How to Tell if the Conversation Was Genuine or NOT????
 

How can you tell if a sorority sister was being genuine with you or not during recruitment? It seemed like most of the girls I talked to were genuinely interested in the conversations we were having during the rounds and I thought I had made some good connections until I got my list back the next day and was cut by those same houses?:confused:

Conversation is just one part of the process. I'm sure they were all genuinely interested in you...but all of them are genuinely interested in all the women they talk with. The whole point is to sell you one their group...and they succeeded. Other parts are recs, your resume, GPA, etc. That's you selling them! It's a total package consideration - and then they can only invite X number back.

Also to add, I would take the conversation at face value. Unless the individual was clearly giving off body language that she wasn't paying attention, then there was something genuine. As mentioned members are trying to "sell" their group by telling you and others going through recruitment about their group, activities, etc.

This will likely be the first of many similar conversations like this you'll encounter through life. Try not to get too caught up in your mind trying to read tea leaves about this or that. Best of luck!

The conversations could have been completely genuine as others have posted, but at the end of the day, sororities can only invite back so many girls and there are multiple factors involved that drive that.

I liken rush to a job interview - I've interviewed many people over the years at various jobs I've held. There were some I really liked - great personality, terrific resume, etc. I genuinely enjoyed getting to know them, but they weren't a match for the team, the department and/or the company culture. so we didn't hire them. It wasn't personal.

Likewise, sororities know which girls are a fit for their sisterhood. Like a job you don't get, it's not personal. So as andthen wrote, don't read too much into this - it will be the first of many situations like this and a future job interview is where it will also happen.

Everything else matched up though, I have a very high GPA, was super involved in clubs/other organizations, have a good resume, and kept up with my appearance, and don't have a bad reputation. I was just super hurt to see I got cut when I felt so good about a house and thought I had made some strong connections.

It's like how can someone tell if you'd be a good asset to their house or "team" (since we previously compared rush to job interviews) from short conversations that only really hit surface level, like "what is your major?" and "what dorm are you living in this year?". Since most of my cuts happened after round 1.

I have been in upper management for 20+ years. I have interviewed so many applicants for various jobs. I know the minute they walk in the room and within the first few minutes I can tell if the applicant is a good fit for the department/company. It is like a sixth sense and I am usually 99% accurate. I too had some horrific interviews and didn’t want to continue but managed to keep professional and complete the interview without showing signs of disinterest. All of the response posts are accurate. Think of it as meeting a guy, within the first few minutes of the conversation, you can tell whether or not you are interested or going to click with this guy. Don’t blame your self. We all have been rejected in life and rejection is a hard pill to swallow.

This is your second time rushing after getting cut everywhere. Did you do any of the things people mentioned in your other thread, like:

Did you get recs?

Did you create a (clean) social media presence?

Most importantly, did you form friendships with any sorority members outside of formal rush parties?

When you’re a rerushing sophomore, resume and GPA simply aren’t going to cut it. It’s hard to believe you want to be a part of Greek life if you’ve had a year to get to know the women in it and haven’t done so.

You are a sophomore going through for a second year, yes? That may account for some of it. Did you have a recommendation to each sorority?

Focusing on what didn't happen is a waste of energy. Focus on what your options are now. It's not necessarily that they weren't genuine connections, it's just numbers, timing, and a million things you can't control.

I’m not sure at this point if she means conversations that happened this year or last year.

I understand. I'm not saying this to be cliche, I really do. I was a sophomore with a 3.94, was in 4 organizations with leadership positions in 2 (athletic, religious, honors, and professional), I had a STEM major, and at the time was pre-med. I knew how to hold a conversation and looked put together. I had fantastic conversations at a variety of chapters, but found myself with 6 chapters out of a possible 16 after round 1. What happened? (You can read my full story on here if you'd like. I did get a bid.-http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...ighlight=spicy)

After I went through recruitment as an active, I saw something that made my experience click. I would talk to PNMs and love them, but know they would be a better fit for another chapter. That isn't to say they couldn't fit in ours, but I thought they would be happier elsewhere. It gave me some perspective into what my conversations as a PNM were like. They were genuine conversations and they probably liked me, but saw me happier in a different chapter. And looking back, I ended up where I belonged. Did I go in wanting this chapter? No! But it worked out for the best after a lot of soul-searching and effort to get to know the women.

Sometimes cuts are for numbers and there were simply too many women that they loved and it had to be done. We will never know what went into that decision and we could run ourselves into the ground trying to think of what happened. It's not worth the pain.

Of course, I could have been dropped for superficial reasons. I could have been dropped because they thought I was too busy or too academic or whatever. If that were the case, though, I definitely would not want to be a part of their chapter and it is not anything to worry about now.

My advice would be to take a deep breath and focus on the chapters that DID invite you back. They wanted to get to know you better. They saw something in you that said "sister." Take the energy that you are putting into second guessing every word you said to the chapters who said no, and put it into the conversations with the chapters who said yes.

Again, I wish there was a "LIKE" button option.

YES!

You were, to quote you, super involved in other multiple organizations, and there was not one single solitary sorority member in any of them?

There were never any sorority or fraternity philanthropies that involved the campus as a whole?

You were never in class with any sorority women?

I find these things hard to believe.

You have to put yourself out there, and it doesn’t sound like you did at all. I’m not trying to be harsh or mean, but people advised you what to do and that’s all we can do for you.

The chapters' web sites or FB pages should have information about their events. Or you could ask the Greek Life office.

KSUViolet, she rushed last year at a Big 10 school and was cut by all houses so she re-rushed this fall. I can't tell if she had gotten recs (many people have asked, but she's not answered) and based on recent posts, she didn't get to know any sorority members over the past year so she had no connections for this year.

Here's a link to a thread she posted about whether or not to discuss her first year rushing during this year's rush:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=244101

Here's her post about rushing her freshman year and what happened:

http://www.greekchat.com/gcforums/sh...d.php?t=243578

Yes was dropped by everyone, my campus has between 12-18 chapters, this is my 2nd formal recruitment and my 3rd recruitment in general since I tried informal rush with no such luck as well last year, I think my campus has large chapters theres about 150-200 girls total in each house.

I got some recs for a few houses that I know alumna of, but recs are not a thing at my school. Some girls I rushed with last year told me they got recs to every house on campus and it didn't help them, they still got cut after open house round from those chapters. Some girls I talked to from this past rush told me the same thing of their rec letter experience. The only thing that sometimes helps at my school is being a legacy which I am not unfortunately, since I am the first person in my family whose thought about going Greek.

****Do u have any tips on how to make connections with Greek women at my school?****

Would connections make or break the pnms that get invited back? How do out-of-state women do, who have no connections at their schools get into Greek life?

1. Go up to a chapter house on campus.
2. Knock on the door.
3. When someone answers, say,"Hi. Wanna be friends?"

But seriously, you have been given loads of great advice from others in this thread. We can't hold your hand and make you do this stuff.

As you interacting with people on campus, ask what they are involved in. Share what you are involved in. Notice if someone mentions Greek life. Befriend new people who join the clubs and activities you are already involved in. If you notice someone wearing a t-shirt from a Greek event, comment on the t-shirt and ask about it. Attend open philanthropy events organized by chapters. Go in a group if that makes you more comfortable. Talk to a sister before you leave to let them know you enjoyed the event. If it ties in to a cause you are involved with, that is also a great way to connect with them about the event.

Re: recs: If they are not a thing at your school, it can only help you to stand out in a positive way if you get them from alums.

Also: consider COB if you are able. If that doesn't work out, then realize that Greek life may not be for you. If you do decide to rush during formal again next year, get recs to every house.

All right OP, I'm going to state some things that may come across as harsh. It's not my nature to blow rainbows (as AZ-Alpha Xi and a host of others will attest). It's apparent you are still desiring sorority membership, which truthfully may not be in your life plan at your current campus.

Why? Well, you have had three opportunities at NPC sorority recruitment: two formal and one informal. You've been completely released twice in formal. That's a red flag. A very large red flag, actually. That fact, coupled with all your posts, leads me to surmise that there is something you are not telling us.

Your questions about how to make connections point to a fundamental issue. You're at least 18 or 19 years old and unless you have been living in a remote forest and were raised by a pack of wolves, you should have a good idea of how to network, make social friends, etc. by now. We gave you the best advice we had/have, and you didn't follow it (e.g. "recs aren't a thing at my school"). I pointed you to all the useful recruitment threads last year. There is so much information here on GC (and YouTube) that is helpful. Now you want a recipe on how to make friends with sorority women, ostensibly so you can get a bid. That's not how it works.

So, my Panhell sisters can chastise me for what I'm writing, and I'll take it. I own my words and my behavior. I am responding because I can't see you get hurt again, and I have some ideas as to what your "problem" may be, but as I repeatedly write on GC, I'm not good at speculating. I can't wish you good luck again until I get to the bottom of this.

Tough love, well said. Something definitely seems odd given the number of times the OP rushed and that she was cut by every house each time.

My mama always taught me that when something doesn't make sense, something is missing. That "something" is usually the truth.

midwesterng!rl2 I am certain that you KNOW the answer, but have chosen not to share it with us. We cannot possibly give any advice that will help without knowing all of the information. I think it is time to move on.

Just another thought - look at the other women who were totally released? Is there a common denominator? Probably....

And remember, OP already belongs to at least three other campus groups that take time away from time she would need to have for sorority membership.

You have a good point thank you KSUViolet06! I just really wish I knew why being in a sorority wasn't in the books for me. :(

The same reason I'm not going to win a Nobel Peace Prize nor an Oscar nor an Emmy nor be inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame -I'm not qualified according to the committees who make these determinations. Seriously. You did not meet the qualifications for the groups on that campus...whatever those qualifications might be. Sorry to be so blunt. My dear PH sister AZTheta (hey,sweetie!) was far more eloquent.

You seem like a very nice girl with the best of intentions. I'm sorry rush didn't work out for you. For some people I know, joining Alpha Phi Omega, a national co-ed service fraternity, turned out to be a great option after rush didn't work out or they just weren't feeling the social Greek thing. It's very likely your school has a chapter. I do believe they have some kind of rush and a pledge period. From what I know, I think it's a very nice mix of social and service. Good luck to you!! I think you have a lot to offer any organization!!

I'm going to hazard a guess here. Do you have a hard time connecting to people? When you said you didn't know how to reach out and become friends with the sorority women in your classes or organizations it made me wonder? Maybe in recruitment, you came across as awkward or really shy. I have a sister (Gamma Sigma Sigma) who went through NPC rush twice and was not selected both times. She fits into the above description. However, once we got to know her, she is a lovely person. Her personality just doesn't work with the quick pace of recruitment. She needs time to get to know people. It took her pretty much a semester to really find her niche. Someone like this is going to do pretty poorly in formal, and even informal recruitment. Maybe you could do better in a service organization.

To midwesterg!rl:

First, you will go through many life experiences where the outcome doesn't make sense and it does you no good to keep dwelling on it. You will never know why it didn't work for you to join a sorority and you'll drive yourself mad trying to figure it out. Future experiences like this might be not getting the job of your dreams (and someone who seemed less qualified gets it), some type of financial or medical crisis or a marital breakdown - stuff happens to good people that doesn't make sense. The people I know who've gone through tough things have been able to move on in life because they learned to let go and accept what happened.

Also, *winter*, your guess is what I was thinking. OP had written earlier about being extremely nervous to re-rush due to what houses might think. If she is indeed a very quiet personality that doesn't do well in a setting like rush, then that, combined with being very nervous, could be why she was not successful.

No. No. No no no no no. HELL NO.

Alpha Phi Omega (or any other social/service or social/professional organization) is NOT a consolation prize for not getting into an NPC, NIC or NPHC group.

People who get into APO chapters and attempt to use them as a substitute are a drain on the chapter, and too many of them joining at one time can completely ruin the chapter and its intended purpose.

Do NOT offer membership, or even the possibility of it, in organizations that you obviously know next to nothing about.