Legacy dropped R1 recruitment
 

Hi,
My daughter just went through recruitment. The day before they ended up switching to a virtual format because of Covid so it was not the recruitment anyone had hoped for. They watched sorority videos and videotaped themselves so it was hard to get a feel for the houses, and I am sure, visa versa. My daughter is a legacy. She was released after the first round and never even got to meet them. Frankly, I was dumbfounded. But I understand these things happen.

I am aware that the AOII legacy policy was changed but I am still surprised that they wouldn't consider her a good fit since she checks a lot of boxes..

The problem is..., I never received a phone call that she would not be asked back to any of the virtual parties. I did send in a recommendation with all my info too so they had my contact info. Obviously, I can't speculate too much on what went wrong but why wouldn't they contact me via phone or email? Should I reach out to them and ask them why they did not offer that courtesy? The bylaws state: If a chapter releases a legacy at any point during the recruitment process, a member of the Alumnae Advisory Committee must contact the AOII relative of the legacy by telephone, if possible and with consideration to time, prior to distribution of invitations for the next round of recruitment events.

The AOTT website mentions that if the advisors aren't able to reach, via email or phone call with recruitment regrets, the person who sent their chapter a membership information form, the advisors will snailmail regrets within seven days.

With the holiday, that may mean you will receive a letter in 8-10 days.

The website also mentions you will never be told why your recommended woman was dropped by AOTT.

I do understand there is no info about why they were dropped. But not sure why they would not be able to reach me. I gave them my phone number as did my legacy. I received no incoming phone calls that day. It is disappointing that they did not try.

It doesn't really matter why or why not they didn't find her a fit. As membership selection is private, its just not for anyone but chapter members to know. Some advisers don't call because they have 100+ legacies and maybe all they would be doing is making phone calls.
I hope she found her home and it is best to just leave it be.

Check your email including your spam filter. Phone calls are no longer required, email is allowed instead. If you did not receive an email, feel free to reach out to the recruitment advisor via email to ask why. It could be that they are new or not fully trained. Email addresses are in alphalink I believe. They cannot give you MS information. Recruitment is such a numbers game,especially the first round or two that it may just be a ranking issue.

I’m sorry that your daughter was released and I do hope she finds a home.

I read in your other thread that your daughter dropped out of rush entirely. What a shame she didn't go through to Pref with the chapters that she had left on her schedule. Really a shame. She might have found a wonderful sisterhood. I know it is hard to come back from a huge disappointment. I can only imagine how hard it would be to encourage your daughter to continue with the process, but that is what moms have to do.

Was yours the only AOII rec? That could be a problem. Not knowing the campus make up, it's hard to say. Am sorry this happened and that she didn't give the other chapters a chance.

Nope. Not a huge Greek system, they don't really require letters of rec.

Mom's also have to respect their daughter's maturity level and ability to make their own decisions. My daughter felt that the virtual process was not working for her. It was only decided the day before that recruitment would be virtual, which I am sure, no one was happy about. She did not get to meet all the houses, she only got to watch their videos and they hers. She also decided to go through recruitment at the last minute so did not know much about the houses and had to judge them based off their recruitment video. She felt like she did not get a feel for the houses and visa versa. She liked the houses that invited her back so that was not the issue. She wants to go through it again after she gets a better idea of the houses and not just based off a video or when she actually gets to meet them in person.

I doubt it. It is a mildly competitive and not very large greek system. Maybe just lost in the shuffle?

Dropped back in to GC after months away and see that things haven't changed. Sigh. GoGoolia, I disagree with those who say "too bad she dropped". I'm not going to victim blame or shame; quite the reverse. Have we all conveniently forgotten what it felt like to be 17-18-19 and go through a stressful situation alone? To have our hearts set on something and not have it work out the way we wanted? Sheesh. Further, she didn't like her remaining choices. So she opted to withdraw. She gets to live with her decision. She's sad. She's hurting. I can empathize. Others can too but probably aren't voicing their support for a myriad of reasons.

For you, as the AOII alum/mom - this is painful and a life lesson that we all would like to skip. My suggestion is to simply listen to your daughter and take a "wait and see" approach. I gather you've been somewhat removed from all the changes in recruitment and legacy policies, for starters. I hope your AOII sisters will continue to support you as they have here. And there may yet be a sorority membership in her future. I have many stories of "failed first recruitments" that ended with success the second (or even the third) time around. There's a member here with a story of finding her home after three fails. Hang in there. I hope you see this and don't give up.

Going back to where I came from now.

As per usual, AZTheta waxes wise.

I think a lot of PNMs get the idea that they have a big choice at the beginning of recruitment.
They really don't.
The weight of choice is on the sororities' side for most of rush. They're the ones releasing PNMs. Certainly a PNM can express her preference, but that comes way down AFTER the sororities release or don't - that's why "unwanted" sororities keep showing up.
About the only time that a PNM's choice reigns supreme is when she ranks her pref day choices.

Yes, AZTHETA, your words are both wise and RIGHT ON! I’ve missed your excellent writing and wise responses these past months. Here’s hoping you’re in a good place…both physically and emotionally…

I am going to guess GoGoolia that maybe your daughter’s video did not showcase herself as well as maybe she wanted. My daughter has now participated in two recruitments as an active. Last year completely online and this year hybrid. She has expressed that there can be a wide range in success of the PNM videos. Some are very carefully crafted and others maybe don’t reflect the PNM as well as the PNM would probably hope. Maybe due to your daughter’s last minute decision to proceed through recruitment it did not showcase her as well. Just a thought.

Just a thought - maybe we need to start a thread on Creating A Recruitment Video.

GREAT idea!
I've been in some Zoom sessions with people who are impeccably dressed with a neutral background, or with a background that gives the viewer some information about the speaker (like bookshelves full of interesting titles or trophies or a favorite stuffed animal or souvenir)
and
I've been in some Zoom sessions with people in their pajamas or Tshirts.
Dress for the job you want... or the sorority.

I have no idea what the OP's daughter's video was like, so I'm not implying anything about what she wore or what her background was, but I think we could all contribute to a thread with tips to help others in the future.

First up, I'm extremely sorry your legacy didn't work out for your daughter. Sharing a sisterhood with your daughter would have been a special thing.

On the other hand, she should begin looking into COB and informal recruitment. Sometimes, a more casual experience can be not only less stressful but can offer a PNM another side of the sisterhood beyond the rules and fluff of formal recruitment. I hope she can find a sisterhood she loves.

Video Recruitment
 

I do think you could be right @ace23. I don't think she had both feet in the water and maybe it showed. She is also a very outgoing person but I could see how that might not quite come across in every video. That is why I supported her decision to try again when she was more prepared and could actually get a feel for the houses by meeting them in person. Hopefully, that will happen someday soon. It is also a big decision to make and doing based on one video could be stressful. She actually has already received a couple of offers through COB but has decided to wait till spring or maybe even sophomore year.

Video recruitment
 

I think you could be right. After being a last-minute addition, I don't think she was fully prepared. Hopefully she will try again in Spring or fall.
Thanks.

THIS THIS THIS! If any PNMs or their moms are reading, please note this! The material that Panhellenic passes out seems to suggest that you can just waltz right in and happily select your favorite.

I know my sorority has eliminated the requirement to contact the legacy connection.
There simply isn't time. And what are they going to say? "We hated your daughter?" Of course not. All they can say is, "Sorry." And they'll never give you a reason. They may not even know - she just came up short in the numbers.

I have heard that a lot of people who made those calls were verbally attacked by the mother or sister.

I would think that an email should suffice, rather than a phone call.

I've lived it, and it is not pleasant.