Should I initiate at a non-local college or try for alumnae initiation elsewhere?
 

I recently rushed (online) at my current college across the country. I got a bid, and was delighted. I have *not* yet been initiated in XYZ Sorority..

I had planned (and still hope) to move across the country for the spring semester to live on campus at my new campus. However, my family is currently dealing with a life or death health situation, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to move across the country. I'm not sure if I'll be a student at all next semester, and if I'm not, alumnae initiation would be a possibility for a non-student. There's a local alumnae group of the sorority (ABC Sorority).

I had inquired about alumnae initiation of ABC Sorority before rushing/starting at my college. They e-mailed me today with an application. I know alumnae initiation can be a long-shot. It's a local alumnae group of a different sorority than the on-campus sorority that offered me a bid.

I'm torn on what to do. Do I hope to move across the country in January and initiate at XYZ Sorority? Or do I, instead, try for alumnae initiation at local ABC Sorority? Both are Panhel groups, so I can't do both. I'm a non-traditional student, so I would fit in at an alumnae group age-wise and lifestyle-wise I think. I don't want to try for a long-shot with alumnae initiation if it's unlikely and not get to be a part of sorority. But I'm also not sure if it's realistic that I'll be able to move across the country to attend my college in January.

What would you do if you were me?

I hate to say that there are so many moving parts to this that it is kind of impossible to know what to tell you. What one of us might do is not really relevant to you and what you want. You probably don't have much time to decide, since I am sure initiation is coming up fast. Do some soul searching and maybe a plus/ minus list of the pros and cons of each choice.

I do wonder about another option... initiate with the GLO that you got the bid from. Then if you cannot transfer to be active in the collegiate chapter, is there an alumnae organization of that sorority that you can participate in?
I wish you well!

Thanks. There is no local alumnae group in the state/region, nor even local collegiate chapter, of the XYZ Sorority I got the bid from at my college. The only way I could really participate in XYZ Sorority is if I do it remotely or move across the country in January (like I'd hoped/planned).

Bid day for XYZ sorority was a week ago so we haven't started new member training or meetings yet.

I'm not sure how much of an experience I could have remotely on XYZ Sorority if I was a remote student at my current college next semester.

If I thought alumnae initiation at local ABC Sorority was likely, I would do that since they have a local chapter as well as a chapter at my current (across the country) chapter. ABC Sorority is way larger of a national group than the XYZ Sorority at my college that I got a bid from.

Get your family health situation sorted out and then worry about sorority membership.

Also, Panhel fountains of knowledge: is she bound for a year if she is a virtual student?

I too can't say what I would do, but I know what I've done in other situations with many moving parts: I go with the option that lights me up the most. That isn't always the one that make the most sense, but if you're not lit up to the sky with your affiliation, then nothing else really matters, in my experience and opinion.

I've seen this in many rush situations (Mom's legacy chapter vs. the chapter the PNM loves, etc.) and of course, in life. I've never been failed when I went with what lit me up, whether it was the sorority I chose, the college I attended or jobs I've taken. Good luck.

I am more of a trickle than a fountain, but if she accepted a bid, I don't think virtual matters. The MRABA is the MRABA.

I will say that it is really weird to me that she enrolled at a college in another state, and because of CV19, was able to participate in rush virtually and get a bid. Makes no sense to me at all.

If the option for her school's student is both virtual and in person, this would be the situation. She's already accepted a bid so she is tied to it till next formal recruitment...whether virtual or in person - as long as it's an NPC sorority. I'm surprised initiation isn't till next semester though. I thought Chi O was the only one doing semester long pledging - though that may have changed.

My school’s recruitment was 100% virtual. Bid day had both virtual and in-person options, but all other rounds were virtual only. I had told my rho gamma that I wasn’t local this semester and she said it was ok to do recruitment from another state. I had planned on relocating in January, but then family tragedy struck.

My school also allows in-person or online attendance for classes, as well as tons of classes, so my classes thankfully are online and still possible for me to finish.

Initiation at my collegiate chapter is later this semester. I just am trying to figure out if I really can move in January or not, or if I should go through initiation or drop prior. I want to stay in my collegiate chapter if I can move in January, I’m just not sure if I can. I don’t want to ruin my lifelong chances of being active in any sorority if I initiate my collegiate chapter now. There’s no chapter of that sorority locally or even regionally, so if I can’t move across the country in January, I won’t be able to be active in it.

Good to know about the one year wait though. I didn’t realize that applied to alumnae chapters or my situation.

I really had never heard of my collegiate chapter sorority before now. There’s no local chapters of them so I was not familiar with them. They seem like a really unique group of women so I would love to be active in them... it’s just a big if on if I can move across the country in January.

The sorority that finally emailed me back about alumnae initiation was a group I had heard of and wanted to be a part of for years, so that does make it a tough decision on that accord too. I’m not sure if that group would accept me as an alumnae initiate, or what the women in that group would be like, etc. so it’s hard to decide.

I was delighted to get a bid from the collegiate chapter so it does light my soul up, even though I had never heard of the group itself before. I had always wanted to be a member of a sorority at my own college. The family situation just but a wrench in my plans and might make that unrealistic.

I really should focus on my family’s health. I still went through with recruitment to try to give myself something to look forward to and a potential new support system/social group. But waiting for a sorority, even if it would be limited to an alumnae initiation, in the future might be more realistic. I don’t think I would ever get another bid at a collegiate chapter, but perhaps alumnae when life is more calm is something I should really think more about.

If you are still enrolled in your current school, virtual - in person or some hybrid thereof - you are still considered a pledge of your sorority as it's an allowed enrollment at your institution. Now, if you drop out of that school and are not in school that has NPC chapters, that's a different situation - but you wouldn't be pledging anyway. Most NPC groups require some college credits for alumnae initiates but not all.

And I agree that maybe what you should do is terminate your pledgeship and focus on your family situation. You appear to be a freshman so Greek life has not passed you by yet...many women pledge as upperclassmen.

Are there sororities that are offering all-virtual New Member programs this fall? I was unaware of that.

All of my school's organizations are offering a virtual or in-person option this fall. I didn't know it was rare or non-existent at other schools.

Titchou- she posted "I'm a non-traditional student, so I would fit in at an alumnae group age-wise and lifestyle-wise I think."

Although she may be a freshman, it sounds like she is a good bit older than 18-19. Another bid at a later date from a collegiate chapter doesn't sound like a possibility.

Additionally, not many 18-20 year-old students attempt to apply for AI BEFORE attending a normal NPC recruitment.

I don't think I would have a chance at a collegiate bid again. Partly for my age/life stage and partly since, if I give up my current college's bid, I doubt they would offer me a bid next year.

My local colleges are SEC and I would have no real chance of bids there. Even 18 year olds with 4.0 high school GPAs, perfect personalities, and that look like they just got out of a beauty contest at my local colleges don't all get bids.

I think maybe she's mixing terminology. Virtual is "traditional" now since the pandemic. And even SEC schools get 20-21 year olds going thru recruitment and getting placed.

I guess my question is - what is it you are looking for in a sorority? If it weren't for Covid and your family situation, where would you be right now?

If you truly believe you won't be in person next semester, you need to sign your papers and move on. Don't drag them along thinking you'll be there and all will be normal...I get the feeling you don't really want to go anyway....just my gut feeling.

That's not true. The system is now designed that every girl who goes through rush and maximizes their opportunity (ranks the final two houses they attend instead of ranking only one house and refusing to take a bid from the other house), they will get a bid.

Many girls at colleges, especially super competitive SEC colleges, will drop out but claim otherwise to avoid telling the truth....they usually drop out because they didn't like the houses that invited them back, they thought the houses weren't good enough or that they are better than those houses.

Edited: PNM's do get dropped - reputation, grades, social media issues - and the first round of drops are usually grades, so if they don't have the grades needed, then they will be dropped. But many PNM's do drop out because they don't like their remaining options and then they claim to have been dropped. Bottom line: If you have poor grades, problematic social media and poor reputation, don't be surprised if all houses drop you.

I have to disagree with you. There are plenty of girls who are dropped from recruitment altogether due to issues like grades, reputation, problematic social media, etc.

And I agree with you - I should have clarified my statement. I was referencing what I felt was a generalized statement about girls getting dropped. Yes, girls are dropped for the reasons you said, but I find many are the ones dropping and then complaining that they were dropped. Good clarification!

Would you mind telling us more specifically about your situation? Not the family emergency part, but your demographics. For example, does "non-traditional student" mean that you are married, 40 years old, with two children? I understand if you might hesitate to share additional details, but I think we'd be able to help you a little more if we understood where you are at currently.

I'm slightly confused. Are you considering joining an alumnae group in hopes of gaining acceptance into the ABC sorority across the country or possibly locally? I can't speak for the ABC sorority, but I don't think a specific chapter has to accept a member from another chapter or alumnae group. So I would ask that question specifically to the ABC alumnae group, if you'd like to associate with the active chapter across the country or locally. Also consider whether an alumnae group will provide the experience that your looking for. Personally, I'd concentrate on my family first.

I think you are mixing apples and... pineapples. Her decision is should I initiate into a collegiate chapter across the country virtually OR pursue AI in a totally different sorority locally.

Interesting. Perhaps people are getting dropped more for these preventable reasons that I had realized, or choosing to drop recruitment if they didn't get their desired bid. I still can't imagine standing a chance as a transfer student at a competitive Greek school, but maybe I would.

That's good to know. At my local college, only 62% of those participating in sorority recruitment last year got bids. It didn't break down who dropped on their own vs. didn't get a bid, so maybe it really is that so many dropped on their own accord.

I will likely lose my parent soon. I wouldn't let sorority interfere with time with family, but I also want something to look forward to/social support of some level during a hellish time.

For non-traditional demographics, I'm 23- almost 24 but look older, single, no kids, autistic, work full-time, had a job since I was 14, plus size, have MS, currently a virtual student across the country, part of the LGBTQ crowd, returning to college but have few credits that will transfer in since my new school doesn't have equivalent classes so I've got 3.5-4 years left of college, childhood family is low-income, off-campus commuter student usually, first generation college student, mixed ethnic family, etc. I know I'm "old" for a sorority and was afraid to post my age out of getting slammed for it, but I still do have a student-focused lifestyle. I've had depression/anxiety and eating disorders, and also didn't know I was autistic until I was an adult. Those things kind of set me back academically for a long time until now. I've lost 2 older brothers already (cancer and heart failure). They were way older than me. My grandma raised me most of the time, so I feel like I'm non-traditional or a bit different in a few ways. I've got 3.5-4 years of college left so I still have plenty of time to experience greek life. Being autistic I've always been kind of socially/developmentally behind so I think I will still fit in to a college crowd in 4 years. I never pursued it before because I couldn't afford greek life and was a commuter student before.

Yes, it's collegiate chapter across the country... or an AI in a completely different sorority locally.

I didn't think I would get a bid in a collegiate chapter so a long time ago (maybe early summer?) I had e-mailed a different sorority to ask about AI. They finally e-mailed me back about the AI process this week.

Most sororities refuse to discuss AI with an undergrad.

That's good to know. I'll have to re-inquire if I'm eligible with the group who e-mailed me about AI at this point now that I'm enrolled.

I was not enrolled in college when I e-mailed them last summer, only working. I wasn't planning to attend college this fall, but it all worked out quickly. I didn't think I would ever hear back from that AI group when I had registered for recruitment at my college this fall.

This is what I was going to say. I believe some orgs - or maybe all? - require an AI to have an undergraduate degree. "Alumna" is right there in the acronym.

I admittedly know very little about the process, but I would think sororities would try to avoid giving AI bids to undergraduate students because it would interfere with the collegiate membership process. For example, if an undergraduate could get a bid and be initiated through AI, what would stop them from going to the active chapter on campus to try and get involved on a collegiate level?

I agree with thetalady, you need time to sit alone quietly and soul search by reviewing all the personal puzzle pieces relevant to your final decision.

Your new sorority sisters may be of service to you with guidance toward your decision. Be not afraid to grasp their hands and engage their minds as you lift yourself toward the future. People join people, and they chose you for a specific purpose.

I've read that the AI process takes a long time, sometimes a year or two, so I can't imagine many (or any) undergrad students really trying it or seeing the benefit of trying AI just to go be active at a collegiate level later. I haven't heard of any group that allows an AI to collegiate transfer.

I wouldn't have inquired about AI had I thought I would be an undergrad this fall. Every group I've read about that allows AI requires at least 2 recommendation letters plus a sponsor. Then you have to attend a number of events, have a sponsor, then 'petition' the national sorority for their approval to become an AI. KKG I think only allows 20 AI max per year nationally, so it's incredibly hard of a process with some groups more than others.

I read on Kappa Kappa Gamma's website that they don't require a degree, but do require an alumnae initiate to have attended (but not graduated) a 4 year college. I would probably have to weed out the groups that do require degrees if I don't finish college and go that route.

One sorority I read about that allows AI requires someone to have stopped undergrad 5+ years ago. You don't need a degree for theirs, but need to have attended at some point and been out of school for 5+ years. I can't remember which group that was, but it was one of the AI groups mentioned on this forum. I wouldn't be eligible for that group now that I enrolled in classes this fall. The group that replied to me this week about AI is not that group. I need to reach out to them and make sure they don't have the 5+ years out of school requirement.

I don't believe someone could be an alumna initiate then go back to a collegiate chapter. I don't think any groups allow it-- you can go alum, but can't go from collegiate to alum from what I've heard. I could be wrong, but even if it's not formally banned, I can't imagine most people doing it or it working. I think an alumna initiate candidate who's 18-19 and a student would get rejected for the sorority itself and not get the 2 recommendations/1 sponsor that most sororities that allow AI that I've read about require.

I had not thought about talking to my new collegiate sisters about this. I don't want to string them along if I won't get to move across the country anytime soon, but I also really want to be a part of their group if I somehow can.

I do need to do some soul searching and thinking about what's best on a number of levels.

You appear, from some of your posts, to have researched your subject well, and will likely have little problem sorting out a good future.

Best of luck, and if you feel comfortable let us know how your situation progresses.

Oh no, I am sorry to hear that you are facing the loss of your parent. Saying goodbye to a loved one is never easy and it's tough to face so many decisions in what I imagine is a sad time for you. :(


Thank you for being brave and for your honesty!

Ok...there's a lot to unpack here. Thank you for your willingness to let us have a little more insight. This will help us better help you sort out the best course of action. I hope it's alright, but I will be honest with you about my opinions, ok?

Edited to add: Other people were posting replies while I was drafting my response. So, others have touched on some of these discussion points already.

First...without knowing the specific campus you attend, most of these things aren't some kind of major dealbreaker in and of themselves. I think you may be overthinking a lot of these things based on sterotypes of sororities. For example, things like being 23/24 years old, coming from a mixed race family or a low-income childhood have zero bearing to me. Then again, I'm from Southern California. Maybe these factors are a big deal elsewhere in the country or at really expensive universities. (???)

Working full time, plus size, LGBTQ, MS....alone those aren't insurmountable. Adding depression/anxiety and eating disorder in start to make the odds lower. So, putting all those factors all together at once is quite a bit of an obstacle course to get through in terms of getting through sorority recruitment. Now, it's not because sororities are "afraid" of MS, or because sororities are biased against depression, or because LGBTQ is not welcome....No! That is not the case! It's because all of these factors lining up signal that it could be more difficult for you to be a full participating member and to a) contribute to the sorority and b) receive your full benefit of being a member.

Being on the autism spectrum "could" be a factor in that you report some struggles with socializing with large groups, etc. and that is a large part of what rushing and being a sorority member is about. BUT....you are not the first person on the spectrum that Greek life has ever seen!

Here's the kicker - YOU RECEIVED A BID!

There is a sorority that wants YOU for a member! YOU GOT PICKED!! :)


Carnation is correct. We need to discuss this AI idea with you.

Alumnae initiation polices vary from sorority to sorority. Generally speaking, most, if not all, sororities require you to be fully out of college (undergrad) before you can be considered for AI. Some don't require any college at all and some require the candidate to have some college completed (2 years) or hold a bachelor's degree. As an undergraduate student, you will likely not be eligible for AI - you are expected to go through sorority recruitment like everyone else. If they sent you the materials, it may be because they weren't aware that you are still an undergraduate student.

Second, there are ZERO guarantees that you will be offered AI. AI is not a situation where you submit an application in the mail and then they write back offer you a bid. Nope. In many ways, AI can be considered more difficult than sorority rush. You will most certainly have to attend in-person events with the alumnae chapter over the course of many months. The alumnae chapter will probably question you about why a 23 year old is trying to AI. All of the factors you mentioned above will still be in play and now you're potentially facing a crowd of 40 to 80 year olds to tell your life story.

Next, alumnae membership is not at all like collegiate membership. Going to a luncheon with older women is not the same as going to a football tailgate party with a bunch of co-eds. If you're looking for the "sorority experience", you will not likely find it in the way you hope with AI.

You said above, "I also want something to look forward to/social support of some level during a hellish time." That's completely understandable. To be honest with you, being approved for AI is a LONG process. It can be as quick as 3-6 months or it could potentially take 3 YEARS once you're eligible.....and you're not currently eligible until you leave undergrad. Your family situation is happening right NOW.....AI is not going to be a support system to you at the present time.


So.......it sounds to me that the dilemma is this:

1) Initiate with the sorority which offered you a bid this semester. Possibly not ever return back to that campus. The sorority would have to put you on alumnae status. That sorority does not have a collegiate or alumnae chapter in your current area. You would be a member, but you wouldn't have sisters in your area to interact with.

2) Withdraw from pledging your current sorority. Wait 4 years to graduate. Apply for AI with a group closer to you. Understand that they may not offer you membership at all.


Honestly? I would probably stick with the sorority that is offering you a bid today. You said there was still a chance for you to return to that campus in spring semester. Even if not, you may be able to work with your sorority to go on some kind of inactive status with a pending return Fall 2022. It is possible that you may not ever receive a bid again. Your current sorority could open up an alumnae chapter near you in the future. There are a lot of variables. However, in your case, it may be wise to take the deal you have right now.

First off I'm sorry you're dealing with a lot outside of school at the moment. It does sound like you're juggling a lot of big decisions in life and I also want to commend you for being open and honest, not only with a bunch of strangers here but also your concern for the sorority who offered you a bid and not wanting to feel like you are stringing them along, if circumstances don't pan out that would allow you to move and attend classes on campus.

I think some very valid points were brought up regarding staying with the current group in the hopes that perhaps if you can't attend in person this academic year, perhaps its possible next academic year.

Also, as you mentioned your group doesn't have an active presence near to where your home is at currently but much can change.

As others have mentioned up thread you have to go with what is best for you and prioritize your own health and well-being. I've dealt with ailing family members and during those times I had to scale back other things I was doing outside of work (since my college days are behind me) just so I could keep the focus of my free time to care for that ailing family member.

I think you've clearly put a lot of thought into this and wishing you the best whichever path you find is best for you. I think you've gotten some very sound advice, as these posters are very knowledgeable.

Troll alert!

What college are you attending virtually? Is the organization that bid you a National Panhellenic Sorority?

Thanks. I do have a lot going on outside of school right now. I don't want to miss out on spending time with an ill family member so it might work out eventually if I talk to my collegiate sorority that offered a bid and see if they can 'wait' (inactive me?) until next semester or next fall. I still hope I can move there, but fall 2022 is probably more realistic. In the chance I can't move across the country in the next year, I would love to try to help them form some sort of local chapter here if I could. I hadn't realized most groups want people 4-5 years out of college for AI and since I enrolled this fall, I would have to wait years for that (unless I found a group that didn't require a long time out of college). I still have years more of college so I hope I can eventually be active in my collegiate sorority and make their bid to me worth their while. I do feel bad I can't be active this semester, but I suppose it's not all that uncommon for a sister to take a semester off (for family, health, study abroad, etc.). I think I'm going to think things through for a few days then approach my new sorority and see their thoughts on me being inactive (or whatever) if I can't move there soon.