Dating Tips...
 

OK ladies. Since I'm back on the market, any dating tips you can offer me??? BTW, I hate dating...I almost always get approached by guys who I want to justhttp://www.plauder-smilies.de/rough/twak.gif

I dont look my age and I get approached by guys who are 10 years my Jr.! It just happened last weekend, twice. The third guy was my age but not dateable (is that really a word?)material...at least by my standards.:p

Rules to Live By
 

First thing I would say is be careful. Dating can be fun but in todays world its no joke. Everybody has their own morale and value system so I can just tell you what I am doing.

First thing first....take time to get to know yourself, your likes and dislikes, your needs your wants....etc.etc.etc. If you dont know you how can you expect someone else to get to know "the real" you. Love those things about yourself because the only one who can love you LIKE you IS YOU!!!

Second, I am prayerful about those things which I seek in a guy. I dont want to think Im getting one thing because of the way its packaged and then end up with something totally different. Know what you must have and what you can deal with. I personally can not date anyone who is not marriage potential...its a waste of time and energy.

Third, when you spend time being you. That is achieving your goals, being successful in your own life, working on things you can bring to the table then everything else will fall into place. My mama taught me never to go looking for a guy if he wants you then he will seek you ought. Some folk may disagree and call that old school but honey if you want me you gotta work for me.

Im not sure if that helped but when you are at your best others will start to take notice of you and then you go from there. Be mindful that if you are getting trash it make sure that is not what you are putting out there. Again be careful and have fun sister:)

HolyGhost7

HolyGhost7,

Girl, how did you get so wise!

Ninjapoodle, the sorhor gave out some very good advise. I know that before my man, Drew, I was very scared of even giving out my number or address to anyone. I would meet at a central place and proceed with caution. There are so many strange fellas out there and you don't want to deal with the crazy drama upfront.


Serioussigma22
:cool:

The heat is on...
 

Thanks you guys.

So tell me this...why is it that after I posted this, tha very next day I went to my PO box to get my mail and I got an invitation to my old girlfriends 30th B-day party which is a PROM?? (yes, I know it's a run-on sentence)

If I could find a smilie that could pull it's hair out I would post it here! http://www.plauder-smilies.de/smhair2.gif Now, not only do I have to find a dress, but I have to find a date too! Oye vay!:eek:

And to top it off, this party is on MY BIRTHDAY?http://www.plauder-smilies.de/dunce.gifhttp://www.plauder-smilies.de/party/balloons.gif

Sorhor Ninjapoodle,

Girl, you will make it through this event with flying colors! Just relax, relate, release, (lol) I borrowed that line from "A Different World," and you will have a wonderful time.

Serioussigma22

Aaaaaahhhhh! Whitley flashback!!:D

RE: Do it up
 

LOLhttp://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gifGirl, you so crazy! ( but you bring up a good point!)

all i can say is this...
 

1. don't settle.
2. don't lower your standards.

That's some great advice Sorhor Bluethunder!

Serioussigma22:cool:

Re: Rules to Live By
 

YES, I agree especially now that I'm older.

I too am from the old school and was taught the same thing. You know, all the guys I dated long term (+3 years), I met them when I wasn't looking , so to speak. So, I guess if the method aint' broke, ......


I would NEVER do either!!:) i'm a Sigma Woman!

The best way to find a man is to stop looking for one.

When you date, just try to have fun. Don't look for a relationship. Just try to find people that you like and that you can have a nice time with. Pretty soon, all of the guys that you are dating will realize how downright fabulous you are. Then, all you have to do is pick the one you want.

Update...:)
 

Thank you for your positive suggestions. Mucho appreciated:)

So, last Friday, 10/4/02, our chapter had a table set up at First Friday's. After the networking and schmoozing, the party people started showing up. That included one of my sorors and a carload of her friends. I had planned to stay for the party but didn't intend on dancing (I don't like large crowds). Anywho, my soror and I were sitting at a table right outside the dance area, watching the people going and out of the area. If most of you know about 1st Fridays, the dress code is business attire--NO hoochie gear, jeans, sneakers, etc.. Period. So I had on a nice outfit, black slim fit pants (not tight), carmel colored v-neck sweater over a crisp white button down collared shirt, black pointed toe shoes, and a matching carmel mini purse. As my soror and I sat by the door, she was making comments regarding what people were wearing, among a few other topics. I was laughing so hard, I was crying. At that moment, as I was literally doubled over in absolute giddiness, my sorors male friend comes over to the table and sits down. She introduces us. They make small talk and then he asked me if I was going to dance at all. I said no. (Why lie?) My first thought when we were introduced was "Good God, he's cute!" After he excused himself, he got up and cruised around and I got up and went to the ladies room.

When I came back, I decided that since I was there, I might as well look around and maybe meet people. There were a lot of cute guys by the bar but I'm not a big drinker so I kept walking. One of the other friends (GDI) that came to the party with my soror, her and I got into a conversation while we were walking around the party. So we get back to the table, and my soror tells me that her male friend was inside looking for me. So I thought what the heck! I went inside and looked for him and found him. We danced a little but started talking so we went off and found a little semi-quiet corner to be able to hear each other. We had to be over there at least 45 minutes to an hour. :)

Well the party was winding down and it was time to go. He asked me if I had a ride home, which I did (or so I thought). There was a little confusion and one of my other chapter sorors (not intentionally) ditched mehttp://www.plauder-smilies.de/laugh.gif so of course I needed a ride home and before I could even open my mouth, this nice young man offered to take me home. Now there were 3 other people in the car (1 soror and 2 other friends). So , after we dropped off the other folks, he took me all the way home to San Francisco from Oakland.

So to end this LONG story...we exchanged numbers, and the next day (saturday) we had dinner and movie, then went to a bar/club. Fun!

Who know's weather we will be just friends or more but since the two of us have a lot of common interests, I will be happy just to have this guy as a friend. :D

So I just want to say THANK YOU for your support.

BTW, yes he is employed, has a BA, and has ALL of his teeth! And no Bling-Bling!

yeah im so proud...now see would he have approached you if you had some man...friend or not...tagging along on your shoulder. I THINK NOT!!!! You go gurl!!!!

Re: Update...:)
 

And that is the most important part ;)

Good luck girl and have two tons of fun with him!

Hang in there soRHOr!:)

Thanks Soror!!:)

SoRHOr Ninja Poodle, I'm really happy for you. I liked how you didn't chase him and act eager to meet just anybody. You just played it cool without looking for someone, and a nice guy that you like fell right in your lap. My philosophy has always been to not go out seeking a man because you usually find trash when you're looking.

SoRHOr HolyGhost7, EXCELLENT advice! :D When you're not with someone, that is the best time to work on YOU. I learned from a Singles' Fellowship that the time when you're single is the most important time of your life becuase you don't have a lot of other obligations, ie husband, children, in-laws and everything else that comes with it, to take up your time. Like HolyGhost7 said, once you get things right with you, everything else will fall into place.

Last thing: I, like Soror HG, also pray about what kind of man God wants me to have. When you're praying, be specific. When your general prayer is just, "Send me a man," that's all you're going to get: a man. He won't necessarily be a kind, sensitive, intelligent, well-versed, financially stable or even a decent man. Just a man. And that's where trouble starts again. (You learn a lot of things at Bible Study. :))

Lastly, I'm in your boat, too, SoRHOr Kizzie22. I'm wishing both of us luck.

Soror, I find that to be true also.

There is something I noticed. Although I was born in Chicago, I grew up here in San Francisco. Generally speaking, a lot of the men out here are DISRESPECTFUL towards women. I've noticed that the guys I've dated that are from the eastern shore board {with the exception of one-soRHOr SeriousSigma22, U know whom I'm talking about!;)} tend to have more home training than these knuckleheads out here. And the Cali boy's who have potential, are conceited. :rolleyes:

Oh, well. I feel I got it right this time so I can't complain. :) He's a Philly transplant...

Greetings sorhors:

It is so true that when you don't go looking for a man that's when you will find one. This has recently happen to me. I went to go visit one of our sorors in Maryland and we went to a que pic nic. And I literally ran into an Omega man. I just went down there to have fun with sorhors and came out with a man. And the more I think about it, he truly is a blessing because he fits the description that I prayed for. Prior to me meeting him I hadn't been in a relationship for three years. And during that time I period I was able to focus on my needs and get myself completely together so that I can be a better mother and a stronger woman. I hope this testimony helps someone out.



Tinese
Zeta Nu Alumnae Chapter Boston MA:D

You go Sorhor Ninjapoodle!

Serioussigma22:cool:

We get to take pictures at our "prom" so I'll send you a copy!

California men...
 

My girlfriend and I were just discussing this (again) yesterday over lunch. Having dated guys who were from originally Ohio, Philly, New York, I had long ago noticed a significant difference between men in other parts of the country and California men. It's not just AA men either--I've heard women from all types of ethnicities complaining about CA men.

I think part of the problem here is that many people MOVE FROM somewhere to move to Cali, so there's this really weird feeling of "unreality" --of folks trying to create a new "them" different from whatever they're running from. There's also not a sense of extended family (or really family at all) like I've seen in other parts of the country, and for many, their "friends" are their only family in CA. There's no passing down of family traditions or even respect for the family unit, 'cause sometimes they've come to CA to get AWAY from that family unit. Individualism is really encouraged and expected here. It's not considered unusual AT ALL for guys to still be "unattached" and playing the field well in their 30s, 40s and 50s here and there's no real incentive from the family that's not here anyway to get "attached."

On another thread about CA men, I joked that I would start a dating service that gets newly transplanted CA guys straight from the airport and wisks them to a woman's home before they're contaminated with the "playa posse freaky CA gene". :D ((Still calculating the start-up costs)).

Still dating!
 

Ninja, I am so happy for you and what a nice date! I remember your nightmare story and I am glad you met a gentleman.

I'm dating and enjoying it. Since I've been married before I am in no real rush to do it again so I just enjoy meeting different men and going out. And the men I've met... that's a whole nother thread! ;)

My "prom" is this saturday so I will give ya'll an update on what happened. :) And if I can figure out how to work the f*#@$n scanners at school, I'll post the pics too.

It's a formal event so we're going all out except for the limo. :D

:)

Ninjapoodle,

Sorhor, you go girl! Handle your business!

Serioussigma22:)

Update
 

Oops..sorry about that.

So here's the story. I had a really busy morning the day of the prom and I didn't get home from my errands until around 4pm. This thing started at 6pm but the good thing was that the hotel was about a 15-minute drive from my house. For those of you who know San Francisco, I'm on the SF side of San Bruno Mt. and the hotel was in South San Francisco...an airport hotel. Anyway, He arrives around 5:30 to pick me up and he looked DEVASTATINGLY HANDSOME IN HIS TUX!!!! And, yes being the woman, I looked absolutely fabulous! So, after we get into his car, he hands me a small box which turns out to be a pair of BEAUTIFUL diamond and pearl earings. I don't celebrate my birthday because to me it's just another day but he found out it was my b-day and got the earrings for my b-day. http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/remybussi.gif

So, we head on to the event and even though we got there around 630, we were one of the first people to show up but about 10 minutes after we got there, other guests started to arrive. It was really nice! My friend had decorated the room like a prom, balloons streamers and the whole nine. The photographer was set up in one corner of the room and the buffet was on the other side and the DJ was in the front. She had a "prom court" and of course she was the queen--well it was her birthday, ya know?:)

Ok, I'm tired and it's 12:40am. I'll finish this tomorrow.

Ninjapoodle,

I see that you really had a wonderful time and I'm so happy for you.


Serioussigma22:cool:

SoRHOr SeriousSigma22, Check your e-mail

:) Eee-yyyiip!
NP.

Ninjapoodle,

I will, I really will check my messages!

Serioussigma22:)

Dear Sisterfriends,

You ladies probably know this, but someone out there might not. At one point I certainly didn't: don't ever get so desperate that you end up accepting whatever comes along. And when he does, check his azz out thoroughly!

This morning, with no intention whatsoever, I went to my state's corrections department page. I had no idea that they kept a database of every offender either imprisoned now or paroled.

Anyway, since any member of the public can access this page, I typed in the last name of my ex, chose the year of birth that I knew, race, hair color. Nothing. Oh, well. Then, thinking a little harder, I changed the hair color from black to brown. I got a hit.

Looking at the profile, I knew it was him, even without a photo. Although the crime for which he was incarcerated had nothing to do with me, the information on the page uncovered two more lies he told me -- I finally know his REAL name and his REAL date of birth (right day, right year, wrong month), stuff no decent man would lie about!

Yes, ladies, I'm learning basic information 10 years after the fact. Ten years after a lot of depression, anger, and withdrawal.

In short, have fun, but do the homework!

reel 'em in, soror!
 

how soRHOr ninjapoodle got her groove back...
my advice is always the same-- be your BLU-tiful self, head held high, radiating all the qualities you hope to attract-- and all the best the dating game has to offer will come to you...
AND if a fine young strong gentlemen approaches you, you may want to give a brother a chance, even if he is 10 years younger--once again, let's refer to the title of our story: "how soRHOr ninjapoodle got her groove back"!

Re: reel 'em in, soror!
 

http://www.handykult.de/plaudersmilies.de/lach.gif

LOL!!! Soror, all I can say is Thank you!(actually it's a six year difference but who's counting? :D)

NP.

Check it! ;)

Re: Approaching someone
 

You answered your own question!;) Girl, ask that guy out. The worst that could happen is he would say no. If you don't ask you will never know. After you talk to him about your car, you could slip in the fact that you're hungry and ask if he has had any thing to eat. if he says he has, offer to go out to lunch on another day unless his girlfriend or boyfriend (hey, you never know these days) would object. If he has not had any thing to grub on that day, offer to go to a casual resturant and see if he is game. :cool:

Good luck, Be yourself and Have fun!

Great advice! Ninjapoodle!

1browngirl - just be yourself, have fun, and enjoy the date!

Serioussigma22:cool:

P.S. Welcome to greekchat and our message board!:)

"Good luck, Be yourself and Have fun!"


I forgot to add, be confidant!

BTW, how did it go???