Dropping My Sorority
 

Hi y'all, I'm am an active member of my sorority at the moment but managing my finances has become a little more difficult and I have considered dropping. I'm not really seeking financial advice so I just really wanted to know whether or not my sisters would be considered legacies if I were to drop. I have been part of my chapter for two years now (if that makes any difference).

If you resign your membership, your sisters will not be considered legacies. Neither will your daughters in the future, if you have any.

No, it will be as if your sorority membership never existed.

Have you talked with the chapter Financial Adviser about a prom note or other solutions? Are there grants from your national org? Investigate before you resign.

I would definitely give this some thought--perhaps there is a way to take early alumna status? I have friends who dropped and therefore their daughters are not legacies and/or they cannot write recs for future PNMs and it makes them sad. I would definitely see if there is something your Financial Advisor can work out with you---I know there were girls that we helped in various ways when I was a collegiate.

People often use the term "dropping" their sorority, when really what you are doing is resigning their membership. This is a very big step, and as someone else has already mentioned, it will be as though you were never a member of that organization. You will not be able to participate in any way as a collegiate member, nor will you be able to identify yourself with the organization in any way, and you will not be eligible to be active as an alumna. Your sisters and any daughters would not be considered legacies.

Perhaps these implications don't bother you very much, but if you have friendships with your sisters (which I hope you do!) you should carefully consider how your resignation would affect those friendships. When we join a sorority, we make vows that we will be lifelong members, and we pledge our loyalty to the organization and the other members. You will likely lose friends, because many people take these vows very seriously. Also consider the implications on your chapter. Having a member resign their membership can definitely affect the morale of the other members.

I suggest talking to the treasurer and possibly an advisor to see if there are other options available to you.

Echoing what others said, talk to your financial veep and/or advisor. They may be able to put you on a payment plan. I'm sure it's not the first time a sister has had money issues.

Try to find a way to get financial assistance (talk to your sorority’s financial advisor and the school’s financial aid office, look into a promissory note, grant from sorority HQ, work on campus, live in the house vs. a more expensive apartment, etc.). In some sororities, it’s very hard to get early alumnae status (I know it’s difficult in my org). As an Advisor, it’s sad when a member resigns due to finances. Most of the time a member resigns before investigating all of the options and you can’t take back a resignation.

cali2020, there is wonderful, helpful advice here - I really hope you'll take my Panhellenic sisters' input and explore every option with the assistance of an advisor, treasurer, etc.

Sometimes there is a solution that we just don't know about or can't see, but others can. Good luck!

really it's far less than half of the NPC groups as far as I've read and learned....

I don't want to swing too far towards revealing too much online, but I feel like this information should be made more public or at least explained to new members when they join. Otherwise you get women from all different sororities telling each other they can and can't "go early alum" and muddying the waters. ADPi offers alumnae status for women entering their fifth year of school, and chapters can offer a reduced membership commitment for women student teaching, co-oping, or studying abroad, but we don't have a general inactive status women can just dip into when they like.

I may be in tinfoil hat territory, but I’m somewhat inclined to think that it used to be more prevalent and has become less so as it was abused.

IIRC, with Alpha Xi Delta, you can go alum before graduating if you've completed four calendar years of college (sounds like ADPi has the same thing) or you get married.

When I was in school "early alum" was okay as far as HQ was concerned but our chapter bylaws restricted it to only being an option for women who had at least 3 quarters as an active member. So pledge quarter + 3 active quarters, LOA/abroad didn't count towards the three. I recall that one of the Travelling Consultants thought that it was a bad idea to force women chose between dropping entirely or early alum. Now, I think, the official policy at the national level is no early alum at all. It's been a few years since I've read the national bylaws, so my info could be out of date.

It happens SO MUCH now! Women hear of a girl in another chapter going early alum or inactive for no reason, and they think they can do it in our chapter. We do not do any early alumnae status, and have the same standards for inactive status as you do for reduced membership. Lots of women today, in my opinion, feel that once their closest friends leave, they want to leave too, and don't take the time to reinvest in the new women. And then when you can't give them inactive status, they say fine, I'll disaffiliate. It's such a problem.

I don't remember this happening when I was an active (late 70's) and it does seem I hear of it more now. I've almost gotten the sense - from the situations I've heard of, including the daughter of a close friend - that a) girls don't realize that this is a lifelong commitment, or b) they get tired of the commitment. Yes, there are times when girls experience financial stress, etc., so those are different than what I'm describing.

A friend's daughter, for example, tired of "being told where and when to be somewhere" so she deactivated. A few other girls I've been told about didn't think it was "a big deal" to deactivate, they just "didn't like being in the chapter anymore."

Once girls start doing it for those kinds of reasons, I think it can spread to other members and begin to "normalize" de-activating and making it seem like it's not that big a deal.

I also know that in some chapters (like the one I advise/attended), prom notes and payment plans only take you so far- you typically have to pay nearly all, if not all, and the time period can only be extended for so long. So I wouldn't necessarily count on being able to save a lot of money and/or spread it out over that long!

I really wish that the term "de-activate" didn't exist. That sounds to me like something that can be turned on/ off.

It is quitting. It is breaking your commitment. Young women may not really understand that this means their membership is wiped out. No legacy status for relatives. No alumnae ties when they are older.

We always referred to it as self-terminating. I think that more accurately captures the gravitas of the decision.

Totally agree.

I wonder if the "quitting rate" has increased with the revised pledge period. I feel so strongly that it's a mistake to pledge and then get initiated 9-10 weeks later because earning something makes a difference and that doesn't happen in a few months.

When I was initiated, I had studied and learned in-depth about Gamma Phi over 7 months, had really gotten to know my sisters (actives and pledges), had made my grades, had worked with my pledge class to become a true part of the chapter...I'm sad that girls don't get that these days (with the exception of Chi Omega who I understand sticks to second semester initiation, praise to them for this) for many reasons, including that when something takes time and you earn it, it can (and usually does) have much deeper meaning.

There are many members who are dedicated to their sorority that initiated within a few months, so this isn't anything against those members, but I do sometimes wonder about how early initiation has changed attitudes, not to mention lessens the ability to learn more about the sorority and what sisterhood for life means. At any rate, I certainly got to know many more sisters as a result of waiting and that made initiation even more special.

Sigh.

You are preaching to the choir, sister! I hate the speed with which we initiate now. The girls do not have the time needed to form bonds and attachments or do much to earn the rights of full membership. They don't even know their pledge class, much less all of the actives. We can't blame the pledges.

9-10 weeks? Heck, sometimes it’s FOUR weeks!

It would be one thing to hack pledging in half if rush was longer, and you had more time to get to know the rushees. I know mechanics at big schools don’t allow that though.

Wow, four weeks? The schools I'm familiar with rush in mid-August and initiate in late Oct./early Nov. Even if rush were longer, I would't be a fan of same-semester initiation. I think girls need to really learn about their sorority, what membership means, get to know actives and pledge sisters and realize they're having to earn it; I don't think that can be done in even 10 weeks. Even more so now since so many chapters are so big.

I've also been told by a few actives that some girls who 'quit' are those that don't come from a Greek background and are from an area where sororities aren't a big deal, so quitting doesn't seem to 'matter' because it wouldn't embarrass their families or be a big deal in their community. That said, I have friends whose daughter 'quit' and they were both Greek so this is not always the case.

I also think there's a different mindset among some college kids that's influenced by technology - i.e., they can get things so fast - text and hear back immediately, get something overnight from a business, etc. I think this is why some girls don't understand how feeling part of a chapter takes TIME, hence they don't even want to take a bid (if they don't like the house) and give it a try.

Lastly, I think some of this could be influenced by how big chapters are. When you have 300-400 girls, you could feel overwhelmed and disconnected, especially if you're having problems really giving it a try or realizing that bonding takes effort and time. I wrote in another post how oddly enough, you'd think large houses would give girls a chance to find their "own group" (especially for those who weren't thrilled with their bid, for example) but sometimes I think it works in the reverse - they never fully bond because of feeling overwhelmed by so many members (and perhaps feeling invisible), so they don't see a reason to stay.

What annoys me is when women deactivate, drop, go inactive, resign, whatever. But then still want to show up at social events. or come as a "date" of another sister to formal, semi-formal, date parties, etc. Basically they want all the "fun" stuff but none of the work. And then women in the chapter that are "friends" with these women don't understand what the big deal is about inviting them along. It might be harsh, but I would love to be able to ban them from all sorority social events and from visiting the chapter house. (yes I know there are valid reasons for dropping out, but they are few and far between IMO)

Sometimes, it's not even other sororities providing that information, but fraternities. Not that they're telling women, "Sure, just go inactive!" but I know of some fraternities that permit it, women hear this, and they assume the same goes for their organization. I've seen it happen.

At the chapters I've advised prior to my last placement, disaffiliation was never really an issue. Women were committed to the organization and knew the expectations. I took a 7 year break between advising stints, and with the chapter I currently advise, disaffiliation is thrown around all the time. And it's not just our chapter, it's campus-wide. I don't know why or when this change happened. And in my 4.5 years active, we never had one woman self-disaffiliate. Women may have depledged during the NM period every once in awhile, but once initiated, women didn't leave. It's truly disheartening to watch some days.

This bothers me as well. I know people from my chapter who have dropped for whatever reason but continue to list themselves as a member on social media, LinkedIn, come to social events, etc. I even know people who have had their own big-little reveal as they would have been grandbigs or great-grandbigs had they remained a member.

It's confusing to both new and active members, as there is no way of knowing if someone has resigned unless you ask them directly. My little is a member of a business fraternity and their policy is to announce who has resigned at their chapter meetings. While it may be disheartening, at least you would know who is and isn't going to be attending events and such.

This ^.

The phrase “values based” makes me absolutely stabby.

When I saw this on your FB I didn’t click the link and thought it meant spacing out parties throughout the week. Two weekends seems like it’ll be the exact same amount of time, so what’s the point?

I meant the same amount of time will be spent at the actual parties as four days is four days.

off topic- but has anyone else noticed formal recruitment now being called "primary recruitment"?

That’s because of that dumb NPC rule about if you get a bid and drop, you can rerush during the next “primary recruitment” even if it hasn’t been a year. (I beg of you not to get me started on this one.)

Yes, especially if there are chapters that do COB or do a smaller, informal recruitment in another semester or quarter.

It's still "formal rush" as far as I'm concerned.

And you don't "drop" - you "resign". Much clearer.