Guys: Will You Please Participate in this Poll?
 

This is an age old question, but one I have never received a definitive answer on.

Gentlemen: In an ideal situation, would you prefer your wife and mother of your children (assuming she is one and the same! lol :D ) pursue a career outside the home or would prefer that she stay home and raise the children fulltime?

And if you feel like elaborating on why you feel one way or the other, that would be interesting to hear :)

Thanks!

I am pretty torn on this quiestion....I one respect I think it is good for women to go out and work hard for not only the family but for themselves. I see a lot of moms, atleast in my area, kicking back and taking advantage of the situation,all day shopping etc. But then again i think either mom OR DAD, need to be home watching the kids making sure they are raised correctly. I think the majority of moms enjoy staying at home watching the little ones. I wouldnt mind it.

I geuss it really depends on how much i'd be making and if we could do without the second income (which, realistically, is why most women work). If i was making enough money to sustain the family, i'd prefer she stay at home. However, because the girls/women i talk too are career-driven (being in university) chances are she wouldn't want to stay at home, right?

Just a second point i'd like to make, i'm definitely not adverse to marrying some hot corporate go-getter so that i could chill at home....in case any are reading this ;)

Ditto... I would love to be President of the Junior League and PTA Chairwoman, to stay at home and make "bumps on a log" and paper-maiche crafts with my children, to learn how to cook really good meals, and run errands for the rest of my life. So if anyone is interested.... :p

A lot of guys just don't appreciate that kind of stuff anymore... It's not that I don't WANT a career but I think that being a wife and mother can be one of the most rewarding careers you can have.

OK sorry, this thread was supposed to be about the guys ;)

That corporate go-getter is out there somewhere...you just have to look in the right place, and have the self-confidence not to let the fact that the "little woman" is the breadwinner get to you!

This comment is not meant to "flame" you in any way--but let me tell you...Stay at Home MomsDads, who do their jobs right, don't get much "chill time"--which is precisely why I am in law school right now, b/c I want my hubby to stay home with our kids (luckily I married a guy who can keep a clean house, and is patient w/the little ones, AND is secure enough in his manhood to allow this!). I, personally, would have the messiest house on the earth if I stayed home (and my neat-freak husband would divorce me in a heartbeat). On the other hand, if my hubby were the one working, and we could afford a full-time housekeeper, I'd be all over the "chilling" thing.

I would want her to do whatever she wants. If I get involved with that decision, other than as someone to talk to and help her decide for herself what she wants, the marriage would be doomed.

oh oh - hot corporate go-getter right here ;)

Tracy, I know youre asking for the men's opinion on this one - but I just have to add my 2 cents in. (btw - are you thinking about going back to work?) Personally, I don't care whether my husband would want me to stay home or not - I would make up my own mind about MY career and he can do the same thing for himself and his career.

There is no way I could be JUST a stay-at-home mom. I give major props to those women who are, they make an ultimate sacrifice for their children and their family. But as my mom has told me, I'm too smart and have too much going for me to do that. I plan on having a very successful law career and possibly getting into politics in addition to marrying and having a family. Is that selfish? No, I don't think so. My husband can stay home with the children or if I could find a way to work from a home-office I would make every effort to do that. But I will work.

My mom is a doctor and my dad owns his own business and they managed to have three very normal and well adjusted children who are doing amazing things with their lives - they instilled in us the drive to work hard, be successful - multi-task ;)

I've actually already talked to my parents about this - by the time I am set in my career, married and have kids, they will both be most likely retired. My parents plan on doing for me (and my sisters) what their parents did for them - take care of the children while mom and dad are at work. It's still family helping to raise and take care of the children, and there is no one i would trust my kids with more than my parents.

If I am making tons of money sure she can stay home and take care of the kids. If we need to money I hope she would work.

Can a woman weigh in? :)

My husband would prefer that I stay home or only work part-time when we have children. His mother was "sort of" a SAHM (she did some substitute teaching, so that even if she were called in, she would be home around the same time he got home from school) and he feels it was beneficial to him. He says, "You can't pay anyone any amount of money to raise your children the way you would want them to be raised - you have to do it yourself."

I have always wanted a career. I did not go through five years of college and grad school and earn two degrees to sit at home and change diapers all day and use my keen intellect to figure out the next plot twist on "Barney". If I tried, I'd be a basket case inside of a week.

I've always made it abundantly clear to my husband and his family that I intend to keep working. My husband supports my decision, if only because he knows that if he tries to make me stay home, we are never having children at all :p

No offense to any SAHM's or future SAHM's (or SAHD's for that matter :) ) - but I feel very strongly that I myself could not be one and that I shouldn't be forced to stay home or made to feel guilty because I don't, simply because I am female.

I said: go to work

She said: No, I don't want my kids spending their early years with some strange person in a daycare.

I said: Good point. As long as we have the means, that'll be great.

All I can say is that I'd get bored with a woman that did the same thing day in and day out. If she has a job at least she will have new experiences to discuss, etc..

It would be real torture if I were to marry someone and she didn't want to live her own life anymore.. just go through it as an extension of me... It really wouldn't last.

Wouldn't matter to me at all. Sure, a second income would help but I would leave it up to her.

I would love to have a wife that could stay with the kids in their formative years and then have a job where she could be with the kids either before or after school to take care of them, and my job would allow me to take care of the kids the other part of the day to share the load. But that's in an ideal world and I'm far away from all three components (career, wife and kids.)

I'm working in a latchkey program right now and see kids who get dropped off at 6am and picked up at 6pm. Now, granted, families need the income, but after twelve hours at school and latchkey and say, eight hours of sleep a night, that leaves parents four hours with their kids a day, and that's if they don't have soccer practice or piano lessons to go to in the night. Doesn't seem like a lot of quality time to me.

i'm a goal oriented person who wants to succeed in a career, and so naturally i want to be with someone who has the same mentality. i think a woman should stay home for a short time to raise the child, but after the first 3 years she NEEDS to get her life back on track. you can raise a family and have a career.

I didn't think this was such a hot topic! I can't believe men still want a woman to stay at home and such. Wow, I must be blind :) In any case, no WAY I'd be staying home wiping noses. Could be why I don't really know if I want kids!

That pretty well sums up a discussion we had about thirty years ago.

And that's just what we did. Here's a post from a different thread which casts a little more light on the subject:

quote:
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Originally posted by KillarneyRose
I'm not criticizing mothers who work. I can only imagine what a juggling act that must be to handle work and family and I have a lot of respect for most of them. But the fact is, in our society, the brunt of childrearing expectations fall on the mother and while it is possible to do two fulltime jobs simultaneously at an acceptable level, I think it would be difficult if not impossible to truly excel at either.

Everyone please note:

I am just voicing my opinion. I'm no expert. I know it is a woman's right to have a career and a family at the same time for whatever reason she wants. I know there are working mothers out there who look down on me, who think I'm some parasitic creature living off my husband's fat paycheck, spending money I didn't earn with reckless abandon. That's fine. I can accept that people's opinions differ.
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Rose,

Some excellent points.

Parasite? Nope.

As I said earlier, my wife and I made an early decision that she would stay home with our children. She felt that having her mom (a college graduate and ADPi) at home really helped her early growth. While that put a fair amount of strain on our finances (and my career), we felt that constant attention, along with always having someone at home before and after school was important. Does that mean our children grew up "better" than others -- probably not. We had our share of problems, just like everyone else.

So, how did she fullfill her ambitions?

My wife is a dynamo. She would probably be a CEO of something had she chosen the business/career track. But having two BMW's was never important to us, so she chose to volunteer and ended up sitting on the board of directors for an international mother's support organization with groups in eighty-one countries. Later, she took a halftime job with another mom from that organization as co-director of a several thousand acre conservation center/outdoor museum. In both of those jobs, she was able to set her own hours and simultaneously support the kids. Now, she has her own home (new) business which is doing well and helped see us through a year's unemployment when my job was eliminated by a corporate "merger."

It really seems to me to be a matter of priorities, and I'm certainly in no position to judge anyone elses. We could probably have a much bigger house, etc., but we are very comfortable with our decision. We also realize that some moms -- single mothers in particular -- have no choice and absolutely must work to support their family. And, with the flexible hours of her business, we are able to watch our grand daughter a couple days a week while our middle daughter (challange child) and her husband get their careers going.

Finally, just as some kids aren't cut out to go to college, some people just shouldn't be parents. That's OK. We have one of each -- although the one who didn't want children recently became a step-mother through marriage and is doing well. Go figure.

Best of luck to all -- no matter what your decision may be.

I want my bitch to stay home and cook and clean.