Who do you talk to if you feel like you might need to drop?
 

Is there a position within a sorority that handles this? My daughter has so many tests and papers coming up, but her sorority has events planned nearly every day. With it being the beginning of the year, they have big/little reveal, chapter meeting, new member education, an exchange, step show practice, sisterhood retreat, etc. all this week and she doesn't know when she can find time for homework or studying. The exchange is the only event that isn't required of those listed. She knew a sorority would be a time commitment and she is used to being busy, but this is more than she expected. I am thinking there has to be someone in the sorority for her to talk to about needing time for schoolwork instead of having to just drop the sorority altogether. Do you know who that would be?

The VP of NM Education or whichever officer works with the new members through their education period. She is used to women coming to her in those first few weeks super overwhelmed and will be able to talk her through it.

With that being said, you can't just walk up to your NM Educator and tell her "I can't come to this. I have school."

Some advice:

1. Part of their education period is being in community with other NMs who are going through the same thing, too. They can form study groups, have study dates, link up with women who are taking same classes, etc. I'd suggest that.

2. Your planner is your friend. Use it. If you know that project is due 3 weeks from now, look at your planner and see best times to work on it now. Ex: If project is due during Big Little Week, work on it now.

3. Know when to say no. Ex: If a bunch of girls are going to Starbucks, or going out, or going to the house to hang, you need not go every time if you know you have school stuff to do.





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Thank you. I really don't want her to have to give it up when she is starting to really enjoy it. Her biggest time issue with school is a 5 hour calculus class. She has that class every day and homework every day. I think this particular week is just excessively busy with the sorority and not the norm. I'm glad grades are her priority, but I'd love for her to get to continue with the sorority!

All of this. She's only what, two weeks into her new member period? She should definitely ask for help. All women in the chapter have school to keep up with, and all of them have had to learn how to manage their time. She's now part of a sisterhood that can assist her through school. She should take advantage of it every chance she gets! :)

She has a calculus class that meets every day for 5 hours? :confused:

Homework doesn't have to be done only at night, nor does it have to be completed in one sitting. She could work on homework between classes. Time management skills are often refined during freshman year of college. As KSUViolet suggested, I think she needs to speak to the executive officer in charge of new members. She can ease her mind and perhaps give her some study tips.

No, her class is a 5 hour class. One hour every day for a total of 5 hours a week. She gets a 5 hour credit for it. She'll be glad when she's through with that class! He usually makes homework due at midnight and has to be submitted online. She ran out of time the other night and had to submit it unfinished. She is in the Honors college, so her load might be heavier than most, but there are a few other honors college students in her chapter. Her last class ends at 4:30 every day, so she doesn't have much time between classes and sorority activities which begin at 6:00 or 7:00, depending on the night. She has an on campus job that she goes to during any breaks between classes (it's part of her scholarship package). I've asked her not to drop until we have time to talk about it. I appreciate all of your advice! I will ask her to talk to the VP of New Membership. Maybe they can help her. I don't want her to drop and regret it!

Ha, ok! I can't believe I'm saying this, but thank goodness it's ONLY 5 hours of calculus/week! :)

Are you SURE that step show thing is required? She really needs to look at what is optional, if she is trying to balance school, work and sorority. How many hours is she taking this semester?

Yikes !

5 semester hour class
Honors College
Work/study
Sorority

I was in an undergrad honors program and joined a fraternity, but I did it as a second semester sophomore. Cannot imagine trying to pledge with a job schedule on top of it. A time management plan would help if there was no job involved.

If your daughter is a freshman or is in a hard, time-consuming major (e.g., architecture) - suggest she try to defer the sorority until she has a better handle on what she can commit to time wise. Everybody on here is sincere in trying to help; but if she is overwhelmed now, no matter how smart she is, it will likely just get worse unless a change is made immediately. (I've been there.)

This is also the reason few scholarship athletes in big athletic programs join Greek organizations.

She's taking 15 hours. And no, step show is not required. She tried out for it (a 4 hour audition) and she was so excited to make it! It was competitive. Although she has never actually "stepped" before, dance has been her favorite activity since she was 3 years old. Her senior year of high school, she would spend about 20 hours a week dancing between the school dance team, competition dance, and a ballet company. Sometimes more of her school had a special program she would audition for. She though step show would be a great way she could plug in and contribute to her sorority while doing something she loves. She also thought that would be a good way to meet girls in her sorority who love to dance too!

She is skipping the exchange tonight to do homework. She was really looking forward to it, but she knows she needs to get that homework done. Another midnight deadline!

Can you defer sorority membership after you have been through rush and accepted a bid? She is going to call us tonight after she finishes some of her homework to talk about all of this. She really was getting excited about her sorority after step show auditions, so I hate to see her give it up, especially if this is just an unusually busy week with the sorority.

She should really talk with the New Member officer OR the Chapter Adviser or Exec/Honor/Standards board---some things can be excused for tests, papers,etc. She probably hasn't gotten to the chapter's standing rules in her training yet so she would not know the process. They all have an excuse process and she needs to ferret that out.

Big/little reveal and sisterhood retreat are only going to happen once during pledging. It just sounds like this is a very action packed week.

These events are not 12 hours long. She can do more than one thing in a day. One of my sisters who was an excellent student said she only did homework during daylight. Presuming she is in class 3 hours per day and the sun is up between 7 AM and 6PM, that leaves 8 hours per day to handle school. Even cutting that in half is plenty of time for school work. And Saturday and Sunday she will have no class work to interfere with that. And trust me on this, need something done, ask someone who is busy.

She may have to forego TV, the internet, dating, the gym and/or sleep but she can squeeze it all in. It's all about priorities. And figuring it out. Fast.

I don't understand why this optional step show is even on the table. it is WAYYYY down the list of priorities and will take up a lot of her time. I understand it is fun, she was excited to be chosen, etc. Doesn't sound like she has the time for it right now. It is time for her to start learning to prioritize what is important.

Probably NOT a good idea, mom.

Sounds like your daughter may need to develop time management and independence skills.

Maybe she needs to drop calculus. :rolleyes:

Yes! The step show will consume A LOT of time. It's not mandatory, and is something she will have three more years to participate in. She should drop it.

As to can membership be deferred-not that I am aware of. And if this campus is a big Greek campus, this year might be her best bet for sorority membership.

Daughter can't drop calculus-it's a 5 hour class and she is taking 15 hours, so she would be at 10 hours, which would disqualify her for sorority membership.

As for calculus, having tutoring really helped me. It narrowed down my focus and helped me save a lot of time trying to explain it to myself while studying, if that makes sense. The school provided ours for free and she was excellent.

FSUZeta, I'd be careful about making blanket statements on how many hous a student must have to qualify for sorority membership. This varies by organization and campus. I know multiple orgs where dropped below 12 hours would not necessarily disqualify someone from participating. That said, I do think it would be better for the NM in question to consider dropping Step team if something has to give instead of dropping calc since getting behind on math can throw your whole academic plan off in many majors.

This. There were some semesters I only took 10 hours because the other class I may have needed wasn't offered that semester.

Some NPC sororities may have no spelled out or specific requirement for the number of hours any member has to take to be an active.

True story: once upon a time, at least two actives in an NPC sorority (not saying which one so don't assume it's mine, you guys know I have a lot of NPC friends) dropped all but one class. And remained active. But not for long. Because you still have to make grades with one class, you know. And when you do that for a couple of semesters, while you're partying and generally out of control, things catch up with you. And things caught up with both of them. From both the University and their NPC sorority.

Too bad so sad.

Like others here, I highly recommend that your daughter does not drop out - I think that would be a decision she would later regret. I'm not an expert but I've not heard of a sorority that allowed "deferred membership".

Time to cut back on what's not required (dance thing), get a tutor and learn time management. Many girls struggle their first semester, even those without such demanding classes as calculus.

And not sure re-rushing as a sophomore would be successful, especially if she's at a Greek intensive school. Plus some sororities have a "once cut, always cut" policy so she'd be automatically cut by any houses that cut her the first time she went through rush.

Thanks everyone. I only asked about deferring membership because someone in one of the responses recommended it. I hadn't heard of that before, but hoped that was an option. She is very independent and good at time management, but if the time isn't there, it isn't. She can only study at night and on the weekend due to her job during the day. And the weekends so far have been busy with sorority activities. I don't want to see her have to give it up, but she is there to get a degree and hopefully get into a good graduate program. Yes, she can give up step show and maybe that will help. I hope so!

I think I may be the one that mentioned deferring - assuming your daughter attends a school with a more laid-back Greek system where she could just drop and join later. I thought it was something worth mentioning.

"[H]opefully get into a good graduate program." And again, we don't know exactly what you mean by this. Does she aspire to get into a PhD/fellowship program at a major university? Or get an MBA at Anywhere U? If her goal is closer to the former, to be competitive, most people with such a goal must sacrifice any outside activity that interferes with either their grades or their ability spend the time to ingratiate themselves with the professors in their major. Undergraduate grades are everything -- everyone competing for such academic opportunities has them. If they don't have them, they simply do not compete.

I do not wish to see your daughter give up her sorority and hope that she does not. Nevertheless, one of the biggest hurdles people encounter early in college is the fact they are held to adult standards that, from a purely academic standpoint, are very unforgiving and, in some instances, life altering.