Gay Vibe
 

I had a very interesting experience yesterday. I went shopping at the Saks outlet and as I was leaving a girl pulled up in a car next to me and started saying, "Hey baby, you look good mmmmmm." That is all she got out before I got in my car. I didn't even look at her. Then, I got into my car and drove around the building to the Michael's craft place. I got out of my car and about 10 yards before I got to the door she came by again. "Hey can I get your phone number baby?" "You look so damn good." I was very uncomfortable.

So here is the deal, this made me very angry. First of all because of her barbaric behavior and second of all for thinking I was a lesbian. I mean if she had come up to me and hit on me in a bar I would have just politely said, "No thanks, I am straight." I felt very violated and now I understand why men would have a tendency to get very violent when this happens to them.

Re: Gay Vibe
 

Do you have short hair? Have you ever attended the Lillith fair?

-Rudey
--It's ok, don't freak out.

Re: Gay Vibe
 

Well I don't think it was so much that she was a lesbian but how she aggressively pursued you. Do you think you give off a gay vibe? Just asking because that'swhat you titled the thread.

Anyway, the same thing (more or less) has happened to me a few times. Once I was sitting in a 7-11 parking lot (VERY drunk) and drinking a bottle of water to try to sober up and drive home. This chick came up to my window and was like "Girl, I love the way you drink that water, you make it look delicious." I was drunk, so I cursed her out, lol. The other time I was at a club and this chick flung her arms around me and proclaimed that she was taking me home with her so she could take pictures of me (yeah, kinda creepy, lol).

I take these experiences mildly enough. I mean I don't want ANYone pursuing me with that kind of aggression, guys OR girls. I am comfortable enough in me sexuality to not be offended when a chick hits on me, I just let them know. Besides, with my over-inflated ego, anyone that hits on me only serves to reinforce my self-admiration, lol. :D

I've been hit on by women a couple of times-once at Mardi Gras, and once on my way out of a bar-she told me I was good looking, and she wanted to take me shopping(odd pick-up line, but whatever...). I was sort of drunk, and was like, sweet!I love shopping! :D All I did was politely let them know that I was straight, and it's never been a big deal.

However, if they had been as aggressive as in your situation, I would definately feel angry and uncomfortable. Actually, I'd be upset if anyone acted so aggressively towards me-man or woman!

Re: Re: Gay Vibe
 

Umm, you wouldn't happen to have been at the gay club when all this happened, now would you dear? Cuz that would explain it.

- T.
- I know how you roll oh shady one.....

Hey Rudey *Bitch Slap* no, I have LONG hair past my shoulders, and I have not been to the Lillith Fair. However, I have seen several episodes of Ellen and I have a couple of the Indigo Girls songs downloaded onto my computer.


Librasoul22 and ChiOJenn22 thanks, your experiences have been worse than mine, I really don't know what I would have done about the water situation or going shopping. That would have been very scary.

Most gay men that I have spoken to say they have something called "Gaydar" to let them know who around them is gay, shouldn't lesbians have the same?

A wise man once said:

"The Key To A Successful College Experience, is EXPERIMENTATION."

Oh yes experimentation is fine if it is something you don't know about. But I KNOW I am not a carpet licker.

Well maybe you, Rudey and this other girl should meet up for some conformation..........

Oh, come on now, people! Please! I was chased by men like that all the time when I was in southern Europe. I've been chased by men in that same overly agressive manner several times here in the States. It's not acceptable behaviour regardless of which gender does it.

As for being upset that she assumed you were gay, I find that a little unfair. So many of those lines are blurred these days. She might not have made such an assumption in the first place. Many people are willing to experement without "changing sides," as it were. And on top of that, what about the thousands of homosexuals whom everybody assumes to be straight? Stereotypes of butch lesbians and fairy men are really far from the truth in most areas. Yes, you'll find a fair number of masculine women and effeminate men who are gay, but you'll also find an equal number who are straight. You'll also find an equal number of feminine women and masculine men who are gay.

I'm very sorry that you were harrassed and that you felt violated, and believe me, I know where you're coming from. However, I'd be far more concerned about that overly aggressive behaviour than any assumptions she might have made or any "vibe" you might have put off.

This offended me, and I'm 100% straight.

:mad:

Re: Re: Re: Gay Vibe
 

Ha! No, I specifically cited instances when I was at very neutral settings! I acknowledge that if I am at a club that caters to the gay population and I get hit on, I can't really complain anyway, lol. ;) I have way more stories about the gay club, but that is a whole nother thread, lol.

three2tango, I think the guys are just messing with you. I agree with KappaKittyKat, maybe it wasn't that she assumed you were gay, maybe she was just trying her luck. You know, she had a 50/50 chance, lol.

KappaKittyCat, so you REALLY think that there are effiminate men who are completely straight? Not disagreeing with you, just bringing it up as a point of discussion. I talked about this last week with a gay (guy) friend of mine. Considering the intense socialization that nearly forces males into this ideal of masculinity (i.e. admonishing them if they play with dolls), is it possible? Interesting concept.

Me personally, I think it is possible for straight women to be tomboys, but I don't think it is possible for TRULY straight men (and that means men who have never questioned their own sexuality) to be effiminate. Not in this society.

hey this is off topic, but where do you go to school? in san diego there is an "off 5th" the saks outlet store right across the street from michaels.

I often wonder about this. I know there are some men that are totally straight that are somewhat effeminant. However, some of the guys I know that claim they are straight, are so strikingly different from the American "male ideal." Sometimes you just have to wonder... maybe they just haven't come to terms with it yet? Or maybe they were just raised in an environment where stereotypes did not affect them as profoundly (perhaps in the country, or in a home with a single mother, etc).

Re: Re: Re: Re: Gay Vibe
 

Yes, Librasoul, I know that it's possible. I'm close friends with several. To as much of an extent that anybody can be 100% oriented to either gender, I know it exists. Now, I'm not sure that anybody can be 100% oriented to any gender, but that's my personal opinion and a topic for another thead.

Let's be clear of our definition of "effeminate" here. So many times in our society, men who are gentle, kind, emotional, sensitive, or in any way soft around the edges are assumed to be gay. The same with men who enjoy theater, art, classical music, dance, or other such things. My father told me the other day that he thought one of my friends was gay, just because he has long hair, a relatively soft handshake, and has many of those other personality traits. My friend is not gay, but that's not the point. It's the fact that such an assessment is considered fair in our society. In fact, I lean towards the notion that such a resolute push towards masculinity in American males is what caused this rash of homophobic behaviour in the first place. If it's not okay to be at all soft around the edges, then you're left with that same horrid macho behaviour that so many of us women detest. When the most minute details of our already polarized gender roles are defined, then you're left with a mold that only Barbie and Ken can fit. And even Barbie gets to go to work (albiet in the fashion industry).

But this is taking a slightly different path than I had in mind. My point is that I have very good friends who are often described as "effeminate," and all of them are straight. I also know very masculine gay men. So my point? Never assume anything anymore.

And I need to throw my lot in with Shine. Homophobic slurs offend me just as much as racial slurs.

Tee hee hee...last year this girl in my anthro class who also plays b-ball for our school invited me to a party. So I attended it, I thought she wanted to be friends w/ me. Eventually she asked me to guess three things about her, right then I knew what she was getting to, but I pretended to be dumb. So finally she asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said no, then she asked me if I wanted a girlfriend. :o I politely turned her down.

Though I was turned off, I wasn't offended in anyway, just curious why she thought I was "like that".

;) The rule of thumb: If a butchish lesbian hits on me I wouldn't be a happy camper, but if a lipstick lesbian hits on me I would be flattered and I might just return the favor. :p J/K :D

Dionysus' theory of sexual orientation. Hetrosexuality and homosexuality is on a continium (sp?), not either-or. NO ONE can be 100% hetero nor 100% homo. The straightest person has a little homo in them and the gayest person has a little hetero in them. What classifies is what you ACT out on.

Josh, I am from Tennessee.

What's that? :confused: I assume it's someone who eats booty.

Re: Gay Vibe
 

Daaammmnnnnn girl,

You are SERIOUSLY homophobic. I have some guy friends like that and even they are not as militant about it.

If you don't doubt your sexuality why do you care?

There is an easy test to know if you have homosexual tendencies.

Shrug, just do the test and not worry about it.

Re: Re: Gay Vibe
 

That was my first reaction too. That's why I was wondering about her "gay vibes" title. I mean, why do you care if you give off gay vibes unless you are questioning whether you do or not...which sort of implies that you HAVE vibes to give off...feel me?

@ Dionysus - it is a derogatory term for a lesbian.

@ KappaKittyCat - good point...but with the American standard of masculinity, most guys just think they have to be MACHO...or GAY. You know? There are exceptions to every rule though, I know some of each as well. Manly gay guys really suck. Why tease me like that? lol

And that's my point. The American standard of masculinity is based on our society's gender roles. If you're not a "Macho Man," then you might as well be a woman, so you're obviously a "fairy." If you're not a "Girly Girl," then you might as well be a guy, so you're obviously a "dyke."

Sigh...

A side note, Friday is National Coming-Out Day. All the Pride fanatics at Larry U. are going nuts.

Agreed on your point. Not saying the socialization is right by any means.

Hey, let folks clean out their closet, then jump out that piece, lol.

Can I get tutored in my math without getting hit on by a girl?

I was sitting in the math lab earlier today. I saw a manish looking girl staring at me. First I thought she wanted to kick my a$$ or something. Then she approached me, she asked in a flirtingly way "It looks like you're having a little trouble w/ your homework, huh? Here's mine, you can look at it" She was abnormally friendly. While I was copying her answers she proceeded to stare at me...and not in a platonic or intimidating way. *sigh*

Why me?
Whyyyyyyyy me?
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy me?

And, whyyyy the masculine girls? If I must roll with a chick (in which i'm not), she must be girly.

Reminds me of a conversation one of my close friends and I had...one of my other close friends is a lesbian and I was commenting on how happy I am that her latest girlfriend is cute. Last one, you'd think she was a guy if you saw her on the street. Not cute at all. That led to my stellar comment, "If I was a lesbian, I'd be doing the hottest chick I could get!"

But, I'll admit it...I never quite understood the attraction that some lesbians have to women that are very masculine. In my mind, if I wanted to be with a woman, I'd want one that looked like a woman (see hot chick comment above). I get that it's the emotional attachment and everything...but I personally only get romantically interested in guys who are masculine (not overly so, though). So when I've heard certain girls talk about how they'd NEVER be with a man, yet they're dating a girl who's very masculine in both the physical sense and personality...often, these are the same girls who say you should be open to loving someone regardless of gender, so I guess I just don't get it.

And about the original post...I also think it's crappy that someone was hitting on you that aggressively. But, at the same time, if anyone hits on me, guy or girl, I'm always flattered. It's actually been easier to get girls that hit on me to leave me alone since I can just tell them I'm straight. Most guys assume that since you're straight, you love their penis as much as they do. They tend to ignore the fact that it's attached to a total freakshow.

Well said.

Without being a traitor to my gender, that is the funniest thing I have read all week. HAHAHAHAHAH.

MADE MY DAY.

okay, now I gotta comment.. :)

On the gay comment about the term 'carpet-licker', seriously, chill. :) One of my best buds is a 'flamer', or what he likes to say, "A fantabolous rainbow rider". Yes, I do have 'lezbo' friends also, they get a kick out of those names too, lol :) (Especially when they're drunk and start shouting to the world what sexual orientation they are...)

I still don't see getting all upset when a chick would hit on you, well, as long as she's not manish... :) If I'm with my girls I'll shrug it off, but hey, if my boyfriend is with me I'll go along with it as long as I can. He loves it! Heh.

Ok, just today I was told that one of my former residents had a crush on me when I was her RA. My boyfriend works with her and I never put 2 and 2 together that the girl he talked about was the same girl that I had as a resident. (He trained with her in the bar and is good friends with her and I knew she was a lesbian when she lived on my floor) It doesn't freak me out. Take it as a complement. Someone out there is attracted to you, may not be of your type, but someone does. That means other people will too, and some of your type. It had happened to me before and you just have to take it in stride.

Overt effeminancy is odd. I am not talking about "softer" guys or even someone that is a little "prescious".

I am talking about effeminancy. Guys can spot it a mile away and its very different froma sophisticated boy that dresses well and listens to Wagner.

Is the effeminate male gay? Depends on whether he acts on it I guess.

Of course the other questions would be whether he would be happier hetero or straight.