Girlfriends and Brothers
 

Many of my brothers seemed to disapear when they got a Girlfriends. Somehow the girls would drag them away from house functions. Each time I visited our chapter at Cornell I was impressed by one of the brothers GF's who was really supportive of him, and involved with the house. That's what I really looked for in a girl, and I am so happy that I finally found one.
What are some other guys or girls' experiences out there?

Should I encourage her to join a sorority? are first impressions about this misleading? What sorts of things should I look out for (in terms of what sort of events are really good for couples, and what I should avoid).

comparing stories is great to. PM me :)

My boyfriend is in a fraternity so i can sorta give the other side of the story. we were going out before he joined, and comparably it was hard bc he doesnt have alot of time for me. the fraternity gives him alot of obligations, and so when something is not mandatory he will tend to want to see me, and of course i am happy about it too. its not that hes slacking off to the house but when something else comes into your life you have to spread yourself a little more thinly. im really glad that he joined the house and everything, but sometimes it is very hard. i like to think i am supportive, i like getting to know the poeple in the house, helping with rush, doing whatever for him and the house. this is probly really unclear but im typing quick!!

some guys get stuck up their ass. Other crawl back out and then come visit me and say hi.

But what if you're the girlfriend? I always hated going by a fraternity and seeing The Girlfriend That Won't Go Away -- yes, she's always with her guy, but MUST SHE BE THERE ALL THE TIME?! Good greif, baby, get some air.

*Ahem.* What I meant to say, is, from a brother's perspective -- how much supportiveness is too much?


Greek love,
~ Jacquelyn

Hey, y'all...
I actually just recently approached this question with my boyfriend, too. I'm in a sorority (obviously!) and he's in a fraternity. My question to him was how much "me and him" time I should give at fraternity functions (most recently, tailgates). The answer we found was this... He has his friends and I have mine, and even though we're together, we don't have to be glued. I love the guys in his fraternity. I honestly get along with all the ones that I know. So, when I'm at the tent, I go and talk to different brothers, and he goes and talks to his friends, too. He makes sure that I'm all right, happy, and that I don't need anything. But other than that, we have our own separate lives. Like, he went to happy hour without me. And I went out without him that same night, then came over to see him later on. I see girls who are glued to their fraternity boyfriends, and don't have any life without them, and I don't want to be that type of person. The thing is, I'm with him because I'm crazy about the guy. I think he's wonderful. But I have priorities. And we both make sure that our priorities are in order. I would never make him miss something fraternity to come see me. That's ridiculous. The fraternity came first, and comes first in priorities. I mean, granted, if he misses something important because there's a mixer, I may just be a little peeved, but it's all relative. We have our time with just the two of us, we have time at functions where we do the whole, social, "Hi, this is my girlfriend" kind of deal, and we have time where we lead our separate lives. This, to me, is the perfect situation.

My boyfriend is in a fraternity (and I'm in a sorority obviously), and things work out just fine. We were friends first (known each other since freshman year, began dating right before junior year, we're now seniors). We're both really busy because of school, our jobs, our chapters, and we both hold high positions in our chapters (I'm a VP, he's Pledge Ed), but we're able to spend time together. I go to pretty much all of the events his chapter holds and much of the time, he's either in another part of the house with his friends and I'm off with some of my friends, or some of his bros or whatever. We spend a great deal of time together, but I don't think the fact that we're both involved in our chapters makes much of a difference.

Don't have any other advice except: Bro's before ho's. :D

I wouldn't go so far as Dionysis... It's like any other committment though. You just have to figure out how to manage it best. I have a great deal of responsibility in my fraternity and therefore it is a pretty big commitment. I'm also very involved in campus life... Work 2 jobs also... Still have time for my girlfriend. She's had to learn to be tolerant (and still has difficulties) but we get along fine.

I think there's a difference between the "House girlfriends" that get to know the brothers (...and their girlfirends) as opposed to the obnoxious ones that stare down everyone who goes near her boyfriend like they're trying to steal him or turn him against her.

Back on the topic, from my experience, it's pretty normal for new couples to drop everything for each other. If you give them some time, they'll come back on their own, but if you harp on them they'll just get defensive.

I would encourage her to go Greek if she wants to, but don't make her feel as though she has to be Greek or in a certain sorority (like maybe the one you guys always hang out with) - tell her to do what she feels is right for her. One sister of ours pledged solely because of the guy she was madly in love with telling her ASA was his fave sorority. She self-terminated shortly after her initiation.

My girlfriend is very against joining a sorority. I tried to convince her it would be right but I respect her decision not to join. Her palate is fairly full as it is.

When I dated fraternity members, I made a point of getting to know some of the brothers and not just latch onto the guy I was dating. In the same vein, when dating an independent, I made a point of getting to know his friends.

My husband is an independent. It was late spring when we met, and I was a rho chi, so for the first 3 months of our relationship, the only demands on our time were our jobs - and honestly, I think it helped us establish our relationship and get through that phase where you're superglued to each other, before rush and fall semester. Of course, during rush I did have to tell him "just pretend I'm overseas for the next week" :) After that, it was just an exercise in time management.

What about the reverse? What if a girl completely withdraws from the sorority because of her fraternity boyfriend. My roommate does nothing without her boyfriend. She pledged because he was in a fraternity. He's busy with homecoming? Well, she'll do homecoming, too. He has a job with the hockey team? She'll try out for the hockey team's dance team. It's as if his life dictates her. They've been together for four years, so I know she's happy and everything, but she's also one of my sisters, so I don't want to see her withdraw from the sorority. Granted, I'm tempted sometimes to just drop things for my boyfriend, but she takes things to an extreme. Should I say something to her about it, or am I crazy for thinking she's wrong to do this.

...and in this case: sisters before misters. :D Seriously though, why put your life on the line for ONE person that may dump you in any second, such as a boyfriend (particularly HS and college ones).

I get nervous when any couple is fused at the pelvis, Greek or not.

And if I'm dating a Greek, I like to get to know the whole house. That way I feel comfortable just going over there and don't feel as if I have to be with my SO to justify my presence.

I've seen it work out positively in some cases. For example, a freshman girl is dating an upperclass fraternity guy and she's glued to him. He realizes that she needs to develop some life of her own, so he encourages her to go Greek. She finds an entire world that he's not a part of, and she's got her safety net all set for when he cheats on her for four months and then dumps her... oh, wait, sorry. Got a little carried away there.

Bottom line: Maintain personalities when dating! No merging!

I don't want a simease twin gf. Sometimes I want to spend time with my brothers. Sometimes she might want to be with friends so I will back off. Also, tommorrow night is brothers and interest guys only. No vaginas allowed.

Carolina DG, I think you made an excellent point! And Kappa Kitty Cat........ that was hilarious :-)

So it sounds like the general consensus is, hang out some, have your time apart some. Right?

I'm really impressed by the responce I got on this thread. thanks, and Keep posting.

I'll keep these things all in mind: not to force her to go greek, to ensure she has a life outside of my frat-house, and to keep my "bro's before ho's" (as derogatory as it sounds, it means well), and to watch out to make sure she's not staring down any other girls down who stop by the house.


I really like her and I hope this really lasts.

What happens to those joined-at-the-hip couples after they graduate? Most seem too unhealthy to stay together after college. I'm a senior now, and am wondering what will happen to my friends in psycho relationships.

Oh yeah...the subject at hand. Mr. Munchkin03 is independent, and pretty anti-Greek. He's definitely supportive of what we do as far as my offices and community service stuff (and he lifts things! Woo hoo!) and he's my date when he can be (we're LDR, so it takes a lot of orchestration to do that). Other than that, he definitely WON'T be a "house boyfriend", which is fine with me. The rest of the girls in the house, when they're dating, almost always date athletes--and Mr. Munchkin03 definitely IS NOT the athlete type. I can't imagine him sitting among wrestlers and football players. So, it works out just fine for us.

A little reminder: lighthearted renditions of "bros before hoes" will probably get you a sexless weekend from the girlfriend.

:D

A little reminder: lighthearted renditions of "chicks before dicks" will probably get you a sexless weekend from the boyfriend. :p

I'm a firm believer that guys may come and go, but your best friends will always be there. Let me just repeat my own experience: it was with my first love. I ditched all my friends to be with him. My life revolved around him. It was truly pathetic. When we broke up, no one was there. My 2 best friends came back, of course, but I did have to apologize and put up with some guilt.

Now, with Mr. ChiOJenn, I am all about having my own life. We have our own set of friends-but are cool with each others as well-and we do our own thing, as well as have couple time. I want to go to happy hour with the girls? No problem-I go. He wants to go out with his guy friends? Works for me. And of course, we have our "couple time" as well. I would never go back to the idiot I was being back then.:rolleyes:

So, I'm a big advocate for people having thier own lives.

*cough* Don't you mean sexless for maybe an hour? :p Teehee :)


But on this subject...
Personally, it has never affected me and my frat boy. :) I do my thing, he does his thing. Before I even met him I was best friends w/one of his brothers so he could never say that I tried to take him away from his fraternity. :) Also, I met him after he was already in and it was during rush season so, even then I was used to him being off and w/his bro's. I figure as long as the 'girlfriend' understands he has a life of his own before she came along and so did she then they'll be good. Just watch out for those psychos! :p

http://www.plaudersmilies.de/lol2.gif

For those joined at the hip couples: http://www.plaudersmilies.de/scatter.gif
Moral of the story: be your own person!

5 years and running
 

OK. My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and running. (Since our Freshman year of high school) To be honest when he first joined his Fraternity (Sig Ep) I was that joined at the hip girl friend who stared down any and every girl who approached my boyfriend. That lasted for about a month before we realized that would ruin our relationship fast. Now we both have our seperate lives. He does his thing and I do mine, but we still spend a lot of time together. I even let him go to their parties alone. So he can spend time with his brothers without worrying about me. When I do go to their parties or events I don't stay by his side all night I love all of his brothers and their girlfriends so I generally make my way around the room all night talking to people. My boyfriend says that all the guys think I'm the perfect girlfriend because I let him have his time with them. I've even had some come up to me and ask me to talk to their girlfriends ( the ones that NEVER leave the house.) I chose not to join a social sorority for the moment though. I'm involved with a Service sorority that has about 70 girls in it. The majority of my sisters hang out with the Sig Ep's so it ended up working out really well for me. :)

I think it's awesome that so many couples find ways of making things work out perfectly. I guess it just goes to say there's as many ways of making things work as there are couples, huh?

I found that a lot of sisters who were dating frat guys were never happy because of all the drama when he hung out with another sorority. I swear the biggest problems with the other sororities had to do with "I heard you hooked up with my boyfriend at a XYZ-ABC mixer". But then again looking back I think a lot of these people also had serious self-esteem issues. Some of the frat guys weren't too nice anyways, being all lovey-dovey to their sorority girlfriend during the day and at night when they had an event with my GLO they'd be like "girlfriend who?!" and try to be all over us. Then they'd head out after the event to go hang with their girlfriend from the other GLO. You know what though, who in college, fraternity, sorority or not, is really ready for a serious relationship? I know some people are, and it can work, but at 18-21 you are still trying to figure out yourself so it makes it much more difficult to think about settling down with someone at that age. Am I going off topic a bit? I apologize. I am at work and a bit drained.

Oh yeah, I also wanted to add in defense of the "frat boys" that "sorority girls" are not always innocent angels either. Oh yeah, I dated a guy all through college that was not in a frat and it was difficult on him being with me because of my choice. It's fun dating frat guys though because of the common bond of Greek life. I still am friends with on of my ex's who is a TKE from New Paltz.

my best friend dates a fraternity brother at my school and we never ever see her. shes always with him, but it was understandable bc he was graduating. but there would be another chick that would cheat on her boyfriend who is also in fraternity with another guy and the drama ensues. like in any other relationship. what i hate the most are the freshman girls(no offense to any out there) that chase after the brothers then cling on them like lost puppies and sucking out their life bc theyre not allowed to talk to anyone but them. it blows, i was friends with a guy until his leech girlfriend appeared.
but anyways, i think the main problem with greek love is the fact that everyone will be in your business. i dont know if its like that in other schools but i know at my school, if you do something one day everyone in the whole entire greek community will find out the next day.

I so whole-heartedly agree with this statement. I've been part of the Greek system for a while now and that entire time, I have never so much as kissed a boy who was in a fraternity. The Greek community is relatively small and _very_ communicative. Every time I've had a discussion with friends as to why I don't date a fraternity gentleman, I refer to the point that his brothers don't need to know what we did, who in turn will tell their friends in the rest of the Greek community, and I'll end up getting a comment from a random acquaintance about my actions with the gentlemen in question. In other words, I don't need y'all in my business.

My school is the same way. If you hook up with someone, it takes 2-3 days to get around if that much. I hooked up with the guy, not knowing he had a gf, in a isters basement, during finals, and I walk onto camous two days after,and everyone knew.

That's the only reason why I don't like getting i vovled with someone in the greek system, it gets spread around so quickly.

thats exactly what happened with one of my sisters. like what i think it is, we get involved with other greeks bc they understand what were going through. like i know thats why i hook up with em, but it blows when you wanna keep something on the dl and then everyone and their mom knows.

An update
 

My roommate actually ended up cheating on her boyfriend and they broke up (completely surprising if you knew the girl... super quiet, super sweet, and super "can't-live-without-him" mentality). My boyfriend and I broke up, and he's now (well, at least before graduation) dating a girl from the sorority that his fraternity hangs out with the most. I realized how ugly he was (inside and out) after we broke up, so it makes me laugh when I read about how "crazy about him" I was.

So, girls, don't EVER drop your life for a boy. I found that the most fun I ever had at a formal was the one that I went to WITHOUT a date. A complete shocker, but I found that I didn't have to worry if my date was happy, if I could leave him alone to go talk to my sisters, if I was going to invite him to the after party or not, etc... I am now single, and not even caring to look. If he comes along, great, but I refuse to be THAT girl who drops her life for a boy.