to guys of all races. I have never dated outside my race in the past, however it doesn't mean that I never will in the future!

The only problem I have with interracial dating is when people date ONLY one race of guys/girls.

Don't worry, be happy.
 

I'm black. . .so what?
I have never even dated a black guy. . .big deal?
I'm attracted to Asians, Hispanic, and Caucasian guys. . .woo-hoo!
I think that it is important to 'do your thing'. It's not like you're going to marry the guy TOMORROW or even in a couple of months. When it starts getting serious, that's when you worry about telling your parents and stuff.
I can't say that my parents were excited with the boyfriends that I have had but they didn't make a big issue about it. They just stated what they thought was going to happen and said, 'but it's your life and if we tell you no. . .you'll sneak around and do it anyway.'

so, date this guy. and come back in about 4 months of dating him. . .because by then, SPRING BREAK, MARDI GRAS, FORMALS will have happened. . .you might have met someone else.

A couple og

Kinda like me?

Wow...it sounds like most of your parents are pretty easygoing. If I were to date outside my race, especially a black person, my parents would disown me. They are extremely racist when it comes to family, and they would probably think it would make them "look bad" if I dated anyone other than a Caucasian guy. I think that's pretty sad, but they're my parents so I can't say anything. Thank goodness my boyfriend happens to be white, though...

Well, for me, the ironic thing is that my parents encountered a lot of opposition from THEIR parents when they were dating. My mom was supposed to marry an Italian Catholic, my father an Irish Catholic. Their joint Catholicism was pretty much the only reason their parents accepted the relationship at all!

I have dated Jewish boys in the past and my dad was pretty uneasy about that - heck, he even discourages me from dating boys who were raised outside of New England. Strangely enough he was okay with me dating pretty much whoever when I was in HS - but he and all of his siblings met their spouses in college, and suddenly I can't date people for the fun of the moment anymore... its weird

I have seen many interracial relationships in my family and among my friends. I've never had an interracial relationship because I've only been asked out by whites. When my cousin who is Irish and Italian American married an African man, her father objected and didn't even attend the wedding. Now twelve years and two children later, he not only has accepted the marriage, but embraced his son-in-law and their children. It took several years for him to come around. My sister dated a black man for nearly three years. My mother wasn't happy, but she has never been happy with any of the men in our lives. :rolleyes: The primary problem that they had in their relationship really didn't have anything to do with 'race' per se. They had different goals and expectations which can cause any relationship to end. They are still the best of friends even though their romantic relationship has ended.

nucutiepie, have fun and enjoy yourself. Maybe this new friendship will blossom into a romance or maybe not. I wouldn't worry too much about it, if I were you. :)

Growing up in Los Angeles I was taught by my parents (and just from experience being among the white minority at school) that we're all just humans and it doesn't matter what race we are. My brother married the half-Japanese girl from next door and my family was okay with it.

Somewhere along the way though I knew my parents wouldn't want me to date a black man. I remember my mom talking about how a white woman can date a man of any other race and society doesn't care. Yet if a white and black person start to date society looks down on you and gives you problems. At the time I just let the comments blow over me since I tended to be more attracted to White or Asian men.

Imagine my worry though when I got to know this really nice black guy in my class and he started showing an interest in me. When I talked about him to my friends race never played an issue in it, it was just always Daryl this or that. In fact, many of my friends asked me after they met Daryl why I hadn't mentioned he was black not because they had a problem with it but because I just never mentioned it. To me it never played a part in our relationship he was just a really nice classmate that I started spending time with.

However I still remember coming home and telling my mom I have good news and bad news about this guy I'm going to start dating. I told her the good news is he's Lutheran and she said "he's black isn't he". Later on I heard her talking to one of my brothers about him and mom couldnt' even say he was black she just told my brother I had a new boyfriend and remember the movie "guess who's coming to dinner". Daddy didn't say much would just kind of give me this look though when I mentioned Daryl or he would say your 3 times 7 plus (however many years past 21 years old) and you can do what you want. I was so pissed off and hurt by my parents attitude since they had taught me that we are all alike and yet they were judging Daryl on his being black only.

I was truthful with Daryl about my parents attitude before I brought him home to meet mom and dad. My parents were always respectful to Daryl but it did take them a short while to warm up to him though. Once they really got to know him, saw he was treating me well and with respect, and wasn't the stereotypical gangbanger like you see in cities near us they really liked him. Maybe a little too much because now the problem is if Daryl and I have a disagreement they tend to side with him instead. My parents have said Daryl is like a son to them and they absolutely love him now.

As we always say when choosing a sorority you should follow your heart. If this guy is someone you could really get to like and could see yourself dating him and maybe becoming really serious with him then spend time with him getting to know him better. If you don't, then who knows you may be passing up your Mr. Right

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Timber
[B]White chicks will never go back once they have a piece of this CHOCOLATE THUNDER!

LOL!!

I am actually in a interracial relationship (i am black, the guy is white) and I think that I am the only one that is uneasy. I sometimes think that he wishes that he was with a beautiful blonde. He tells me that he forgets that I am black most of the time. He just isnt looking for that:)
As for my parents, my dad wouldnt bat an eye if I brought home a guy that was blue:p
My mom doesnt care either although she wonders sometimes if I have something against black guys cause I have only been out with white guys. of course its not true, it is just the way things happened.

Parents just need to get past color and look for happiness.

I'm African American and I've only ever been interested in Caucasian men. My mom is not only aware, she's always on the look out for BF's for me! I will never date a black man, I'm pretty sure of this. I don't have any interest. My last BF was Jewish and the guy I'm currently into is....you guessed it, Caucasian. Can't help what I like, and I never will!

Its good to know someone feels the same way. I dont think that I will date a black man either. It has nothing with predjuice or anything , I am just not interested. Who knows, maybe a beautiful black man will sweep me off my feet later on.

One of the girls I live with is dating a black guy and while she loves him very much has had some real problems with the relationship. Her family is very against interracial relationships, esp her father. Her mother knows her bf as only a friend and her dad has no idea at all. She was thinking of telling them the truth over Thankgiving break but found out her financial aid for school was falling through so she waited for that to get cleared up. Then over winter break her car broke down so she waited for that to clear up. She knows she will be disowned if they find out and is having a real hard time deciding if it is worth telling them.

My there are some racist motherfuckers (our parents).

:rolleyes:

well, i just ended an inter-cultural relationship. i am italian and he is indian (as in from india). he moved here when he was 8. neither of us had issues due to our cultural differences. our biggest clash was he is a vegetarian and i am not. lol, he hates the smell of tuna and said that i could never have it in our house.

anyway, his family expected that he would have an arranged marriage. both of his older sisters did, so that was that. his younger brother is also in a relationship with an american woman. he told his parents about her and his mother cried. and still cries every day. they told him that they would disown him, although they have not yet. they have in the past made it clear to my ex that they would disown him. i kept telling him that if he and his brother did it together, there was no way his parents would cut them both off! unfortunately, as soon as his brother told his parents.....they guilted my ex even more. "we are so glad you would never do that to us..." puh-lease. how ridiculous. i am well educated, come from a good family, have my own money, and love this man more than just about anything, but in their eyes i am not good enough because i am not indian.
last weekend he called me to tell me that he is engaged to a woman that he met a week before who happens to live in india....and he won't see her again until the wedding.

he wasn't strong enough to tell his parents. he is miserable, but doesn't know how to get out. as i have told him a zillion times, someday your parents will die and you will be looking at some woman that you never cared about and that you were with just to make your parents happy.

parents suck. their generation has a very different view of inter-racial/ cultural relationships. things have changed and we are more accepting of these things. if you show your parents that the person you are with is good to you and for you, then they will change too.

that's probably what happens when you're sheltered in life. that's why some guys like them weak-minded women (chickens) so they can feel like the "man" in the relationship.

Wow. First of all, UF_Pike's ignorant ass post is not worthy of my response. Comments like his perpetuate issues the Black community still deal with today such as the color complex. :rolleyes: :mad:

I am an African-American woman and I love my race, my culture, my heritage, and my roots. I looooove Black men and to me, there's nothing more beautiful than a good Black man with a good Black woman by his side. I can't say that I'd never date outside of my race, but it's highly unlikely because I really don't think a white man can handle me. I think people who are one race but say they "exclusively" date other races (for whatever reasons) are ignorant and disowning a piece of themselves. :mad:

Now, my grandmother would DIE and my both my late grandfathers would turn in their graves if I were ever to bring home a white man. They were raised in Mississippi during the 1930s and 40s and have some issues with White people because of the injustice and legacy of hate in the south. I can't blame them. But if I were in love, regardless of race, I would just have to work it out with my grandmother.
My mother and father are a little more accepting than my grandparents are, but it would take them quite a while to warm up. One time, my brother brought this red-headed white girl home to watch some movies. Her name was Heather and my brother had been talking about her all week. My parents assumed she was Black. Wellll, when he brought her in the house, my folks were like :eek: !! It was hilarious because they were in such shock. My father called my brother upstairs and was like, "Boy, are you crazzzzy?!?! Does her father know where she is right now?" My Ma was like, "Get her outta here NOW!" My parents aren't necessarily racist, but they believe that "white girls are trouble" especially in the small North Carolina town where I was raised and some country parts of the state.

One thing I can't stand though are the white guys who try to "holla" at me just because I'm Black...for experimental purposes...or because they heard Black women are freaks. :rolleyes: Let it be known that Black women are just as sexually active and promiscuous as the average White, Asian, or Latina woman. This myth is what caused so much oppression and rape among African American women.

I am very surprised to hear how everyone's parents feel about this! I guess I just didn't expect that kind of attitude anymore. My parents could care less what race guy I date. And yes, they're probably older than most of the parents reffed here.

thanks for defining that for me starang21 ;)

i just find it sad that our parent have to come from a racist generation. unfortunately there isn't much that will change it. let's just be happy that our generation and our children's generations will be more tolerant (hopefully).

shelley j
sigma k

Well, I don't discriminate when dating. I will date any man, as long as he is genuine (and sexy). I don't have as hard a time with men of different races as I do with men from different social classes.

I have copy of that movie at my house and I enjoy it very much. I have been involved in a interracial relationship a couple of times( I'm African-American). As long as you are happy with whomever you chose to be with, That's all that matters. A relationship is a relationship, nothing more.

In most cases when you are talking about interracial relationships you are also talking about intercultural relationships.

To be intercultural does not require different country, nationality, etc. I think that most of us agree that in the US there are certain cultures that people identify with often based on what their racial background is. Cultures dictate our shared experiences, how we communicate, our dialect, etc. Most of us seek out partners in relationships that share our same culture.

When UFPike made the above "racist remarks" as some have labeled them I believe he was referring to the 'lucky' girl's culture. "Talking white", not wearing cornrows, etc.. These are things that in his home or his family he would find acceptable. In other words, like most of us, we seek partners like ourselves.

Race does not DIRECTLY determine who many of us would or would not date. It does influence who the person is through culture. If I'm going to date someone she must be able to communicate effectively with me, must be attractive (and there are beautiful women of all colors), etc.

You can try and justify uf_pike's comments but I think if he was trying to explain his family, he could have done it with a little more tact. I am still offended by those remarks. I talk with just as much intelligence as any given person. I actually had someone tell me that I talk too proper to be black.
:confused:

After all these years, we (not just blacks, but everyone) still cant be looked at as equals. It makes me sick. Do we really need to pass this racist attitude to our children???

I would like to think that my parents are accepting of different races. I have never experienced a problem. I have dated an asian man before(I am caucasian...mostly) my parents have always been very warm and friendly. My parents feel as long as the guy treats me well and I am happy, that's all that matters.
However, I think my mother might be a little concerned if i dated a balck guy. i think she might be concerned how others in society would treat us. My mother, is in simplest terms 1/4 black. My grandmother is biracial. While my mother was growing up in England, her mother and siblings experienced awful hatred and discrimination because of the colour of their skin. I just think my mother would not want me or the man I was dating to have to experience hatred or cruelty just because some people cannot accept interracial relationships.

The responses i've seen in this thread
 

What I'm gonna say is going to be a shocker...so take this time to
rejoice...because this is a rare occasion to say..................







































I am SPEECHLESS. I don't have anything to say!

Re: The responses i've seen in this thread
 

WTF???? :confused: :confused: :confused: