Just because your mom thinks you're cute...
 

...doesn't mean you are.

That's going to be the title of my book.

I don't get it. So there's this guy I sort of like. I get to hear him go on and on about the latest girl he went out with that, "Just wants to be friends." He keeps going out with these skinny, big-boobed "hot" girls, except they don't actually go out unless it's in a group. Basically, he gets crushes on these girls and is then shocked when they don't like him.

HELLO YOU'RE A HUGE DORK!!!

See, I think I can say that because I realize he's kind of nerdy and I still like him. I just want to smack him and tell him that he's not as cute as he thinks he is, that he's pretty damn dorky, and if he would go for this girls that actually like him instead of shooting for these super-hot ones that are way out of his league, maybe he'd actually be dating someone. Just because a girl's not stick thin with a huge chest and blond hair (no offense if that's you, if you've got it, by all means flaunt it) doesn't mean she's not worth your time.

Does anyone else know what I'm feeling here? It's so frustrating listening to someone whine about how the hot girl of the week doesn't like them when you have a pretty good guess why they don't AND you like the boy for that very reason. I'd rather take kind of dorky in a funny way than kind of an asshole any day. Not that I'm not whining now, but still.

OHHH, and then I got to hear him talk about how he was in good shape. Guy totally has a FUPA. Please. :p

You know... I have had guy friends and dated guys like that before (yes, I am blonde). I always tell my super-picky friends (guys and girls) that I hope they fall in love with the exact opposite of what they think they want, just so they'll learn a lesson and quit being so bratty.

I told one of my girl friends that I hope she ends up with a short, overweight, balding blonde guy who has a hairy chest, wears FUBU and JNCO, drives a teal Geo Metro (with a huge spoiler, of course) and works at Wal-Mart... some of her biggest pet peeves.

Lol, I have a friend at Case who always falls for those chicks (he has a thing for preppie athletic types in particular) and gets these huge crushes, and they're like, "OK, no!" We all like him, he's an OK guy, but he can't seem to fall for anyone who likes him back.

Of course half our friends are convinced he's secretly gay ... his apartment is coordinated, he owns Star Trek Barbie & Ken, and he loves to shop ... so maybe that's what's scaring the chicks off!

Coordinated apartment and shopping... usually okay.

Star Trek Barbie and Ken.. WTF? I would be out the door without stopping to say bye!

Sad thing is you know you went to Case for too long when you go, "What, Star Trek Barbie and Ken? That's it?"

All the Case guys were like that too - they were uber-nerds in high school and then were the semi-attractive ones all of a sudden in college. Then they'd think they were god's gift to women and think they could get anything with boobs. Please. They were getting the women who were the uber-nerds in their high schools and became the slutty ones when they went to Case and could get some. The vast majority of those of us who were semi-normal and/or not willing to stroke egos a little TOO much were the ones left shaking our heads in confusion.

And now I work with a bunch of state school guys who aren't cute at all and think they're god's gift to women anyway. PLEASE again. Maybe if you shaved your damn neck/back region and shut your damn mouth and weren't so rude to everyone because you think you're super-cool, I'd think you were semi-ok looking.

I don't want to seem horribly shallow. They're really not THAT awful in the looks area. It's just that guys who think they're hot because they are hot are still attractive. You'd probably think twice before dating them, but they're still attractive. Guys who aren't hot who think they are and act like they are only look worse. That "I'm better than you" attitude kills good looks everytime (unless you're Heath Ledger, then you can think you're hot all you want and I'll still like you :) ).

I'm just frustrated since I've been nothing but nice (not pushover, but friendly and normal) to all these guys I work with, and half of them seem to think they're way too damn good to talk to me. The rest are super nice, it's just that I happen to like one that's an ass. Go figure. That and the super-hot boy (who is EXTREMELY nice) has a girlfriend.

:rolleyes: Oh well.

damn, you are all about some guys being cute huh? You are gonna fall in love with some snapperhead now! You jinxed it.....there is no hope for you!

hahahaah

Well, but at least he isn't one of those guys that's constantly whining about not being cute enough. It's such a turnoff when men dwell on stuff like that...they sound like girls! :p

HA!!! AXOLiz- I think this is sooooooo funny! I know what you mean-it's like that comercial where the big bellied guy sucks it in when the "hot" girls walk by! LOL! It's a world of Seinfeld's George across the nation!

I LOVE the title! Hey though, girls can be JUST as guilty...

ANYway, sooner or later they figure it out. Hot is as Hot does!;)
Too mny of those "cover girls" can't carry on a decent conversation past make-up and clothes. Like Hubby always said-"Thirty years from now, I want to wake up, look across the breakfast table and carry on a conversation." Looks fade, but the beauty inside and the brains are forever! Plus, it helps if you have a strong libido!

HA! Snapperhead! Can I use it, damasa??

Justamom, that take is 'bout it, 'bout it. :cool:
People, this analogy works w/men too -- I don't want some "cover man" (I'm way too old for boys) who is shallow and lacking in basic intelligence, class and values.

librasoul22, you can use it all you want :)

I think I was kind of "that girl" too. I always made the mistake of believing that these guys wanted to be friends with me, and so I would hang with them and let them call me and such. In the meantime, I would be completely hot for one of their fraternity brothers or something and would be all shocked when they asked me out or came on to me. There was one SAE in particular who was REALLY sweet, and I think a lot of girls would have found him very attractive. He was a little too short for me, but he was cute. Not my type though.....blond hair, blue eyes, kind of preppy-hippie type. SO nice though.....we went to a movie together once in the afternoon on the spur of the moment, and we just kind of hung out together. He gave me an SAE hat to put in the back ledge of my car.....I guess that should have been a warning sign. Anyway he asked me to date party, just casually, as friends, or so I thought. Well in the meantime I started hanging out with this brother of his who was completely evil and demonic, but he was exactly my cup of tea and I had been interested in him for awhile. Well, he asked me to date party too, and since I considered him my boyfriend, naturally I wanted to go with him. So when I told "John" (names have been changed to protect the innocent!) he pretended to understand and everything but I found out he was really upset!!!!!! He ended up going to the party with one of my sisters and it was really awkward, he kind of watched us all night and drank a lot, and it was just all-around bad vibes.

Something I learned is that you cannot beat these guys over the head and make them wake up. Even if he knows that he isn't in those girls' "league" if that is what he is attracted to he is going to continue to chase them. My advice would be to find a "hottie" of your own, be happy, and watch your friend keep falling on his face going after the plastic chicks.

pardon me for not being up on the dorky guy describing lingo, but what exactly is FUPA???? :D

I feel soo out of the loop, but I was just wondering the same thing about a FUPA. I read it on another thread as well and I couldn't figure it out.

FUPA=Fat upper PUSSY area.

Well, you all asked! :D

Ladies, I have come to the conclusion that this saying is true...all the good guys are either gay or taken. I keep dating assholes or falling for guys that just want to be friends.

I had a fight with this guy who I though was my friend but he just wanted to get me into bed and when I said no, he told me I was being difficult. Lorenna Bobbitt so had the right idea...okay I'm just venting now...I know there are some great single guys out there(they obviously don't live in Guelph), I just can't seem to find them...where are they all hiding.

Okay I'm done now

OK here is my gripe about this guy, he's a fraternity guy and the fraternity is like our brother fraternity.
ok you would think a guy likes you if he looks for u at the party until u get there, asks ur sisters where u are and if u are coming to the party and tells them that I'm lookin for her, hangs out with u the whole night, holds ur hand most of the night, says oh u can crash at my place, wants u to come on the rafting trip on the 4th, etc. I even said hey go hang out with your brothers, you don;t have to hang out with me. But no he said he wanted to talk with me. I had a ride with the DD, but he wanted me to ride with him and his friend back to a sister's house. We goto one of my sister's house, hang out there for a while, then go back to his fraternity house (which was condemmed, a rat couldn't live there, it was that bad), then a bunch of us go to Taco Bell. This is what I call the "Taco Bell Incident". Anyways were were in the taco bell parkin lot like at 3am. Well one of his brothers asks him, if I was his girlfriend. He says "OH HELL NO" then whispers. looks at me, whispers again to his friend when I was less than 3 feet away. I was like oh no u didn;t do that, u fu*ker (didn't say that out) in hindsight i should of said that. So to his friend that was a DD, I said can u drive me back to my car now, I don't wanna be here anymore. So they drop me off. To the friend, I was like thanks for the ride, nice meeting you. But to dumbass i was like BUH BYE. Anyways he's a major dumbass cuz what he did to me, then tried to start crap between another sister and her boyfriend, and said something really inapproiate to another sister. So he's on our shit list now. I so wanna chew his ass out the next time I see him, which hasn;t been since the incident.......

And I agree with Lady Pi Phi's comment.
And sorry for my long rant...

I'm all for switching the "P" around so it refers to guys too. Everybody has FUPA potential. When you gotta lift it up to get to the goodies, it's a FUPA either way.

Anyhow, any other girls notice that, at least when you're talking about people in their 20's, that girls are way more likely to ignore appearance "flaws" on guys than the other way around? I'd much rather have an intelligent, fun guy with a good sense of humor than someone hot on my arm that's a complete moron. I'm sure there's girls that do it too, of course, but it seems like there aren't as many of those. I've talked about this with my friends and we really don't know any guys who've gone after girls who weren't what they (and their friends) consider "completely hot." The one or two I can think of started as friends and just ended up together. That makes me feel a little better about the world as a whole, I just wish I knew more guys who'd get over themselves and realize that nailing hot chicks isn't everything. Maybe I'm saying that because I'd personally rather nail a skilled guy, but you know. ;)

OK, I have a few comments to make:

1) First, there is behavior that has been documented and studied regarding the way people pursue love interests. One of those behaviors is known as avoidance. Avoidance is basically this: have you ever been so nervous or unsure of yourself? Well, some people reach for things they know they cannot get so that they don't have to risk anything! They aren't going to get hurt, necessarily, because they already know they aren't going to get it. But, let's say you take a risk and ask someone out who may actually say yes?? Please, that's enough to cause some people to pass out! Hence, choosing someone you know is unattainable!

2) The good guys aren't taken. They are usually where the good girls are: home because they think al the good girls are taken, so what's the point! Good men are also shy, so they don't approach you very often. I know they are out there. But, they are as disillusioned as we are! I know that's my issue. I get so flustered around someone I like, that I my mouth forgets how to work!!

3) I am actually a firm believer in two things. First, love will find you when you are ready. Second, you cannot love someone fully and wholely (is that the correct spelling??) until you fall in love with yourself that way. There are reasons love eludes us. I am so happy to have had the wonderful man I did, but he wasn't for me.

There is a beautiful quote that I love to think of when I get a bit into the "Where is he?" phases. And it goes like this:

The person you are looking for is sitting somewhere wondering where you are.

It will happen, have faith and patience...and compassion.

Experienced guys are okay because they don't need as much coaching, lol. However, the guys that have had a least one girl tend to thing that God has blessed the earth with their presence, so of course I should feel honored. :rolleyes: Um, no. And those are usually the guys that are 5 minutes or less. Not fun.

Guys with less experience tend to be open to more and also VERY willing to learn. I kinda like inexperienced guys better because not only do they last longer, and get better with time, it also shows that they have been selective in the past.

AXOLiz, check out my post in the "easily offended" thread. Guys aren't off the hook that easily with their fupas. I bet most of the guys on that thread complaining about fupas are hiding theirs under the keyboard as we speak. ;)

Sigmagrrl, you're very right on all your points. I know a lot of terrific guys ... they're smart, they're funny, they're decent human beings, they look good (your mileage may vary depending on taste). No, I'm not dating them because we wouldn't suit each other. They don't want to date me either.

I have a friend who is perennially single. She always falls for gay men. She's even come out and admitted it's a form of avoidance - she doesn't have to worry about rejection because she knows up front she's out of contention but it's not "personal."

I don't know how guys do it. The thought of asking a guy out terrifies me. But I expect them to ask me out! It takes guts (well, in the case of a few guys, a thickheaded refusal to admit that there aren't any women out of their league).

But still ... I think more men than women are hung up on looks. We women are hung up on other, equally superficial things, so I'm not saying we are superior. But guys' "minimal hotness standard" is generally way higher than womens'. When they grow up, though, and are ready to get serious, they'll probably end up with a woman who isn't as stereotypically babelicious as they always expected - unless they are actually that babelicious themselves.

I know I'm probably being fairly stupid here, but..

When are these guys going to give up on the hot girls so I actually have a chance? :mad:

It's not that I don't get hit on, it's just that when I do, the guys have always been pretty sketchy. It's not even the, "He seems a little off, but I'll still give him a chance," it's more like the, "OH MY GOD WOULD YOU STOP TRYING TO RUB ALL OVER MY LEG," or, "Please, for the love of God, don't puke on me."

And I don't think I like guys that are way out of my league either. I know which ones are out of reach. I usually fall for the funny, kind of dorky ones - like the type of guy who I would be good friends with above anything else. They're reasonably attractive, but I wouldn't call any of them hot. And they're looking for relationships, so it's not that. Granted I occasionally get nervous and say stupid things, but who doesn't? They're the types who do that ALL the time! It's so frustrating to listen to them whine about their lack of love lives when I'd totally go out with them. And the fact that they want relationships just makes it worse, because then I'm probably in the not-attractive-enough category.

Or maybe it's the raging case of herpes. :p

Hopefully I didn't offend anyone with a raging case of herpes. People with herpes deserve love too. It's about suppression. ;)

I think I am the exception. I am VERY picky and I think physical appearance weighs heavily on who I date. Not that it can't be overshadowed by other things, of course, but I am extremely selective. For some reason, I can only date men who are extremely physically attractive. Part of me is hoping to grow out of that, but the other part of me wonders, if I DO grow out of it, am I lowering my standards or settling?

Just wanted to offer a different perspective...

FUPA
 

ladies

a FUPA is NOT a belly

It is NOT your lower abdomen

A FUPA is referencing the labia.

Geez.

I can be that way too, it all depends on what I am looking for, lol.

If I want a RELATIONSHIP then appearance DOES matter but it is not really the end all and be all, what matters is the quality of that person's character. Are they cool? Are they smart? Do hey have the required sense of humour (although maybe I should take this out- my boyfriend can never tell when I'm jokin, he says it's cuz I speak with authority lol. He has a good sense of humour on his own though, and I can always laugh at the dorkiness).

None of our friends (who have known both of us for years) would have ever imagined us together, but it works, what can I say?

On the OTHER hand, back in the DAY when I was clearly not lookin for love it was another story. What in the world would I have been doing with someone ugly? I wanted ARM CANDY- can I introduce you to all my girlfriends and be assured of their envy? Can I post pictures of you on the net and be like THAT'S MINE HAHA (ok, that is a joke- never that, but you get the picture). Appearance was key.

Sounds a lot like with guys. Hmm.

edited: because I say 'lol' way too much.

Re: FUPA
 

No - it's not referencing the labia at all . . . it's actually between the abs and the labia (there's a term for the area, but i can't think of what it is - think zipper-area).

-RC, your friendly neighborhood FUPA pro, who's staying the fuck away from the 'where are all the cute/nice guys' discussion like it's the hiv

I don't think there's anything wrong with having high standards, really. If you get the hot guys (who are hopefully also good people, of course), go for it!!

My issue revolves around something we talked about in my many communications classes - people tend to pair up with people around the same attractiveness level as themselves. Granted there's some leeway, but for the most part, you'll rarely see someone who's super-hot with someone who not only hit every branch on the ugly tree on the way down but bounced around through the ugly forest for a while too.

Therefore, it only makes sense that very attractive people date other very attractive people. What I don't understand is why guys who are in the 5-7 range go chasing after girls who are 10+ all the time. There are a lot of hot guys I'd LOVE to be with, but it's not going to happen. I know this and I'm fine with it. But when average-looking guys won't give me the time of day, that's when I get frustrated. I know I'm not on the high end of the spectrum, but I'd like to think I'm not some hideous beast-looking girl.

The whole matching thing goes with perceived attractiveness though, and I know a LOT of guys who think they're 10's just because they have a penis. News flash - so does every OTHER GUY out there as a general rule.

On a sort of related note, did you know that when a study was done taking computer images of people's faces - not pictures, but scanned and measured with instruments and showed EXACTLY what the person looked like - only 1 in 10 could correctly identify their picture when it was compared with variations on the image? Self image is a weird thing.

Well, Liz, my friend seems to have a thing for AXOs, so I could hook you up with him ... heheh.

Re: Re: FUPA
 

So you mean the actual pubic area? How the HELL does that get fat?

I've had some previously undiscovered deposits of fat suddenly appear in my day, but NEVER there.

I was thinking FUPA was similar to Dunlap's - where your gut done lapped over your pants - just lower, ie your gut done lapped over your goodie region.

I wonder how many threads have gotten into the FUPA discussion? Maybe it should be its own...:D

Re: Re: FUPA
 

OK I think I know what you mean now, kinda like a taint on guys I guess.

The area that is generall known as the venus mound- the top of the labis up the happy trail.

I just KNEW it wasn't the lower abs though.

And this is my LAST post on the subject.

HAHA. I'm going to Chicago this weekend. If I still have no luck, I might just take you up on that offer. ;)

Wait....is this one of your cool guy friends or the Star Trek Barbie guy? Because I prefer Star Wars and therefore we could never be. :p

How can a FUPA be like a taint?! A FUPA is on the front, a taint is non-visible, non-fatty and on the back side!

CTFU!!!! OMG, that is the funniest thing I've heard all day!!!

I have to say that I'm very, very picky about looks. I really can't be with a guy if I don't think he's totally hot. That said, I have sort of a quirky taste, and I don't go for guys who are stereotypically hot, if that makes sense. But I have to think that he is DA BOMB, or I just can't do it. I also care more about the face than the body, although the body can't be gross. The face is more important to me because that's really what you're looking at all the time, unless you're a couple weirdos sitting around jiggling each other's FUPAs. Eeesh.

I also have to think he's damn cool, too -- it's not only about looks, but he has to have the whole package. Ha, I said *package*.

Re: Re: Re: FUPA
 

BINGO.

PS - whoever asked how it gets that way, I have no clue - I think that little mystery is best unsolved though.

That makes total sense to me. Everyone has their own version of what they think is "hot." Sometimes that only falls in line with the widely accepted hotness, sometimes it doesn't. All the guys I go for usually have a similar look and personality. There's some I'm flat-out attracted to that ARE stereotypically hot, but those aren't the ones I go for although I probably wouldn't turn them down if they showed up at my door (to take me out somewhere because I still live at home and chillin' with my parents isn't what I had in mind).

I'm attracted to many guys who aren't hot by society's standards, but I think they're great because of the whole package, like you said. I'm all about the package. heehee :p

My brain's fried from work, if you can't tell. The only thing keeping me together is being able to check this thread every 30 minutes or so. We have this huge project that needs to get out the door and I've been pulling 16 hour days. :(

Good Resources
 

Women,

There is a website that I go to when I need to understand the male beasties. It's askmen.com. It's good because you see how men "think", but it's bad because it's also telling men how to think and fulfilling the stereotypes and perpetuating the behavior we are SO frustrated with....

Here are two articles I want to show you. The title of the first one is Could George Costanza Succeed With Women? It's about why what's on the inside (of a MAN) is what truly matters:

http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove...ip_expert.html

BUT THEN, not only two links away on the SAME DAMN PAGE is an article that assures you that, once you learn what makes a gorgeous woman tick, "you'll always have a trophy by your side"!! WTF!!!!!!!!!

http://www.askmen.com/dating/doclove...ip_expert.html

THIS IS WHAT DRIVES US CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MOTHER FUKKER, I cannot take the message that men can look like total crap, but women have to be beautiful! IT'S ENOUGH TO DRIVE US TO DANGEROUS BEHAVIORS! OH WAIT, IT ALREADY DOES!!!!!!!!!

I know that a few posts ago, I sounded more calm, but I hate HATE conflicting arguements like the one I posted above!

One More Thing
 

SURE, "looks", in a very scientific sense, matter. And I mean, scientifically. We are wired, by nature, to accept certain things. It's been proven that symmetrical are more pleasing, thus more in demand, than asymmetrical faces. Men are wired to look for a healthy waist to hip ratio. Women are wired to look for healthy hair and skin, for this lets our "bodies" know who will be best to "perpetuate the species".

Also, women think differently than men. We cannot punish men for being left brain thinkers (more facts and figures based) as opposed to us being right brained (more lingual, emotional, and thought based). BUT, what I actually hate more is the rampant shallowness that is permeating our society.

I am going to take a moment and self-boast: I think I am very intelligent, damn funny, cute, kind, passionate, and an overall well rounded woman. BUT, because I weighed almost 500 lbs, no man would get passed that. Honestly, I can't blame them....totally. No one is cookie cutter, no one looks the same. But, for goodness sake's, you don't have to be attracted to someone to be a friend.

There in lies my gripe. This is not everyone's issue, but I find that the more looks obsessed you are, the more likely you are to filter friends via the same criteria you filter lovers. That's a problem that I want to devote my life to resolving!

Guys are supposed to practice their skills on the more unattractive women solely because it'll give them the confidence to get the 10?

JESUS CHRIST, THAT IS THE BIGGEST LOAD OF CRAP I HAVE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE!!!

I'm sorry, but confidence isn't going to get you the 10. Confidence and a nice financial portfolio maybe, but not confidence alone. And using people to build confidence? That's awful, and very middle school-ish.

The secret they don't tell the guys is that once you bust in on that 10, IF you do, you're not going to be Mr. Right. You're Mr. Right Now, or Mr. As Long As You Have Cash. Seems like most guys who'd like to think they're big players end up getting played in the end, so that makes me feel a little better.

Guys are ridiculous sometimes. :rolleyes:

If someone sees me and Mr. FuzzieAlum (not that he exists) out in public, and they don't know either of us, they can't judge how smart, funny or kind-hearted he is. All they know is his looks. A good-looking guy will increase my cache. Your girlfriend might be a psychohosebeast, but other men will be looking at you with envy.

I think most of us aim too high or settle too low when looking for dates. Eventually you find someone at your level, and then you're happy. They may not be at your level in all areas, but you average out the same. I know a few guys who aim ridiculously low - although admittedly not as many as those who aim too high. And they all wonder why their relationships never last.

But since I'm holding out for George Clooney, who am I to talk?

P.S. Liz, yeah, sorry, he does have the Barbies. But he's not really a Trekkie, I promise. I'm assuming it wouldn't bother you at all that his voice sounds JUST like Butt-head's?

It's interesting to hear people say he or she is "out of my league".
I never let that enter my thinking, I know what you mean though and wonder if we don't adjust our taste to what subconsciously we "expect". The funny thing is how my taste has changed over the years, and I'm not talking about anything age related as I am not dead, I have eyes, and I can appreciate physical beauty in a male or female.

When I see a young man I always wonder if my daughter would think he was attractive because our tastes are very similar-with a few exceptions. Yet turn the clock back and chances are I NEVER would have found the same guy as attractive then as I do now. So is it a matter of repeated exposure to an overall image? If TV, movies, MTV bombards us with a "look", do we eventually buy into it?

When I watch VH1, I look at some of the entertainers that were considered "hot" yet I never saw the attraction. Now, I can look at them and say, "Boy, she was beautiful" or "Damn, he was cute!" Maybe being my "age" and looking at a man (my Hubby) HIS age for the past 30 years makes EVERYBODY attractive! :D