Parade of Homes 2023
 

YAY! Finally, it’s time to report on my daughter’s recruitment. We’ll call her “Rosebud,” which is the nickname my org used to use for our legacies. She has been tagging along to sorority and Panhellenic events with me all her life and now it’s her turn! This recruitment experience was in the recent past; it’s all typed out and I’ll be posting over the next several days. Be forewarned: I’m an over-thinker, and I typed everything in a file as events occurred for ten months. Expect lots of detail. Approx 20 posts total. (I apologize in advance for past tense/present tense verb confusion, but trying to fix it gave me hives.)

Rosebud is a practical A-B student and a mix of introvert (like her dad) and extrovert (like me) – deathly afraid of solos and auditions, but very happy in a group, and effective in leadership and committee work. High energy for a chunk of time in social situations, followed by cocooning in her room with the lights low. She has been involved in church activities and youth ministry leadership but isn’t overly “churchy.” She chose her career path with a service mindset. With all that, I’m hoping she finds a home away from home: one that lets her be herself but provides a nurturing space and helps her grow.

Some background info: I am an alumna initiate to my legacy org Alpha Gamma Delta. I have served as an alumnae officer and as an advisor to some collegiate chapters since following in my mother’s footsteps and initiating after earning my undergraduate degree, but I fully acknowledge that there is some vicarious living on my part this year. I have loved reading recruitment stories here to see all the highs and lows of other women’s journeys, and I’m fascinated to see where this will go. Rosebud is my only child. We have a tight extended family, and we’re very accustomed to being all up in each other’s business. Hopefully that continues as she ages!

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I knew Rosebud would need a white dress if she pledged our legacy org, so we kept our eyes open and found a perfect all-white vintage Lilly Pulitzer during her junior year of high school. I knew that finding a white dress that doesn’t look like a wedding dress and isn’t overly beachy/casual would be a challenge, so we always watched for it, and voila! there it was! We snapped it up.

However, the college she chose during senior year is not a “Lilly school,” and her legacy org isn’t even on the campus. (small obligatory sob) We don’t know if she will need this white dress in the organization where she ends up, but we’re excited to find out.

Five months before recruitment began, when Rosebud was a senior in high school, we participated in an online Zoom info session offered by her college’s campus Panhellenic council. It was very low key – the CPC officers introduced themselves, defined 4 recruitment terms, and then played in alphabetical order last year's promotional videos from each chapter. They offered time in between each video for Q&A but no one asked any questions.

Rosebud liked that several chapters included bloopers at the end of their videos, and she liked footage of big/little reveal. She said she liked that one chapter emphasized their good GPA, and that another had several members explain which additional organizations they were involved in on campus. We noticed that most of the chapters included footage at the football stadium and in a sunflower field in their videos. Lots of Jeeps. Lots of cowboy boots.

Rosebud commented that "these are last year's girls" because they were last year's videos, and guessed that some of them might have graduated and wouldn’t even be there in the fall when she arrived at the campus. She was disappointed that she didn't get to have any actual conversations, but I pointed out this isn't recruitment yet, so it's not the same. There was an accompanying in-person info session the following week on campus, and I wondered if they only played the videos then, too, or if there were conversations. I will say her attention lagged after about the 8th chapter, so I can see how this set up is detrimental to orgs at the end of the list alphabetically. I wonder if they ever switch it up and start with Z? Most of the videos were similar. They definitely started to run together in Rosebud’s mind. She said she liked “one of the Alpha groups” but couldn’t remember which one, and kept asking me about the mascots and colors, trying to remember which was which.

The smallest group on campus had a video that was noticeably different. Instead of footage of young women from her campus doing fun things together, that group showed a video that was prepared by their national leadership. It emphasized the life-long sisterhood, and in addition to collegiate-aged women, it included alumnae women (even much older women), all in a studio setting talking about their relationships to one another and the strength of their love for each other. There was no indication that anyone in the video was from this specific campus, no current, trendy music in the background, no scenes from fun campus events. It was certainly values-based and sisterhood-focused, but because it was so different from the other videos it was off-putting. Maybe because they are the smallest group on campus they have fewer resources, and their recruitment budget didn’t include funds for a custom video? If so, I think using a stock video from their headquarters is a good alternative, but this one was just TOO different.

Two months before recruitment began, the Rho Gamma "Kelsey" started sending messages to Rosebud. Her texts sounded so enthusiastic and positive with happy excessive exclamation points and questionable capitalization. Rosebud told her right up front about her plans to join the marching band. The marching band training camp would overlap a lot of the recruitment schedule, meaning she would miss some of the rounds/parties. Rho Gam Kelsey said not to worry - Rosebud could attend the extra alternate recruitment preview session the day before everything starts, which is scheduled specifically for RAs and athletes and cheerleaders and band members to attend, and then she would attend rounds whenever band rehearsal allows. Kelsey will be emailing Rosebud a form so she can notify campus Panhellenic of the time conflicts so everything is documented. Whew, very reassuring that this is not a strange situation to the Rho Gams. We’ve heard from young alums in our local Panhellenic who attended this college about the extra preview day, too. They think it’s a perfect solution, no worries.

Rosebud is fully aware that she may not be placed during primary recruitment simply because of the schedule overlap and not getting to meet many members. (I’m also thinking it’s possible some sororities might not want a new member who is already involved in an activity that has a big time commitment in the fall semester, but I haven’t said that out loud.) She is prepared to wait and meet the orgs that participate in COB or spring recruitment, and not get her heart set on any one before then. Spring pledging might actually be better since she won’t have the marching band rehearsals and performances to attend throughout the semester, and she can commit more time to being a new member.

Rosebud’s three suitemates are also rushing: Tammy the theater girl, who organizes everything; gymrat Gina, who loves working out with her mom and big sister; and shy Shelly, who doesn’t talk/text as much as the others. The 4 girls did not know each other before this summer, so they are unlikely to feel compelled to join the same organization. They found each other through social media. Actually – TAMMY found all of them and pulled them together due to their similar interests in music and books and Disney – things that showed up on each of their social media accounts. They are all Swifties. I’m not sure how much information I’ll get about the suitemates’ recruitment. Gina’s big sister is in an NPC organization that is not represented on the campus, but Gina said she hasn’t given her many tips – just “be yourself,” which is probably the best advice anyway. In the back of my mind, I thought if all 3 of the suitemates do pledge somewhere, that might lead to invitations to COB events for Rosebud, if necessary.

And now she hates that white Lilly Pulitzer. Imagine that.

We have talked about how many sororities originally were formed to be a safe space for women away from home, when not very many women were enrolled at colleges – a place for women to lift each other up and encourage scholarship and perseverance. For me that’s still the best and highest purpose of a collegiate GLO.

Here are some other things we have talked about repeatedly to remember during recruitment, advice culled from my time as an advisor and alumnae officer, and from you good people of GC:

*Above all else: You’re a guest in someone’s home. Act like it.

*Expect to meet a LOT of women and have the same conversations MANY times. Find a way to make it interesting for you AND for them. They’re having repetitive conversations, too.

*Whatever happens, roll with it and they will see that you are flexible and easy going. Focus on Pollyanna positives. We have practiced this specifically, so that she can honestly share her feelings about topics that come up often and might be more negative (dorm life, yucky meal plan, hustling to get to the darn band practice field which is on the absolute opposite side of campus) but also pivot on those feelings to continue the conversation on an upbeat note rather than dwelling on downers.

*Don’t contribute to the gossip, and try not to listen. Your least favorite org might be someone else’s top org – so don’t ruin her fun. Try not to be influenced by your suitemates’ choices, or vice versa.

*Every chapter has smart girls and party girls and sporty girls and blasé girls and fashionable girls and religious girls and artistic girls and preppy girls and musical girls and quiet girls, etc etc etc.

*Your sorority experience is what you make it. If you put in the time and the energy, you will make great memories no matter where you end up.

*And if you DON’T pledge, it’s not the end of the world. All the groups you were involved in during high school have college equivalents, just ramped up to the next fun level. (But she really wants to pledge.)

This is one of the best recruitment advice lists I have ever seen on GC. Kudos.

Thank you, Navane! That means a lot especially coming from a Syracuse Triad Sister :)
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Rosebud has been following the instagrams for all the individual chapters and for the campus Panhellenic office for a year, but she doesn’t have any older friends who attend this school, so luckily she really doesn’t know any of the campus opinions of the groups, and that can help her keep an open mind. (The flip side of that is: Unluckily, she has no “in” with any of the groups who might have initiated sisters who already know her.) So, these are just Mom Notes.

There’s something so captivating about sorority houses (even for those of us from campuses where the orgs are lodged in dorms) so I decided to name the 12 NPC orgs on campus after just that: HOUSES. These are all historical homes in the state of Florida, most of which you can tour. Come see us! 😊

The Capen-Showalter House – – Her dorm window looks at the back door of Capen-Showalter – how convenient! This was the hardest org for us to locate an alumnae member who could provide a rec or introduction.

The Barnacle – – One of the women who was our guide during one of our campus tours when Rosebud was a junior in high school is a Barnacle. She shared with us that many of the organizations host spring recruitment events, and she herself joined as a sophomore. This was very reassuring to me, that there didn’t seem to be a campus stigma about joining late. (Don’t worry that the lime green is difficult to read – unf Barnacle won’t show up much in subsequent posts.)

El Retiro – – Two of Rosebud’s older friends from band and chorus and church are already Retiros at another college. She would love to be sisters with them if it works out.

Villa Vizcaya – – I really don’t have any notes about the Vizcayas at this school. I can see on the annual campus grade report from last year that the average GPA of this org had been lower than most of the other sororities in the fall, but they improved in the spring.

Ca’ d’Zan – – This is the smallest chapter on campus. Nationally, this is a strong org with many active chapters and over 250,000 initiated members. However, it’s just small here. It’s half the size of the next larger group at this university. We have talked about how joining a smaller org might give you more leadership opportunities. I will say that in all our visits to the campus during high school, I saw a woman wearing NPC Greek letters only once, and she was a Ca’ d’Zan.

Whitehall – – Her dad keeps telling her to look at the Whitehalls, because they were the org that his fraternity always wanted to have socials with when he was a student there. Curiously, the national website for this org has information about how to provide a rec or introduction before recruitment, but the campus Panhellenic website says recs are “not accepted” by this specific collegiate chapter.

Casa Feliz – – The Casa Feliz members I know have all said one thing they loved about their org is that they don’t expect the sorority to become the sole focus of a woman’s college social life. Since marching band is time consuming, this might be a good fit. I know to take this with a grain of salt, though, because chapters change over time, and from campus to campus. My high school friend was founding member of Casa Feliz at this campus and is very excited to introduce Rosebud to her sisters.

The Casements – – Rosebud’s much-admired high school drum major is a Casement at another college. This is the largest chapter on campus with the most active members.

Chinsegut Hill – –The philanthropy for Chinsegut Hill is one that Rosebud has been involved with for many years. I thought she might be inclined to consider this org over the others simply because she has liked that experience in the past, but she later told me that did not influence her interests. My Chinsegut friend who wrote a rec for Rosebud offered to help her find any other recs that she needed through her Panhellenic contacts. We’re so grateful!

Princess Place – – I really don’t have notes about the Princesses on this campus. I can see on the annual campus grade report that the average GPA of this org is often lower than most of the other sororities. This is another org that her dad keeps telling her to look at because of their popularity on campus 25+ years ago when he was a student. (eyeroll)

The Mangoes Estate – – The Mangoes are the only group for which Rosebud consistently remembers the colors and mascot. They have stuck in her head, for sure! The woman who wrote a Mangoes rec for Rosebud is a founding member of this chapter.

The Deering Estate – – One of the women who was our guide on one of our other campus tours when Rosebud was a HS junior was a Deering. This org has historically had many members who are Jewish, both nationally and on this specific campus. Although Rosebud herself is not Jewish, we have a multi-faceted extended family that does include many Jewish relatives. (Her cousin has even taken the Birthright trip.) We have great appreciation and respect for one another’s beliefs and traditions, and so I think she could be fine as a Deering sister and comfortable if she and the collegiates like each other. Our neighbor who is a Deering just LOVES Rosebud and will probably write a glowing introduction.


I enjoy data mining (“…a very particular set of skills…”) and I found a ton of information from this school’s Greek life report which is posted publicly each semester and is also available in online archives. It lists a variety of information for all campus GLOs like the number of members and the average GPA. Based on campus trends over the past 8 years, my prediction is that if she ends up relying on COB or spring recruitment, Rosebud will have the best chance for membership at 6 groups: Capen-Showalter, Barnacle, El Retiro, Ca’ d’Zan, Chinsegut Hill, and Mangoes, because they are the likeliest to be under total and therefore recruit additional women. However, there’s no way to tell from the grade reports any behind-the-scenes changes in numbers that might occur due to December graduation or other attrition so we may be surprised by additional options. Plus, any of these 6 smaller groups might have rockstar recruitment chairs this year and reach total and end up with no COB spots after all. I have not shared these predictions with Rosebud, because her experience should be focused on how she feels with the women she meets, not stats and guesses.

The only comment Rosebud has made is that she would prefer an org that has a house. Some of the sororities on this campus do not have a house. We hear that their members tend to rent apartments together in the complexes near campus, so they might still feel tight-knit, but she wants the chance to live in a sorority house. We’ll see. She might fall in love with one of those unhoused orgs after all.

And now she has 3 all-white dresses in her closet.

One month before recruitment, the marching band released the practice schedule for the week before classes start… which is also Panhellenic recruitment week. Rosebud opened the band schedule, and opened the conflict form sent by the Rho Gamma Kelsey, and started marking off all the times when there was a conflict so she could report it to Panhellenic. I watched her get more and more agitated. We knew there would be some overlap, but we really weren’t prepared for THIS much overlap. She would be available to attend the extra preview day before recruitment starts… and bid day. That’s it. None of the regular rounds. The band rehearsal schedule is 8 am to 10 pm every day.

Boy, was she upset. Frustrated. Overwhelmed. Disappointed.

It took a while to talk through everything, but I reminded her that she had said she would be OK with spring rush instead of fall, and she had said she’d be OK with COB. She decided that she was most upset because she wouldn’t even get a chance to TRY to make a good impression. Well, that’s what the preview day is for – the chance. And she will get 2 nice Panhellenic Tshirts out of it. And she doesn’t have to stress about outfits and hair for a whole week – just for one day.

At the peak of her frustration, she threw up her hands and said “Maybe I’ll just focus on band while I’m in college, and then try to join Alpha Gam after graduation like you did.” And from the ether I heard a chorus of ***HALLELUJAHs*** from the souls of all my Sisters who have known and loved Rosebud for 18 years… but I nobly refrained from steering her that way. As much as I would love-love-love to share this sisterhood with both her and my mother, I also would like her to have a rich college experience. Sorority life could be part of that. I reminded her: COB is fine, spring rush is fine, try all the options before giving up.

We talked about how calm she will be when Rho Gamma Kelsey calls to say she has no invitations, because she is expecting it, and how relieved Kelsey will be NOT to have a hysterical PNM on her hands. There’s that Pollyanna positive attitude we practiced. 😊

However, this revelation directly affected her motivation to finish preparing for recruitment. Rosebud did NOT want to keep collecting recommendations and introductions. (“Why bother? I won’t get to meet anyone.”) Earlier in the summer she did have a wonderful chat with a young alumna from one of the unhoused chapters, which was so nice. Rosebud also hesitantly asked her 3 friends who already graduated high school and are in sororities at different colleges to introduce her. (“I don’t want to nag them over the summer.”) She did compose one pleasant email asking one of my local Panhellenic friends to review her resume and introduce her, and offering to meet up -- an email which could then be copy-pasted-revised and sent to members of the other organizations. (I had nightmares that we had forgotten to update the wording and accidentally listed the wrong sorority in one of the emails, but we didn’t. I checked. More than once.) I don’t think she actually ever recorded an intro video, but I’m not sure. She rallied in the end and had another lovely interview with my Panhellenic friend and sent follow up emails with additional information for several other alumnae, but the thrill was gone because she knew COB or spring rush would probably end up being her path.

Plus, there was a lot more shopping to do for the dorm suite!

In a sense, I understood her reluctance. Things have been changing. Are they even USING recs anymore? Two of the collegiate chapters said “don’t send recs” on the campus Panhellenic website. Four organizations had “introduce yourself” links on their national websites instead of links for recommendations or introductions from alumnae. One of the women she asked for an introduction said, “I’ll fill out the form, but they don’t really use it anymore.”

We do know it’s the current collegiate members of the chapter who can decide whether PNMs will fit in with “the vibe,” as the kids say these days. My thought was: if they will only get to meet her at the extra preview event, maybe recs might be more important to stay on their radars for COB. It can’t hurt to have a rec, and maybe it shows extra effort. Of course, the collegiates might just toss them automatically – we will never know. But the local Panhellenic women who know Rosebud personally really wanted to introduce her to their chapters. They wanted her to have a good experience, and wanted to hear how everything went in the end.

I'm loving this story!

One week before recruitment began, Rho Gam Kelsey sent over the schedule for the preview day. Based on what we were told by a student ambassador at her college orientation and registration weekend, she will probably talk to representatives from each group for a bit and then move to the next group, like tabling or speed dating. The event is scheduled for 3 hours and there are 12 organizations… so it seems like she’ll get 15 minutes with each group, but who knows? We’re just guessing at this point.

However: More despondency, because Rosebud must check in at the band field during the third hour of the preview event, non-negotiable. She will likely have to leave before getting to talk to all the groups at the preview. Rho Gam Kelsey is very sad for Rosebud and suggests COB might be her best option after all. Rosebud was ready to go to the preview anyway, and planned get there early, and hoped to find out what the setup is like. Does she have to move around the room in a set order, or does she get to choose? At some other campuses, when there are PNMs with prior commitments, I know one solution is to schedule half-parties for those PNMs. I don’t know if this campus does that, but in any case: how would that even work at this extra preview event? Would she end up talking with some groups for 7 minutes? That doesn’t seem productive. She’s not getting a lot of information from Rho Gam Kelsey. This just sucks. I never use that word, but it fits the situation best. I’m really annoyed on her behalf. I guess if she’s lucky, the groups without houses will all fall in the last hour on her schedule, and she’d miss out on talking with groups that she is a little less interested in anyway? But what if she really LIKES those women? And she’s NOT looking forward to sprinting across campus wearing a recruitment-appropriate getup to make it to the band field on time. I’m trying to be supportive and encouraging, but she has almost given up. Pollyanna isn’t helping AT ALL.

Fingers crossed. Here we go.

Welp, that didn’t last long.

Rosebud showed up early to the extra preview session. She hoped to see how it was all scheduled, and to ask if there was a way to still meet with representatives of all 12 groups even though she had to leave early. Turns out that they had planned a welcome speech, then 10 minutes with each group and 3 minutes “passing time” between each group for making notes.

Plot twist: She wasn’t even on the list. Her name didn’t appear. She was turned away at the door. What?!

The Panhellenic VP for Recruitment spoke with Rosebud and said that Rho Gam Kelsey should have told her not to come to the preview session at all. The preview event is intended to replace just one or two of the regular rounds of recruitment, not the whole week, which is completely logical. So, Rosebud will only be allowed to participate in COB this semester. Kelsey was actually nowhere to be found, despite having told Rosebud that she would be there and would walk around the room with her. Pan VPR is very annoyed with Rho Gam Kelsey.

Grr.

She didn’t even get a swag bag with Tshirts.

GRRRRRR.

Don't despair. Pollyanna to the rescue: now there's plenty of time to change out of her recruitment dress and put on athletic clothes and saunter leisurely across campus to begin band camp while talking animatedly on the phone with Mama. Plan B didn't work, but we have Plan C ready to go: COB.

In the meantime: we learned that shy Shelly the suitemate has decided to wait until spring semester to participate in the informal recruitment sessions then. At least Rosebud will have a buddy to go through that process with if she doesn’t find a place through fall COB. Also, on Day 1 of Round 1 there was a tremendous thunderstorm in the middle of the recruitment parties, and the Rho Gams held the PNMs in silence in their locations for over an hour. Moms were freaking out all over Facebook because they couldn’t reach their daughters. Glad she missed that!

ALSO also: Rosebud’s marching band experience has been great from the moment she arrived on campus. She said the band has many traditions that feel like sorority things. She wore a tiny safety pin with ribbons of the school colors all week – like a pledge pin. She was placed in a “band buddies” group on the first day so new members could meet returning members – like bid day buddies. Plus her own instrument section is a big family already. The band has themed dress-up days and little contests that sound a lot like Polish Week team-builders. Her instrument section won the overall band spirit award on the last day, so it sounds like they work together well. She said there are ritual-like things and initiation-type moments that she won’t tell me about because I’m not in the band. Another band parent who lives local shared a shaky, blurry video of an inspiring twilight ceremony they have annually that concludes the first week of band camp, and it sure does feel familiar. At that ceremony band members receive a special pin to wear on their uniforms – sounds like pinning on a badge. Two band parents who are local professional photographers were roaming around during band camp taking fun candids and posed group photos, and posting them free for us far-away parents to download. (960 images to scroll through to find the 5 pictures she was in). Regardless of what happens with sorority rush, she has a home-away-from-home, and all of that fun has certainly distracted her from the SNAFU of recruitment.

Suitemates update: gymrat Gina was flipping out when she got home after Round 1 because her Rho Gam took her phone out of her hands (breaking the rules!) and entered her ranking choices for her (no no no!) … and entered them incorrectly. Her last preferred org was swapped with her Rank 2 org. Tears everywhere. (And that's why we don't DO that, silly Rho Gam.) Rosebud asked if there was anything to be done. I explained that really, that’s not a crisis. Almost no one gets invited back to ALL their preferred orgs. Her Rank 2 will probably move up. And she definitely should not get her mother to intervene on her behalf. If the Panhellenic VPR said, “deal with it,” then that’s what you do.

For Round 2, participants could visit a maximum of 9 organizations.
Gymrat Gina went back to El Retiro, Casements, Mangoes and Ca’ d’Zan.
Talented Tammy went back to El Retiro, Casements, Villa Vizcaya, and Ca’ d’Zan.

They were a little bummed to have less than half a schedule, but rallied.

For Round 3, with a max of 6, they returned to those same 4 orgs.
They were anxious, because out of those 4 orgs they each had 2 they definitely didn’t want and 2 that they were deciding between.
They each preffed at Casements and a chapter without a house, and they each SIP’d Casements and both received bids to Casements. Choosing to SIP is common on this campus because of the unhoused chapters. (SIP = single intentional preference = only writing 1 sorority on your bid card)

They were delighted with that result! We are happy for them. Strategically, though, it was the outcome with the least advantage for Rosebud. Casements was full to the brim last year and not likely to have COB spots that might be offered to a suitable suitemate who couldn’t make it to formal recruitment. Boo. Also, it started making the suite a little awkward because two of the girls were together all the time and the other two girls were a little bit left out. Just a bit.

And now I have been directed not to use the term “suitemates.” It’s weird, apparently.

One week after recruitment, with absolutely no prompting from me, Rosebud marched her little off-brand Converse hi-tops into the FSL office to advocate for herself. She asked if she could get the Tshirts she paid for. Whomever she spoke with was shocked, SHOCKED I say, at her tale of her whole experience. They said she should have been informed that she would have to go directly to COB or spring rush as soon as she told Rho Gam Kelsey about the band camp time commitment, way back in the middle of the summer. They said that Pan VPR should have been more on top of it, and should been more gracious at the preview event. She was given the contact information for the Panhellenic President and “we’ll see what we can do” about the Tshirts. I’m not holding my breath.

Later that same day, Rosebud attended her first recruitment event with Tau Beta Sigma, the co-ed marching band service sorority. This is a natural fit for her because she was so involved with the marching band all throughout high school and contributed extraordinary amounts of her leisure time to making sure events ran smoothly. She often was first to arrive and last to leave. She promoted membership in the band to the feeder middle schools during annual campus visits, and made her closest friends through the band. She organized the equipment cabinets with Martha Stewart flair. Her college campus has chapters of both TBS and Kappa Kappa Psi, the co-ed marching band service fraternity. She said she would first visit TBS events to see how she gets along with those members because during band camp “KKPsi moves furniture and TBS hands out popsicles.” Eyeroll. She does know there is more to it than that. The two organizations both provide support to the band, like organizing uniforms and handing out lunch or snacks on game day, and yes, moving furniture. When Rosebud came to the campus as a high school student for the honor band weekend, TBS staffed the registration tables.

Happily, she had a great time at that evening recruitment event! The icebreakers she described to me would have made me run for the hills, but she loved them. And she loved the members! Because TBS is not an NPC organization, she could actually be a member of TBS and still participate in COB or spring rush if she chooses. And because she sees the TBS members 3 days a week at band practice, she’s getting to know them really well.

So: on to fall COB!

The following week Rosebud was walking near the student union and the Ca’ d’Zan women were tabling for COB. She chatted with them and filled out their interest form at the table, and then she spent time talking with a second group of sisters in the coffee shop nearby. Smallest group on campus. Half the size of the next larger group, in fact. No house. At one point she said that was all stuff she didn’t want. However: After talking with them she called me saying, “They were REALLY nice! Like I’d actually be friends with these girls!” Two of her friends from back home had accepted bids at Ca’ d'Zan at other universities the week before. She thought that would be neat to be sisters on different campuses.

Then, Rosebud got a message via social media from Mangoes sending her their COB information. However, she was less inclined to consider joining Mangoes. Once classes started, the gossip did, too, and campus chatter said that the active members don’t really like each other and don’t spend time together outside of required events. Who knows if that is actually true. It doesn’t seem like it based on their super-active social media accounts! (Objectively, they have a great PR officer.) But she certainly listened to that tent talk (sans tent). If she meets some Mangoes members personally later, she might have a different opinion, but for now she doesn’t want to attend even one event with them.

Rosebud went with her two Casements (new member) roommates and some older (initiated) Casements sisters to a movie over one weekend, and then met up with them again one evening during the week to binge-watch a TV show. From her descriptions, it wasn’t clear to me whether these were COB events, or just them being gracious and welcoming. A few weeks later she went to a grab-a-date at a local professional sporting event with them, too, as her roommate Gina’s guest. Since Casements was the organization with the most members on campus last year, I think it’s unlikely that they have spots to fill. But stranger things have happened.

El Retiro had a few COB activities, but Rosebud said they were announced with very little lead time on their Instagram stories, and they were scheduled during band practice. Sadly, she missed them all.

(If you’re keeping track: that’s 3 of the original 6 organizations that I predicted might have extra room for more members, plus the roommates’ org.)

Rosebud went to another COB event with Ca’ d’Zan later in the week and had a GREAT time… and then they offered her a bid. She was SO surprised. She didn’t think it could happen that fast. She thought she would be expected to attend more than just 2 events and the info table. They told her she didn’t have to accept or decline right away. She made a plan to attend a spin class with one of the members the next day, and then she called me. Over the next 3 days we had multiple pros-and-cons phone calls (which somehow always seemed to happen right as I was sitting down to order a meal in a restaurant). A summary:

PRO: She wants to be involved in something now, rather than waiting until next fall and missing a whole year. And there’s no guarantee that she would be offered a bid next year. It’s common for upperclassmen to receive a bid, but it’s not 100%. And no upperclassmen quota on this campus.

But CON: she really wanted to live in a sorority house. We have discussed that unless she receives a bid during freshman year, that probably won’t happen. If she initiates as a sophomore, then her first opportunity to live in the house would be during her junior year … right when she would be starting her upper-level courses on the specialized satellite campus which is 30 minutes away from sorority row on the main campus. She had planned to get an apartment near that satellite campus when those classes started. (Campus culture is that only freshmen live in the dorms anyway.) She COULD live in the house and commute to class, but it’s better to be occasionally late to social events than to risk being chronically late to class due to traffic, so a location close to the satellite campus was the plan. Especially because she doesn’t have her license yet and would have to rely on the college shuttle buses for transport. (Or accommodating friends.) (Or maybe just GET YOUR LICENSE, Rosebud, let's goooooo)

So she THINKS she wants to wait for spring rush. The number of organizations participating in spring rush would be fewer … and would probably still include Ca’ d’Zan. Rosebud thought it would be bad form to decline a bid in fall and then try to join again in spring. So, if she took “living in the house” out of the equation, she really felt like she WANTED to take the bid … but she still wasn’t SURE.

PRO: She likes the idea of knowing a small number of active sisters very well, rather than being in a crowd of women where she might not get to know each member personally.

Some CONs that I thought about, but did not share with her: probably lots of COB … all year long. There could be pressure from national leadership to grow, but maybe not. They might be fine with this chapter being small. Plus if she’s in an extroverted mood, meeting more new people every week isn’t exactly a crisis. It’s fun!

PRO: it’s less expensive. I had budgeted for the high end of the range of annual costs reported on the FSL website and it would be fine if she spent that much, but she’s just so practical that she took cost into consideration. And honestly, it’s not significantly less expensive because without a house they have “facilities rental fees” built into their budget since they pay to reserve locations for ritual and activities.

Ultimately she determined that she wanted to meet more sisters before deciding. I thought that was smart. IMHO, if it’s a very small group, it needs to be cohesive to survive. She doesn’t mind hard work, but she wants to enjoy the people she’s working with. If there is bickering in a group of 50 women, it’s hard to escape the one person who gets on your nerves the most – unlike a group of 150 women.

That spin class was a killer, by the way. She left gasping halfway through.

Thanks for your comment, Carnation! I missed that last night.

And now I'm realizing how much I utilize parentheses. And how often I start sentences with "and." Too late to edit now! Hope readers will forgive those, too, in addition to verb tense craziness.

Remember the Tau Beta Sigma recruitment events? Rosebud was invited to join, and her roommates were just as supportive and enthusiastic as if it had been an NPC delegation that showed up in their official chapter jerseys at the door to the suite and offered her an envelope with the crest and an official welcome. They filmed her opening up the envelope and jumping and clapping and squealing. Yay! The next day my Alpha Gamma Delta Sister who has known Rosebud all her life took a vase with TBS red roses and TBS colored ribbons over to her dorm to celebrate her. Rosebud is looking forward to weekly meetings and shopping for TBS-themed merch. John Denver was in TBS! And Lizzo! And Count Basie! Pretty cool. AND their badge has 14 pearls… like another beautiful badge I know <3

After accepting her TBS bid, Rosebud started receiving presents and clues from her big sister and attempted to figure out who it was before the reveal at the formal pledging ceremony. She ended up with 4 different Beanie Babies, and a pretty hand-painted canvas for her wall, and lots of candy and notes, and she LOVED all that suspense and excitement. She was very happy that she already had a yellow dress for the ceremony, and felt bad for any of the other TBS new members who had to hurriedly find something yellow to wear. Welcome to sorority life, lol. She is now the historian of her membership class (basically official photographer), which is similar to the social media manager leadership positions she held in her high school marching band and chorus. After one of the home football games she helped with organizing the uniforms for dry cleaning, and has spent a lot of time with her big sis and grand-big: having lunch, doing crafts, shopping… It’s ideal, really. Everything I had hoped would happen for her.

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When Ca’ d’Zan followed up with Rosebud, she thanked them for inviting her to join, but said since she had already accepted a bid to TBS, she wanted to focus on that in the fall. She said she didn’t want to pledge 2 organizations in the same semester and risk spreading herself too thin and not fully upholding her commitment to either group. The VP Recruitment at Ca’ d’Zan was very gracious and made it sound like they would be happy to see Rosebud again in the spring for informal recruitment events. Whew, no bridges burned.

Rosebud happily helped her roommates get ready for their initiation into Casements, and took pictures of them all dressed up in their white dresses, even with their required white socks. Why white socks? They have no idea. I flippantly suggested that maybe they just had the floors redone in the room where ritual is being held, and they don’t want heel marks all over the room (memories of how protective the basketball boosters were of the shine on the gym floor were flooding back). My mom thinks maybe it is a modern attempt to adapt something specific in their ritual, like the way many groups now use battery-operated “candle” lights instead of actual candles because of fire hazards. It’s a mystery. All the NPC orgs were initiated within 2 weeks of each other. It was very festive on campus and on social media!

Thanks for sharing Rosebud's story and kudos to her for being so level headed about everything with NPC recruitment. And congrats to her joining TBS! Wishing her the best as she continues her journey with spring COB.

Thanks for your kind words, andthen :) Spoiler alert: she was initiated into her NPC group yesterday, so keep reading - still more to come

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Update: Whitehalls are hosting COB events for a second fall membership class!
Rosebud’s dad is thrilled, and he urged her to go. This is such a surprise to me. I had assumed that all COB events would take place immediately after formal recruitment at the beginning of the semester, so that the women who received COB invitations could be added to the fall membership class right away, and then the next recruitment class would be in the spring. But this is happening AFTER fall initiation. I have never heard of 2 separate pledge classes in the same semester. Shows how much I know, lol. Maybe that’s a benefit of shorter new member periods?

Whitehalls have a house. In fact, it is the largest sorority structure on campus with the most beds to fill. However, Rosebud remembered that one of her high school classmates who she clashed with a bit had just joined Whitehalls at another university. She hesitated at the idea of being sisters with that classmate. I reminded Rosebud that she might never see that girl again. Also: Chapters are different at different campuses, so just because Whitehalls was a good fit for that girl at THAT college doesn’t mean the Whitehalls at THIS school would have a matching vibe. Whitehalls has an interesting badge style, pretty colors, and a mascot that matches Rosebud’s elementary school mascot. Their philanthropy is well-known, and Rosebud’s second cousin was a beneficiary of their services.

Rosebud said that this chapter includes funds for CPC violations in their fee structure (don’t know how she found that out), and she didn’t like that they PLANNED to break rules and then just pay the fines. I said that’s probably not the mindset. I bet they just don’t want to be surprised by fines and then have to take the funds for them out of another line item in the budget, which would affect the quality of that other event. She’s not convinced. But she did fill out the interest form online, and she does plan to attend the first event.

Fingers crossed AGAIN.

Rosebud was 10 minutes early to the COB event at the Whitehalls house, along with about 14 other women. She said they had a nice chat together outside the house and she enjoyed meeting new people. The invite for the event said it was “casual, just be comfortable” and Rosebud ended up wearing a Gillyhicks skirt – sporty material, almost like a tennis skirt – and a midriff top. Her dad grumbled about that a bit, but honestly it was an outfit that perfectly matched some of the social media photos the chapter has posted within the past year, so I think her instincts were right-on. She would have liked to wear her hi-tops, but the colors clashed, so she wore neutral tone heeled sandals, which ended up making her a tad bit dressier than some of the other participants. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, though. Plus, she is fun-sized, so wearing a heel helps her be more on the same eye level as everyone else. Sometimes she appears to be younger than she really is just because of her height.

No surprise at all: the first Whitehalls member Rosebud spoke with had the same major that she has. And the second one, too. She said she spent a lot of time throughout the party on career talk, and courses and professors. She said her hosts commented more than once on how smart she must be since she completed many of the prerequisites for her program while still in high school. (Hearing that my brain sparked – Uh oh! What if they think she will be graduating early, and won’t be a 4-year participant!?! But she told me afterwards that she emphasized how she plans to be on campus all 4 years and told her hosts that she likes having a less-packed class schedule so she’s available to really get involved in all aspects of campus culture. Whew. Good girl.)

Rosebud enjoyed the house tour and the snacks. She exchanged contact information with the girl who toured her around. She called me right after her 90-minute experience and said how much fun she had and how nice everyone was. There were some other guests who were staying longer, but Rosebud was escorted out. Maybe the others arrived later than she did? Not sure. And now I guess she just waits. Not sure what the timeline is, or what the next steps are. I guess one big benefit of more structured formal rush is you know the plan and what to expect.

Reflecting at the end of the day, I realized she was wearing one of the Whitehalls colors to the event. I hope that didn’t make it seem like she was trying too hard. It was not planned – just one of her favorite colors. Social media shows the active sisters were much more casual than Rosebud – all in black workout clothes, midriff tops, tennies – just like their invitation said. Unfortunately, based on our Facetime, her nails were all jacked up. Ugh! I wish she had taken the time to find a manicure place near campus instead of scheduling it on her next trip home!

So she waited. Rosebud exchanged career-related texts with her main hostess from the event for a day or two, and then asked if there were any other upcoming COB events she could add to her calendar. The girl’s response was very vague: “Oh I don’t know if we’re doing any more. This is the first time we’ve done something like this, so I’m just not sure.” Darn. Sounds like no bid to Whitehalls.

Three days later she got an email full of regrets to confirm that indeed there was no bid available from Whitehalls. At least she didn’t have to wait long.

Rosebud saw her Ca’ d’Zan spin class buddy in the student union the next week and they waved to each other happily. She’s settling in on campus, and I’m getting fewer and fewer phone calls and details as the weeks go by. I remind myself that this is a GOOD part of the process, but I miss her.

In the meantime: With her Tau Beta Sigma sisters, Rosebud went on a hayride and hosted a Trunk-or-Treat for the marching band. She tried (and failed) to solve an escape room with her band friends. They went out to eat together after many of their performances and took so many fun pictures. She painted a paddle for her TBS big sis. She was also assigned a big brother from Kappa Kappa Psi, since the two organizations are paired up nationally and work together for the success of bands as a whole, so she experienced another week of candy and clues, and received another hand-painted canvas. She was given a nickname in her membership class that totally fit her interests. Rosebud participated in a Friendsgiving with her instrument section. She learned to play 2 new instruments. She attended the end-of-season semi-formal banquet for the whole marching band and posed for photos and worked set-up-and-take-down. She was duly initiated into Tau Beta Sigma , hooray! She sang carols with a mixed group of students from the 4 music-Greek orgs, and they collected toys as holiday gifts for kids. She went to an all-night house party (which was definitely and absolutely and explicitly NOT an official music-Greek event despite 90% of the attendees being music-Greek members, yay risk management) and had a great time. She traveled with the band to a bowl game and loved all that. She’s looking forward to attending the joint TBS/KKPsi regional convention during spring break. She earned 4 As and 1 B in her first semester.

Perfect, just perfect.

Rosebud still plans to participate in the informal spring recruitment with the NPC groups. It’s true she is really enjoying her TBS experience, but she had hoped to live in a sorority house as part of college life, and she finds that hope persisting. As an only child, she has romanticized it, and says “It would be like a slumber party every day!” which it is… sometimes. Sometimes it is also “Gah, if I have to listen to her talk about crossfit or pumpkin spice ONE MORE TIME, I swear I’m gonna snap.” But she can discover that for herself.

She has met several NPC sorority women are in her very time-consuming major, but she has learned that none none none, absolutely zero, of the women in the band are also in an NPC sorority. This is so befuddling to me, because in the chapter where I was initiated, musical sisters are cherished and highly sought after. When the sister who was a harpist was practicing in my chapter’s sitting room the house felt so elegant! Without a music student, who would lead the special songs during ritual and recruitment parties? Surely, I thought, the orgs would want to snap up band members during informal recruitment even if they have to miss regular recruitment for band camp! BUT – “this is not your mama’s rush,” as we well know, and Rosebud’s school is very different from the one where my chapter is. Just gotta wait and see where this all ends up.

During winter break, I counted the graduating members who were acknowledged on each chapter’s Instagram. Nine of the chapters graduated out enough sisters in December to drop below total and have 6 or more COB spaces in spring. I don’t know the expectations of the organizations, and whether they have a threshold for how small a membership class is “worth it” to put in the effort. Would they recruit just 6 new members to reach total? It does seem better to have a good-sized chunk of new members for optimum sisterhood experience, rather than just a handful. However, the Instagram information doesn’t include any other attrition, like sisters who transfer schools, or have medical withdrawals, or choose not to initiate, or request membership drops. So those chapters that appear to have space for only 6 or 7 bids might actually have more, which would be a richer new-member experience. This is promising! Maybe many of the chapters will be participating in spring recruitment! My revised predictions: best chance for membership, just based on available data, would be at Casa Feliz, Villa Vizcaya, Chinsegut Hill, Mangoes, Ca’ d’Zan, and maybe Casements, because of the roommate connection.

Before she returned to campus in the spring, you better believe I made sure she had a nail appointment. She came back from the salon with traditional French-manicured toes, lovely, classy, …. and French fingers with a RED edge! “I like them, Mom.” I’m having flashbacks of reading BlueBayou’s account of her daughter Flower’s experience in recruitment. Maybe letting her whole personality shine through will help Rosebud end up in the right place, too?

Refresher: http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=246593

(And by the way, aren’t we due for a report on Blossom’s recruitment?)

New year, new plan. On to spring COB!

Deering is hosting spring recruitment events. Their house is university-owned and used to be a fraternity house – in fact it was occupied by the fraternity that Rosebud’s dad joined. She could live in the same house as her dad! Awww! And this confirms my guess that there may be behind-the-scenes things affecting spring recruitment. Deering was not on my list of 9-out-of-12 chapters that might have room for more members because of sisters graduating. So now we are at 10 chapters who might have spring rush.

Princess Place is hosting spring recruitment events, too. I hope Rosebud likes the sisters, because I bet she’d like a lot of things about this group. Pretty, trendy colors, pretty badge, very common symbol that’s easy to find on merch, very popular philanthropy. (The merch aspect feels oddly important, lol. Merchandise with squirrels is really only in the shops two or three months out of the year, so I’d be happy for her to have more readily available stuff to celebrate her sisterhood. Or she can just shop online I guess, like all of GenZ does.) The Princess Instagram makes them seem a little more fashion-forward than Rosebud is, but I know that social media showcases just a tiny portion of their membership, so she might still fit in there. She never attended a Princess event, though. I’m not sure why. At this point, I don't want to dig for more information. Cannot go back - must go forward.

Casements are hosting spring recruitment events. It appears they graduated out a bunch of seniors in the spring, so even though they were overfull last fall, they have space to fill this year. (Hard to predict accurately when relying on public data that is a semester behind.) I know that just because her roommates are both Casements that doesn’t guarantee a bid, but Rosebud was also at several extra social things with the group in the fall, so IN THEORY they know more about her already than the Average Joe-Anne coming in off the street. Don’t know if her roommates would be allowed to participate in the decision about whether or not to offer her a bid since they were just initiated a month ago, but maybe! Casements is really pursuing COB sisters enthusiastically. In addition to publicizing their interest form repeatedly, they posted a collection of photos on Instagram that showcased 9 sisters who joined through COB in previous years, with their comments on how joining through COB enriched their lives and provided them with the same sisterhood as those who joined during primary recruitment.

Ca’ d‘Zan is hosting spring recruitment events, which we totally predicted since they are the smallest group on campus. Her spin class friend reached out to her personally to invite her to their activities. Rosebud is torn, because she definitely LIKES all of the members that she met, but she wants to live in a sorority house. She feels it is likely that Ca’ d’Zan would offer her a bid because they already did in the fall. She doesn’t know how to reply to her spin class friend in a way that would put her off a bit to see if she might be offered a bid from a housed chapter first while not out-right declining the invitation. As it happens, her TBS event schedule prevented her from attending some of their events, so her attendance was delayed organically with no subterfuge needed.

Mangoes are hosting spring recruitment events. She’s still pretty sure she isn’t interested in Mangoes. I’m feeling like beggars can’t be choosers, but what do I know? Mangoes does not have a house either, so I know that impacts her interest.

Villa Vizcaya is hosting something that MIGHT be a recruitment event? It’s not clear. Deering and Princess Place and Casements and Ca’ d’Zan and Mangoes all have a link to a recruitment interest form on their Instagram accounts. Vizcaya just has an announcement about a craft project and a link to send an email to the VP Membership to RSVP. Is this recruitment? Is it a sisters-only event? Not sure. We learned that the Pan VPR from the fall is a Vizcaya, per their IG, and that quickly cooled Rosebud’s enthusiasm. She did not exert herself to discover if this was a COB event. About 2 weeks later, 2 moms of Vizcaya sisters posted on Facebook that yes, they were recruiting, but still nothing definitive showed up on their Instagram. Stealth rush, I guess.

Capen-Showalter is hosting a faith inquiry and sharing night, open to all. Maybe that’s foot-in-the-door for COB? We’ll never know because Rosebud is NOT interested in doing that. In fact, I’m pretty sure she has not darkened the door of a church since the first week away from home. Sigh. I thought that might happen. I did the same when I was her age, and I think many teens do. Just gotta wait to see if she will boomerang back in the future. And pray about it.

She thinks MAYBE she filled out an interest form for Casa Feliz. She hasn’t heard anything about events, though. I never saw an interest form or event list posted on their social media. Not sure. Sounds like she’s losing track of info and not being as methodical as her Type-A mother would be. She definitely did not message any of the other orgs (which the newly elected Pan VPR had recommended to everyone) to see if they have any COB events coming up that were not publicly announced.

(If you’re keeping track, that list contains 5 out of the 6 organizations that I included in my revised predictions for spring COB.)
Casa Feliz did pick up around 10 new members, and so did Villa Vizcaya and Princess Place.
Mangoes picked up 16 and then continued to COB.
Nothing on social media about Capen-Showalter results, so I guess that wasn’t a COB event after all.


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Suitemates update:
You might recall that shy Shelly thought she would participate in spring rush. Well, there was some Dr. Phil-level drama among the other girls in the suite AND THEIR MOMS during the second month of the fall semester and it’s best not to mention the third roommate to anyone, at any time. Like touching the third rail. Suffice it to say: they’re definitely NOT going through spring recruitment together. Shelly’s probably not participating in any of the parties at all, would be my guess.

Events overlapped chronologically, but I’m grouping these notes by organization.

Rosebud’s first spring recruitment event was at the Deering house. Everyone was in jeans and sweaters – it was chilly! The first Deering sister she spoke with was from a city neighboring our hometown, matchy-matchy. She let Rosebud know right up front that you don’t have to be Jewish to be a Deering (which we knew, of course). It was as if she wanted to get that out of the way and just get on with the business of getting acquainted. Rosebud ended up speaking with about 5 or 6 sisters over the course of 2 or 3 hours. It sounded like each woman she spoke with offered her an “out” to leave the party graciously, or the option to meet another sister. Rosebud kept picking Door #2 and met as many women as she could. Most of the women she spoke with had just been initiated before winter break, but at one point she did get paired up with a junior in her same career path. They talked about professors and courses, and Rosebud was VERY happy to hear that the required junior-level classes that she thought were all scheduled at the same time as marching band rehearsal actually have more than one section to select from. She might still be able to march as an upperclassman!

Rosebud loved seeing different parts of the Deering house, and when the sisters told her it had been a filming location for a movie before Deering occupied it, she took the opportunity to share that her dad had lived there, too, when it was a fraternity house. She was enthusiastic about living in the house, and about their unique big-little gift traditions, and had good conversations about their composites and living space decor. Their badge is not my fav (probably because I love the style of my own so much) but Rosebud has no opinion about that either way. She is lukewarm about their mascot/symbol, but is enthusiastic about their philanthropy. She said they had a large trophy case, but didn’t get a good look at what the trophies were FOR. One of the hosts asked if she plays intramural sports. Not likely. One of them asked if she was interested in Deering specifically, or if she was just visiting all the groups. She said she was interested in Deering specifically, partially because someone told her a few months ago that she totally seems like a Deering, so she wanted to see what they had in common. One of the sisters she spoke with said they had the highest organizational GPA on campus. Deering social media shows a wide variety of women. They do not all seem to be fashion plates or cookie cutters of each other. This could be a good fit for my independent Miss.

A week later, photos appeared on Deering social media: 15 new members, none of them Rosebud. Huh. Maybe every time they offered her a gracious “out” during the house tour, they really were hoping she was ready to go. Maybe she mis-read everything.

Events overlapped chronologically, but I’m grouping these notes by organization.

Yay, Casements!

It’s funny how we’ve gone from “Mom, what should I wear, what should I say?” to “this is what I’m going to wear tonight, what do you think” to “this is what I wore yesterday” to …. crickets. Again, this is a good sign of growing confidence, a part of the process, but I’m aching for details! I’m getting them days later, with a lot of yadda yadda yadda, instead of the really thorough calls from earlier in the school year.

Rosebud’s Casements roommate Tammy helped her get ready. The recruitment chair sent out a message to all guests with a collection of “inspo” pictures, which was useful. They ended up choosing a cotton sundress with flowers embroidered in a color that matched those favorite hi-tops. Super cute ensemble, but I’m sure she was cold. I can’t imagine what jacket she wore over top. Based on event pictures of Casements active sisters on social media, she fit right in fashion-wise.

At Casements they split the guests into 3 time slots of about 40 minutes, scheduled one after the other within the same evening. Sounds just like regular rush parties, even though this is basically COB. This formality was unexpected. It’s interesting that this could actually be good practice for the newly initiated sisters to help them get ready for the structure of fall recruitment. When she arrived, Rosebud was paired first with her roommate Gina’s bid day Buddy from fall recruitment. She knew she wouldn’t be paired with either Tammy or Gina to give her a chance to meet more women. She and the bid day Buddy really hit it off! As it happened, it seemed like every time Rosebud started to say something about herself, the Buddy would say “Oh yeah, I remember; Gina told me about that.” Rosebud reminded the Buddy that she had been at the grab-a-date back in September, and the Buddy thought that was awesome.

After talking with the bid day Buddy, Rosebud was paired with another sister who was a COB initiate last spring. They did not click half so well as the previous match up. Ah well. Can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. And that was it. There was no house tour at Casements, which was logical for such a short visit. Rosebud was told to watch her email for either an invite to the next round of recruitment, or a “thank you for your interest” rejection message. Hopefully she will get to go back for the house tour.

It really does seem like Rosebud has some sisters in her corner when it comes to decision time. In addition to her roommates, there is Tammy’s grand-big who is a recruitment committee chair. Plus, she was told that at least one of the older initiated sisters from that movie date way back in August had completed an info form about her. (Maybe that is the new version of a rec?) And now she has met Gina’s bid day Buddy. This is great!

At the end of the day, back in the suite, the roommates chatted about their experiences. Of course, the information that the roommates could share with Rosebud was limited, but one of Tammy’s conversation guests was a total name dropper. Tammy felt like she didn’t get to know ANYTHING about the girl herself, because every other word she said was talking about a Casements sister that she knows, or one she wants to know better. It will be interesting to see if she moves on to the next round. (Update: she did not.)

The style of the Casements badge is more familiar to me, and the symbols/mascot are super common, which is good for shopping. Well-known philanthropy. Comfort of already knowing several sisters. Lots of good points.

However, before the end of the week, Rosebud learned that she would not receive a bid to Casements. So, as many other women have found out: knowing several sisters before recruitment is not a guarantee for a bid. Bid day photos showed 14 happy women, one of whom could have been Rosebud’s twin. Her roommates were surprised by this outcome. They think it was detrimental that the Buddy didn’t learn anything new about her during their chat. Rosebud knew she didn’t “click” with the other hostess, so that was no help. She shared this with me during a quick phone call (“I only have 10 minutes, Mom! Gotta go!”). Very busy with band performances and TBS events.


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At this point my Alpha Gam sisters were worried about her mental state after 3 rejections, but Rosebud was not distraught. Frustrated, but not upset. She was more distressed after the rejection from Whitehalls in the fall, but more self-assured in the spring. She’s re-evaluating her priorities. She commented that “everything is just really clique-y” at college, even in the band, even in TBS in a way. I’m not sure what has been happening to prompt this reaction, but she does have a good core group of friends to get her started on the right foot at college, so hopefully this will pass.

I’m realizing that her high school band experience sheltered her a bit more than I grasped at the time. She was a big fish in a small pond, welcome everywhere she chose to go and happy with her lot in life. Unconcerned with the popular crowd and what other groups of kids were doing. Trying to cross over into a new pond is testing her.

Events overlapped chronologically, but I’m grouping these notes by organization.

Back to Ca’ d’Zan! They advertised 4 open events for spring recruitment, plus frequent tabling near the student union. Rosebud missed the first 2 events due to TBS recruitment events. She really LIKED each of the Ca’ d’Zan women she met in the fall, so she was eager to see them again. She attended their third event – and almost immediately they re-extended the bid. She had a great time at the event, and afterwards we were back to pro-con phone calls, rehashing the same conversations from last semester. Being in a chapter that has a house is starting to matter less and less, though, because she would rather be with people she likes than people she is starting to perceive as clique-y, and she knows she LIKES the Ca’ d’Zan sisters, and she always has. This time around, she also contacted her high school friends who joined Ca’ d’Zan at another campus in the fall, and they were very enthusiastic about her bid. They said, “Everyone likes our chapters on every campus. We are known as nice, friendly women at every university.” (Statistically unlikely, but A+ for team spirit and pride in your sisterhood, ladies.) That’s as may be, but what matters for Rosebud is the girls at THIS campus, and they do seem like they would be a good fit for her. A better fit than some of the other campus groups that appear on social media to be more fashion-focused, because although she does clean up well and loves a good glam night as much as the next girl, Rosebud is somewhat crunchy-granola most of the time. Doesn’t even own a hair dryer.

More importantly: THEY think she would be a good fit for THEM.

I have no idea what she wore to subsequent events: trivia night, invite-only group study session, board games night, invite-only sporting event. It is getting harder to catch her when she’s not on the quiet floor in the library, striving to do well in her science classes. (I don’t remember going to the library this much in college. What is she DOING in there?)

Rosebud was involved in a philanthropy similar to Ca’ d’Zan’s back in elementary school, so that is familiar. Trendy colors, interesting badge, and a symbol that is easy to find while shopping. It’s likely that the smallest org on campus might not have as many social events with fraternities, but Rosebud says she doesn’t care because of all the guy friends she already has in band and in the music Greeks. It’s likely that they will be recruiting all the time, but she says she likes that experience. I do worry a bit that they might close the chapter if it gets TOO small, but honestly, in this era of instant media coverage, every group is only one stupendously bad decision away from suspension, so that could happen in any of the orgs.

My Rosebud is a paladin at heart, a great defender of the underdog, who chose a career where she can care for and advocate for those in need. She does the right thing because it is the right thing to do, and she puts her whole heart into it. In middle school, she organized the other musicians in her instrument section to hold back their effort to earn an honor given monthly so that the only student among their group who hadn’t earned it yet would be able to shine before the end of the year. In high school she joined a startlingly expensive competition activity in which she had very little experience (but eager to improve) because the team needed just one more member for a full squad to be able to compete. My pocketbook was unhappy, but the swag was great. In college she elected spontaneously to learn a new instrument for marching band because there were 42 musicians with the instrument she had been playing for 7 years, but only 20 students in another instrument section, and it benefitted the band to have a better balance of sound.

I can’t imagine a better person to join the smallest organization on campus. I’m pretty sure Rosebud is going to accept that bid. She will love them fiercely and do her part as a fully committed member. These women have been there for her since the beginning, offering the chance for sisterhood, and I’m so grateful they were patient enough to wait for Rosebud to realize that true and constant friendship offers more than 4 walls ever could. (And that’s the moral of this afterschool special.)

Many thanks to the GC members who have helped along this process, either through answering questions or providing encouragement or modeling appropriate parental support for your legacy or posting exceptional accounts of their own stories… all that and more.

Especially: UVASquirrel, DoctorD, AlwaysSAI, AGDee, TrojanGal, FSUZeta, … plus lots of women IRL, a few of whom may be lurking here.

It’s been a long road traveled, but I’m delighted to report we have reached the destination, and the historic house that Rosebud ran home to is:

Ca’ d’Zan, the beautiful winter home of John and Mable Ringling, adjacent to the Ringling Circus Museum and the magnificent Ringling Museum of Art, in Sarasota, Florida,
which is

Gamma Phi Beta

Don’t mind me while I dash off to shop for pink carnations and crescent moons!
She was initiated this weekend and truly is over the moon for her Big Sis and her membership class.

She’s such a lucky duck with only 4 founders to memorize instead of 11. (JEF EGG MEG ME, anyone?)
And I’m thrilled that she might get to go to the 150th anniversary convention this summer! That is sure to be amazing!


While a corner of my heart wishes my daughter could have been an Alpha Gam like her mama and grandmama, I’m glad she found a home that fits her best.
And now we can celebrate the Syracuse Triad together!

Feel free to message me for more info.
If you like puzzles: when I originally wrote about the chapters at this school I was consulting a list that was chronological by founding date.

And the movie filmed on this campus, for better or for worse, was Sydney White. Not only was a sorority house one of the movie locations, the marching band that performed in the film was the actual university marching band which Rosebud loves with all her heart.


(PS - Sorry Cookiez!)

Oop guess I was too early!

[QUOTE=
And now I'm realizing how much I utilize parentheses. And how often I start sentences with "and." Too late to edit now! Hope readers will forgive those, too, in addition to verb tense craziness.[/QUOTE]

Spoken like the English Teacher you are!!

And now for the official congrats! :D Congrats to her and Gamma Phi!!

Coming out from lurking to say congratulations!! I hope Rosebud enjoys every single minute of her Gamma Phi college days!

Congrats to Rosebud wishing her wonderful experiences with Gamma Phi Beta.

what a story! Congrats mom on stewarding Rosebud through this well, and thank you for the shout out :)

Congratulations to Rosebud! Glad I was able to help in some way :)

Congratulations to Rosebud! Glad I was able to help in some way :)

Well, investigation is one of the things I do for a living; so, with your hints, I was able to put it together very quickly. Thank you for sharing!

CONGRATS to Rosebud on Gamma Phi Beta! May she make lifelong friends and a lifetime of memories. And YOU—SquirrelyDays—are an accomplished storyteller!

Congratulations to Rosebud! I hope to see her at Convention in June!!!

Congratulations to Rosebud and Gamma Phi Beta!

Omg Sydney White! I completely forgot about that movie.

Congrats!!