Lavaliering?
 

My question is this:

What exactly is lavaliering, and how is it done at your schools?

I have heard of it being a huge deal at some schools, with ceremonies, parties, etc.

Unfortunately, it is a tradition that has been lost for some time on my campus and at my chapter, but one that we are planning on bringing back if we can get more information on it.

Explanations? Stories?


Thanks for your help!

my campus
 

GreekSC:

On my campus as an undergraduate....laveliering was indeed a very big deal (I think it remains that way on many campuses!)

Regardelss, when a fraternity men laveliers a woman it is seen as a symbol of their "steady" relationship status, i.e. I'm just dating this person. A lavelier is usually a monogram of the man's fraternity letters worn on a chain as a necklace.

On my campus this could be a very public thing (at formals, a social function, or other greek even) or in a private setting betweent the two people.
Generally the male always tried to keep it from his brothers as long as possible, because they would generally give him a hard time, and perform whatever their chapter custom is at that time.

I believe in the women's orgs on my campus they generally held a candlelight. This is a ceremony where the women are only told that someone has an announcement, and the announcement or person isn't revealed as a way to build suspense.

The women might stand around in a circle and pass a lit candle from one member to the next to build suspense, until the woman who was laveliered (or has a special announcement), blows it out and makes the announcement. I'm sure the custom varies from campus to campus...but that's how it happened on my campus.

Generally a blurb would follow in the campus newspaper under the classifieds in the announcments or greek section. Something like, "Congratulatins to Becky from Alpha Beta Gamma for being laveliered to Joey from Delta Epsilon Zeta."

A similar situation occurs with "pinings" which is when a male gives his fraternity badge to his girlfriend...this was seen as a pre-engagement type event on my campus...where as the laveliering is just the announcement of a serious steady relationship.

On a related note, but kind of off the topic. I know on my undergrad campus the fraternity men didn't wear laveliers around their neck (their own org's letters) but I actually have been to several campuses where they do wear them.....anyone else do that on their campus?

Thanks for listening.

I have NEVER seen men wear their own lavalieres... how funny! They would probably have gotten laughed off my campus! :) But, whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

That sounds so cute!!!

lavalieres
 

I have seen a few guys where their lavalieres on campus not many.

Lavaliering is very serious on our campus. I've only known of one girl to have actually gotten pinned. The guy can only give away his lavalier one time, so it has to be special. I was laviered when I was a sophomore. Then his fraternity did nasty things to him. I've seen some really bad things done to boys tied to the tree infront our house. Therefore, the guy has to be super-serious. :eek:

What do you think: Is it alright for a girl to be lavaliered more than once?

Yeah I think its okay for a girl to be lavalered more than once only if a guy can give his away more than once. No more double standsards. Also, to answer question, yeah its a big deal. You just give it to her, like you would a class ring only planned like asking to marry. Then your brothers will poor beer over your head.

In the good ole days
 

When I was a lowly pledge, the members said pledges could be "pinned" to their chosen one, IF the pledge gave his pledge pin to a girl under a street lamp, with two members present, and pinned it inside her bra.

In my four undergrad years in heaven, no pledge ever did this.

Is still going on?

Lavalier
 

I was lavaliered my last quarter in college by my Sig Ep Boyfriend. His chapter didn't do lavaliering, he went to U of W, but he wanted to do something special for me. Lavaliering at Cal Poly is a BIG Deal and is every sorority's girls dream!

After he gave me the lavalier, I had a candle pass with my sorority, the candle went around while we sang our special songs associated with a lavalier.

It was a very special moment for my house and me. Some fraternities don't have specific policies about lavaliering, but 99% of the houses have strict rules, and guys don't just pass out lavaliers! It was a really big deal...one fraternity, I heard a guy has lavaliered 4 girls! Crazy! Most only do it once in their college career...

I graduated, and still have my candle and lavalier that I look at every so often.

My boyfriend's fraternity does lavalier. I don't know whether this procedure is chapter policy or national policy though . . . The guy has to be an active member for a year before he can lavalier (so you can't get in and the next day lavalier), he can only lavalier once . . . ever, he asks his brothers before he does it, general rule of thumb is that since this is seen basically as an engagement by the chapter the couple should have been together about two years (depending on the relationship). They usually also give the lavalier on a special occasion for the fraternity where all the brothers are gathered together, like the founder's day dinner.

As an amusing side note although I haven't been lavaliered . . . yet ;) I can still wear the letters . . . my brother is a member of the same fraternity and with the chapter's permission I may wear them as a blood relative. I wouldn't feel right about it though, I'd rather wait and get them from my boyfriend.

Emily

Yes, lavaliering is a big deal--I'd like to be lavaliered or pearled at some point, as would most people in my chapter! You get a candle pass, too, which is icing on the cake. Or better yet, forget the lavalier...a rock would be better. :D

--Edited to add that I think it's no fair that guys are the only ones who get to lavaliere...why do THEY get to have all the fun? Where's the womens' lib people when we need them?

Lavaliering is a big deal - at my school it was like being "engaged to be engaged". Pinning is extremely rare.

My husband, an independent, "lavaliered" me with a little heart pendant. My sorority held a candle pass just the same as if I'd been lavaliered by a fraternity member. :)

I've never heard of a restriction that a girl can only be lavaliered once or that a guy can only lavalier a girl once. If the relationship ends, I don't see any reason why the girl can't accept a lavalier from a new boyfriend or the guy can't lavalier a new girlfriend. Still, a couple should consider lavaliering/pinning very carefully, as it is sort of a pre-engagement.

I've heard that every fraternity that has an actual "set" ceremony to lavalier or pin a girlfriend can only do it once and he must be an initiated member. Four of my sisters have been lavaliered or pinned in the past few years (four chapters, too: Pi Kappa Alpha, Kappa Alpha Order, Alpha Tau Omega, and Delta Sigma Phi from UCLA)... which is awesome- I would love to be lavaliered by my wonderful Delt boyfriend... but I've only got a year left of being an undergrad (and I don't feel it would be right to lavalier an alum- am I wrong on that?), and he's not the kind of guy who would do something romantic like that... :( But oh well- I love him just the same! :rolleyes:

Several of the girls in my chapter were lavaliered around the same time.. And all of them (to my knowledge) married their guy after graduation.. We all treated it like a big deal.

Any opinions on lavaliering as an alumnae? I was lavliered by my long-term DTD boyfriend a couple years after we were both out of school.. So I missed out on the ceremonies and the candle passes, but it was still a really big deal to me. And he has been a very, very active alum/advisor for his chapter, so all the guys treated it like a big deal, too.

Ok...

Let me get this right...

Lavaliering is akin to giving your girl a "promise ring"... its like you are not quite engaged, but pretty close. Is that about right?

Also, what is the lavaliering ceremony like? We have a brother who is planning on proposing to his girlfriend at our formal this year. The way I understand it, it would be appropriate to have a lavaliering ceremony for him either just before he proposes or just after.

Since this is an attempt at reviving a long-lost tradition at my school, any details or particulars are helpful.

Thanks again,

Mike

Leslie,

My campus traditions were much like yours. Although, hard to believe, as sorority sisters we got to be as bad as the guys with the junk thrown on them. Traditionally after a candlelight, we'd through the girl in the lake on campus. (I guess if you're starting a tradition, I wouldn't start this. It's totally a hazing issue now!)

But I would agree:

Lavalier - would be serious girlfriend (and at my campus the lavaliered could not wear the fraternity letters yet)

Pinning or Pearling - would be pre-engagement (Gets to wear lavalier if bypassed and wear fraternity letters.)

Engagement - well duh!

And the chapter I now advise has a fourth time around for an alum to come back and announce a legacy.

At some campuses, fraternities do not give away their badges and instead buy a pearl ring or pendant for their significant other.

I would say if you guy is going to ask his gf to marry him at formal, he'd probably want to start out with pinning ceremony first.

It's great that you want to get this tradition back. Do you have a network of alumni advisers or alumni housing board members that you could ask them what specifically was done back "in their day?" I think they'd be honored that you knew they had a life back then!

Heidi

I've heard of at least one chapter where the women lavalier their boyfriends! Anyone else ever hear of that?

One of my sisters had a non-Greek boyfriend who she lavaliered. He was practically a sister as it was, as well as being good friends with our sweetheart, so everyone was cool with it.

There was a woman on my campus who was in a different sorority who lavaliered her independent boyfriend. We all thought it was kind of weird that he would want to wear her letters, but whatever.

As for the pinning/lavaliering ceremonies, all the ones I've been to (including my own ;)) involved a few of the brothers and sisters that the pair was close to making speeches and then the couple could make speeches. Then the brothers would all serenade the woman and give her flowers. Sometimes the couple would exchange small gifts or write poems or songs for each other, too. So cute! :)

He probably wanted to wear them for the same reason that some girls want to wear their guys' letters.

Greek SC:

It seems like on campus laveliering has a differnt standing of importance, on my campus (both grad and undergrad) you laveilered someone to show the seriousness of your relationship. It was like the first step, the process went:

Lavelier
Pinned
Engagement

Lavaliering has always been considered a pretty big deal on our campus. A lot of the fraternities have rules about how long you have to have been together and all that sort of stuff, and they all have some sort of ceremony they do when a guy lavaliers a girl, usually some sort of congrats to the girl and then throwing the guy in the river. I can only think of one fraternity on campus that I've heard is allowed to lavalier more than once.

One of my sisters was lavaliered twice, by two different houses. She's engaged to the guy who lavaliered her most recently (miss you, Kristi!).

I lavaliered my boyfriend my sophomore year. We were pretty serious at the time, but, hey, some things don't work out. He didn't wear shirts with my letters on them, but he did wear a necklace (although he told me that the president of his house told him he wasn't allowed to wear my letters since he was still a pledge and hadn't earned his letters yet - is this true?). He had also let me wear his shirts when we were just hanging around his room, which he wasn't supposed to do.

I have never heard of anyone on our campus getting pinned. As far as I know, lavaliering is usually considered either serious relationship or a pre-engagement, but I haven't heard of anyone doing anymore.

My current boyfriend is independent and he made me a GDI lavalier and gave it to me just before my formal last year. It was so sweet and because he made it and everything, I think it meant a lot more than any lavalier I almost got from a Greek house!

One thing, too, that i think is pretty cute. When my parents got engaged, my mom's chapter gave my dad a sweatshirt with her letters on it. There's this picture of the two of them with my dad rocking KD letters! It is too cute!

On our campus, it goes:
Lavaliering
Engagement

We don't have pinning.

I was lavaliered back in February by my boyfriend (Kappa Sig). :D

Pinning doesn't happen at my school either. Maybe its a southern thing or a smaller school thing.

lavaliering/pinning
 

At my campus, 2 of the frats did pinning, but did it like it meant nothing in the world...

Lavaliering was the big deal. My boyfriend and I started dating our senior year in high school, and he lavaliered me our senior year in college. He gave me a promise ring first, then about a year later, the lavalier. Engagement shortly followed.

It's true that it's a huge deal for a sorority girl to be lavaliered. We kept it a big secret until we had a chapter meeting, then did the candle passing.

My now husband, he was a Sigma Pi. I'm going to PM you the specifics of what they did "for" him. . . It's something where you're not supposed to know what they do unless it's been done to your man! I was also told that the reason the Sigma Pi's there didn't pin girls, was that nationals strongly discourage it. They were the grand sage chapter 6 out of 8 years immediately before / during / after we were there, so they did things really by the book. . .

Melissa
KD-Alpha Psi
Drury

For my chapter, lavaliering is a huge deal. Many of us don't have our badges, so pinning isn't as much a practical option.

Guys who have lavaliered have made huge deals of it - productions that made every girl in the place cry. It's reserved for serious girlfriends; kinda a precursor to engagement.

It usually happens once a year for us, although it hasn't in the past couple of years.

Collin

Why don't you have your badges, if you don't mind my asking?

He probably meant they don't keep their pledge badges. We didn't get to keep ours either.

My boyfriend's a Kappa Sig... oh man. Am I a complete nerd to say I'd LOVE to be lavilered? I remember some of our girls laughing when an older sister got lavilered by her longtime Delta Chi boyfriend. They were like, it's so old fashioned! Maybe so..... but sweet all the same, don't you think?

First of all, I must say that Delt boys are the best... my boyfriend's a Delt (if you couldn't tell) and I love every single one of his bros!

Second, I've heard mixed stories on this one: is there a formal ceremony that Delta Tau Delta does in order to lavalier or pin a woman? My bf and his bros have argued on and on about this and they don't think there's a ceremony, but another girl from GC said that there is, and there's even a chapter that has a website that explains the ceremony (even though it's pretty much informal and subject to interpretation). If you want to see it, go to my post about lavaliering on the Delta Tau Delta forum on GC. It's in there somewhere!

*sigh* I wish the school that my boyfriend & I went to did the whole lavelier thing. He had no idea it even existed. It must be so romantic. http://64.207.13.28/mysmilies/otn/love/1luvu.gif

So how exactly does it work? How do you receive your lavalieres? Are your bros supposed to help out with it at all? I woud like to lavaliere my girlfriend, but it's a tradition that has been long lost at my school. Any further info would be great.

When I was lavaliered, my Sinfonian boyfriend just went to the University Book Store and bought a lavaliere of his letters. (Guys' frats were all national, so they could do that, while we local sorors had to place special orders every spring after getting our pledges.) There's probably a) stuff at your union bookstore; b) a local jeweler who makes them; and/or c) a fraternity-run store that has all of your letters, decals, official shirts, etc. that should carry fraternity jewelry in a range of Karats and colors. We also had a local shop that made Valpo shirts, block letter shirts, and carried some stuff for paddles and keychains and the like; they may have had lavalieres too.

It was always private stuff for us, and I don't think his brothers did anything except provide moral support (some) before he bought the thing. They'd abolished the practice of driving to the Dunes and tossing the guy into the lake, so he just had to pony up enough money to the social chair to buy them a ton of beer or something. :rolleyes: He doesn't remember much else.

Anyway, he wrapped it up in pink sheep ribbon left over from my halloween costume, and snuck it into my coat. We were in a school bus riding back from a "run for the border" date party when I felt something in my coat pocket, unwrapped it, quietly bugged out, rewrapped it, and put it back in my pocket.

The next night we had a rose pass (pretty much like a candlelight) where I announced that I'd been lavaliered. The social chairs of Sinfonia and DXE got together to plan a lavaliering party (and the PMA guys came to serenade me outside the sorority dorm the following Thursday), and my husband and I each picked out a set of letters for a new PMA letter sweatshirt. When we had the party, I wore my new letters, we partied, and then about an hour into the party the guys sang to me again.

I *think* we had a pinning party, following the same order of events except with no new sets of letters (-grin-). I actually pinned him before he pinned me, and at that point I gave him an athletic-style sweatshirt with our letters and sorority name on it (which he did wear).

Oh, and if you're both greek, engaged, and have good singers in your fraternity, have the guys serenade you at your wedding reception. It makes all of the other relatives swoon, too.

*Bump*

My mom told me she knew I was getting engaged when I told her my fiance lavaliered me. (She really didn't get it even after I told her, so she Googled it.) She said after reading the Wikipedia entry, she knew.

So I decided to check out what Wikipedia had to say. This thread is apparently the source for that Wikipedia entry. LOL. I dunno, I thought it was funny, and thus had to share. :)

So my boyfriend of 2 years wants to lavalier me. The problem is he lavaliered a different girl 3 years ago (obviously it didn't work out). I don't even know if this is allowed or not? Can you lavalier two different girls while you are in college? Anyone have any idea? He is a Sigma Chi.

Thanks!

If he really wants to lavalier you, I would think this would be an issue for HIM to figure out.

Tell him to ask his brothers.

Also, boo to "discussing" being lavaliered. I thought lavaliering was supposed to be a surprise?

That's what I thought too. As if lavaliering another girl didn't take some of the magic out of it, knowing before hand sure did!!

My boyfriend's in Triangle and we are very serious, but I don't know if Triangle lavaliers since they don't have greek letters. He gave me his "letters" to wear a month or so ago, and all my sisters keep asking me if I'm lavaliered, but I don't even know if I can be! Does anyone know? Thanks :)

Here is an idea, what about asking him?

My husband is not in a social fraternity. He "lavaliered" me by giving me a little heart-shaped pendant. My chapter celebrated it like any other lavaliering.

I don't see why your lavaliering should be treated any differently just because your boyfriend is in a fraternity that doesn't use Greek letters. Run it by your boyfriend to make sure he agrees that giving you his letters is his fraternity's equivalent to lavaliering. If so, talk to your chapter's ritualist about a candle lighting.