Rules for wearing IFC members letters
 

okay...this is the scenario. i'm a member of the NPHC. this guy i'm really into is a member of IFC. From what i've experienced, even though we are all greeks, there are some differences in priorities, rituals, and rules when it comes to certain issues.

My question is: is it okay for me to wear his letters(on a necklace).

This came up b/c we were watching Scream 2 and Sidney's boyfriend gave her a necklace with his letters on it. And me (miss emotional) mentioning that it was "so sweet", he responded "that might be a good way for me to show you how much you really mean to me"

I dont want to get in trouble and i definately don't want him to get in trouble. So how does it go?:confused:

do you mean lavaliering?

From what I know that means that you can wear his letters on a shirt too if he gives you a lavalier (letter necklace).

Hi Cinamin,

It might vary from fraternity to fraternity, but yes, it is a typical tradition for members of IFC to "lavelier" their girlfriends when things get pretty serious. Some might consider it a pre-engagement LOL-but don't get nervous now!
Often when a fraternity member laveliers his girlfriend his brothers will play a "prank" on him for "giving away" his letters. But, it is all done in good fun and tradition.
Good Luck!:D

Re: Rules for wearing IFC members letters
 

If he says it's OK, it probably is.

Giving someone you're very interested in a lavalier with you letters is a very old tradition in fraternities. I was lavaliered to my wife 35 years ago.

The one difference these days seems to be that lavaliering appears to carry a bigger meaning/committment. It used to be a three stage process (and still is in some schools):

1) Lavalier
2) Pinned
3) Engaged

Also, a pledge could give a lavalier to his girlfriend, but had not "earned" his pin (badge) yet, so a fraternity pledge could not be pinned. A fraternity man could lavalier or pin any girl -- she did not have to be Greek.

Good luck.

Is pinning kind of the equivalent of a Sweetheart? Because I know here it's down on the behalf of the entire fraternity, but often times it's a girlfriend of one of the brothers.

No, it's the equivalent of "pre-engagement."

Right.

Pinning was a big deal.

In some cases, if the pinning was between a fraternity man and a sorority woman, there was an exchange of pins. I think that depended on not only GLO, but campus tradition.

In Sigma Nu, the official rule is that badges cannot be worn by anyone besides the initiate to which it belongs.

There are exceptions: wife, mother, fiancee (not girlfriend), sweethearts.

There are variations in the execution of this from chapter to chapter but that is the official rule.

Pinning is a big deal at my chapter. It is a pre-engagement act, and our brothers only have one pin (unless they are an officer and get an officers pin), so if they pin a girl they better be serious because she gets his pin.

It can be anyone too, not just a sorority woman.

We have a whole ritual we do at our formals when a brother pins his girlfriend there, or has recently pinned her.

On the pinning issue, I was just curious. In your own respective chapters, do you have to ask 'permission' to pin your girlfriend? I know before I was pinned, TKE209 asked his brothers for the 'okay' on it.


PS- Please remember, a Sweetheart is -not- a Lil Sis...just had to add this in.. :)

No I have see anyone ask but then again they give them the sweetheart pin and not the brothers pin. Thats one fo the main reasons TKE IHQ made a sweetheart pin so you don't give up the brothers pin. lol

Hmm... I didn't realize there was a sweetheart pin, actually...

... But my sister was actually lavaliered AND a sweetheart. She was never pinned... Most people here choose something to do. One of my friends gave his girlfriend a ring with his letters on it, my sister was lavaliered, and I've never heard of anyone being pinned, but I think they do it. Things have to be pretty serious to be lavaliered, though, because the guy can only lavalier one girl, and the girl can only be lavaliered once. So, yeah, it's a pre-engagement.

Has anyone ever heard of a sorority member lavaliering her boyfriend (giving him a lavalier with her letters on it)?

yes it is

On the topic of sweetheart pins:

Sometimes there are very minute differences between the two pins. I know I've been pinned by my boyfriend and there is a difference which you wouldn't notice unless you had the two pins side by side and were looking at them. But it doesn't dimminish the meanning behind the gift.

I've done it! This was between a girl in a local and a guy in Phi Mu Alpha Sinfonia.

He lavaliered me my sophomore year (hid it in my coat on the way home from a "Run for the Border" date party, wrapping it in sheep ribbon left over from my halloween costume. I ended up giving him a lavalier (I had gotten two), but he never wore it. We went to pick out letters for me together (weird plaid on purple, and I still wear them).

Next summer, before his senior year, I sent him my sorority pin. I also got him a Delta Chi Epsilon sweatshirt, which he sometimes wore. The following January, on our anniversary, he pinned me.

Two years later, when I was at grad school, I proposed to him about two weeks before our anniversary. Two and a half years later we finally tied the knot.


So yeah, it happens, but it's kind of rare!

We lavaliered first, and the guy would get "treed" if he did (tied to a tree on the sorority's property in his underwear and have disgusting stuff thrown all over him by his brothers).

Next step was getting "pearled" - a pearl ring worn on the left ring finger. This was the equivalent of pre-engagement and the same as being pinned, but no one on our campus would give away his pin!!!!!

Then engagement.

I was a Pike sweetheart and never got a pin. I don't think any of the fraternities on my campus gave sweetheart pins...

And I don't think I would have wanted my boyfriend's pin. I would never want a non-Chi Omega wearing mine, so I wouldn't expect him to let me wear his. A lavaliere I would have liked, but oh well!!!! I wouldn't have wanted to clean him up! YUCK!

Brothers vs. Sweetheart pins
 

For comparison, here is the official pin for an undergraduate pin for a Teke
http://www.burrpatt.com/taukappaepsi...s/TKEBad11.jpg

Here's the TKE Sweetheart pin, this one is the slightly more expensive one though. (..and the one I want from Christmas :) )
http://www.burrpatt.com/taukappaepsi...es/TKEBad8.jpg

May I add the TKE sweetheart pin looks more like a smaller version of the alumni pin. All undergrads have to have the more plain one.

Funny story about "lavaliering." Where I went to school, a lavalier was called a "drop." My Freshman year, my then friend/future brother-in-law told me he was going to "drop" his girlfriend (my pledge sister). I was distraught. I couldn't believe he was telling me he was going to dump someone who I was close to and he seemed happy about it!
Long story short, I got the full explanation (it wasn't until I traveled as a chapter consultant 4 years later that I ever heard anone call it a "lavalier") and was quite relieved. I think they need to stop calling it "dropping" though--it became quite the running joke that none of us wanted to be dropped b/c it seemed like everytime someone got dropped, they inevitably broke up within a few months. :P Of course, I got my drop, and yes--we broke up about 7 months later. In fact, I don't know anyone who got a drop that didn't end up breaking up at some point (strangely, most of us ended up getting back together and are now married to the "droppers"). I think I would have preferred to be pinned. I think that is a lost art...but then I guess, lavaliers are a whole lot cheaper than pins, eh? Still, I wouldn't mind finding a Lambda Chi sweetheart pin under the Christmas tree (and my dh isn't involved as an alumni so that would seem weird,I guess, but I love LXA's pin).
I'm rambling, so I'll shut up now.

Update
 

Well, I know i cant even conceive of giving him my pin. In my org., if you're not a member, you can't wear the pin. Point blank!

As far as him giving me his pin, i'm totally afraid, now! I didn't know it was that...binding! I love him so much, really.

We've had major hurdles during our relationship b/c of the interracial dating thing. His Dad was the biggest hurdle of them all-:rolleyes: -he wouldn't even look at me or allow me to visit their home. Now he accepts me (as an educated young lady), respects me and realizes his views of black people are totally on a case by case basis:D .


Thanks for all the help, you've really gave me the insight I needed...
I'll keep you guys posted!:)