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Biological clocks are exploding!!!
Is it okay for a 30-something or for that matter, a 28 and above unmarried, heterosexual woman to feel so compelled that she needs to go out there and consciously get pregnant by any man--(anything, nowadays) to meet the needs of her biological clock that is about to explode???
I ask, because too many of my unmarried, heterosexual 30-something girlfriends have done just that to either "get a man to commit" or that they are getting up there in age and better do something quick! Then, after the child is born, gets a little older, these same women realize how tough it is to maintain familial continuity without any man. I'm not talking about women who have been divorced or their man left them or they are widowers. I'm talking about women who literally make sure to take the ovulation test to ensure conception... And uh-oh, I did a boo-boo--NO-- it is NOT an accident when your are 30 years old!!! You had better know where babies come from!!! And I'm not trying to hear, I didn't know that taking the antibotics block the birth control pill's effectiveness... Just like a boxer, you need to protect yourself at all times!!! Either take birth control, or not. If you don't, you risk pregnancy and moreso, STI's... I personally just think that the whole idea of "unwed 30 something biological clock explosion, gotta get me a man and have his child" is just skrait ugly!!! I think it is reckless and stupid on behalf of all parties involved, except the one who didn't ask to be here. And I hear my 30 something unwed mothers and my man-trappin' married mothers bitchin' and moanin' about how tough it is to take care of an accidently on purpose child. I'm just fed up!!! But I wanna know what the brothers think!!! Unmarried brothers: If your current girlfriend or a girl of whom you are intimate told you she is 3-5 months pregnant with your child, what would you do? What would you think? These questions are mainly for brothers 28 and up. Younger bruhs, it's okay if you answer, but y'all can make mistakes--like, "oh, I didn't think it mattered if the condom broke and you're still menstruating..." Oh and as for me, I have never been pregnant in my life. So I do not know how I will react if I got pregnant, since I am unmarried and a 30-something woman. But I would know how I got pregnant 'cuz I would have chosen to not use birth control (STI protection) and to take the risk, with eyes wide open... But I'd rather be like Sarah of Abraham and wait... |
AKA Monet,
You and me both. I am "scared to death" of starting a family without a man who is absolutely committed to being a father. Notice I said father. It doesn't matter if he and I decide to part ways, but I would be devastated if he walked away from his child http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif |
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SOROR, I AM ROTFLMSWBO! GIRL, I UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL, YOU just had to vent, right! LMBO! I AGREE WITH WHAT YOU ARE SAYING... I JUST HAD TO LET IT BE KNOWN THAT IF I EVA, YES, EVA GOT PREGNANT, B4 TIME (WEDDING CEREMONY), YOU ALL WILL FIND ME IN THE CRAZY HOUSE, INDEED! THAT'S EXACTLY WHERE I WILL BE...CATCHING INVISIBLE BUTTERFLIES AND ALL... http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/eek.gif YA KNOW SOROR, I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT ADOPTION AND A SPERM BANK. (I AM ONLY 28) THAT WAY, YOU WON'T HAVE TO HAVE A "MAN" INVOLVED...THE LESS DRAMA, THE BETTER... IT'S YOUR (MY) RESPONSIBILITY... GIRL, YOU WILL BE FINE! IT'S NOT OUR TIME, YET! LOL http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif |
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It's coincidental, but I posted a similar question in the SGrho forum in January. It was called "Sperm Thief". I am the proud father of a daughter, whose mother pulled that same shyt. Initially I hated the bytch; but eventually, I got over it. It's still a big pill to swallow, but I love my daughter. |
Brotha Ape,
But it still took you some time to get over the crap... I understand you love something that came from a part of you, OF COURSE, I wouldn't expect any less. In fact if you didn't, I would call you a luser. But, why did it make you mad at first? --You are the one the slept with yo baby's mama and got her pregnant??? How could you NOT know? Was it the moment of passion for one night stronger than what's best for me and my psyche for the rest of my life? I'm clueless--I just don't understand. The woman I know that recently is expecting... She said some chit like, "Oh, we're not thinkin' about (marriage) right now..." WTF!!!! She met the jikka at MY HOUSE a YEAR AGO!!! They've been an item that long!!! Sooner or later, feelings were gonna run deep for both parties. So, how the hell were both of them NOT gonna EXPECT SOME LEVEL OF FORMAL COMMITMENT THAT SHINED???? So her only recourse was to "uops-honey, I'm pregnant???" That is just some stupid assed chit a 17 year old pulls!!! Not a 30-something year old... My measurement of commitment level is he has a 3 month turnaround time. If I don't hear something remotely like "we need to get a little closer" type chit, then I bounce. No sense in draggin' a MF--wait til he figga he wants me... Wait til he's ready fo me... Yeah, whateva. NEXT!!! But that's just me. [This message has been edited by AKA_Monet (edited April 01, 2001).] |
As usual.... I am ROTFLMSWAO!
Girllllll, you need some help! LIKE YESTEDAY! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif |
Let me know if I understand the comments.
-It is ok to have premarital sex as long as you don't become pregnant; -Although a brother does not insist on using a condom, if a sister becomes pregnant then she set the man up; |
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Hey Monet, Chill out sista! Shyt happens, you know? |
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[This message has been edited by Inquisitive (edited April 02, 2001).] |
slippery slope there bruh!
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slippery slope there bruh!
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slippery slope there bruh!
------------------ Many are called, many are chosen, but only a few are PHROZEN! |
As a younger bruh, I can't afford to make any mistakes. I know the consequences of sexual activity and my girlfriend and I use protection every time, no exceptions. I am a little confused why do you cut slack to the younger ones...
------------------ Many are called, many are chosen, but only a few are PHROZEN! |
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Lemme ask you this: Why do we tell our teen girls that it is wrong to get pregnant? Besides age, what is the difference between an unmarried teen girl getting pregnant vs. an unmarried, heterosexual 30-something woman getting pregnant, both decided to get pregnant out of wed lock? And a brotha that doesn't insist on condom usage before sex--the least of his worries is gettin' a woman pregnant... Brotha Ape, When I think bout the chit goin' on these days, I just get riled up... But I ain't mad at cha. But I really need to understand the logic here. 'Cuz, I admit it, I really do not understand how two consentual adults would never expect pregnancy? And don't tell me chit just happens. 'Cuz I don't believe God allows the conception of life to just--happen. Some folks are infertile... |
Soror AKA_Monet,
There is a large difference between a teen parent and a 30 something year old parent. For your consideration, I suggest that a teen parent does not have the same life skills nor maturity of a 30 something year old female. Additionally, we when we look at single a female parent that is a teen as opposed to others their earning ability is not as great. Realistically, if one has worked ten years then that is ten years of experience which equates to a higher earning ability. It takes money to raise a child and I say it is more difficult for a teen parent. |
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Yes, it makes a difference in terms of length in life, but does it still make it justifiably right? Moreover, the 30 something women I am talking about are women that have been in school for a majority of their 20's and find themselves at a loss for decent men. Also, the women I am talking about most of them have 2nd and 3rd college degrees and not some woman that out of high school immediately got a job and worked for 10 years. At least, that is most of my unmarried 30-something acquaintances that decided to get pregnant out of wed lock... A teen girl may not be able to financially provide the "luxuries" to a baby compared to that of an unmarried 30-something woman's child, however, is there any greater difference in the nurturing and love that a baby needs? 'Cuz they way I hear it, a never been married 30 something 1st time pregnant woman seems to bitch and moan about how difficult it really is comparatively speaking to a teen girl that messed up her life... In fact, a teen mother appears to be more capable of finding and using her resources available to her better than a 1st time pregnant unmarried 30 something woman. Meaning, more capable of getting day care, diaper, baby food and health care subsidies. Hmmmm... I wonder why this seems to be the case? It is just a fact, an unmarried 30 something woman more than likely will not have enough "nest egg" to handle the costs of appropriate child care? Should we, as taxpayers, pay for an unmarried 30 something woman's decision to possibly become single parent? Knowing that her decision to do just that will inevitably take away from the financial resources of the teen girl's pregnancy? Because if I understand you correctly, an unmarried 30 something woman is suppose to be more responsible with her decisions, right? Maybe the 30something woman is more able to get the impregnanting man to court for child support... Either way, to me, I find it very sheisty on the part of 30 something woman. If I decided to go out there, get pregnant with a man's child, knowing I do not have the financial resources and I still made the decision to carry the pregnancy to term; and 'cuz I made this decision without the wishes of the impregnating man, how could I justifiably get a court to MAKE him pay child support when he did actively make my choice with me? Just foul... Oh, what webs we weave when we first try, try to deceive... Talk to me, because I really want to understand why it is okay for a 30 year woman to get pregnant alone when it is not okay for a teen girl. |
Soror, I hope you don't mind if a sista' replies. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif I tried to stay away, but I couldn't.
I will be 27 in 11 days. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif I am single, with no prospects of a husband in sight. I want children BAD! I have chosen to be patient and wait on God, basically because I don't have a choice. At the same time, the whole situation can become depressing, because I feel like I'm off schedule. I always thought I would be married with children by now. I have always wanted, and still do want, to have children before I'm 32. My mother was 32 when she had me, and I always felt like my parents were so much older than everyone else's. It didn't help matters when they both passed when I was only 19. I don't want to be an old parent. And I don't want to die when my children are young. I realize that I have no control over this. I've given it to God, and I will deal with how he dishes it out. But at the same time, I'm ready to have children. I don't want to have them out of wedlock, though. But I am considering it. Not right now, of course, but when I feel like I am more finanicially stable. Will it be hard without a husband? Absolutely. But my life has been hard thus far, and I've dealt with it. Will I get pregnant by ANY man? Not if I can help it. Am I going to trap a man into committing. Oh, definitely not. Will I continue to use protection, yes. In answer to your question, is it okay? For me, yes, it is. Only the individual can answer that. I can't say whether or not it would be okay for anyone else. There are 30-something women that are married that are raising their children in dysfunctional households. My point is that the age of the woman has nothing to do with it. It is a person's life experiences that make them who they are. As far as the difference between a teenage mom and a 30-something year old mom, there are many. Most teenagers haven't had enough life experiences to make a life altering decision such as raising a child. Most teenagers don't have the financial means to raise a child. Everyone should have a chance at life. After having a child, there are sacrifices that must be made. I think that teens need to think twice about becoming parents, because they are going to miss out on some of the best years of their lives. That is one of the biggest differences, I think, a 30 year old has had that chance at life. I'll admit, I too have thought about the sperm bank. I would love to adopt, but I am looking forward to being pregnant, bringing life. Like Soror AKA2D said, I guess it's just not my time yet. *SIGH* Oh, Soror Monet, I also agree with AKA2D that you need help, like yesterday! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif Just my .08 (Can y'all tell it's the end of the day? This is when I'm at my chattiest http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif) [This message has been edited by Ideal08 (edited April 03, 2001).] |
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And what do you mean, your too old at 32? I'm 32! No prospective husband in sight. I still do not feel I am too old to start a family... But I choose not to do it alone, without a man. I truly have the faith that planning a "life" together 'til death do us part is more important to me than my own insecurities about my biological clock exploding... And boy does it!!! Besides, after you have children, that "pouch" really never goes away and I love the way I look right now... http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Biblically speaking, Sarah of Abraham tried to circumvents God's will through Hagar and Ishmael... But when God granted Abraham a legitimate seed into Sarah, she laughed, but out came Issac... Moreover, Elizabeth was old when she had John, the Baptist---Jesus Christ's cousin. So it is not unusual having children late in age according to God's will... If you are a Christian, think of this, it says in the New Testament, that "bless those that have never experienced child pains for the Heavenly Jerusalem is yours like Sarah is the Heavenly Jerusalem opposed to Hagar, the Earthy Jerusalem"... I haven't got the whole gist of the scripture. But the way I understand it, that one can be a better mother according God's will than to go out there and prove biological fact... I was speaking to a 44 year old woman that has a 27 year old son who has graduated from Berkeley and now is receiving a Master's from Stanford... She said that her 38 year old sister decided to "go at it alone" and have "fun with the sperm donor" to conceive and they worked it out to where he pays child support and she takes care of the 2 year old. But now, the man is "cursing" the baby's mother out for whatever reason because he moved away and doesn't want to pay child support anymore--what a headache. The 44 year old woman said she was married to her son's father but got divorced because she knew she was too young to married, which was 17/18 yrs old at the time. But she said that although it was hard for her being a teenage mother, she said she would practically kill somebody if they "messed" with her child. I see that happen more often with young mothers than with the 30 somethings fighting for anybody but themselves taking care of their child... To me, it is for selfishness that folks like us want children. Yes, I admit I feel the same as you do sometimes. And the fact is that God wants to grant us a gift because He only knows when we can handle it... And if God doesn't want me to have what I think is a beautiful gift, then there must be a reason--more than likely I cannot deal with it--and so, I guess I can live with my reality by being barren and childless, even if it means forever until I die... I had decided myself to appreciate that aspect of myself. But I totally know what you are going through because I feel like that myself sometimes. And I'm not crazy and need help-- I'm unique! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif |
Wanted so badly to stay away from this one; but, I can't resist.
One general comment, a man is never deceived into conceiving a child. If he's protecting himself, he should be 99.9% safe from impregnating a female. For the other .1%, his decision to sleep with her should include the remote chance that a child may come of it and be prepared. For those men that believe that his responsibility is removed by the female stating she's protected, well I can only say ya stupid! In regards to those biological ticking clocks, I'd say not to rush into anything. Because nothing is promised to us and there are no guarantees, choose wisely. Even under the best circumstances, marriages end in divorce and both parents will still be responsible for that child. Waiting to find that person that you think is your life-long partner doesn't necessarily mean that you are now ready for parenthood. |
LOL @ Soror Monet's "uniqueness"!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif It's ok, girl, I've been called "unique" too!
Girl, I feel everything that you are saying, don't think I don't. And I can admit that I can be selfish at times. I just want to be a mommy!!!! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif Here's a philosophical (sp?) question. How do you know when you do something as opposed to when God does it? Say I get pregnant. Each person who is here has a purpose from God. And he had each of us in mind before the earth was formed, right? So if I get pregnant, even if I'm a single mom, it wouldn't really be before God's time, would it? But then, I've heard that anything that occurs out of sin is not of God. This question (and others like it) confuse me SO much. Like people saying that you can die before your time. Is it really possible for anything to happen outside of God's time? Or do you think that maybe it does, but He gives us some stuff before he had planned because it is the true desire of our hearts? I know that this is a little off topic, but it kinda ties in, right? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif [This message has been edited by Ideal08 (edited April 04, 2001).] |
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You know, now that I make that statement, it makes me want to wait, even more, until I'm married. I want to be able to tell my child the whole story about how they came to be. And I want it to be a PRETTY story! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif I can be so IDEAListic sometimes! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif |
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Jaz, This is not true. There are ways where a man can be decieved into a pregnancy; and if you e-mail me personally, I will tell you. I also hope to hear from AKAMonet; hopefully I can clear some things up with her as well. |
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Jaz, This is not true. There are ways where a man can be deceived into a pregnancy; and if you e-mail me personally, I will tell you. I also hope to hear from AKAMonet; hopefully I can clear some things up with her as well. |
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[This message has been edited by DST Love (edited April 04, 2001).] |
Here's something to think about:
Today, chances of a woman being impregnated by someone she's romantically involved with are GREATER than they are from a simple booty call(a one night stand). One would think both people would take every precaution; but they'd double check everything if it's just a booty call. |
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Soror Ideal08,
Life is a blessing from God no matter what the circumstances. We sin because of the manner we choose to do things. I feel everyone about wanting a child not being married. I xx years old and I also want to be a father. Sometimes I think about going in the projects and asking some young teenage mother to give me her baby. Things are different for men. I want a child that I keep in my own home. I don't want to pay child support nor care to receive assistance. My career is peaking and I can provide a great home filled with love and attention. Anyone in interested in having my baby http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif? |
Ok, I completely disagree about the sleeping with someone without knowing if they would deceive you or not. YOU NEVER KNOW!! A relationship is based on trust. I trusted my ex, and after 3 years, some lies surfaced. If you had asked me 3 years ago if he was lying, I would have told you absolutely not, I know my man. WRONG!!! The point is, you never know.
Now, I know of a dude who each time he has sex with someone, he provides the condoms, he STILL pulls out before he's finished, he checks the condom for noticeable breaks, and then he empties the semen OUT of the condom and into the toilet before flushing both of them down. Now, if he is going thru all of that, I would say that there are some conniving women out there. I, myself, have heard of men throwing the condom away and women inseminating themselves after the fact. (Can yall tell I have a lot of male friends? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif) It's IDEAListic to say that one should get to know a person SO VERY WELL that there's not a doubt in your mind that that person would deceive you. But that's not very REAListic at all. I would have had to wait 3 years. Hell, I wouldn'ta even been in the mood anymore. LOL! And I believe that my ex did and still does love me. But he was and still is WEAK. We have all done wrongs to people we LOVE. Just my .08 and I'll step down off my soap box now. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif [This message has been edited by Ideal08 (edited April 05, 2001).] |
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Seriously, I can definitely agree with the fact that there are some scheming women and men out here. I just find it difficult to feel sympathy for those who feel they've been duped and have impregnated someone unknowingly. Original Ape, I'ma e-mail you to get educated! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif ------------------ "Unless you know the road you've come down, you cannot know where you are going" ~Temme proverb, Sierre Leone~ [This message has been edited by jazbri (edited April 05, 2001).] |
Well I'm not saying that just because you know someone that means you'll know whether they'll deceive you into having a baby because there is no way to be 100% about anyone. But it definitely is a hell of a lot better to know them and love them than to sleep with someone you don't know at all.
And my main point is that you cannot be deceived because everyone knows that pregnancy is a possible consequence of sex no matter how safe you are. I say again, when one has sex you have to go into it thinking, 'what would I do if I had a baby at this point and with this person'. If the answer is, 'I have no idea', then maybe one should take time to think about that before they have sex. And in this day and age, most of the marriages where people get married because of a baby don't last, usually because those people didn't REALLY know each other in the first place, not mature enough to handle the consequences of their actions, or weren't in the mind set of wanting to be committed anyway. But back in the day, most of these type of marriages would last. I'm not saying they were the best marriages but they did what they had to do for their children. My grandparents, parents, my boyfriend's parents, and many other older couples I know were married at a young age due to a baby (not to say they maybe wouldn't have gotten married anyway) but all of these couples made it or make it work because that's what you were supposed to do. If you were grown enough to make certain decisions, then you better be grown enough to deal with the consequences in a responsible, respectful manner that is best for the child who did not have a choice in all of it. Can you all tell that I have strong opinions on this http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif!! |
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I hope you don't think I'm purposely trying to argue with you because I agree with some of what you have said. However, the main issue to me is not about just about people doing wrong to one another or to someone they love, it is about a child being produced. So you say you found out you didn't really know your boyfriend, which we all have been through something like that before, but let me ask you this (if it's not too personal) if you both would have conceived a baby, do you feel you both would have done what is best for the child? And I'm not just talking about marriage. I mean do you think that you both would've been good, active parents whether you stayed together or not? If the answer is yes, then that's all I'm saying in terms of sleeping with people. Maybe he didn't end up being the best person for you, but you would know that at least is a good person overall, as opposed to sleeping with a man who would skip out on the child or sleeping with a woman that would only use the child as leverage with the man. One may not know if a person would deceive them in a relationship, but one would or at least should know if that person has strong convictions about being a good parent to their child no matter the circumstance. [This message has been edited by DST Love (edited April 05, 2001).] |
DST Love, girl, we can go back and forth without it being an argument or whatever. I call it intelligent debate. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif
And I don't disagree with you completely, either. I now see what you are saying more clearly. And the answer to your question is yes. I know that my ex would be a good father, no doubt. I think that one day he would be a good husband, too, just maybe not mine. I feel you, my sista, I feel you. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif |
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I'll be waiting. |
I was talking to some younger women in their early 20's about this issue and they said to me, that some women will have these guy's babies because they want them so much that they will get them any way they can--either way, this man will be a part of my life, forever, through this child...
Personally, I find that disturbing to me. Some people aren't meant to be in your life. I think of it as, when you are constantly stuggling trying to include a person in your life and this person is resistant to all you kind suggestions to spend time with each other, then that means to me that God does not want this person in your life. And the more and more to fight against God's will, the more and more He cannot protect you from could happen. So I believe, if a woman is impregnanted by a man that does not care for her, then she just allowed biology to consume her more than what God's will was for her... Be not deceived, for God is not mocked. Whatever man soweth, therefore shall he also reap... We can always say it takes 2 to tango. But realistically, the bottomline is that the woman will take most of the burden as a never been married, single parent. Maybe this biology is so powerful that all interventions made by others cannot override the heat of passion??? What I don't understand is what is going through a woman's mind? What was she thinking? If you lay with dogs, you can get fleas!!! So let sleeping dogs lie... But what do I know anyway... I'm still single, alone and childless http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif |
Ok, now, I agree with you there. I would never have a baby to keep a man. Come on now. Who wants someone in their life who doesn't want to be there. Like you said, some people come into your life for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Not everyone was meant to be in our lives forever. That is deep, for real. That a woman could love a man SO MUCH that she would FORCE him to be a part of her life. Who wants that type of existence???? If you don't want me, (Pink sing) To Hell Wit Ya.
That's deep. For real. And a damn shame, to boot. *shaking my head* |
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I stand firmly corrected and can definitely say that there are instances where a pure unadulterated deception can take place. However, for those of US who've conceived under normal circumstances WE are ALL responsible for the webs we weave, messed up beds we make, etc. I take full responsibility for my actions and I expect others to do the same.
As Jerry Springer would say, please treat each other safely.... (or sumpin like that) ------------------ "Unless you know the road you've come down, you cannot know where you are going" ~Temme proverb, Sierre Leone~ |
Good Points jaz.....Well, I'm praying that if God has the marriage and the family instored for me, please let him be real.
I'm almost 27 and I don't know what my future holds for the children thing. However, I definately want to be in the safest spiritual and financial condition possible. Too many people have luggage and I don't want my future children to be weighed down with the problems of their parents. So, I believe God is preparing me for something I cannot handle now.....See, this world is gone crazy, look at Jesse Jackson!!! Now he should know better!!! Now his grandchildren have an aunt the same age!! That is some heavy (LUGGAGE)!!! Trust me I don't want to have my children carrying that much. Sex is powerful, children are a lifetime and God is the Lifeline....so, I choose my life line. Quote:
------------------ sspearls |
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