Arrogance really insecurity?
 

I've had the unfortunate experience of having to spend some time with some "arrogant" people lately.

Do you think people who come across as full of themselves are really, deep down inside, feel that they're inferior?

Or are some just really @ssholes?

Do you think an event could change them and humble them?

Slightly related but not the same thing:

How do you smack some sense into a friend who's totally getting full of themselves? (Background: i have a friend that just moved to LA and is acting, quite successfully so far. He's met a ton of famous people and had several small parts. But this is all he talks about! I talked to him for 20 minutes yesterday and all he did was drop names! I've known him for 7 years, dated him for 1 of those years. There's no need to impress me. And out of that whole conversation, he asked me something about me once, and didn't even respond to what i said) :mad: I'm worried that the Hollywood scene is going to ruin him, and i'll end up being interviewed for an E! true Hollywood story on him in a few years)

Re: Arrogance really insecurity?
 

I think it depends on the person so I would say both.

Failure would humble them.

Little comment here:

I HATE ARROGANT ASSHOLES!!! :mad:

The only word I can describe prideful people is: STUPID!


Oh yeah, back to the question, in most cases I think arrogance does equal insecurity. What other reason why you have to put down others and boast about how good you are? If you were really confident you wouldn't have to go around broadcasting it everywhere.

I think for some people, yes, arrogance does equal insecurity. But for others, they are convinced that they are, without a doubt, flawless in every way, shape and form. When this is the case, I sometimes have to wonder if these people have a mental illness. Come on, NO ONE IS PERFECT!

As for your friend who is so full of himself, KDDani, I think you should just say something to him. If you have been friends for seven years, I assume you are pretty close and can discuss serious matters. Just gently bring up the fact that something has been bothering you.

You know it's really hard to say and I think it does depend on the person. I used to always think that it was the case that arrogance always equalled insecurity. Lately, I tend to doubt that. First, I read somewhere that they've researched the 'bully of the playground' phenomenon and found out that those kids really do think they are better than the people they pick on.

There are also people that I've met where you think their behavior HAS to stem from their insecurities but after knowing them for a year or more you have absolutely no evidence of such.

Re: Arrogance really insecurity?
 

:) Give him time Dani. This happens to a lot of people when they first get some success in Hollywood, especially when it happens fast. Give him a year out here to figure out that its all an illusion and that what he is doing is just a job like any other. If he doesn't get it by then, well... actually, I've never known anyone who didn't figure it out eventually and revert back to their normal self.

Hmm...I think arrogance only indicates insecurity when it is shoved down your throat. Like when people constantly tell you why they are so great and why YOU shoudl think they are so great. I mean, arrogance is a state of mind, not an outward expression.

I consider myself to be pretty arrogant actually, but I don't go around telling everyone. Most people see for themselves, lol.

But I think that the cockiness and bully-ish tendencies of some people definitely expose their insecurities.

I live out here in LA and have hung out with quite a few actors, from what ive seen the industry breeds arrogance. They all feel like there in this little clique of cool people and that there jobs are actually make a difference in the world. Ive met a lot of cool people tthough, i can't over generalize. But I really can't stand arrogant a**holes....

Oh, huh. I thought this was going to be another thread about UF Pike. :p

well, after the thread that got killed before it got hugely ugly, i can see why you would think that, valkyrie :)
if you want to apply it to that situation, knock your socks off. I think those posts actually got me thinking about this all

I have to agree with zntke711 on this one.

Also, in my experience, the most insecure people are those who emphatically deny that they're insecure.

Let me ask you for a suspension of disbelief. The same one you have to give when reading literature. So keep in an open mind ;).

Ok here goes:

Generally the difference between arrogance and self confidence is in the eye of the beholder, not the person showing the behavior.

After all, people have different personality styles. Some people are quietly confident and some people are loudly confident.

Usually its the degree their outard projection makes us uncomfortabe, annoyed or threatened determines whether we think them "confident" or "arrogant".

Whether their feelings of confidence is compensation for their insecurities is irrelevant.

Just as someone who reacts to their insecurities by being shy or whatever is irrelevant.

All that is important is that person's belief and behavior.

(edited to add)

I have been called both arrogant and confident, and been both admired and despised by people watching the exact same performance.

A better question would be: Do we think that people that project certain traits of confidence and strength are arrogant because of our insecurities?

That would be a much more telling question. :)

Does anyone really have a reason or right to be arrogant...does the fact that they know more or have more money really give them the right to think they are better, and not have to worry about the thoughts and feelings of others?

I mean I have met plenty of people who are just overly confident and arrogant when I know that they shouldn't be....Arragonce really stirs me up....

"The True Gentleman is the man who thinks of the rights and feelings of others rather than his own"
John Walter Wayland

Re: Arrogance really insecurity?
 

kddani,

Hearing your story I don't believe your friend was being "full of himself" I just believe he was full of his new experience, that it was really important to him, that maybe he was a little amazed and very happy, and was so excited that he was "stuck on fast forward" when he was talking to you.

Much like girls get when they want to share a new experience that means a lot to them and they are very excited about.

It sounds like you may have unintentionally been a "bad friend" making the conversation about "your" needs rather than listening to him . . .

Cut him some slack. Just because he is really excited doesn't mean he loves you less, its just that he has "stars" in his eyes and needs to share. He'll eventually get over it.

You sound like that sonf from the girl that one the MTV music award . . how does it go and what is it called? You make things so complicated?

Let me turn it around also and ask you: Why do girls seem to exist to pop male egos? Why won't you let us enjoy something without taking us down a peg?

You didn't read or think much about my post did you?

Re: Re: Arrogance really insecurity?
 

Ahem...lol...directed toward me indirectly? Hey, if the shoe fits and it matches my outfit..lol

Okay, first off, I actually APPRECIATE an ego in men. Love it! Confidence is my number three turn on, after physical appearance and intelligence. What I can NOT stand is a man that not only HAS confidence, but underestimates my perception or something and TELLS me every five minutes how great he is. That? Will call for me to take him down a peg or two or two hundred. Confidence is something you EXUDE, not ANNOUNCE. I am pretty perceptive, and generally I notice.

Also, why project kddani's instance on ALL women? And why do you think that her post indicated that she felt that way about ALL men? She didn't say that at all, she just mentioned her friend.

Re: Re: Arrogance really insecurity?
 

Ummm... I know that he's excited. But he's been out there for a month, we've talked a few times, and that's ALL! Seriously ALL he's talked about. One line mentions this name, the next another.

I don't believe you have much of right to call me a bad friend. I didn't have "needs" to talk about. When did i mention that? When you have a conversation with someone, both people are usually involved in it. There wasn't anythign to listen to... he met hugh hefner. great. a playmate shoved his head in her chest. double great. That's not a conversation.

Every time i talk to him that's ALL he talks about. I'm not quite sure what i'm making complicated here.

Who the hell am I taking down a peg? And like librasoul said (thanks girl!) what the hell does this have to be turned into a guy-girl thing? When did i ever mention a battle of the sexes?

I was asking how i could be a good friend and make sure that my friend doesn't go crazy like a lot of people do out there.

Let me turn it around also and ask you: Why do girls seem to exist to pop male egos? Why won't you let us enjoy something without taking us down a peg?
Sometimes egos need popped. Who can stand someone who talks about themselves constantly? Modesty has its virtues.

And on the same token, why can't you let me start a thread without taking me down a peg?

Called me a bad friend, saying that we're trying to pop male egos. A bit hypocritical to that question.

It got turned around because James knew as well as I many of you had a certain person in the back of your mind upon posting your reply. That person was probably myself or someone in your actual life. Well, I''m not arrogant. I'm confident. I may have some insecurities as far as not scoring high enough on the LSAT which means I'll have to go to some private school for Law School. Other than that, I think thats pretty much it.


My post earlier was a venting post about fat chicks. I didn't think I was any better than them as far as a human being. I did think the girl looked like a fried pork chop that had too much flour on it when put in the grease. The thing was, I was pissed that she wanted to cheat off of my work again and that her and all her fat friends complained that they were big. Yet everyday they had those stupid twinkies with them.

I've never claimed to be perfect, but I might be god's gift to women.;)


James---

I think our type of people on this board are very few. In other words, this was said by a few other GCers, there might be a bunch of Geeks on this board. When people such as ourselves arrive we are written off as arrogant a$$holes. I think it's sort of the reverse. The people complaining about those being arrogant might be the insecure ones. Ask of yourself, when was the last time you EVER heard of someone who was NOT insecure, a geek, a dork, made fun of or the like, ever complain about people being arrogant? NEVER! Why? Because their not dorky enough to sit around and think about other people all the time and how arrogant they are.

I honestly don't care if someone posted something in this thread with me in mind. All that tells me is that I'm on their mind obviously, while they don't even cross my own. That in itself is a sign of insecureness. It also solidifies my theory that many people on this board must not have much of a life to be dwelling on the remarks made by others made on here.


Peace,

UF

p.s.---Keep it up James!

James you sound a little arrogant yourself? do you read anything that I said?

LOL! Wow!! James and UF you guys are REALLY blowing this thing out of proportion. I mean, maybe YOU guys are a little insecure about SOMETHING because (correct me if I am wrong), but kddani was just venting about her friend. UF_Pike, unfortunately I don't think this thread directed towards you. :rolleyes: I think...now this might be a stretch...but MAYBE there are some very rare posts that are not made with YOU in mind? Just a thought.

Good Morning you all!

Since I have nothing better to do while I'm waiting for my daughters to finish breakfast so I can take them to school and go back to sleep, I looked up the definitions to "arrogance" and "confidence" and there is a subtle difference between the two.

Arrogance: a feeling or an impression of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or presumptuous claims.

Confidence: a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances.


I think arrogant and confident people both think highly of themselves and their abilities, but the arrogant person takes every opportunity to announce to the world how wonderful and superior he/she is. Often at the expense of the feelings of others.

A confident person is, I think, more quiet about the whole thing. He/she knows what is what and doesn't have to constantly remind others of his/her greatness.

Example: My older daughter's Godfather is a Navy SEAL. For those of you familiar with the military, SEALs are basically the Navy's asskickers. They are proficient in sea, land and air exercises, they parachute, SCUBA dive, do demolition, are expert marksmen on several weapons, etc. etc. I know this because of wwhat I have read and what I have seen. I do not know this beccause my daughter's Godfather told me about what he does. In fact, he never talks about it. He's a modest, unassuming man and I couldn't imagine him bragging or using what he does to try to impress people ("Hey baby, I know 100 different ways to kill you). I figure, HE knows what he can do and to him that is all that counts. That is what I think of when I think of confidence.

Now, if he were running around telling everyone "Hey, I'm a SEAL, just like Charlie Sheen was in that bad movie! Only I really do all that stuff! Ain't I a stud???" Well, that would be just plain arrogance.

Hope this isn't too disjointed, haven't had much coffee yet. I'm off to take the kiddies to school then back to bed. Laters! :)

http://members.shaw.ca/LeesPlace/mansong.htm


You KNOW who you are!;)

LOL, why did the backup singers look like drag queen triplets?

kddani-

if your friend is living the hollywood scene--that's ALL he has to talk about. he is probably not intentionally name dropping and hasn't been here long enough to know discretion is valued above all else. i've been in the industry for 8 years, mr amycat is an actor -- as is his sister, two of my best friends are married to well known celebs, an actress who is garnering oscar buzz this year is a friend of mine-- so to someone who is not here, not in the industry, my normal convo about what i've been doing and who i've been hanging out with could sound like name dropping, when all it is is my friends and who i meet thru my friends.

and if he is out doing the club/party scene--he IS meeting a lot of people. on any given night at the standard its a who's who of young hollywood.

for instance- i shared a bathroom w britney spears tuesday night. normally, i'd tell a handful of friends this and no one else, so that it doesn't appear that i am name dropping, but someone new in town and less experienced in the etiquette, would be telling everyone. and why not? it IS kinda fun and surreal when stuff like that is happening to you for the first time.

it could also be that he sees you as someone he can be super excited about all of this too, whereas out here, he has a facade of cool or something but w you he can let that down.

hope that helps to put it in persepective.

If I was in the same bathroom with Brittney I'd doubt anyone would see the two of us for quite sometime.....:D

Something to think about next time any of you see a picture of her or a commercial, does she not look like a younger Faith Hill or what?

UF

Arrogance doesn' t necessarily means insecurities.

But when arrogance becomes action such as a verbal insult, I think there are underlying issues. When people have to put others down to make themselves feel better is just classless.

Amy, you need to start naming names. :cool: :D :)

UF_Pike, maybe you can be Britney's first. :p ;)

Honest question, so I want a honest answer.

To those who are extremely self-confident or arrogant, WHAT is the source of this pride?

Coming from someone who can be narcissistic one day and self-hating another. :)

Dionysus, I think it's all about feedback. You won't find too many confident or arrogant people who haven't had positive feedback in their life.
There are areas I'm extremely confident in, yet others where I feel like a blundering fool. Call it constructive criticism if you will, but as long as it isn't DAMAGING it keeps things in perspective. I am aware of my faults and limitations-this is what keeps me from being arrogant.
My SEEDS of confidence were a fair ration of intelligence, capability, personality/charm, talent and throw in self pride (At least enough pride to take reasonably good care of myself and not present myself to people like a slob. Though I did go through a sweat pants stage, remember? LOL) To varying degrees I think we all possess a mix of these and other things I haven't considered this early a.m.
If you are isolated and don't get feedback, you can't know or LEARN what others consider positive about you. Arrogance, to me, stems from limited exposure to a wide variety of people. If you are surrounded by people who "look", think or act as you do, of COURSE you will get positive feedback, too much in fact. There isn't balance from an opposing perspective. This, I think, is how some people become arrogant. he sad thing is, your initial feedback comes as a baby from your family. If it's negative you suffer. If it's over zealous (like the kids who are told they are perfection and beyond compare) it can lead to arrogance OR total despair when they realize they are not the next rising star in our universe-they are just your normal kid with a lot of potential. There is something inside of some people that can't be defined so easily. These are the ones who against all odds rise above the heavy handed criticism or the unwarranted applause and retain humility. This, I can't begin to explain but we've all seen it and know it exists.

This reply is to the original poster. If your friend appears arrogant, it might be because he is so comfortable talking to you about all his tales of his new and exciting career. I think that Amy's post is accurate to me.

I think that what you need is friendship from him. When he tells you his stories, be excited for him. When he is finished, tell him that you need him to be excited for you and your stories. Let him know how you feel. Not the arrogant stuff just that you need him to listen to your stories as you have done for him. He probably doesn't even realize what he is doing.

I agree w Cream 100%!

Thanks, Amycat.

You have some great stories. I want you to name some names of your celebrity friends. I picture you hanging out with Jennifer and Brad! :cool:

Self-confidence to me is knowing what you're good at and, more importantly, skills and features you do not possess or require improvement on.

-Rudey
--Now I'm going back in the closet to cry

I second this. Also, to me, it is caring about what I think, and no one else. Even though flattery doesn't hurt, lol.