Unsuccessful rush?
 

I just got out of what I think was a pretty unsuccessful rush experience. After the first day I was released from not one but two sororities and I got the distinct feeling I was the only one (we're supposed to release one a day here over the rush period) despite the Rho Chis saying I wasn't (I suspect they were just trying to be nice). So I went back thinking, hey, no problem, I can work with this and put on my best face and smiled through all of today's parties and had a good time, and met a lot of nice people. And today I got released from all of the rest, so no more parties for me. Now they said I might still get offered a spot in a "snap bid" or somesuch but I'm wondering if I should even bother?

I wonder why I was "released" from so many groups (I hate that word release, when it's one or two it's a release, when it's all of them seems to me like they might as well ditch the PC wording and just say "rejected").

I was never a "popular girl" in high school, so my unpopular roots may have been showing. I am also a lot older than the other rushees (I'm back for my second degree and just decided to try this out) and I maybe made a mistake in being honest about this.

I want to ask why I was let go from all of them. But I know I can't ask. Is this a really terrible sign? How common is it for people to get released from ALL the sororities on their campus? And in the second day no less? Will I even get a bid? And if I do, it is just because they HAVE to offer me one (in which case maybe I should save them the trouble and not inflict myself on them)? Or am I overthinking this (like I was overthinking which one to pick since it obviously wasn't a choice I had any control over) because I likely won't get a bid anyway?
All in all, I'm left feeling kind of depressed about the whole thing and wondering if I wouldn't have been better off not bothering with it in the first place. It was kind of neat to see the inside of all the houses but was it really worth putting myself out there just to have them all reject me?

Having a bad night
~Eve:(

I'm so sorry that happened to you! :( I wish I could answer your questions, or even say something that would make you feel better, but I'm at a lost. I'm rushing right now, so I don't really know much about the process! But, just remember that you have a lot to offer any group you joined, and it was SO brave of you to try something new, especially when you knew you'd be a bit older! That shows so much character! Hang in there, and try (I know it's hard) to not take it too personally. It was probably just the numbers working against you, they all have limits to how many they can invite back. Legacies can take up a lot of those spaces I hear. Keep your head up high, you are an amazing person from the sounds of it! Please stay around and chat, and good luck with your new degree! :)

If you already have a degree you'd be inelegible to join as an undergraduate. :( Someone should have told you that.

You can try Alumnae Initiation. :)

I already though of that post-grad thing as being a problem and it was the first question I asked, before I signed up for anything. And they said so long as I was still an undergraduate that I could rush (it's a second undergad degree, not a grad school thing). And I wasn't the only one there who was on their second degree. The other girl I knew who was on her second didn't get dropped from anywhere the first day and I won't know what happens to her after this since I'm not getting to go back.

Now this makes me wonder again if it's not an age thing at all but just a *me* thing.
~Eve:(

I bet SoCalGirl is right about not being eligible. If you want to learn more about alumnae initiation, check out the awesome threads in the alumni forum. You wouldn't have the same experience as joining as a collegiate member, but believe me, it's worth it if you are really interested in greek life.

If you have a degree you ARE elligable to join a Phi Sigma Sigma chapter!

Phi Sigma Sigma allows grad students as active members
(isnt that right Iota Gamma? :) )

I dont know if you have a chapter on your campus... but I just wanted to correct the people saying that you CANT join a sorority when you are a grad student :)

I'm so sorry this happened. :( Chin up :)

I'm not sure if you'd be considered a collegian or an alumna. Drop a line to the national offices of the sororities at your school... ask whether they'd consider you a collegian or an alumna, and ask about alumna initiation. If they tell you you're a collegian, try informal/COB rush - which is a LOT more laid back than formal rush, and a situation where quiet or less popular girls can really shine.

Good luck! :)

I'm sorry you had a bad Recruitment experience!! Honestly, Recruitment is very hard on both ends. The sororities have to cut girls, sometimes 50 a day at bigger campuses!!! I know this recruitment our largest sorority had to cut 35 girls the first day after only speading 20 minuites with them! So sometimes some of the best girls get cut, for silly reasons. The age difference may be a factor too. i am a Phi Sigma and yes we are allowed to have grads in our chapters. But many sororities are not allowed to have second degree seekers and grads in chapters. It depends on the sororities' national policy. Also chapter need people who will be in the chapter for longer than a year or two, so normally freshmen and soph. are taking before older women in formal Recruitment. I know this sucks but it's formal recruitment. It's not the popular issue when it comes to getting a bid. It is Matching up with a sorority that you fit into! I wasn't the most popular girl in high school, But when i got to college things change!! People started seeing me in a different light. Now, i know almost all the greeks and they know me. My sorority idn't the most popular, we are just the down to earth ones that like to party A lot!! I have great friends and i have friends in the best fraternities. I never thought in high school it would be this way, But people change and you can't think about the Pasts!!!!That may have harmed you in Recruitment, if you think you are too unpopular to be in a group than it shows!! I hate to say it you have go in with the attitude -- Yes, i want to be in a sorority, but if i don't get in then i will be fine cause i love myself for who i am! If there are COB's after Formal Recruitment, then i would check them out. If the sororitties see you interested in the sororities and get to spend more time with you i am sure good things will happen. We had a girl we had to cut at Formal Come out to our COB event and we got to know her better and made a special status for her because of her grades( at our school --the girls MUST have the min. GPA for your sorority.)She was a half a point away!Don't get down about being cut!!!! I know you are probably a great person!! i hope you feel better!!

Greek love,
binks

I think she would still be eligible - she is in college for a second undergrad degree NOT A GRAD DEGREE. It's basically like if I decided to go back to Pitt for pre-law or whatever - I would be starting fresh, the same as any other freshman, except I'd be older.

Eve, I would talk to the Greek Life office and make sure they know your status. Some of the groups might have assumed that you were a grad student and cut you because of that. If you don't state it (this other girl may have) they might assume that. Let them know that you are interested in COB - it might be a heck of a lot easier for you than going through formal with lots of freshmen. Also, please don't let whatever happened in high school hang you up. That was a lifetime ago and all the people who made your life hell are now sitting at home watching CMT and eating Food Club Doritos or restocking the tampon shelf at Wal-Mart. You are far better off.

You are so right about Grads being eligible for Phi Sig, I should know since I became a founding sister of the Iota Gamma Chapter as a grad along with a few others. We will even be pinning a few in to this new member class as well.

Don't give up. Talk to your Rho Chi a little more to see what you can find out and then try for COB events if they have them.

Good luck and keep us posted on what is going on
Carolyn

There are lots of things that could have gotten you cut so early-- it, a lot of the time, depends on the school you go to and the orgs that are there. Also, on your rush application if they asked what year you were or if the greek life office ran a report and your status as a student was like 5th year or such, that would be a valid reason for cutting you so early. Only the sororities get these grade reports, so unless you explained to everyone about your situation, they are wondering why a 5th year is going through.
Also, as for the campus, were there lots of freshmen going through? How many girls went through vs. the number of sororities...these are all huge factors.
I would take into consideration all this stuff before you beat yourself up about it.

Oh goodness that was too funny... but OH SO TRUE. I agree with everyone who has said, look into COB, talk to the Greek Affairs office... but please remember that your worth as a person should never be determined by who cut you during recruitment. With or without a bid, you are still far from "rejected" in the eyes of the people who know you and care about you. Hopefully you can find a group that sees your talents and abilities, Greek or not.

You know, it might help to know where you go to school. At many schools, if you're not a freshman and 18 years old, you seriously have to be a rock star to be invited back to many houses, especially in later rounds.

Eve,

I am sorry you had a bad experience. Please don't take it personally! I am sure you are a wonderful girl who has a lot to offer.

Yes, sororities do often cut upperclassmen,etc, because they need people who will be in the sorority longer to keep the sorority going. When a lot of girls graduste and numbers are low rush can be tough.

I was cut from three houses my first round because I was not a freshman or soph. At one house the girl rushing me was quite rude to me after she found out I wasn't a freshman.

I stuck it out and ended up getting a bid from AOPi, which I am so grateful for!

There is always COB and snap bidding, which you may well be eligible for.

Keep smiling.

Women and Soroitys are a mystery to me!

But it may be that in a formal rush, only so many people can be Associated so there is a cutting point.

COB or Snap bid is something that is done after Formal Rush!

I dont think it is age, but maybe your status of what year you at in your school!

Is she going to be here long enuff to be of help!

Basically, no one wants a short termer who cannot move upwards in the Organization and help in the long term!

Please investigate further and see what you can do!!:)

I'm not going to name my school until the dust has settled. I'm sure none of you would know it anyway.

As for the issue of being in fifth year and them wondering about my marks, no worries there. They know what program I am in and it is HARD to get into so they know what my marks must be like. The thing about my program that might be a turn-off though is that girls already in a sorority who join my program often scale down their involvement A LOT due to the work-load.

Honestly, I may be biting off more than I can chew anyway. I did my first girl scout meeting tonight (I'm a new leader), I'm on the student council for my program (in a minor position, but still it is a responsability) and I have 4 1/2 hours of school and 6 hours of homework every day.

But I do really want to give this my best and I'd be willing to maybe let a few other things slide (other than school of course) in order to do it.

I am thinking about calling my Rho Chi to ask why I was dropped. If it was just about my age or a concern about my available time to contribute I will try the snap bid or a COB. But if it was my personality I'd kind of like to know so I can just call it quits. I don't know what the protocol is though, can I ask that question?

Thanks for your help.
~Eve

Your Rho Chi won't be able to tell you why you were dropped. She will only be able to speculate. Voting/Selection processes are secret and they don't normally let out why someone was cut.

So in other words I shouldn't bother asking?

What if I get a snap bid, what hapens then? I got cut before any dues were mentioned and before we were given the breakdown of what happens with them and before I'd accept I would want to know that stuff.

I'd also want to ask why they were offering me a spot now after dropping me. I know well enough not to ask why they dropped me in the first place, but I think I'd want to know what made them give me a second chance. If it was because they actually liked me and they made the wrong choice dropping me I'd be okay with coming back. But if not, if it's just about making quota, well, that would really genuinely make it the "buy a friend" club my geek-friends have nicknamed it.

Then again I don't even know how common snap bids are here so maybe I'm fretting about nothing.

~Eve

Eve,

Rho Chis are completely disaffiliated from their sororities during rush, so they aren't privy to even their own chapters' discussion and voting. If your PX is a good one, she'll take the time to chat with you, but she won't be able to tell you why you were cut.

If you are offered a snap bid or COB bid, you'll have the opportunity to talk to the sorority's treasurer to discuss financial issues before you make your decision... if you're offered a bid, call her.

As for why you were dropped, sometimes great women fall through the cracks... it's unfortunate but it happens. Don't let it get to you... just hold your head high, and pursue informal rush or alumna initiation, whichever is appropriate.

I've noticed that in this thread, and others I have read, time is a big thing to some NPC sororities (i.e. they see how many other organizations the rushee is involved with, etc.)

Do the NPC houses take the number of organizations a rushee is in, in a positive light (ex. "Wow this girl can really manage her time taking 12 hours of school, working part time and being invloved in these other organizations") or do they kind of "look down" on it (ex. Well since she is this major, she will be spending way too much time doing homework, or since she is in those other organizations, she won't have time for us")?

I've always wondered that, not having gone through NPC recruitment myself.

I've never heard any sister say a PNM was too involved in school/extracurricular activities. It's usually the PNM who is worried about having the time.

Eve, I would like to offer a different slant on this thread.
You were cut and you feel bad. It has happened to so many, please know you are in the company of some wonderful young women. Will you ever know WHY? I would tend to think not. On the surface I would agree with the possibility of confusion over your status and then, the age difference between you and other freshmen girls. I really want to know WHY you wanted to be in a sorority. Was it for sisterhood? Was it to see what it's all about?
Most (not all) women going through recruitment are DYING to be in a sorority and that emotion along with the giddiness of being a freshman is a very energetic quality. Maybe the actives couldn't read that in you.

Are you in a town with a Junior League or Junior Forum? Many are now on a volunteer basis. This too is like a sisterhood-just no mixers or exchanges with the Rotary or Young Men's Business Club!:D Another good source if you aren't 22 is Big Bothers and Big Sisters. BOTH the League andBB/BS will take you far in the business world and because there aren't any specific letters attached, it will set you up socially as well. I wouldn't sit around worrying about the "whys" of this, I would find something else that suits your age and educational status better. Of course as pointed out, seeking alum status in a sorority could work as well, but sometimes it's good to look at the bigger picture. Being exposed to people your age and OLDER will do far more for you at this point in your life. Like Greek life, they are demanding of your time, it takes serious commitment but rewards you every day of your life.

JAM- You are so wise!:cool:

... The Junior League... reminds me of The Southern Belle Primer or Why Princess Margaret Will Never Be a Kappa Kappa Gamma... too precious.

But JAM's advice is indeed very wise. There are plenty of organizations out there!

junior league reminds me of the ya ya's...

"that's so junya leeeg" -- hehehehe

jam...
 

you are so good.
seriously sweetie...
you already have figured it out. there's tons to do out there.
sure, try cob.
but you know, as a bud tells me, you are a free agent. there's a whole lot of world looking for helpers and that bond is huge.
do what you heart tells you to, and guess what, you'll be ok.
lol
:D

Eve,

I am sorry you had a disappointing time with rush :(. I was in graduate school the second year I was in my sorority and found that I had no time for my sisters or the sorority at all. I can't imagine being a pledge during that time period as pledges have a great deal of things to do every week (at least we did). I guess another good question to ask if you were to COB is all the requirements of a pledge and then realistically look at your program and see if you can devote enough time to both. Good luck with your decision.

Someone asked why I wanted to be in a sorority and why another group wouldn't do. I am involved in a lot of other social groups and have been off and on for years. But I don't think any other group develops the closeness of a sorority, nor do they have as much in common with each other. Sure I'm a little older than the other girls, but we'd still have more in common than I do with the other scout leaders (who all range from being old enough to have children in scouts to old enough to have children MY age). And the other clubs on campus are focused such that you get together to do some activity and then you go home, you don't get to know each other beyond that common interest.

So that's why I am interested in sorority life. It's not the parties, it's not really the philanthropy, I could throw my own parties and do my own volunteer work. It's about having someone (or rather a lot of someones) to share it all with.

~Eve

Eve,
I am so sorry that it didn't work out with recruitment. Recruitment is a very stressful time and with larger schools many great girls get lost in the shuffle. JAM's advice is great. I would like to encourage you to try to look beyond the age thing with girl scouts. I too am a young troop leader but I found that the age is only an issue if you make it an issue.
Please don't let yourself feel as though you aren't a beautiful accomplished woman because of recruitment. YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL ACCOMPLISHED WOMAN.