The last straw
 

I've been having a few (but very subtle) problems
with my chapter within the last 8 months. One thing after another. Tonight I just recieved an email about the assignment of littles, in which I don't have one, despite my seniority and committment. I just found out about this, in other words I've been left out of the loop, again. Now that pisses me off more than not having one assigned, it is the principle of me being left out of the loop.

That was the last straw, I will probably quit now. However, that is very unfortunate because I really enjoyed being with the organization and I don't want them to win because I left (if that was the agenda).

The biggest part of the problem is that I DON'T KNOW THE ORIGION of it. I am clueless of the issue they (well actually a few) have with me. I assume it could be one of four things.

I'm definately will not exit quietly, however, I want my point to be made. I'm going to send a email out, but I don't know what I will say in it yet.

How should I handle this?

Only losers with a capital L take their toys and go home.

Don't worry James, before I take my toys and go home I would probably be exiled like a previous member. :rolleyes: Who we should reunite and...um never mind.

Don't quit! Talk to the President and Executive Board and ask them directly why you aren't getting a little. Be upfront without being SH80. ;) Let them know that you are a committed member and want to know what the problem is and how you can rectify the situation. Work with them towards a resolution. I know that you can do it!!!:D :)

I know in my chapter the new members pick who they want to be their big. I don't know if this is how it's done in yours, but it could be a reason why.

Is that really necessary? :rolleyes: There's only so much abuse one can take before being fed up with it. It seems like you'd be a bigger loser if you stuck around and dealt with whatever abuse, or mistreatment. In situations like that, it's not "taking your toys and going home", it's simply not taking petty stuff from people.

I think before you do anything drastic, talk to whomever is in charge of assigning littles, and maybe your chapter relations board to discuss any rifts within the chapter. I'd hate to see anyone leave Greek Life, but if it's as bad as you say, end the drama.

No, our new members do not pick their bigs.

@ Cream, lol, that's why I'm waiting until tommorrow to bring up anything, I'm too pissed tonight. I don't want to say something that I'll regret.

I think that translated into "don't be a quitter, when things get bad". Which is true, however, I can't fight a battle that I don't know what it is.

I have to agree with Cream here... talk to someone first!

Sometimes things are just misunderstandings. Perhaps they [whoever assigned the bigs] didn't mean to single you out like that?

I hope everything works out for you!

Dionysus, the only way you're going to be able to get to the bottom of this is to involve your senior officers in a face to face manner.

Who assigns the bigs with the littles? Query that person first, and if that person was aware of your desire to have a little and yet didn't bother to involve you in any of the matchups, then you need to escalate it to the officers.

In my case, it would be the Ritual chairperson who collects the pledges' preferred choices, then goes about assigning the bigs, then formally requests the bigs to accept their little. There have been cases in the past where the New Member Educators are desperate enough to have littles for themselves or their cliche in the group and thus do not remain neutral for the selection process. That is why we have a Ritual chairperson do it, the person has so far always remained neutral in the big and little process.

If that wasn't the case, then the VP of personnel would be involved to resolve an internal dispute.

Re: The last straw
 

If you say that you are "clueless of the issue", but suspect that it is one of four things, I would talk to the officers and find out specifically the reason or reasons why, to get clarity and closure. Whether you decide to stay or leave, I do feel that it is important to find out the reason why things seem to have taken a turn for the worse.

Perhaps this can be resolved. It appears that there has been a communication breakdown and the lines of communication need to be open again. I would talk to your sorority's executive about this. Try to remain calm and not fly off the handle, even though they may (or may not) tell you some things that might potentially upset or embarrass you. Try to listen and hear them out until the end. When they start explaining, I would take also notes on what they say, so that you can adresses each point, or possibly refute some of the points what they say.

I would say something like "I noticed that I was not assigned a little sister, and I would like to know the specific reasons why".
Try to book an appointment to sit down and meet with these other members, so that you can all sit down and talk, uninterrupted, and with privacy.

Be courageous - you can do this.
Good luck and please let us know what happened and what was the result.

This sounds like a job for {dum-dum-DAH} Standards Committee! Or whatever your chapter has to deal with behaviour and morale issues. Definitely go to the relevant people and express your disappointment at being left out of the loop. If you're really as involved and dedicated as you sound, they should want to do whatever they can to keep you.

You might have thought everyone knew you wanted a little, but the obvious isn't always so. Did you ask for one?

I totally understand about being frustrated in the big/little process. Our revealing was Friday, and I already knew who my big sister was. Imagine my surprise when she didn't even show up! All the pledges were supposed to meet at her house for a slumber party and she had her roommate send us to another active's house. Talk about feeling slighted and discouraged by an officer of the sorority. Luckily, I got assigned a new big sister I absolutely LOVE.
I really don't think you should quit. Problems can be solved and talked out. There may be a very logical reason you weren't assigned a little sister. Besides, if you've been so dedicated, then quitting isn't the answer, and they would be sorry to lose you.

You might have thought everyone knew you wanted a little, but the obvious isn't always so. Did you ask for one?

Try not to go on the offensive, just simply tell them how disappointed you were about not getting a little because you had all these things planned on what to do for her. There could be a simple explanation, where nothing was meant in a personal way.

One word of golden advice: Don't drop out of the sorority, it's bigger than your chapter, you will regret it in the end. Alum life is sooo much better, I promise.

Yes I learned.

This isn't a sorority it's a coed fraternity. I don't want to drop out completely. How do I become a alum? This organization has them too.

You graduate! ;)

Sorry, I had to say it. But some organizations do allow you go get alum status early for various reasons. However, not all groups allow it and every group has very different rules, so you'd be best off checking with an advisor or your HQ.

No no no I'm not a graduate, lol!
But, I heard that you can go alum when you're an undergraduate also.

Have you communicated your issues to whoever's job it is to assign littles? When you leave people to simply assume what you think (as in not telling them) you leave them open to assuming the wrong thing. Their intentions could be completely above board and well-meaning. Speak to them on the issue before quitting.

I'd be pissed if my house assigned littles/bigs. I think the new girls should pick their bigs. We also wait until a week before they are inititated before they pick a big so they have time to get to know all the girls.

We're the exact opposite -- we believe that it's absolutely critical that the new member gets a big ASAP, so that they have someone to guide them through their new member experience. We've lost several people when we delay the big brother process, or some part of the big/little process breaks down due to corruption within the process (selfishness, ego, miscommunication, etc.)

I'm a new Phi Mu :D and the first week, we had a Phi Pal, the next three weeks we will have Paw Pals (one a week), and THEN we get to pick our Carnation Sister. I think it is better that way because I have more opportunities to really get to know all of the girls in my chapter before I pick my Big.

Sweetie, you have been given excellent advice. Take the high road, find out WHY (if you can rely on an HONEST answer). Then, THINK about it before making any fast decisions. It could be any number of things. Still, if in your heart you believe you are getting screwed over, checking into alum status may be a good option. Just take your time and weigh the information carefully... then think some more.

Quitting is not the answer. You should not turn your letters in for a problem over littles. If you have a problem with a specific person deal with it. Call a meeting of all sisters and get the issues in the open. IF it is your fault then write a formal letter saying your sorry. Nothing is worth losing your letters. In my sorority anyway.

If the problem is in the sorority you ALLl need to deal with it. Talk about it. If there problems with each other (specific sisters against specific sisters), they must learn to respect each other for the sake of the sorority.

It is all for the Sake of Your Sorority.

End the end isn't that the most important thing.

Milissa

I actually recieved that email from our pledge trainer. According to one person, only one person selects the littles. According to my president I do have one, but I think that person dropped. However that wasn't in her email, so I assumed that I wasn't assigned one.

I'm not quitting, but I definately will spend as much time on this organization any more, until things get better.

I just have a comment. Greek life is a part of my life. It is not all that my life consists of. If things got bad enough for me I would quit. Yes, I would try to resove things in a mature way but I don't feel like I HAVE to be in the sorority. Alpha Xi Delta has a very special meaning to me and if I ever felt that the principles that A Xi D stands for were being disregarded and I was focusing more on problems than those principles, you better believe that I am packing up my things. The good should outweigh the bad.

It's not just about bad things, I'm just losing interest. Lack of interest will make me leave or commit less to something more than anything. I want to start a brand new page AGAIN. Maybe NEVER touch a GLO w/ a 10 foot pole again. I don't have this kind of trouble in any of my non-greek organizations.

I know that not all Alpha Xi chapters do this, but my chapter has Rose sisters. The new members get a Rose sister (the new members are called Buds as in rosebuds) within the first two weeks of pledging. They're the sisters that help them through the first part of the process. Later on when they get to know every sister better they pick their big out of a list of sisters that are financially able to take a little that semester. It's nice, because then you get to have two families instead of one. ;)

The reason we don't give bigs right away is because we assign ruby sisters. These girls give our newbies a "baby" book about the house and guide them until they pick their bigs. Usually a ruby sis has preffed the girl they get. I think it is so important to pick a great big and that picking bigs for girls isn't cool--in my opinion.
I don't know if quitting is right unless your house is really going downhill.

I'm not quitting. Just committing less.