How do you drop your girlfriend?
 

Just wondering, what is the proceedure for dropping your girlfriend. It is the same thing as lavaliering her, right. So I give her my letters on a necklace, but is there any special thing that you are supposed to do or say? I am not going to ask my brothers, this kind of thing will result in my probably being tied to a tree naked on University ave. I am trying to avoid that for as long as possible.

Jimmy

My best friend's boyfriend is going to lavalier her and as far as i know its ok to do it as long as your going to marry her. If your not your brothers are going to do something terrible to you so watch out.

I don't know how it is at your school, but my guy friends have told me that lavaliering is just a symbol that you have been dating a girl for a while and like her a lot. But different chapters and schools are different....

Easy just be seen with her best friend, she will drop you jeulosly. dont worry she will return to normal!!!

Many guys end up having their entire chapter go with them to her house and serenade her until she comes outside and then he drops her.

In my chapter, the majority of members view dropping a girl as a statement that she means as much, and most consider it to mean more, than your letters. The typical tying to the tree, etc. is really just to try and keep guys from dropping the girl of the moment. It has to be someone worth enduring the resulting brotherly aftermath for.

At UCLA it's called "pinning" and you give your badge to her, signifying that she is at least as important to you as your fraternity. It does have implications for the future, and generally the next step is getting engaged. The chapter goes over to the sorority and serenades them, after which there is a brief pinning ceremony.

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andrew watters
Theta Chi

If dropping is anything like lavaliering, and if it is anything like it is here...it better be worth it. I know people who it is like going through pledging but worse. i have seen guys tied to a tree naked and then had to beat up my own sister for wearing someone else's letters. So, i am just saying, that if you are going to give some girl your letters, think if she earned them as much as you did.

They beat the girl up!?!

in response to asia, we beat up our sister because she was wearing letters that she didn't earn and that were other than the ones that we gave her. she knew it was going to happen and is not mad at any of us. she deserved and would have been the one leading the pack if anyone else got lavaliered. you have to earn the letters that are you wear.

Cucci74, after being lavaliered, is it possible to have the letters taken away from you? If the relationship ends, what happens? Just curious. I hope I'm not overstepping any boundaries. http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

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Sincerity, Loyalty, Unity

Hi Cucci74 -- whoa, for whatever reason, I assumed you were in a frat, not a sorority. I was thinking, "these men beat her up!" My mistake -- this typing is so misleading! Anyhow, now i understand why you did what you did. However, I didn't realize that a sorority sister couldn't wear her boyfriend's letters. I totally understand if she were wearing nalia from another sorority.

You know, I wouldn't want to wear my boyfriend's letters (if he were Greek, which he's not!) because I would much rather wear mine!!

And I was a little confused on that girl getting beat up, too.. because I *thought* you were a girl, but usually you hear about brothers beating up a member who pins/lavaliers/etc. his girlfriend!! And I knew it wasn't like brothers to go and beat up a sister.. thanks for clearing that up! LOL http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif



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SilverTurtle@greekchat.com
Phi Beta Fraternity
Phi chapter

First off, I readily admit that I have very limited knowledge of greek life. I am not in a sorority (although I plan to rush in the fall) and am a bit appalled at the idea that a sister would be beaten for wearing her boyfriends letters. Is this standard proceedure? The idea that one would "earn" letters by being beaten seems more than slightly barbaric. Cucci74, If this is someone to whom you claim sisterhood, how could you hurt her in that manner? I apologize for my naiveity, I am just looking for some clarification. Thanks

does the same procedure go if ther girlfriend is not greek herself and is this in BGLO as well as GLO? also looking for clarification

Most of the legends involving things done to a dropped or pinned couple, have been related to the fraternity brother doing the pinning/dropping. The reason given is that your letters/pin are significant in your life, sharing that importance with a SO is a major step that shouldn't be taken lightly.

Okay people,
It isn't that we don't like our sisters but it is what happens when she doesn't wear letters that she didn't earn. We didn't hurt her, just gave her what she was expecting. She was waiting for this, and was upset that we didn't do more to her. And then when one of my other sisters got engaged but not to a frat boy, she was upset that she didn't go through this same thing. But she wasn't wearing anyone else's letters. You have to understand that my letters mean the world to both me and everyone in my sorority, and by wearing them you earn respect. Because your letters should mean so much to you that you don't want to wear anyone else's without doing something for them. Our letters are a part of us, in our hearts as well as on our shirts.

Sounds like a gang mentality to me. Are you in a national sorortity? (NPC or NPHC) Do the university administrators know that you do this? Do your parents know? Do your alumna know? Is this something to be proud of?
1. Assult and battery---based on the description you gave, is punishable by inprisonment and fines. Two words for you--RISK MANAGEMENT
2. Yes, my letters are part of my org but my letters did not earn me respect. My words and actions did. Letters don't make the org., the people do.
3. You want respect? Then act like adults.
Agreed--a person should not EVER wear the letters or crest of a fraternal org (or any org for that matter) that they are not a member of. You couldn't pull this person aside and talk to them?

If I misunderstood what you said in your post, then I apologze but if not,then this is one of the things that defeats the purpose of the american greek system.

Gang mentality? No, I don't think so. Did you not read what I wrote...this girl asked for it. She knew she wasn't supposed wear someone else's letters which is why she wanted to earn them. We didn't harm her...she is fine. I have a question for you. Do you earn your letters or does someone pull you aside and talk to you about getting letters? I was just wondering. Because you don't seem to be as proud of your letters as I am and know that my sisters are.
My parents know all that I have been through and all I have done.
Besides gaining respect for myself, I also get it because of the letters I wear. I know that other people look at me and know that I deserve to wear the letters that I wear. I am PROUD of them, and would never let anyone else wear them that doesn't deserve them.

Boy this just blows my mind! So are you saying that if a guy in, let's say, Sigma Alpha Epsilon drops me, then I would get beat up because I didn't earn his letters? That is really dumb. I think he probably earned his letters during pledgeship enough for two people!
We have workshops sponsored by our nationals on hazing. The point of a sorority is to promote friendships, and common interests. We call it being a "Kappa lady" Theta calls it being a "Theta lady" Chi-O has "Christmas" where they shower their little sis's with gifts. This is the point of joining a sorority-friendship and trust. And having fun. It's college, get a grip. Getting "dropped" is just another aspect of sorority life that is so fun to share with a sister. Usually followed by "passing candle" and singing songs to her and hearing the story of how the guy surprised her with a drop, or proposed.
So to the guy wondering how to "drop" your girlfriend, and I don't know anything about repercussions from frat brothers! but, make it special, because if you do marry her it will be something that you will remember for the rest of your life.
And as far as hazing goes, as much as all of our sorority nationals have tried to educate us on this topic, have you people not learned that you could lose your charter over this? It is very stupid to risk losing your recognition over hazing. Members do not need to be hazed to become bonded. I have some of the best friendships from participating in community service, pledge class intramurals, rush, all-university sing, and many other aspects of college life.
That is really stupid to say that someone was
"asking for it" people have used that same excuse in rape trials. Think about it, it's the same mentality. For more information on hazing contact your university panhellenic, and nationals, I am sure that they have specific rules set for you guys.

Just wondering exactly what "dropping" is...I know what shirting, lavaliering, and pinning is...How do NPHC groups feel about this? On another, off-topic tangent...would it be possible for a girl to pin her guy? Just wondering... :-)

I know this is a really old thread, but I just had to reply. A drop is the same as a lavaliere - so "dropping" is "lavaliering".

The following are purely my personal opinions:

AlphaChi - I would say NO! to your question for two reasons - one is selfishness. I am not giving my lyre away to anyone. Also, throughout history, it is the man who gives the woman the symbol of the relationship to wear, and not the reverse. I guess the tradition of dropping just follows the tradition of the engagement ring.

Cucci - I surely hope beyond hope that you are not in an NPC or NPHC group. I have never heard of anything like your post in my life. I truly agree that your group is promoting a violent gang mentality. I hope you will put some serious thought into the humiliating origin of this activity and come up with a positive and empowering way to recognize a sister on such a special day. What do you do when a sister gets married - set her house on fire?

My overall take on this subject: wearing someone else's pin or letters is not supposed to indicate that you represent those letters and their symbolism. It is supposed to indicate to the rest of the world that you are spoken for, or belong to, a member of that group. I know that is a really archaic way of thinking, but so is the diamond engagement ring...

and you KNOW we all want one of those.



[This message has been edited by Texas Alum (edited August 03, 2000).]

AlphaChi girl-

i just wanted to respond to your question about a sorority girl pinning her boyfriend:

I would agree with Texas Alum, I can't imagine that ever happening. Greeks in general do have very defined gender roles (which are also very traditional).

Which I personally think is unfortunate, as they tend to be campus leaders in many aspects.

Oh- and for the record, I actually don't want a big fat diamond engagement ring (or any kind of engagement ring) for the exact reasons Texas Alum mentioned.. it's an archaic way of claiming the women 'belongs' to you.

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SilverTurtle@greekchat.com
Phi Beta Fraternity
Phi chapter

SilverTurtle -
Your post was right on. I was being tongue-in-cheek with my last comment, but I forget that that's hard to convey on a message board!

I understand your opinions on the lavaliere/engagement ring issue. Personally, I will expect an engagement ring when it is time, because to me it is more indicative of the commitment - it is a token of the promise of marriage. It doesn't have to be about showing possession (after all, it can always be removed at will!), and it doesn't have to be one-sided. I have lots of girlfriends who, after becoming engaged, bought a special and symbolic ring for their fiance, to return the tangible gesture of the promise they made.

Then again, I firmly believe that these tokens and their meanings (whether pinning, engagement ring, etc.) are a cultural thing. I'm from a region where the traditions and perceived women's roles are more conservative and old-school (or chauvinistic and repressive, depending on your take).

Hey Texas Alum..

I think I got your intended tongue-in-cheek. And I don't have a huge problem w/ engagement rings in general, because I know that most people view them like you just described. It's mostly just a personal thing w/ me.

I liked the idea of your friends giving their fiance a ring also. I've got a couple of friends where the girl asked the guy, but I don't know if she got him a ring? Maybe I'll have to ask http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/wink.gif

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SilverTurtle@greekchat.com
Phi Beta Fraternity
Phi chapter

I can't believe all of the varied traditions dealing with lavaliering/ dropping. I was dropped by my boyfriend my junior year of college and I never experienced anything harmful from his brothers or my sisters. It was a very meaningful experience. My boyfriend gave me my drop when we were alone..not in a public ceremony. My sorority had a candlelight ceremony for me...that usually acts as a way to let the rest of the chapter know what happened(insead of just making an announcement or something). And several weeks later, during a house party at his frat house, he got tied to a pole and all kinds of nasty stuff dumped on him. It sounds really gross but it was in no way harmful. It was something that we will both remember forever.

I know this is a REALLY old post, but no one answered your question, so here goes. We don't do shirting, lavaliering, pinning, etc. If you're wearing letters, it would behoove you to be a member of that organization.

once again i know this is a very old thread, but i was wondering what is pinning, dropping and laveleiring(sp?) im not in a sorority but i am planning on rushing, can someone please tell me all these terms, im getting quite confused, thanx!!

Lavaliering or dropping is giving your letters to girlfriend. What usually happens is that when a sorority woman and fraternity man have been dating for a while, the man will give his lavalier, a gold or silver charm that is his letters, to his girlfriend. She would usually wear the lavalier on a necklace instead of her own letters. Pinning is the next step, although no one at my school does that anymore, we have pearling instead -- that means that before engagement you get some piece of pearl jewelry from your boyfriend, and is just a sign of commitment or love. THe next step is engagement.

In my sorority we make a big fuss when any of these things happens to a girl, but it is all very sweet. We would NEVER engage in any sort of harmful behavior. That whole beating idea is PSYCHOTIC. I haven't heard of that kind of behavior since junior high, and most normal people avoided it anyway.

It is great that you are planning to rush, and whichever sorority you join will have its own traditions concerning lavliering or pearling. Chapters differ as do schools. I just hope that most chapters are not buying into that gang mentality thing anymore. It is what gives the Greek community a bad name.

Good luck with rush! Greek life is wonderful and inspiring!

This may be slightly off topic, but I just wanted to respond to the idea of wearing letters other than that of your sorority. This last semester I was made a sweetheart of Theta Xi, which entitles me to wear letters that they give me. Although my own letters mean a great deal to me, these also have a special place in my heart. My sisters not only accepted the idea of me wearing them, but were happy and proud for me! (As long as I made sure not to wear their letters more often than my own!) I think that wether you are dropped or made a sweetheart it is an honor, and it shows that you have the respect of that organization and that they feel comfortable having you as a representative of them! Wear them with pride..but dont forget your own!

What does it mean when a fraternity makes you a sweetheart?

At my school, people NEVER get pinned. You only get dropped. Even so, it is up to the guy if he wants to drop you. Usually the guys in his fraternity know you well and like you and so they are supportive of him. Also, I am now engaged to a fraternity man (who just graduated) but he never dropped me. This is because we tried hard for our relationship to not be centered around being greek. It was part of who we were, but not the reason that we were together. We love our respective groups, but just chose not to do the whole drop thing. However, I did get my song circle when I became engaged and I loved it! http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/smile.gif

About wearing letters that aren't yours:
I was made a sweetheart of Sigma Nu, and was also lavaliered by my boyfriend(also a Sigma Nu). I wore their letters, and no one ever gave me a hard time about it. I also wore my own letters, of course, but none of my sisters had a problem with me wearing my boyfriend's letters. On the contrary, whenever a girl in my sorority was made a sweetheart/little sister of a frat, or lavaliered by her boyfriend, we were happy for her! To me it was an honor that the men of Sigma Nu chose me to be a sweetheart, and we felt that way about our other sister's who were chosen as well. No one was ever beaten up-god forbid!-or given a hard time about it.

I know this is an old thread but I just have to comment on how appalled I am by Cucci74's posts. I looked at her profile to find that under her "interests" is the name of my GLO. I hope to God that she is not really a member of my organization. That makes me sick to think that my sisters somewhere would be engaging in that type of behavior. I want to make it a point to say that this is NOT a national tradition of our organization and that our nationals would NOT condone this type of behavior AT ALL! I just had to add my 2 cents b/c I would hate for someone else to click on the profile and see my sorority name and think that every chapter did this. I am really disheartened http://www.greekchat.com/forums/ubb/frown.gif

When I read the post about the sorority that beat up one of its members for getting lavaliered... I was shocked! I am so happy it wasn't my sorority or I would turn their asses in, sisters or not. I am a Pi Phi, and we actually have rules against hazing, and a hazing hotline number (for Pi Phi) we can call if anyone in our chapter tries to. It shouldn't matter if she 'asked for it'. You're sisters, and that is not right at all.

Most chapters have strict policies against that. I know that when I was lavaliered that I had a beautiful candlelighting ceremony. It is a great moment and should not be ruined by hazing!

I couldn't believe those posts about sisters beating up one of their own! My sisters would NEVER do that. I am embarassed for that person. In my chapter, being lavaliered or being named sweetheart is a big honor. We have a candle "secret" ceremony to announce it. We are proud to say that we have sisters who are respected enought to represent a fraternity. One year my sorority had a sweetheart in every fraternity on campus. That was a major source of pride for us because it showed how well-recieved and respected we are on campus. I would NEVER beat up one of my sisters.

To respond to the thread starter's post (which is so old they might not even post anymore): I know that in my boyfriend's chapter of his fraternity you DO NOT just lavalier your girlfriend without asking the permission of the entire chapter. You must have all members present, get up and tell them why you want to lavalier the girl and about the prospect of marrying her, and then you leave so the brothers can take a vote. They are not just your letters to give, they are the fraternity's and I feel you should ask permission. My boyfriend was not tied to a pole because the brothers have seen us together and I am always down at the house with them so they knew how devoted to eachother we were. In fact, most of the brothers that have gotten up to speak were granted permission. However this year one got up and spoke for his girlfriend, who was not well liked by the brothers. They did not like the way she treated him, and felt that she was not devoted to him. So they brought back the tying to the pole to test her love for him. They tied him up to a basketball pole outside in his underwear. Then they called her and told her where he was and that she needed to go get him. She refused. So, she was not lavaliered. I don't know the exact circumstances after that, but he either decided not to give them to her, or the brothers told him he was not allowed to. It was a sensitive subject, so I didn't ask. I was in agreement with their opinion, she treated him like dirt. They are no longer together. My boyfriend told them that they could tie him up if they wanted to, but that I would be down there in a flash to get him and have curt words for them when I got back. They all knew I would, so that's why it didn't happen to him.

For the person who asked about sweethearts, I can only tell you what I know about the fraternity to which I am sweetheart. I consider it to being recognized as the fraternity's "girl." The person who is picked is usually a long-term girlfriend of one of the brothers or a very close friend to all of them that has always supported them. It is a very big honor at my school to be named a sweetheart.

Love chain
 

When I was an undergrad, the general procedures/etiquette were as follows:

1) After two Greeks have dated for a considerable time (i.e., usually a year or more), the fraternity man lavaliered the sorority woman. Usually on this occassion, there was no major celebration between the chapters. He may or may not have been subjected to the tree tying event. She always received a candle pass ceremony from her sorority sisters. We sang a song as we lit a candle and passed it in a circle. It was a big deal because no one in the chapter knows ahead of time, who the lucky honoree is...except usually her closest of sisters or pledge family members, who would read a verse or quote when the candle reached them. The last person to read announces something to the effect of "I am so excited to announce the lavaliering of my pledge daughter Susie Gam to Doug Delt. Lavaliering was very commonplace when I was in school. Sometimes, it was given after only six months. People who are against lavaliering often say having his letters hang from your lavalier symbolizes that you're owned by his fraternity. That you're property.

2) As time goes on and the relationship blossoms, a pinning usually follows. In reference to some previous posts, the woman usually is known by many of the fraternity man's brothers and well liked and vice versa, the woman's sisters known and like the man. It's usually a big secret. The men come over the woman's chapter house and serenade her. She gets another candle pass ceremony.

Pinning is a HUGE deal as it doesn't happen very often anymore. It was much bigger in the 40's and 50's. It is also a really huge deal because as some of the other posts have said, the woman is not only wearing his letters, she is now wearing his badge as well. She ranks equal to his fraternity brothers and vows. By the way, from what I understand, most fraternities have a special badge that is given in pinnings or also to chapter sweethearts. The men don't typically give their actual badge to the woman. It's generally a smaller and more feminine version of their actual badge.

Usually once the pinning takes place the chapters have a party together. Susie and Doug's Pinning Party. At my school, it was customary that the couple paid for their own party. It rarely came out of chapter funds.

Just to reiterate, getting pinned is a HUGE deal as it doesn't happent hat often. From a timing perspective, usually the couple starts dating their freshman or sophomore year, and the pinning happens towards the middle to end of their senior year. So, they've been dating throughout college. You don't start dating freshman year, get lavaliered second semester and then sophomore year get pinned. Pinning is a very special, thing. It truly means that you are about to get engaged. It's like a promise ring for greeks.

3) An engagement almost always follows a pinning. Woman gets another candle pass. No big hoopla. It is usually reserved for the pinning.

As far as sweethearts go, differernt fraternities have different criteria. Sometimes, it's simply a woman who has been elected as sort of a queen other times it's a woman who has done a lot in terms of service for the fraternity or other times it's a woman who has been pinned by the fraternity. She usually is good friends with many members of the fraternity brothers. It's similar to a little sis. In fact, sometimes it is the little sister of a fraternity brother. No matter what, a woman who is a sweetheart, lil sis, pinned, lavaliered, etc...is very well respected by the fraternity.

Hope that helps. Remember, this was just at my school. Different strokes for different folks.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Cucci74
[B]Do you earn your letters or does someone pull you aside and talk to you about getting letters? I was just wondering. Because you don't seem to be as proud of your letters as I am and know that my sisters are.


It seems to me that you should care more about the people who are actually wearing the letters then just being proud of the letters in themselves. Is beating someone up what you do in order for them to "earn" their letters?? I have never heard of anyone thinking that a girl should have to go through something like that because the sisters don't think she has earned the right to where her boyfriend's letters. There is a Phi Mu chapter in my hometown and a lot of those girls went to high school with me, and I KNOW for a fact that they would not haze nor brag about such a terrible thing.

At my school this is our take on the whole laviliering/pinning/sweetheart deal-

A guy can lavilier his girl when he feels its right... some orgs on our campus have the girl make the fraternity a paddle- some orgs will only let a guy lavilier one girl, if shes not 'the one' too bad, he cant go and lavilier 'the one' when he finds her. Most likely girls then are able to wear the fraternity letters on a shirt.

Some orgs a guy can pin a girl- giving her his 'pin' and then she has the ablility to wear their crest.

Engagement- duh

We have two sweethearts in our sorority right now, they both have shirts with the fraternities letters and 'sweetheart' below. She then can wear letters.


I have seen at some chapters of my sorority the girls can lavilier their b/fs.

Thats my .02