What went wrong?
 

Hi. I just went through recruitment at a school with 10 chapters. It is a public college, and I am an in-state student from a big feeder high school. I ended up going from having the max of 8 houses for round 2 to being dropped by every house except my dead last choice(who I'm pretty sure invites back almost everyone, at least for the first few rounds). When I got back my schedule that day for round 3 with only that house, it was devastating and I dropped out immediately. I know that we can never know what goes on behind the scenes, but I wanted to get some thoughts from others about what could have caused me to get dropped by all the chapters.
First off, I was a legacy for two chapters. One of them had a policy at my school that they invite back all legacies to at least the first invitational round, but they dropped me after round 1 anyways, which was super weird. For round 2, I thought I had some really good conversations in some of the houses and was feeling pretty confident by the end of the day. That's why I was so shocked when they all dropped me. I thought I had had great conversations and had presented myself well. This was philanthropy day, and I had asked questions and had told them all about my service work in high school. I just have no idea why they would have dropped me after all of this. My GPA is very high, I had recommendations for most chapters, was a legacy for 2, am in-state from a feeder school, and knew a lot of girls within about 6 the chapters. I even knew 10 girls in one of the houses but they dropped me after round 1. None of this makes sense to me, and even my Gamma Chi was as shocked as I was. Anyone have any thoughts?

Honestly, we'll never know and neither will you. Maybe they all liked you but liked other girls more. Maybe they just felt like cutting women with your first initial that day. The legacy chapter you were released from likely has a different legacy policy than you think it does.

Also, quite frankly, you had one chapter left and you chose not to return to it. You could have given sorority life a chance and chose not to. You don't know how many women that one chapter invites back or why, but we all know they thought you were worth getting to know better and you didn't extend them that same courtesy. I hope you enjoy getting involved in other activities on campus and keep an open mind towards opportunities that may present themselves to you in the future.

You won't find an answer here because we weren't there to make that decision. Could have been any number of things - could have been nothing. Recruitment is crazy, and crazy things happen...sometimes girls that should easily find a place just fall through the cracks.
Keep a smile on your face. Get out and get involved on campus. Get to know lots of people, not just people in sororities.
You never know. You could find you do just fine without a sorority, Or maybe a sorority will decide they need you and offer a bid down the road via COB.
Be open to anything and everything. After all, a sorority is only a part of the college journey.
Best of luck!

bumping

Just my opinion- someone knows you better than you think they do. What are your FB,Instagram, SnapChat like???? What was your GPA WITHOUT any weighted classes? Just your core subjects? Legacy dropped after first or second round - they had no intention ever of pledging you. Were any of your recs for those 2 houses? If not, that is a HUGE red flag. Or were your legacy relatives the only ones writing the recs? Also a red flag esp if that chapter has a huge number of legacies going thru. I'm just tossing ideas out not only for you but for anyone else checking a similar situation out. We can't tell you why but can give you some food for thought...

I agree, something isn't right here. When I read the post, my gut instinct was to think that perhaps the OP had made a poor impression somehow - high school reputation, mishap in the freshman dorm, made an impolite comment to one of the sorority members during a party....or???

The red flag to me is "knew a lot of girls within about 6 of the chapters" -- I'm guessing there is something in your past actions that left a negative impression if you were released after the first round by every chapter where women knew you previously.

Recruitment can be a numbers game. A sorority may really like you, but if you are #200 on the list and they can only invite back 195, then you may be released even though the did "like" you.

And let's remember: as clemsongirl said, you had a chapter left that invited you to the next round and you chose to drop out entirely instead. It's not even as though you rode it out until the end and then decided not to sign the MRABA. You just saw that chapter and thought "heck no". That's extremely unfortunate, because ultimately you were the one who decided sorority life isn't for you, and you weren't even willing to try and get to know that chapter a little bit more.

As others have said, no one can tell you why you didn't receive a bid, but if you decide to COB or go through formal recruitment again, I would really encourage you to give the chapters the same chance that they're willing to give you.

Coming from a large feeder school and social media may have been your problem.

Your public social media (facebook, twitter, IG) may have been clean, but your snap, SPAM or finsta may not have done you any favors since there are girls from your school in 6 of the 10 chapters. At a nearby ACC school, a legacy was also cut early in the recruitment process, Hurt Mom lashed out on social media and then found out that the daughter had been not so kind nor respectable on her snapchat. Girls in the legacy chapter had seen social media posts that were questionable at best and realized they did not want those type of posts associated with their chapter.

Another angle- was she truly a legacy, or just thought she was? More people than not do NOT know an/or understand their sorority's legacy policy and just who qualifies as a legacy. For some it is daughter or sister only, while others include granddaughters. Less frequently nieces and cousins. Some spell out that a step-daughter will be considered, but others don't specify that. When I advised a nearby chapter I had to deal with a disgruntled alum who thought her god sister qualified as a legacy. That has never been our policy. Add to that the PNM in question was 31, married, and had 2kids....well, let's just say rush did not go well for her.

I agree with everyone’s responses. No one can give you specific insight. Only guesses.

But I do think there’s something to be said for humbleness. Walking into each round with a level of gratefulness that the chapter invited you back, would be optimum for all PNM’s, regardless of their high school, service record, legacy chapter or recs. One chapter gave that opportunity.

This!!

Saw this, and I had a question. I posted about my daughter, who dropped out of rush under similar circumstances and then came back older and wiser, having regretted it. If RFM says that the heaviest cuts are the first invitational party, so sororities should drop girls they have no intention of pledging at that point, why were both this girl and my daughter kept through several invitational parties, only to be dropped by most right on pref night?

My daughter got invited to 8 parties (the max allowed) the first invitational day, 6 parties (the max allowed) the second invitational day, including one chapter considered "top" at that school. So she felt like she could get into that chapter or, at least, she had a good cushion of solidly mid-tier houses. I assume if she had horrible social media or a bad reputation, she'd have been dropped earlier than that. But then, BOOM! On pref night, when she was feeling safe, she got dropped by all but her last two choices. They didn't tell her until RIGHT before the parties, so she cried and messed up her makeup (She's fair, so crying gets her really blotchy), and even though she did like one of the chapters that invited her back, she didn't want to go as a red-faced mess, which is why she dropped out. No one wants to walk into pref, looking like they have been crying hysterically about their parties. If she'd had any advance warning, such as if some of those 4 sororities had dropped her earlier OR if they'd at least told her her invitations more than a few minutes before the parties, she probably wouldn't have dropped.

So my question is, if the heavy cuts are supposed to come on Day 3 (or 2 if it's a school with fewer chapters), why did they come on pref night for both my daughter and this girl? It did occur to my daughter that a couple of girls in one house must not have liked her as much as she thought they did, but again, wouldn't they know that the first or second day?

Fwiw, Mountainmama, I get why you were shocked and upset. When you have a clear head, you might want to try to join the sorority that did invite you back, either through COB if that's allowed or next year. My daughter did so, and she is very happy.

It's a numbers game as much as it is anything else. Chapters have different thresholds for invitations. Chapter A might have to cut 80% of PNMs, while chapter B might only have to cut 20%. Ordinarily chapters will invite back girls that fit what the chapter is looking for in a new member, even if it is only on paper. They will try to give a girl who might not have made a strong impression in the first round, or second, or third, depending on the number of invitations they have to dole out, another chance to live up to her recommendation and resume'. If she can't mesh with the rushers, if she doesn't stand out in a good way, if she doesn't live up to the rec, she will be dropped for someone who does. Taking a PNM up to pref round, the sorority was trying to give her every opportunity to shine. If she was not invited back to that chapter, they ultimately decided she would shine brighter elsewhere. Why that was decided, we will never know.

A stated by others in this thread, we cannot know what happened and will not guess just for the sake of giving answer. Accept what happened as your daughter's experience, and that she will be unable to understand recruitment from an initiated member's perspective because she rejected the opportunities she was given.

You don't understand how RFM works. The number of PNMs are whittled down until preference, where every single one of the invited PNMs is someone the sisters would be happy giving a bid to.

Even if the heaviest percentage cuts were made first, or second or third round (they aren't - cuts are based on return rates that vary by chapter), PNMs must be cut each round. Presumably, the chapter gets to know the PNMs better with each round and cuts those who they see as less of a better fit for the chapter. PNMs are presumably doing the same thing each round, which is where mutual selection comes in.

All PNMs are not equal. You can't game the system. It's an absurd new sport that seems to be the snow plow mom game of this recruitment season.

As for when PNMs are informed of their invite list, it varies by school and will never be "long enough" when you're the one facing disappointment. This may be your child's first disappointment, but there will be many to come in her lifetime. Protecting our children from every single disappointment and speed bump in life only magnifies the difficulty they will experience in their lifetime.

You don't know me, and you really don't know my daughter, so please don't act like you do. First of all, this was hardly my daughter's "first disappointment" (Theater kid who has experienced rejection after rejection, thanks) and, as I stated, I'm writing about something that happened over a year ago, and she's now pledged and is happy. So I was legitimately just curious how it works, not trying to "protect our children from every single disappointment and speed bump in life." If I'd wanted to do that, I'd likely have discouraged her from rushing at all. As it was, I actually encouraged her to go back this year, as a junior, when I knew she'd get very few invitations back, to try again. I was proud of her that she did.

So, again, thanks for the life advice, but I was really JUST CURIOUS. And yes, you're right. I don't know how it works. That's why I ASKED. Is asking questions discouraged around here? I kind of thought that was the point of a message board.

Also, not trying to "game the system." She pledged.

No. The OP, Mountainmama, will be unable to understand recruitment from an initiated member's perspective because she rejected the opportunities she was given. As I mentioned in my post, my daughter went back a second year and pledged the sorority.

Also, I was a sorority member before the new rush rules, and I was curious about them. Frankly, they would have really benefited my chapter back in the 80s, if they'd existed then. I was in the first pledge class of a sorority that had just colonized the semester before, and though we were solidly mid-tier with many campus leaders, we were never QUITE able to catch up with the older groups. I was rush chair my senior year and got us our biggest pledge class ever (doubling the size of our chapter), but it still wasn't quite enough, and we ended up closing a few years after I graduated. Always made me sad. So I am envious when I see the mid- and even low-tier chapters at my daughter's school that, nonetheless, have huge memberships. I wish we'd rushed like this back then.

So I was curious how it worked and if my daughter's experience was typical. Thanks, though.

Thanks. This was helpful.

Touchy touchy. I did not say this was about your daughter, simply a trend many of us have noticed this year, trying to assign objective probabilities to subjective data. Yet somehow I hit a nerve.

Your daughter quit her first recruitment in a snit because the "top tier" sorority made the horrible mistake of inviting her to an extra round to get an opportunity to know her better before they passed. She bravely went through recruitment again as a junior and accepted a bid to one of the "lower tier" chapters that had invited her to preference her first time around. I'm glad she matured in those years in spite of having a mother who still seems hung up on tiers.

Perhaps if you'd stayed active in your sorority since the 80s, you'd understand how things work today.

Yes, perhaps. However, my sorority was a small national that closed at my university a few years after I graduated, so there aren't a lot of local alums. It's sad, but I've made my peace with it and have volunteered with other organizations such as the Junior League and have had a career. Apparently it is not acceptable to come here to ask a question when my own daughter pledged without being scolded, so I'll leave you to it. You don't seem like you have much else going on.

P.S. I posted in a thread (as you know because you're stalking my posts) that was literally about whether to pledge a lower-tier sorority, and I said yes, you should do it. So I really don't know how that makes me obsessed with tiers, or how I should have answered that question without mentioning tiers.

Was she the only girl they told right before pref where her parties were (or were they were not) or is that just how the timing worked? Your post makes it sound like the former, but I’m guessing it’s the latter. I agree that the timing was unfortunate, but for her to forfeit a whole year of sorority membership because she looked blotchy was a mistake on her part. I’m sure there were sorority members in those parties she was going to walk into who had ALSO been crying because a girl they thought was going to be their sister dropped their chapter. They had to shake it off and go on.

All the sorority members here belong to groups which have great top notch chapters and some that aren't so much. But we love them all. Any time someone comes here and posts about tiers, my eyes glaze over and I tune out....that is such a demeaning phrase and insulting to us and to your own organization. What hubris!

Probably a little of both. She did mention her Rho Gamma was a little disorganized (waiting until a time when she’d actually be ON campus before telling her she needed to get there later). But I’m sure others were disorganized too.

Tbh I wasn’t actually complaining about this. It’s in the past, and my daughter has pledged and is happy with her chapter. I just thought people were a little hard on the OP, so I was saying I could see how a girl, in the moment, might not feel in a party mood but might eventually get past it and want to try again, as my daughter did. That was why I posted, to tell her to think it over. That was the advice my daughter needed and it helped her. Yes she was immature as is the OP. College is for maturing as much as anything else.

I’m well aware. I was in a very medium chapter for my national. The next closest geographically was the top chapter at the school. We knew we weren’t like them.

Unfortunately in these days of Greek Rank, it seems like it’s much harder to get past reputation. The fact that the bigger chapters are encouraged to cut helps, I’m sure. I wish we’d had that in my day! However, back then, talk was just talk, and once you got the girls to your party, you could show them that your chapter was special. We got girls that “better” houses wanted sometimes. Now, girls have to worry about people posting online for all (including people who don’t attend their school) to see about how awful their sorority is. It does seem daunting. It does require a certain amount of resolve.

Honestly, GR only seems to impact a very small fraction of campuses and very few people still take it seriously. In my experience the actives on the campuses I’ve been at don’t even know what it is, or if they do they recognize how stupid it is and laugh at it. If you read my Alma Mater’s GR page you’d think every chapter hated each other, but in reality it’s an incredibly tight knit community. PNM’s might be swayed slightly by social media, but it’s more often by a chapter’s instagram and tumblr aesthetic. Talk is still just talk, and plenty of chapters can and do show PNM’s what makes them special during recruitment.

Short answer is that the sororities are still releasing (not cut - release) PNMs as the rounds go on, still trying to get to know the PNMs and how they would or would not fit into the group.

As for dropping out at that point because she had a blotchy face from crying? That was too bad. She should have dried her tears and gone anyway. But...all's well that ends well.

For sure! Who wants to rush twice to join the same house? And I tried to talk her into it at the time. But, in her defense, she’s very fair with blue eyes, and she legit looks like she has a disease when she cries, and she’s very picky about appearance. So when she said, “I can’t. I look awful,” I knew it was hopeless. At least she realized her mistake.

Man, some of the comments on here, especially the ones towards Sphinxie are brutal. Let's not attack or assume things about one another. It's one thing to offer sound advice and offer constructive criticism, but it is another to just come at the throat of others and be unkind. None of us in particular know how the numbers work, but I also cant blame people for being curious. It is quite fascinating to think about how they arrive at their selections.

On another note, I do agree that the OP should have given the sorority a chance. I hope she will consider rushing again, or going through COB.

GreekRank is a terrible website. I wish they would take it down. It skews the view of so many different greek orgs. A lot of the comments on there, in my opinion, seem to be from disgruntled people who were dropped by that house during rush, people who actually have no tie to the sorority at all, or disgruntled exes who hate "XYZ" because their ex was one. Haha. Not very reliable reviews or accurate descriptions of how life in that greek org actually are. But I hate it! I actually know girls that chose to drop out of recruitment bc they saw that the last few houses they were invited to didn't have a good review on GreekRank. Crazy, I know. But, I definitely don't think it does the Greek community any favors that is for sure. However, if you base your entire decision, or even part of your decision of which house to run to on Bid Day off of the ranking on GreekRank...well, perhaps it wasn't in your best interest to join in the first place. I mean, almost every comment ON GreekRank is negative.

I hope OP chooses to go back through! Don't give up so easily OP :) Take it as a honor that a sorority wanted to have you as a sister. Go for it! You never know what might happen. Not every sorority "sells" themselves super well through recruitment. They could have been nervous, new, etc. A lot of the time it's as nerve-wracking on both ends! Give them a fair chance and see what happens! It may be the best thing you ever did!

What does it matter if a sorority is considered a "high tier" or "low tier" sorority, when you are considering joining? It's all about the individual bonds of sisterhood and forever friendships that are formed, and where you feel you fit. Who cares what is considered high, middle or low tier if you love the org you are a part of? In my opinion, these "ranks" are stereotypes that other people have placed on them, and have nothing to do with the actual members, experience, sisterhood, or climate of the org. They are just hurtful to the members, and turn PNMs away. Form your own opinion!

Best of luck!

Update
 

I am the OP and I honestly had forgotten I posted this back in the fall right after rush. I know this thread is somewhat old, but people did have some questions and comments I want to address and maybe this could be helpful to someone else in the future. These were valid questions and I feel like I should answer them.
First, social media was brought up a lot as a possible red flag. I always make sure my instagram is kept clean, I don't post pictures in revealing clothes, etc. I also do not have a finsta, I never post on facebook, and I rarely ever use snapchat. For these reasons, I do not believe social media was a problem at all, they only could have judged me on my instagram and its just generic pictures with my friends, travel pics, etc.
Some others brought up a possible bad reputation in high school or making a bad impression at a party or something. I know I can't ever know what everyone in high school truly thought of me, but I really am the type of person who just laid low and stayed out of all drama. I also don't remember ever having a bad encounter with a sorority girl at a party or in any other situation.
To answer some other questions, the legacy chapters were of my mom and sister so I am definitely a legacy. I had recommendations for most of the chapters and they were written by good family friends who know me well. My unweighted gpa was near perfect.
I honestly just think I didn't stand out at all and fell through the cracks, that's what I've told myself to cope at least.
For those saying I should have given that one chapter a chance, I understand where you are coming from, but I am honestly so glad I did not. Nothing against that chapter at all, they were all very nice and I understand my original post sounded like I wrote them off because of tier or something. It had nothing to do with reputation, I really just didn't vibe with the girls and I did not believe it was going to be worth the time or money for something I wasn't all in on. I think people forget that this is a very expensive thing to be a part of and I wasn't willing to pay the money to be a part of a chapter where I don't think I fit in. I have spent this year getting involved in other things on campus that I might not have had time for if I had joined that sorority. I don't feel like I should have to defend myself for deciding that I would rather save the time and money and get to be involved in other things that I am passionate about rather than feeling like an outsider in that sorority. I have seen multiple people this year who are unhappy about the chapter they joined because it wasn't a proper fit and I'm glad I am not in that situation.
Thank you for all of the comments. If anyone wants to respond, feel free.

I am glad that you are getting involved on campus. Everyone should do that, whether Greek or non-Greek. There are so many great, interesting organizations to be a member of. Thank you for coming back and updating your thread.

At a big school with a big recruitment, it's entirely possible to stand out so little that you slip through the cracks. Members just tend to assume that you'll pledge and with all the other hoopla going on, they don't even noticed that you're not at the next round of parties.
I know every year at Alabama there are girls who you look at later and can't figure out why they didn't pledge. Of course it's often that they dropped after setting their sights on the wrong groups, but I've seen where some sororities figured Allie Allthat is going to pledge X or Y or Z and dropped her, while X thought Z would pledge her and dropped her early....and so on.
Sometimes they just didn't have someone inside who advocated strong enough for them.
Good for you for staying in there. Usually there are a WHOLE LOT more non-greek than greek groups. And the older you get the less it matters.