Bullying/Namecalling - Unneeded abuse or rite of passage?
 

We've all heard the old adage, "What doesn't kill you can only make you
stronger." Does it apply in cases of bullying or namecalling? That is, does
mild-to-moderate verbal and physical abuse prepare(not make) one for adulthood, or is it a
cruel and unneeded hindrance to the learning process?

In other words, can mild to moderate forms of childhood bullying prepare one for the "dog-eat-dog" world in adulthood? Or, will it make the adjustment worse?

*edited for clarification*

Over time, being called names and being insulted has made me rather numb to it. I just snicker and feel sorry for them, since they have nothing better to do than make fun of me, and I am certainly not interesting enough for all that.

To me, it is a function of your ability to adapt. It is natural to fall prey to namecalling at an early age. It happens to everyone. However, the quicker you learn to stand up for yourself and be assertive, the quicker the namecalling stops. I was never really bullied as a child because I always stood up and held my ground. I think that it DOES help in a sense. But if a child is bullied too much without developing a natural defense (i.e. thicker skin, quick wit to retort the verbal abuse, or even physical prowess), it will really hurt them in the long run (see Columbine, and pretty much any other school shooting).

Yeah, in high school I got in trouble for beating up a lot of the people who called me names. It stopped right after. Now when people who don't know me call me stuff, I just laugh. At this age, it just shows how pathetic they are.

Re: Bullying/Namecalling - Unneeded abuse or rite of passage?
 

You are a goddamned retard.





























Do you feel stronger/more prepared for adulthood?

You tell me.

On the one hand, children will eventually learn that it's a mean world out there, that everybody's not always going to like them, and that everybody's not always going to be nice, no matter how nice or likeable they themselves are. It was a good exercise in assertiveness when I was small and my mother told me that the best way to irritate a bully was to agree with him/her. When told, "You're a moron!" I replied, "You know? You're right. I am a moron." And I walked away, leaving a befuddled bully behind scratching her head.

BUT, on the other hand, if a child is genuinely fearful at school and it's distracting from his learning, then by all means, the situation must be addressed. If there's any threat of physical involvement, if there's more than just the occasional name-calling (i.e. if the child is being followed around, tormented constantly, etc.), or if the child's academic performance or health is suffering, a parent should probably intervene. This gets tough, because the child will often not want his parent to say anything for fear of sounding like a tattletale.

This would be a good one for parents to weigh in on. Have you ever intervened in a situation where your child was being bullied? What happened?

Re: Re: Bullying/Namecalling - Unneeded abuse or rite of passage?
 

:confused:

Damn, did I strike a nerve or something? I guess being picked up and thrown out of bus windows because of your small build, brings back bad memories.

Re: Re: Re: Bullying/Namecalling - Unneeded abuse or rite of passage?
 

I think you may have missed the point.

He was trying to say that, by insulting you, did you learn how to grow up more/grow any stronger.

Wow.

Collin

Wow, I feel I should have something to contribute--but I'm feeling the opposite--like not talking about it at all (I just wrote a 20 page paper on the Effects of Bullying). Yet I'm still posting... more for other procrastination purposes :D

I doubt I could effectively summarize what I discussed for 20 pages, but I would just like to say that there are some scary instances of kids who DIDN'T cope very well. Kerby Casey Guerra, for instance. Poor kid blew her head off in her kitchen after unsuccessful attempts to curb bullying aimed at her. Instances of school violence (shootings, stabbings) often snowballed from bullying behavior, eventually causing a "snap" kind of reaction. Research suggests that bullying victims experience Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Time bombs. However, there is a shaky line between normal peer interaction and "bullying" and I think that it takes both experience and research to figure out appropriate times to step in. Better safe than sorry, though, and so I'd say it'd be best to try to prevent or stop all forms of abuse--the main problem is the confusion of definition between that bullying and normal peer interaction. Sure, a little shoving and name-calling can be "normal" but that doesn't mean it's right or that it won't turn into something more dangerous. To truly make a difference, educators need to be exposed to that redefinition and re-evaluate their hallway observations in order to do their part in protecting the well-being of their students. Kids can/will learn to grow up and face the "real world" without those kinds of negative treatment.

Edited to add that yes, I think when kids are skipping class and hiding in the bathroom in order to avoid bullies that their learning is being hindered.

Okay, I REALLY need to get back to studying for my American Government exam *ugh* It's my only class that didn't cancel--he scheduled an EXAM for the day before Thanksgiving Break begins *sigh* Oh, well... Back to my notes on Chapter 12: "The Judiciary"...

~april

Re: Re: Re: Bullying/Namecalling - Unneeded abuse or rite of passage?
 

To echo a wise man's words . . . wow.

Look, your question as posed quite literally asked if, using the old adage "what doesn't kill you can only make you stronger," one could justify name-calling as intricate to the process of becoming an adult.

You have, most likely, not yet reached your peak level of 'emotional maturity' (and that's not even referencing the above), if I have ascertained your age correctly as around 21 years of age.

I 'insulted' you - do you feel any more mature? Any more adult?

I would doubt that you do - I would say that this is because, as posed, the question is a classic non sequitur. Your basis is a maxim whose truth is dubious at best, and you carry that forward to attempt to reach a conclusion about a seemingly unrelated topic.

I applaud aprilxo and KappaKittyCat for attempting to relate information, in a more general sense, about the effects of bullying on children, but I don't really find that to be your question, as stated in the OP.

So, it would appear that I was the one who struck a nerve - sorry, I figured in the context of YOUR OWN THREAD it would be seen as what it was intended: an outlandish quasi-insult, attempting to make a point in a sort of non-didactic manner.

OR

OMG ur so MEEN - ur off my buddylist (l33t)

Just a couple of days ago, three kids were outside shooting hoops. One boy in particular was saying "mean" things to the other boy. "Hey John, did you know your nose is really big?", He makes a basket and says "It loves me, it loves me". The same boy replied "Well, that's the ONLY thing that loves YOU John." Mindless banter between the guys? Maybe, except there is something "off" about the boy and. he IS their target. I don't know for sure if it's all physical or if he isn't also slightly mentally impaired. That's not important. I know there is a degree of teasing that goes on between friends, but you never know when something you say hits a very deep, private "hurt".

When I was a kid, I had BIG TEETH. Yes, I was called chipmunk-buck tooth. My parents told me I would "grow into them." I did around 7th grade and at that point, they became one of my best features. Still, it took YEARS for me to get rid of that image of myself. So, take all the litle girls and boys who are BRUTALLY teased and the pain must be so intense it could stick with them a lifetime. When my son was in 4th grade, he said a horrible thing to a little girl. I took him into the garden-told him bad words and bad deeds were like weeds. We had to pluck them out before the beauty of our own garden was overrun by uglyness. We worked for 2 hours. He never again teased anyone in a spiteful way, but he got it back (Karma) because he didn't have a growth spurt till his Junior year. He's was lucky in the sense he was really quick and funny. Others teased for the same reasons didn't fair as well. I just don't think there is an ounce of good in hurting another person in the guise of "It's for your own good."

JustaMom:
You're awesome!
Do you mind if I use this if I ever have children?!!:D

Just to play devil's advocate a little here... I think that SOME degree of namecalling and bullying actually helps make us who we are... Depending on how we learn to cope with it. It's a fact of life, we'll end up with conflict throughout our lives. That's one problem I think American in general has.. We have poor confrontational skills... They are often the product of generallized conflict avoidance... Why? Because we tell kids that fighting and disagreement is wrong.

It's not.. There's a proper way of handling things. I'd actually argue that to some degree having a little thicker skin is a good quality to have. I was the victim of bullies when I was in grade school.. I learned to cope with it. Actually in an interesting way:D I was left alone after I stood up for myself and consider myself to be a better person for it.

Kids find out that people aren't always nice to them in much better ways than being bullied. For example, when your best friend doesn't want to play with you for one reason or another - thats a way to learn that no one is nice to you all the time.

Bulling and namecalling serves no good. On the first day of Kindergarten, I was deemed to be fat. I was not fat. I was a little on the squishy side, but, I think it made me cute. But someone decided I was. And the other kids picked up on it. So everyone knew me as "the fat girl."

Has that helped me in later life? Not a damn bit! Has it hurt me? Yes, very much so. I'd say my body issues are much more exacerbated than a normal woman's. Why? Because every day from age 6 to about 14 I was told I was fat. The only reason that I have any sort of self-esteem is because I know I'm a million times smarter than those assholes. And they could give me trouble every day of the year, but they had to deal with me on awards day. I had the highest average of basically every class for the entire 9 years I was at my grammar school.

In the end, though, I know I have fared better than they. I'm in graduate school, have a wonderful boyfriend, and have a pretty great life. Most of the ones who gave me hell and were oh-so-cute when they were 10 look like they're about 45 now, have a few kids outa wedlock and are stuck in our hometown. Would I tease them if I got the chance, though? Not at all.

Re: Bullying/Namecalling - Unneeded abuse or rite of passage?
 

preparing one for adulthood and being a deterrant to learning are not opposites and shouldn't be compared directly.

how could it be preparing one for adulthood? do you get teased daily as a part of adulthood??? that makes no sense!!

people, especially kids, typically become more sensitive to the aspect of their body that gets teased. that causes inferiority, not strength. you may become more witty or thick-skinned to DEAL with the teasing, but it doesn't make you an adult. :rolleyes:

I copied and pasted the origional post from another messageboard. http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...hreadid=145119 I can understand the confusion. I'll try to translate what that person was trying to ask. The origional post has been edited to clear up any confusion.

Re: Re: Bullying/Namecalling - Unneeded abuse or rite of passage?
 

Wel I guess I reacted differently then. I don't like that you're making such broad generalizations about everyone.

People will always react differently to different stimuli. It has to deal with the way you're wired. You may not get teased as an adult but I'll guarantee you -- at some point in your life you'll have someone else making jokes at your expense, belittling you in front of friends and colleagues or being otherwise verbally or physically abusive.

It happens. It's just that people I don't think always handle it well. There are ways of rationalizing what others say. I really don't think that it is universally harmful. For some perhaps, but not all.

Ah, ZTAMiami , it's something I learned from my Grandpa-try to find a way to talk about things rather than beat the living daylights out of the little ones. He was a GREAT man! I did get it right SOMEtimes... Helped balance out al the boo-boos I made.

ktsnake I THINK I have a feel for your meaning and on some level I agree. You can't go through life thinking everything will be roses and everyone will love you. It's just that it's too fine a line for me to discern. If parents and extended family do their jobs (encourage, pave and help build confidence), cousins and siblings usually fill in the gaps for any "reality" check a child might need. Even then, kids in the family must be kept in check as they can be UNMERCIFUL!

It seems the "healthier" child is one who has confidence to PUSH their limits, accept defeat, then try again.

The teacher who said I couldn't be in Belles and Beaus because I didn't appear to want it enough and didn't even try, made me so mad and "hurt" that I worked my tail off to prove him wrong and made Madrigals the next year. The teacher who basically teased me about being "boy crazy" in class shut me down so I just made my daily appearance in algebra. A shot of constructive criticism did far more for ME than the teasing I endured as a result of my TEACHER'S comment.

As a side note, at MY age, I can recall most of those "mean" things that were said to me yet I can't remember too much of the nice things I KNOW were said. Did it make me a better person?
Maybe a more sensitive person. But-Why do I read things into what people say, why do I get defensive and why am I not better friends with women outside a very, VERY small circle? BECAUSE I'M BOY CRAZY!!!
:D
HAPPY THANKSGIVING YOU GUYS!