a real good woman would...
 

Hey yall, finish that statement!

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A real good woman will love her man no matter what. She will always be there for HER man, picking up after him, cooking his favorite meals, adjusting her schedule to fit around his. Let's not forget, she has to please him in any and every way she knows how! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif (Shoot! She better not have no headache!) Going out every night with the boys? Sure, baby! She'll just sit at home. (there must be something she can do...Oh, yeah! The button on his shirt needs to be sewn back on http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif ) A real good woman would do all of this and more for her man, and PLEASE can't we do it with our mouths shut?!? This, Original Ape, is what Sexy Mocha thinks a real woman would do......................NOT!!!!
Seriously, in a nutshell... A real good woman would have her cake and eat it too. She would have an enjoying career, be a SuperMom to her children, a loving and understanding woman (not to mention best friend) to her man, and still be able to have time to tend to her self physically, emotionally, and spiritually...this aspect is most important of all because without taking care of herself, she will not be able to give of herself to help others. And that's my two cents worth!

A real good woman would be as real as she was when she met the man for the duration of the relationship. We *women* have a tendency to put on airs when it comes to men. Just be real and stay real. It's a lot easier that way. Then again, that's probably why I'm single *s*.

That's worth alot more than two cents!

Naw Sista...that's NOT why you're single!

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I know a Gemini, and she's alot like that! Hey Clippy, did you peep this?

Ok OriginalApe, What do you think a real woman would do/be? And, yes I did give a lot more than two cents...a topic like this warrants a well thought out answer http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif

A REAL GOOD WOMAN would know herself. In knowing herself, she would accept herself with pride; she would not suffer from feelings of inadequacies that lead to strange behaviors that drive men away(i.e. unfounded distrust, paranoia,[Bruhs know what I mean])

She would show love to her man without solicitation( from her man)--even when she's angry with him-and EXPECT IT IN RETURN. She would not judge him, but trust him. She would give whatever she expects to receive-plus a whole lot more!

Now there's an answer!! However, the "strange behaviors" that you mention don't usually come from "feelings of inadequacies", but rather from inconsiderate-playing too many games- cheating ass- "I never do anything wrong, you're just tripping" men. Some men are just incapable of admitting when it's their own issues and behavior patterns that lead them out the door, it's so much easier to blame it on a women's insecurities!

I concede. Many of us do cheat, as do you sistas. But what about that percentage of us that are OVERLY SUSPICIOUS and DO trip? Wouldn't that cause you to end the relationship? And suppose you tell the man that it's over, and he refuses to accept it?

I happen to believe that certain things people do/don't do cause people to think about cheating, and then it happens(sometimes by design, sometimes not). I agree with you that people should take responsibility for their actions, both men and women. After all; dogs come in BOTH SEXES!

I like that FIRE in your words girl!!!!!!!

It's a no win either way, most of the time. If you are feeling somebody, nine times out of ten, they're feeling somebody else. If somebody's feeling you, you play along for a minute then before you know it, you're bored to DEATH. Relationships are ridiculous. *Can't ya tell that I'm a Leo?*

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Proverbs 14:7
Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

Yes I can. I a Leo too.

Ok, I am really feeling your last post! Being a dog, whether your a man or a woman, is more than likely a REACTION to a bad experience, treatment, and/or relationship that has occured. Developing and displaying the "canine" behavior is his/her way of saying "I was hurt/treated badly/cheated on, so now before I let anyone do it to me again...I'm going to do it to them." I think that kind of explains the woman that are "overly suspicious", who trip, refuse to accept the breakup, threaten to kill themselves/their man if they really end it...or whatever have you. It's indeed a sad thing. Now... Sir, can I ask you what it is that a woman can possibly do to drive her man to CHEAT??? If she's a psycho, you simply get yourself out of the situation, you don't cheat. What is sticking your ______ (you fill in the blank)..into another woman going to do to solve the problems that you have with your woman?!? Let me know!

LOL! ThatGirl, your points are INDEED valid! If ever the truth was told, you just told it. Talk about putting on airs!! I think that's why I can't stay in a good relationship for more than a few months! I'm a gemini (moody, split personality, etc.), anyway, when I meet a guy...of course I don't want him to see this side of me (not yet anyway), so I just act as sweet as a peach pie...then after a couple of weeks, my true self emerges and they have the nerve to trip http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif They're all like "Dam girl! What happened to that nice, sweet young lady I met?!?" Then my head turns 360 degrees (think Exorcist) and I say " She's no longer here" http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif Your post has got me to thinking, maybe if I keep it real from the beginning....hmmmmm.

No C O M M E N T ! !!

*...be God-fearing.

*...be a very good listener. She listens to her man express his feelings & talk about his day because she understands that it's tough to try to "carry the weight of the world" on his shoulders.

*...be able to express her concerns without making her man feel like anything less than a man.

*...be an excellent mother. Her man knows that their children will be well-educated (in book and common sense) because of her. She is someone that he hopes his daughter will grow up to be like.

*...is self confident and understands that she does not need a man to define who she is. If she's learned this love and appreciation of herself, she'll be able to make a healthy contribution to a relationship.

*...not be bitter. Although she's suffered the wrath of the dog, she's completely healed from that relationship, understands that every man is not the same, and will not punish every brother she meets for the stupidity of one.

*...have a brain and use it well. She's no body's fool.

*...will have her man's back through thick and thin. When all the money's gone and his "boys" don't come around anymore, she's still there and she still loves him.

Was that list long enough?

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>>>"Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised... Proverbs 31:29-30

Ohhhhhhhh. Come on, let's get the male point of view.

I feel you on that. I believe the man/woman should just go on and get out of it. Cheating doesn't solve the problem, but sometimes you can't get out when you need to; and IT happens. And sometimes, it is a welcomed distraction from the ____ you're in!

When a woman in a relationship relaxes, begins to take her man's interest in her appearance for granted, begins to nag him, refuses to pay attention to "signs" of trouble, and makes it almost impossible to communicate with her, cheating is the next problem she'll have with him. Many times people leave a relationship that could be good for them because of THEIR pride. Know what I mean?

Actually, everything I have said applies to us as well as to woman.

I'm going to sit on the side and let some other brothas deal with this.

The kind of behavior that drives us to other women will also drive most of the woman's friends away from her too. Anyone that's around the woman enough will notice a change in her attitude, and they will back off until she gets her mental balance again(if you know what I mean!)
Cheating is painful; and irrespectful of gender, hard to forgive. For most people, it can't be forgiven. The fact that you don't know until you know makes life the interesting challenge that it is. All you can do is date as many as necessary to get yourself a database for comparisons. You can then find out what you want/don't want; and when you get a man who's as close to what you want as possible, COMMIT YOURSELF TO PLEASING HIM 24-7.

How can a man who really loves his woman tell her that she has let herself go; gained weight,and changed her attitude to something he doesn't recognize or like, yet he loves her and doesn't want to leave her, but wants her the way she was?

Damn, Ape, that's a tough one. Take CARE of your woman, MAN. Take her to get her hair done. Go to the gym with her. Buy her a nice outfit. If you don't like her attitude, tell her. Be a man about it. Take some authority and she'll straighten up. You do not HAVE to cheat/

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Proverbs 14:7
Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

he Dam, Thatgirl!

First, THAT AINT MY SITUATION!

Secondly, thanks for the advise though. There are some bruhs out there that will attest to the fact that it AINT THAT EASY. Some women just aint tryin' to hear dat! One of my boys is in that situation. I'm tight with the both of them. I tried talking to her for him and it didn't work. Don't ask me what I advised him to do.

....love her man unconditionally

thatgirl...u my leo peeps but i don't agree with that comment about we women put on 'airs'. little girls do that. women allow themselves to experience love without reservation. a real good woman would allow her self to experience the gifts that her man has to offer.

i am not sure who the women that have influenced you but i hope u know that putting on airs is akin to game playing and from my perspective real good women don't believe in that.

i don't mean to offend but this LIONESS must speak her mind.

I hope our "Lioness" remembers that REAL love is like a rollocoaster; there are high points and low points, and a REAL WOMAN sticks around for both with the same enthusiasm and fortitude.

My PRIDE would know dat!!! :-)

Original Ape:
I know it's not that easy, and I figured it wasn't your situation. What I'm saying is that a lot of times a person may not realize that anything is wrong until you bring it to their attention. As far as women putting on airs--- it happens. It happens everyday. It doesn't make them less than a woman, it is simply one of their flaws. Everyone has flaws. As for me, I've learned to keep it on the up and up from the beginning to save myself a lot of heartache. The bottom line is that a good MATE, male or female, would always respect, honor, and trust their partner. Everyone is deserving of those things.

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Proverbs 14:7
Go from the presence of a foolish man, when thou perceivest not in him the lips of knowledge.

I agree. Everyone intially deserves respect; but they'll have to maintain it themselves; otherwise, they'll lose it somewhere, and many times, unecessarily.

When I tried to tell my friend's girl to tighten up, she told me "it's all good". I told her:yeah, it's all good... and gone! I told her that my boy loves her; and wasn't thinking about another woman. That he just wants the woman back that he fell in love with. I told her to quit being so suspicious about him and work on her attitude and weight problem. I think they're related. Instead of appreciating what I was trying to do, she laughed it off as if I was playin' with her. I told her that I was serious. I got the impression it didn't matter to her. My boy was crushed by her lack of sincerity.

Original,

My fiance and I can attest to the rollercoaster that a relationship can bring. we have been together for 3 yrs and friends for 11. He has seen ALL of me and vice versa. I know that we love each other more now than when we first began dating. For us the ride will only end when God sees fit to intervene. So thank you my brotha for your input http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/biggrin.gif.

Listen and hear each other, and you two will grow old and meet God together. Good luck to the both of you.

Before a man starts thinking of ways to tell his woman that she has slacked off, it's always best to try and figure out WHY she has become this way. If it's because she's unhappy or depressed, find the cause...and help her through her problems. Now, if old girl has gotten it in her head that now that she's "got" her man, she can let herself go...then that's another story. In a case like that, there should be no hesitation in telling her the truth. It also depends on your definition of "letting herself go". If it's just weight gain, it could be that it's hereditary or because of multiple child births in which case it's something that she has no control over. But there's no reason why she should be neglecting all other aspects of herself. Personally, I think a woman should always keep herself looking "tight". I mean, I don't think a man should leave his woman because she has let herself go (love should be unconditional...I guess )but I certainly could understand how the attraction could diminish.

Ape, I'm curious as to what your response would be for the Do Right Man post in our forum.

Hey Sexy! It's good to hear from you again!

Love SHOULD be unconditional, but IT RARELY IS in the real world. In fact, it's more visual than spiritual today. It's there, then it disappears.

I see two causes for this occuring: 1) people are less patient with relationships today; less willing to struggle to make them work, and 2)whatever attracts you to a person initially will tell you the nature of your feelings for that person. If the first thing you notice(and attracts you)about a brotha is his ass, you should know that the nature of any relationship you develop with him will initially be physical. If it's his clothes, car, or house, then it's what he possibly can do for you materially. If it's his smile, or his wit, then it may have a genuine foundation. The key is to recognize what it was about a person that intially attracted you to him/her. A person's physique, and material assets ARE CONDITIONAL.

You have never lied! People ARE less willing to work hard to make the relationship work these days. The initial attraction is always a pretty good indication of how deep the relationship will be... which is why relationships like that never endure,because it's based on something superficial from the start. What puzzles me is this... How does one truly know if the relationship is worth the extra effort and time? I have seen it plenty of times where a woman/man has been involved with someone for two years plus, just to have the relationship end. Are we supposed to look at it as one of life's many lessons and move on or after a certain time span of being with someone are we SUPPOSED to stick it out? Want to hear my philosophy on life? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif I believe life is a series of tests that we are put through. The reasons some of us find ourselves going through the same problems over and over is because we haven't learned the lesson God is trying to teach us. (We keep failing the test.) Once we as men/women learn that no relationship will work without some good hard work, then maybe our generation can start having the relationships/marriages that last for 40, 50 years plus like our grandparents and great grandparents enjoyed!

I responded to it. Thanks for inviting me.
I hope you find it helpful.

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You really just made me think about myself
I agree with this statement so much and I must even say that I am guilty of teaching my son to hold in his pain
("Boys don't cry", "Are you a baby or a Big boy", "shake it of and don't cry")

so since this is the way we raise our men(children), ladies,
Why do we get hurt when they grow up and some how think that if they really tell you how they truly feel they will spontaneously combust or something?

Actually I guess this should have went on the ladies forum, sorry, Ape you just made me realize something and I wanted to let you know.

Tell our sistas this too: Make it easy for a man to tell you the truth, AND HE WILL!


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Whether it's easy or not, telling the truth is always the best bet.

This is a really interesting topic!

Sexy Mocha--they ain't feeling us Gemini's. Maybe that's why I'm still single. OKKKAAAYY...lol!

My major problem (I know that Sexy Mocha can attest to this being a Gemini and all) is that with a Gemini, you never have to guess with her. Everything is straight- forward...ain't cuttin no corners!!LOL~

What I really want is a man who understands me and accepts me for all that I am. And what I have found in dating is that some men like for a woman to be "submissive" and one who does not offer opposition to the things that he may do wrong.

But back to the issue at hand!
A real good woman is god fearing and wants the same in a man,
listens to what her man has to say before flying off the handle (even if you feel it is full of BS),
...knows that she cannot change a man, no matter how hard she tries,
...is a secure within and does not see other women as a threat to the relationship (but men this deal works 50/50)
...makes decisions in the relationship (and even on the first date for that matter)- and is not a doormat.

Sweetheart; we KNOW you are no doormat. Intelligence shines know matter how hard you try to hide it! You are single by choice because, perhaps, your attention span is too short. You probably get bored very quickly, and the men you see probably has some routine you're tired of. I freely admit I could be wrong, but that's the impression I get.

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true dat, true dat.

SkegeeGirl, I can definitely attest to ALL that you have said!! I'm looking for the same things in a man girl! Is it too much to ask for?!?
Original Ape, I don't how you do it...but you have hit it right on the nose again! Geminis are notorious for getting bored too easily with the oppposite sex. Most of us are subconciously scared of commitment, which is why, when the relationship is going good, we suddenly want out...using the excuse that we NEED someone new/different. (Or is it just me?? http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/confused.gif
*sigh* It's not easy being a gemini.