Who's turn is it?
 

When people are in the first few awkward steps of dating who's turn is it to do what?

Boys are supposed to pursue. Girls are supposed to be pursued . . . ok.

These are assuming that both people are interested in each other.

So:

The boy gets your digits and calls and leaves a message.

Who's turn is it to call first? And whose should it be?

Boy asks you out Friday for dinner, you are busy. Is he supposed to keep asking for open days? Do you ask him out for a different day. Or do you tell him which days you have free?

I was just curious.

Maybe you have other questions. lol.

1. Boys gets digits and leaves message....depending on my schedule I may call back. If I like him a lot, he goes higher on the list of priorities. If I liked him enough to gve him the #, he must have SOME potential (or I was drunk...NOT unheard of...), so he will get a return call within 72 hours. If he calls back within those 72 hours...once is okay. Anything more than once constitutes over-zealous and he is discarded. lol. Yes, I am serious.

2. Whoever asked for the # calls first. No exceptions.

3. If I am busy Friday (which I probably will be), I will give him a better day. If it is not good for him, he can give me another day. After that, my attention span falls off and I tell him to call me back later. I am HORRIBLE at making plans. It is much better to call me at 7:30 and ask if I want to go out at 10 then to call me on Monday and ask if I want to go out on Friday. There is no pretense about this however, because I make it known up front.

4. Oh wait...that was all. But I will offer this. I don't play games. When I meet you, I will always be charming, flirtatious, and magnetic. But you SHOULD be able to tell whether it is just surface or something more. If not, you will find out when you ask for the #. :)

Wow . . . thats uhm pretty definite. Is that the approach all the ladies take towards the poor boy?

Shit, I didn't know that it was this complicated.

Actually it's pretty simple. If I like you, you will know it. If not, you will know it. It won't be harsh or rude, and it won't be malicious on my part. What I was trying to get across was that guys can kill it with kindness just like they can kill it with apathy, lol. And let me say that I ONLY SPEAK FOR MYSELF. I know the rest of the female GC population is looking at my post like :rolleyes:, lol.

It has been so long since I have been asked out. :rolleyes: If memory serves, the guys asks me out with a few days notice. If I am free and interested, I say yes. If I am busy, I politely decline and suggest a better night. Sometimes the guy suggests another time.

James, as you may recall, I have a collection of phone numbers from men who either never called or with whom I have had one date. I don't know why I have this collection, but I can't seem to part with these business cards and scraps of paper. I guess it makes me feel better to think that for one moment some guy thought that I was cute enough to give me his number. Once in a while a telephone number actually leads to a romance.

Yup
 

Get out the mittens again, LibraSoul, 'cause every word you wrote could have come out of my mouth (back before I was a happily married woman, of course ;) )

1. If I met you, we hit it off, you asked for my #, I expect you to call THE NEXT DAY. I will allow some slack there and say the day after that is OK, but my attentiion will be waniing at that point. Anything past 2 days and not only will I not answer the phone, but its unlikely I will call back. That reeks of ambivalence to me and I don't need to go out with someone who is not stoked to be w me. :)

Case in point: I met mr. amycat on a saturday night at a party. We last saw one another at about 3am. He called me at 1030am the following morning. We made a date for 3 days later. He called everyday between then and the date. In fact, he's called me everyday since I met him.

I know this will seem excessive to a lot of people, but I just believe if its there, its THERE and there IMMEDIATELY. Or, it is for me, at least. if its not there right away, it just doesn't happen.

2. He should call first. Asking for my # shows some interest, but, as we know, the # doesn't always get used. PROVE you are interested by calling. The sooner the better (see point #1).

3. If boy asks me out for Friday and I have plans and I am really INTO him and EXCITED about him, I will cancel those plans and go out with him. I will not tell him I had plans tho. I believe being spontaneous, especially in the beginning stages of a relationship, is important.

if those plans are absolutely uncancellable, I will suggest a day that's better for me, and hopefully, by the time we hang up, a date is set.


I am sure a lot of you guys will say OMG you are so high maintenance. Yeah, I suppose I am, but this is what I like-- I like to know someone is excited about me. Showeriing me w attentiion shows this.

BUT--I must be into you as well. If not, then its creepy. lol Its a fine line we walk... lol But, truth is, if I'm into you, I'll answer the phone. (I don't think any call of mr. amycat's has been screened or gone to voice mail, ever. lol) If I'm not, I'll screen and debate about calling back. And once that debate starts, its over, cause face it, you don't really want someone going out w you that's ambivalent about you, either.

Fortunately, Mr. amycat's rules of attraction were remarkably similar to mine. We've seen each other every single day for going on 4 of the 5 months we've been together. (Except for the 7 days one of us was out of town -- 5 days for me, 2 for him, lol)

:)
Amy

if a guy wants my number, he better call me... :) i give him a week though, since most boys don't call the first day anyway. i think i'd think it desperate if he did.

and if i'm busy the nigth he asks for (usually will be, sorority stuff is so time consuming, but ilove it ;) ) then i will offer a day when i'm not busy.. then if he is, i'll get bored and tell him to call back later :)

yup, pretty much everything LibraSoul said. I run in between her and Amycat... I like lots of calls, but it really depends on how into the guy I am. But Libra's rules are pretty common.

With all these rules maybe you ladies should type up a policies form to hand out to anyone that asks for your number?:D

LOL - yes..... sure... here's my number, and *digs* here is the 15 page document that will explain when to call me, what to say, and rules of conduct for our first date. This document will self distruct in 3 minutes, so read fast.


hehe!

Girls and guys always have these rules. I wonder how many actually stick to them.

-Rudey
--I only answer her phone calls after receiving a large expensive present that plugs into an outlet and provides some functionality.

I guess I'm a lil more lenient when it comes to guys and calling. I know guys don't like to talk on the phone (Sorry for the generalization, mean nothing by it... just the guys that I know) Havn't y'all heard of the 48 hour rule? The guy doesnt call for 48 hours so they don't seem desperate. I don't expect a call before that... hell, I'm shocked if I do get a call before the 48 hour mark.

My freshman year I would give my number to ANYONE, I'd give it to the devil if he asked. (I never wanted to hurt anyone's feelings by saying, no... i will not give you my number - looking back, that could have possibly gotten their hopes up, ooops my bad). Anyway, it was easy to give out my number at parties cause within the first few days, my roommate discovered that the last 4 digits of our dorm number spelled out " T E A L"... the color. So i'd be like, yo.. 858-teal ... just like my shirt (if i was wearing one)... man my roommate got so annoyed that first month with all the random phone calls.

I've since changed my ways and gotten much wiser... and picky i suppose. But it's still funny (now that EVERYONE and their mother has a cell phone) tos ee groups of people ALL whip out their cell phones to get each others digits... as a group. cracks me up :D

ok ok, enough rambling, my bad. sorry for borring y'all (but work is boring so i gotta do SOMTHING)
: o Þ

Couldn't we come up with a standard list of rules that would fit say 80-90 percent of the situations out there?

How about boy calls the girl back within 24 hours to touch base but doesn't try to ask her out someplace yet. Just a five minute conversation.

It sounds kind of lame to me, but its a compromise between calling the next day and the post 2 day rule.

Oh mental note to boys. Do not put her number in your cell phone in front of her! You have no future deniability.

Ok will any of you girls ask for his digits, call and ask him out some place?

Or will some of you suggest you go out when he calls before he does?

Getting phone numbers is boring. It's much more fun, after meeting someone, to have him meet you somewhere in a few days -- then you just see if you both show up at the appointed time and place. Then you avoid the phone drama entirely, and it's much more exciting. That's how I do things, anyway. ;)

Thats a neat idea actually lol.

I just have visions of both parties hiding to see if the other one will show up (not wanting to be the waitee) and therefore missing eachother even though they were both there lol.

Must have been in a movie.

James, you're funny. I actually did this. We were both REALLY drunk and both thought the other wouldn't show up, but we both did. I actually got there early because I didn't want to be the one walking around looking for him. I sat there and read a magazine, and when he got there, he went right for the magazines, so it was easy.

I, unlike *MANY* of my friends, HATE to talk on the phone, this figures in as one of the reasons why I never give my number to guys....

I also do not like the feeling of a guy having my number and them being able to call me whenever, so in most cases, I never give guys my number, I get their's, and if I don't forget (I usually do though :rolleyes: ) I call them. How it usually works with me though is if I run in to you enough (like if you're in a fraternity that we're paired with for something or I have lots of friends in a certain house or we have a common friend, or something like that) then I'll make plans to meet up and hang out later and go from there, but not give him my number. If I like the guy, I like to have the control in the whole "calling" thing, and plus guys to me always seem to turn out psycho and scary right away, and I don't like the idea of them being able to get ahold of me whenever they want. Call me paranoid maybe, but I just don't like it. ;)

I don't understand all these games!

If someone is interested, they should call and, likewise, they should welcome calls from the other party. It's that simple...

i do the exact same thing!!! i am kind of a b----, but i usually throw away the number at the end of the night. when i was in college, you knew someone who knew the guy you met...it was a small school. now, i really don't want to meet some guy at a bar. i guess if i met someone that i really felt a connection with, then i would think about keeping the number. but, i never show up at a bar in the hopes of meeting someone!

as someone already said, i know from the first time we meet if there is something there. i hate to waste my time or someone else's. i don't play games and i refuse to pretend there is something if there is not.

Bump

...usually I'm so blitzed I can't remember her name, let alone the #. I always ask her to just enter it in along with her name.

Of course, most of the time I never call. It's just fun to see how many numbers you can get in a night. On the other hand, if it's like 4 in the morning and I'm lookin for something I'd probably call all of them and see who picked up and was willing to party more.

I find it humorous to read posts like this after seeing the "Engagement ring" thread that is current! See, less than 2 1/2 years later, you were engaged to a man who created your ring himself!

Almost every guy I ever dated, I persued. In that case, I meet a guy I like, flirt, and see if he has potential. If he does, I make plans to see him somewhere with mutual friends (bar/club, party, sporting event). If we hit it off again, we make plans to go out...on the spot, no "who's going to call who" game. By the third meeting, it's pretty clear whether or not this is going somewhere. We exchange numbers and the guy calls within 48 hours, or if it's a Friday he gets until Monday.

I will NEVER call the guy first. I had a guy give me his business card once so I could call him, and i told him that I would not call him first, he had my #, it was up to him to call first. And he did.

It seems like I always get the ones that will call the very next day, multiple times if I don't answer the first time.

The latest boy called me 3 times the day after we met (cause I didn't answer the phone). He then slacked off some which worried me, but I had also told him the first night that I had just gotten out of a relationship with someone that it had taken me 6 wks to realize I didn't like him. So N. wanted to be sure that I liked him so he didn't call for a day or two to see if I called him. We had a discussion about this the other night so we have now reached a conculusion that we take turns calling. Last night he called first, at the end of the convo. he reminded me that tomorrow it is my turn to call first. Crazy, but it seems to work without a lot of drama and why is he not calling questions.

I do that, too. I always gave bitches my business card whenever I dished out the digits. In fact, I even tried to get this chick in on a threesome I met in downtown Orlando. She was some 6ft random blonde and had a friend that was 5'10. I told them I owned a site called "tallfloridagirls.com" asked if she would be down for a threesome with me and another girl. I gave her my business card and when she asked why it didnt say anything about the website I told her my insurance business was a cover for the porn site since making porn in Florida is illegal and that I had to have some sort of business card available. She believed it. :D